View Full Version : I'm such a failure!
12-16-2004, 08:53 AM
Where do I start? I'm SO disapointed in myself! I managed to do the fast for almost 3 days.... Tuesday evening I couldn't take it any longer and ate pasta, wednesday evening I ate pasta and today I ate pasta again. My mood is at an all time low right now. Nothing cheers me up... Everything makes me cry. And I don't even know why!
All I can ever think about is how disapointed I am at myself! How I am letting myself down! What a looser I am that can't even do this for myself... I don't even know what to do to start climbing up from this darn hole that I'm digging for myself... I don't even know how to stop digging. It just gets deeper and deeper!
I know that I'm really obese (no secret there) and one of my main reasons for loosing weight is that we're flying to Sweden in late january. Last time I went to Sweden was a year ago... and the most humiliating thing happened... the safety belt didn't fit so I had to use an extra belt to make it long enough. I really, really REALLY don't want that to happen this time! I'd rather stay at home than experience that again! I've lost some weight... sure... but I need to loose more! But I just can't! I'm constantly sabotaging for myself... I'm such a failure... Can't even manage to do this even though I really really want this.... No wonder that I'm disapointed... no wonder that all I can do is cry... no wonder.....
sorry for whining.... just had to let some steam off....
Aww Tanja I'm so sorry you are going through all this...
But beating yourself down is not very good for your self esteem (of course you know this already) but seriously, lots of us go through these periods where we question ourselves, it's like in some way we sabotage ourselves from gaining results...
You did good by writing this all down, remember you are worth it, you can do this, even with it's ups and downs, you can get there, just like everybody else!
It's difficult for me to say the right things, because english is not my main language, but I wish you a lot of support! Dust off and try again, remember?
12-16-2004, 10:19 AM
Oh Tanja, Honey...please don't be so hard on yourself. We ALL have had our slip-ups back to cooked food and beating yourself up about it only makes it worse. I can't even begin to say I know how you feel about your weight loss goals because I'm not in your shoes, but when it comes to slipping back into the comforting arms of cooked foods periodically, I know all about that!
Just try as much as you can to eat as much raw as possible throughout the course of the day and if you end up eating a bit of pasta, just try again the next day to get through without it...take each day a day at a time until you find yourself no longer yearning for it.
I know it's not the same, but maybe try making that angel hair pasta dish.
But above all, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!
12-16-2004, 10:35 AM
I don't know if you got my message but I slipped the 2nd day and started over again this morning (but after i had 2 pieces of chocolates) I cried all nite too. You're right--it feels like failure and pushes you deep into that hole and then we want to stay there. I know the whole weight things gets to you--that's the one thing that motivates me and I'm having the same dileama as you. Do you think the pressure your putting on yourself to lose weight b/c of this trip is what's steering the boat?
You have every right to feel the way you do. but truly know this..........
we don't have any time limits on you, weight expectations, pressures or punishments. We simply are here for you and when you are doing "good" on your rawness or fast, we're rootin for you but, if you happen to fall a little, we are right there beside you--cathing you so you don't fall and we know you will get back up and move forward. The only direction is forward and upward (!!!!)
thinking of you,
Helen Of Tennessee
12-16-2004, 10:47 AM
You mean I'm not the only one that goes on a pasta binge????? Pasta is my BIGGEST weakness. But I know I'll win this battle too.
Tanja, I would say at least 99% of us, once going all raw, fall off. It's okay. It's a learning process.
I'll just share what worked for me. When I was trying to get off of meat, I didn't realized, until I started writing it down, I was eating meat twice a day. I cut back to just once a day. Then 5 times a week. The a couple of times a week, then once a week, then a couple of times a month . . . You get the picture. Well it took me 1 1/2 years!!!!!!! It was a very slow process, but it was totally painless, felt natural, never felt deprived (the last few months I was having it like once a month just so I knew I could have it if I wanted it, eventually I didn't want it any more). I have not had meat in over 2 years now and I don't miss it at all. I'm now doing this with Pasta (grains). I have gone as long as 12 days without any grains. I'm just going to keep striving to slowly omit it from my diet so that I don't "slip", "crash", "fail", etc. Instead I just look at the progress I'm making. Last year I ate grains everyday. Now I'm averaging about 3 days week. I'm sure in a few months I'll be down to once a week. If it takes me a year, so-be-it; because 2 or 3 years down the road, when I'm all RAW, I will have done it without the struggles of falling off, starting over, etc.
Anyway, I know you had a dealine you were trying to achieve a goal by, but don't be hard on yourself. Take it slow and easy, enjoy your journey to raw foods. Let the progress go slowly. You know even 1 pound a week is a 52 pound loss by next year. But the better part is how much better you'll feel a year from now!!!! And how much healthier your internal organs are going to be a year from now. And you can do it without stress or feeling deprived. Just find a food group that you want to start weaning off from and don't let the other areas bother you. Once you're off a certain food group for a period of time and you know you're really off of it, then start on another area.
You're on a journey to better health. Take your time and enjoy it. Keep reading everything you can. Post on this board frequently for support, ideas and to be an inspiration to us!!!! We all love to read others progress.
<>< Helen of Tennessee
12-16-2004, 11:03 AM
Tanja, you are not a failure. Life is a learning process and we can't learn unless we make mistakes! I have been where you are and when I was 260 pounds I could not see that it would ever get better. It seemed so far away, and it's hard to stay focused when a goal is so far.
I think you set yourself up by doing the juice fast. I don't think they are bad, but I know that if I fasted in the beginning, I would be STARVING and binge as soon as I could. Try to take it slower. I suggest eating as raw as you can and eating as MUCH as you want. Eat until you are full and satisifed. I think this will help you ease into raw better than a fast. You CAN do this, just take each day and don't look ahead to where you want to be. One day you will wake up and you will be there!
Don't beat yourself up, just jump right back on and start eating raw. You can do this! Hanb in there.
12-16-2004, 11:46 AM
Wow, that's a lot of pressure! I think we can set ourself up for failure with wanting/expecting a set amount of weight loss by a certain date. In my experience, I will subconsciously trip myself up so that I confirm that I'm really a failure. To me that means that changing my eating patterns is wonderful and necessary, but if I don't also work on changing my thought patterns and my beliefs about myself (like through self-inquiry, therapy, reading relevant books, places like this website), the new way of eating won't stick. I don't know if that makes much sense or not . . . I'm a bit cloudy this morning due to cookie consumption yesterday. I guess I also want to say I really hear where you're coming from. I too have a lot of weight I want to lose. I've also had the experience of not fitting in the seats well and needing an extender. You're always welcome to email me if you'd like to chat more about all this!
12-16-2004, 11:55 AM
Hey Tanya...you are in panic mode, and NOTHING good comes from being in panic mode. First you paniced about the trip, decided to fast, your body rebelled, now you are panicing about the hole you are digging. Panic, dear, is a big shovel...that only knows how to dig.
Don't put "have to" timeframes on yourself for going raw...raw is about being gentle with yourself, loving yourself. Take the pressure off yourself right now by preparing yourself for your upcoming trip..JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. If that means a seat belt extension, then so be it. Plan in advance and bring your own so you can save the embarassment of asking for one. Continue to explore going raw, because honestly it is great, it will solve a lot of your problems, as it did mine.
12-16-2004, 01:59 PM
Failure???? are you kidding?! i cant believe you think of yourself as a failure!
you are really an inspiration to me and have been since i have read your web site and seen your pictures.
When i think of someone who is a failure its the person who never tries. Never tries to better themselves and never tries to change.
There is no such thing as a failure when you are trying to succeed at something, there are only obstacles. Obstacles always come up, ALWAYS! If they didnt everyone would do everything in life they always wanted to and everyones lives would be perfect! Think about that...(think about how boring that would be :) )
Its what you do with the obstacles and how you overcome them that matter.
If you could just choose to do something like go raw and you succeeded right off the bat it wouldnt be a big deal, but our stuff gets in the way, our issues come up, we create struggles and obstacles because there is something needed to see or learn along the way. This is sooooo GREAT!
It helps us grow and learn and appreciate the life lessons in between reaching our goals... whats that expression, something like, without the sorrows life would not seem so sweet.
Its not the end result but the journey that matters Tanja so its not about being 100%raw and white knuckling it until you cant stand it any longer, its about making the right choices for you and feeling good about that and striving towards what makes you feel the best.
This is such a gift your going through right now, I know, ive been there. And im so gald I did because I learnt so much and was able to relate and teach people because of it. Imagine if I didnt experience this I would never be able to do what im doing, so thank god for obstacles! I know it may not seem like a gift right now, but everything happens for a reason. I personally think its because you are destined for amazing things in this lifetime, and maybe, just maybe this is a huge piece of what you need to learn.
Congratulations!!! Im so happy for you! Imagine what your going to learn from this, WOW!
12-16-2004, 03:11 PM
Tanja, your progress pictures look great! You have such a sweet face. :)
I bet one reason you are feeling extra sad is because of the cooked food itself. Heavy foods like that cause depression and all kinds of things. Maybe try to eat the raw foods you like the most, make a rich raw dessert and pig out on it! That always helps me.
It is hard to let yourself down- we are our own worst critics, but go easy on yourself!!! You have done so well, pasta or no pasta. Think of those people who are doing nothing to better themselves. You are doing a great job! Maybe do something nice for yourself today- even taking a few deep breaths and closing your eyes helps sometimes. We have to nurture ourselves through these changes, they aren't easy! :o
Gooooooooooo Tanja!!! :D
12-16-2004, 03:15 PM
You got great advice from everyone on this thread. You're perfect. Just enjoy eating raw foods. I ate cooked foods today. I was with my Mom and we had lunch together. I could've ate raw, but I chose cooked and I was fine with that. I will be raw the rest of the day and each following day. This is a huge transition. Take your time and enjoy it. The weight will come off, but do it slowly. You'll be thankful later on. I promise.
12-17-2004, 07:19 AM
Thank you SO very much guys! I can't even express the feelings I have when I read your answers!
I feel a bit better today (after eating 16!! fishfingers yesterday). I did however stay clear from "real" junk like candy and stuff....
My problem probably is that I make these goals that are really hard to reach. And if I don't reach them I think that I haven't done my best cause they are reachable since other people are doing it (regardless of how long it took them) and if I reach the goal I think it was a goal that was too easy to reach since I reached it... catch 22.... So no matter what I do I haven't succeeded thus I'm a failure! Sound aproach isn't it? I can see that it doesn't work but still I have a hard time changing it...
I will try my best (WITHOUT any tough goals) to enjoy the journey, take one day at a time, accept my gift, and just taking one day as it comes and putting one foot ahead of the other...
12-17-2004, 09:12 AM
Be gentle on you! Everyone has expressed my thoughts very well. I realize that you want to lose weight, as I do, and as many of us do. Remember this, your weight gain came over time, not over night. Your body has held on to this and thus is reluctant to release - it has to be coddle into making the change and know that you are serious.
Take you time to know you - don't use a date or an event to determine who and what you are going to be, what size, just take it one day at a time, excepting the gift that the day has brought you, celebrate Tanja for all that you are, and will be. Let the past be the past, and let todays life be today. Don't panic, amd most of all do not be fearful -realize that (no, it is not original), Fear is false evidence appearing real - you can do this, and you will do this, if you beleive in you. Those were not your last meals, you have many more to go.
Don't worry about this - it served it's purpose, you have something else to do now. :D
12-17-2004, 12:56 PM
I agree with what everyone said here. And what Alissa mentioned about the only person that is a failure is one who refuses to get up is right on. For many of us extra weight came on us after years of eating badly. Give yourself the time to take it off gradually as it came on. If you make a daily mistake so what! Start over the next day.:) You can do this you are not a failure.
Helen Of Tennessee
12-17-2004, 01:26 PM
I'm so glad you feel better today and that others on this board are able to give you that little extra encouragement you needed or still need.
You will still have "slip-ups", and that's okay, just BE SURE to stick here on the boards and let us know when you're going through a difficult time so that we can cheer you on. Oh yeah, and please post when you're having a great day so we can be happy with you :D
<>< Helen of Tennessee
12-18-2004, 07:50 AM
^5 to ya! It's not easy but at least you can acknowledge what it is that's causing you to sabatoge your raw attempts. One thing is dor sure....... "YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT!" (((((waving pom poms))))).
day 3 juice fast,
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