A bit bummed

[Ariannah]

It appears I've tried to transition the family too quickly... They like lots of the raw things I made, but they are clamouring for old favorites. They are not impressed by the "vegetables as noodles", and they vehemently dislike all the sauces I've made. I haven't found anything that adequately replaces all their old favorite sauces. Very few of the dehydrated treats as well have been successful. (Yes, I know I've only had the dehydrator a week, but I had such high hopes)

I've tasted everything I've made and I, personally think it tastes fabulous. I mean I can understand if something I think tastes fabulous may taste "ok" or ho-hum to other people, or like "nothing special", but for the other family members to unbudgingly declare they don't like it one bit? While I can't wrap my head around it, I do still need to be understanding and caring and compassionate about the whole family's needs.

I don't know how much more slowly I can go in the transition than I have been. I've not given them even a "high raw" diet, but DH is losing weight (He's already VERY slim and he's lost enough weight that he says it's uncomfortable sitting on a bus or a chair), declaring his "body type" needs "more protein". The changes in his body are freaking him out because he doesn't have a huge appetite, and can't eat enough to keep his weight up.

Yes, I already do put lots of fruit out there, but for 4 kids, to eat all the fruit they want, I can't afford it. They do need more food, and I suppose this is the best I can do for now, to just keep giving them the "old favorites" because they are asking for them. At least the "old favorites" are not so bad, with organic cooked vegetarian and vegan dishes I used to make for them. But it does make me feel sad that these yummy things I've made just have not been met with enthusiasm.

[JMD]

I am so sorry you are going through that. Do you think it could be because the holidays are approaching aka "eating season"?? Just my thoughts here, maybe just try to be happy for you instead of wanting them to be as enthusiastic as you?? I find when I want my hubby to be as enthusiastic as I am when mangoes are on sale I get bummed out too when he is not. YOU ARE DOING SOOOOOOOOOO well!! Focus on that and maybe have a family chat so you can all be heard and share opinions and come to a solution. I am sure the Universe will send you solutions quickly--just picture a peaceful solution in your mind.:)

Blessings,
JMD

[fiddler]

FWIW, from your posts I think you're doing great with your family. Even though it may disappoint a bit, you're doing better than 99.9% of the rest of the families out there today. The world would be a better place if most families ate like yours! Keep doing what you're doing with a smile and be happy your family is still eating vegan meals.

Cheers, fiddler

[LNdolls]

I have to agree with the oother posters - youhave made such major progress. Instant perfection is not the goal - happiness as you progress is.. and slowly might be the nest speed. I sure have had a few boomerang desires myself.. not surprising at all, when I stop to think. Changing food is quinessential to life.. something we rarely are willing to do. So, any progress your family has made toward more raw - that is fabulous.
I notice that when I was 100% the raw food tasted so good it was amazing.. when I had some cooked food - well, the tastes cannot compare - time to allow our head and tongue desires to catch up with our body's urges - well, that is the key, right?? Praise them and praise yourself - you are doign terrific. And will continue to do so, if you allow them to discover how much better they feel over time on raw - no decision needed, no prodding - lead by example yourself and enjoy the trip. At least that is what I am doing with me.
Best,
LN

[rawpriestess]

They way I did it with Dragggon was to simply allow him to eat whatever he wanted, but IF he wanted to eat something prepared for him, he would be eating what I made.

And I did it this way, for pasta, I used 1/2 egg noddles and 1/2 veggies, I made cooked and raw sauces, and mixed them together on the plate, kind of like a 1/2 on one side 1/2 on the other, but mixed up enough, so they really had to eat it all.

But I always had bags of fresh fruti and cut up already to eat veggies available, salads in bowls and allready prepped slices of tomatoes, onions, carrots celery, etc.

Basically, I made it really easy to grab an apple, but difficult to find a candy bar, they were all in the garage, but they were there.

IF he wanted to get dressed, walk outside and get one, fine, if he wanted to stay inside, and grab something to eat fine, he could.

I also just changed all the canned and frozen food for fresh, no more packages, of any kind, unless he wanted to buy them, store them in the garage, and make them, then it was fine.

I just didn't buy them, or prepar them.

You see, I made it OKAY for him to eat anything he wanted, no judgement, no rolling of the eyes, no remarks, I just ONLY made the good foods, and transition foods.

So, there are lots of way to think of this, are you REALLY loving your family by allowing them to eat not so healthy food? I mean YOU ARE THE ADULT, you buy the food, you prepare the food.

I say, let them eat what ever they want and that is it. But if you won't provide it, or prepare it, then either they must buy it and prepare it, or they can eat what you do provide and prepare.

It's really that simply.

if you were Kosher, and your family wasn't you wouldnt' cook non-kosher, if you were a vegetarian, and they wanted bar-b-que ribs, you wouldn't cook that.

So, only YOU can decide what you are willing to do to help your family be health.

If your children ONLY wanted, pop and candy and ice cream would you let them have it???? probably not, so what is the difference with cooked vegan food.

YOU know it isn't good for them, so why are you feeling badly about ONLY preparing ripe raw delicious organic fruits and veggies?

HUMMMMM???

[Sharon in Colorado]

Listen I am going through the same thing. Give them what they want, and when you find ANY raw food or recipe they like, use that.

My family loves fruit in general, and for recipes they do enjoy a few sweet recipes. My husband loves the flax crackers I make, when I made them thin enough like chips he devours them. He also enjoys the sushi I make. But whenever I make some new & dehydrated type of recipe and bring forth from the big black box, they dread it, I know they do. So lately I just play around with stuff and half the recipes to be safe.

Please don't be dismayed or frustrated. Just work on yourself and they will follow eventually. Remember your family always comes first, so just do what you can with them and try and accept that they are going to backslide a little bit. Try not to worry too much about them not liking it. Most people do not like the raw recipes, they just aren't the same.

About your husbands weight. Raw food is so nutrient dense but full of water. It really takes a lot of work to get the stomach to accept more raw food in a sitting. It's like weight training - you can't start out benching 20 reps of 100 lbs from nowhere. So if your hubby really wants to keep doing this see if he can add just a little more then he's ocmfortable eating every time he eats to acclimate to the amount of food he'd need. Start with more frequent and smaller meals and have a goal of less but larger meals.

Hope that helps!

edit: Another thing I used to do when the family really responded well to, is to serve dinner in 3 courses, so we could ALL eat:

Course 1 fruit - Usually a large melon, berries or cut up apples

Course 2 salad - a huge salad so I had a meal sized portion but they had a smaller portion

Course 3 main course - this is where I'd still be eating my salad and they'd get their cooked food, which was usually some veggies and a starch.

The courses always work as it slows down their eating and satiates them enough. When the food gets all dumped on one plate they fill up too fast and then get hungry too fast later. The fruit in the beginning also help them not want sweets afterward as much.

[Gosia]

smoothies!!!

I was once going through somewhat similar stage. I could not find something that my family would really love. Then, someone suggested smoothies to me, and I tried the idea. It was a breakthrough. My kids and husband simply loved the smoothies. We would have them for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, basically anytime we wanted. Smoothies are very filling, so they would not starve. Till now, my kids have smoothies for breakfast and in the afternoon. Varieties we tried are mainly bananas with water and some other fruit (sweet fruit such as mango; or other fruit such as berries), pears blended with strawberries have an interesting taste too.

Best,
Gosia.

[Ariannah]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I see what you are saying RP. But for practical reasons (we live in the suburbs, we don't drive, so when one person goes and gets the family groceries on a combined income, they get it), I do physically buy the groceries, and I get the best of whatever cooked food they want. It's our family income (he goes out and works), and we work together on things, including transition.

And yes, I do believe I am showing them love by allowing them the freedom to eat whatever they wish within reason.

I make the best choices I can with any given situation. But when my DH is losing lots of weight and he is already thin, and he is worried about it, and uncomfortable, then yes, I am showing him love by not forcing my family to like too much too soon.

Yes, I am showing my DH love by giving him vegan organic food that he enjoys and will put weight back on. He is worried, not just nitpicky. In the meantime, I have plenty of time to experiment with all kinds of recipes to make as "side dishes" and gradually decrease the cooked. He finds it difficult to eat the amounts raw needed to put back on a comfortable weight.

I suppose for me, as long as the food itself is good, if they wish to consume it in cooked form that's their prerogative. I don't see cooked organic food to be as bad as say, a pork chop (Which I think is a vile non-food), and I do incorporate as much raw into it as possible without announcing "Hey family look, raw food!" things such as salads and plenty of fruit, carrot sticks. But yes, I do indeed have boundaries. I'd never allow someone to bring pork chops or shellfish into my house.

This is my own version of "no judgment, no rolling of the eyes." I do need to give it more time. I was a tad bummed that progress for the rest of the family was not happening at my own pace and what *I* had (in my mind) decreed to be "right for everyone".

I suppose I was looking for support (which I got thank you very much everyone!) and assurance that this is a phase which won't last forever. I need to learn to give it more time.

I am doing what I believe to be best in the current circumstances, and yes, for a while I made only raw things, but they didn't like it! I wound up having to throw away half of what I made. With 4 children and 1 income that is just not practical. If I force things on my family, they'll wind up resenting.

On my first month raw, I knew that it was best but I still continued cooking food for the rest of the family. It is a role I lovingly accept - providing good food and gradually providing better food.

[fiddler]

But when my DH is losing lots of weight and he is already thin, and he is worried about it, and uncomfortable, then yes, I am showing him love by not forcing my family to like too much too soon.

Yes, I am showing my DH love by giving him vegan organic food that he enjoys and will put weight back on. He is worried, not just nitpicky. In the meantime, I have plenty of time to experiment with all kinds of recipes to make as "side dishes" and gradually decrease the cooked. He finds it difficult to eat the amounts raw needed to put back on a comfortable weight.

- snip-
I suppose I was looking for support (which I got thank you very much everyone!) and assurance that this is a phase which won't last forever. I need to learn to give it more time.


Hello again. I too am a bit concerned about getting too skinny before the weight comes back on so I perhaps understand your husband's perspective a bit. The books I've read recently state that these leading raw foodists dropped to a really low weight (sometimes 20, 30 or more pounds below their current weight) before gaining the weight back. Paul Nison (and some of the leaders he interviewed) mentions in "The Raw Life" that the body drops a lot of weight in order to rid the toxins that have built up for years. It is only after this weight is lost that the body can rebuild back to the normal state. Paul also mentions that this "Skinny Man" often throws the knockout punch to a lot of RAW fooders. I'm doing everything I can to try and build up my muscle now to avoid getting too skinny. For example, I'm now down to 145 pounds (I'm 5'10") but feel I could lose at most maybe 10 or 15 more pounds before getting overly concerned. With lifting weights 3 times a week and running on the other days, I hope to not shrink too much before rebuilding...

Anyway, I shared the above so you have yet another viewpoint that might help to understand your husband's perspective.

My support goes out to you and your family. I respect your challenges and the courage that drives you to move forward with the right choices, whatever they may be.

Happy Thanksgiving, and have fun!
Best regards, fiddler

[ReneeSC]

You see, I made it OKAY for him to eat anything he wanted, no judgement, no rolling of the eyes, no remarks, I just ONLY made the good foods, and transition foods.

Been there - DOING that!

However, my children, though INCREDIBLY SICK AND ALMOST HOSPITALIZED... are older and can, if they wished, get up and eat what they wanted.

I JUST posted in my journal about how I'm working through Victoria Boutenko's "Twelve Steps to Raw"... and No. Four: I Shall Live in Harmony with Those Who Eat Cooked Food

If your children are still relatively healthy at this point, you're just going to have to work through it one bit at a time. Remember that OUR tastes have been modified because we've been cleaned out. Perhaps that's what the problem with our familes.

And, my husband, Mr. Vehemently.. "Ain't no WAY we're going vegan!"... is now high vegan. :) I know your husband a bit freaked. I'm so sorry. He might seriously need to modify some things for himeself as he goes along. But as RP has said....... they have to find their own way...as we help them out as we can.

Neither one of my two children are always 100 percent raw - but, I have had to deal with the fact that they're going to make their own choices. If they were much younger, as with your little ones, well.. I'd have more "slush" room with them as far as command over their choices since they're so young. That's where you're stuck, I know.

I know the bit about the money issue, too.

I've resorted - and it worked for us because of the problems we were having - to having them use superfood supplimentation to work them through nutritional problems ( feeling hungry when they eat more SAD because they're bodies are craving TRUE food ). It's helped! I'm not sure if that would work for your little ones, though.

I SO understand being crestfallen at your initial attempts at getting them to eat your great foods. I was so frustrated. You have the added deal of being Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, so.. it's even more complicated for you having to cook for them. I don't cook - at all. I QUIT!

I pray for you! One day at a time, Mommy!

[Ariannah]

Thank you so much, Fiddler and Renee. I looked at your latest journal entry, Renee, and appreciate what you wrote.

I'll get DH to look at this thread, and he'll see all the wise words of advice given. In the meantime, DH has taken an extra jacket to pad underneath his butt on the bus ride to work ;) DH understands that the weight loss is indeed temporary, but he's very much too uncomfortable to ride it out, and I don't wish to force him to spend his days in discomfort "for your own good". It almost makes me wish I'd married a fat man ;) but he is indeed tall and slim. Perhaps in the summer when he rides his bike more, he can build up more muscle mass.

I packed him with plenty of raw snacks - almonds and apples. But he's still eating cooked at dinnertime. It is his choice, and indeed his comfort level of what he's willing to live with. And I want to live in harmony with my family, and what they eat is what I am willing to live with. We don't have sugar in the house, or junk food. It could be far worse than it is. And in the meantime I'll get to hone my skills with denser raw food that the children will like. They do enjoy pesto, so I'll serve that whenever I can. All kinds of ideas floating around in my head... I believe it will work out.

[rawpriestess]

Dear Rawandnatural,

It sounds like you are feeling a little better, (I am glad) and that you maybe finding the BEST way for YOUR family, which is all anyone can do.

It is tough on one income with kids and doing your best to help everyone eat well and still have the raw things that you need too.

I can't imagine how you and all the other wonderful families on this board do it, except by your LOVE for your families. I cave so easily just smelling cooked food, let alone making it.

You have your families' best interest at heart, and that is indeed the way to show them your love.

Each person has to do what they can do, and each person has to find their own way.

I am happy you are finding yours.

[Ariannah]

RP thank you very much for your acknowledgement. Your advice in this thread has been very good, and I appreciate it.

I'm one of the rare few who is not attracted to the cooked food I prepare for the family. It does not tempt me at all, because I have so many raw, delicious things that I can eat and be satisfied with. We're still keeping in many of the raw favorites that they like - carrot pecan burgers (in the dehydrator as we speak), salads, crepes, fudge, fruit&veg, etc, but just keeping in many of the other "former" foods that they like until we are able to hit on enough "bingo" foods that they won't mind having fairly often (inexpensive, organic if possible, raw, delicious), and will even ask for all the time.

By respecting their wishes, they suddenly appear to be more open minded to mine. It's give and take, and I can live with it.

Ariannah

[ReneeSC]

By respecting their wishes, they suddenly appear to be more open minded to mine. It's give and take, and I can live with it.

Ahhhh.. yes....Grasshopp'uh.. you have learned the secrets of the ancients!

LOL@ you and you almost wish you were married to a fat man. ( rolled on that one! hahahahahaha)

I have a thinny ( with a little belly now ) for a husband, too ( little Italian )..and he says he's not lost a pound! My eldest, and quite the clueless confrontational one, asked her dad why if he's eating like "Mom".. he's not lost any weight... "cuz..you sure don't look like it!"
I about died. Frankly, he HAS lost weight. His face is so much thinner. But, as we've realized, scale weight isn't an indicator of how you "look". I think Natalia was wondering why her father isn't pant sizes down like her.. ( almost 7! )

When we lived in NY and he commuted through the mnts into Manhattan every day, he would also have to pad himself on those trains. I feel for yours.

But, you know.. I've noticed that my kids will like somethine one week and not like something the next week. They're very much like me in that respect....so.. I really shouldn't be upset about anything!

Raw snacks, though.. oh yeah.. they'll eat those right up.

[karenisraw]

I thin you are doing fine. It probably just takes time to adjust and for the family to develop their better eating habits.

I too have to live on a budget and doubled my food spending. I had to compensate by not buying "all" organic because I just cannot afford it. Hopefully one day I will have enough miney to eat the way I want to.

I also go without other things, so I can afford better foods. Like I started to shop at thrift stores for things and clothes so I can afford better food. I don't mind. My boyfriend cant tell my stuff is used.

It brings a whole new perspective on the world when you realize that most of the world cannot afford to eat properly.

[sweetgoddess]

rawandnatural, your post was very beautiful. I think you have a great perspective. Your family is blessed by your wisdom and loving heart. ALways do what feels right to you. And when in doubt ask, what would love do now?

I personally, as a mother and wife respect your perspective a great deal. Yeah you!


It is a role I lovingly accept - providing good food and gradually providing better food. :) :) :)

Warmly~
Carmel

[DrPr]

I have not tried to transition my family, but they can see the benefits I reap from eating this way. I think that over time, seeing all the good foods in the house and my positive transformation, they will dabble in vegetarianism more often and will try raw eventually. My greatest worry was that I would find it hard to stick to a raw vegetarian/vegan lifestyle when they're eating pizza, peanut butter sandwiches and grilled cheese around me all the time! But my significant other is very supportive of me and things have, thankfully, worked out fine. I wish you the best!!