View Full Version : Support Please: My Partner is Caving
11-18-2005, 11:57 PM
I'm teary tonight, feeling sad and disappointed. :( My life partner, David, has told me that he "doesn't feel good" eating only raw food. He's decided to join our friends in eating cooked food when we visit them for Thanksgiving, and he wants to eat cooked foods regularly, including meat. This is bigger than the "occassional steamed veggies" we'd been talking about experimenting with.
I know we have to let our loved ones make their own choices. I've read other threads about partners who don't eat raw. I'm sad, though, because it felt like we were on a crusade together toward better health. We gave up alcohol in January. We gave up caffeine and sugar in June. We did a Master Cleanse together in August and started eating raw in September. It felt like "You and Me Against the World" and I'm feeling sad--and a little nervous--about going it alone in our household.
Forgive me if I sound whiny. I know people have much tougher problems than this. I guess I needed to express my feelings to people who understand, and to ask for some comforting words so I won't feel alone in this wellness endeavor. Thank you. Blessings to all.
11-19-2005, 12:06 AM
((HUGS))) David is probably feeling the detoxifying effects (and/or cravings) and it's not the most pleasant thing to go through and the first thing we think we "should" do is to go back to our old comforts.
You are right when you said that we have to allow our loved ones to make their own choices and it can be difficult. I understand your disappointment very well.
You have to do this for YOU and while it would have surely been nice to experience this great journey WITH your partner, sometimes we have to walk alone in some of our life choices...but oftentimes only to find out later that because of our perserverance, the changes we experience, etc. our loved ones actually decide to come along.
Sweetgoddess had a wonderful testimony of this. Her husband wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with raw foods and now, he is her biggest supporter and has began eating raw himself!
Rawpriestess, same kind of scenario. Her husband supported her and she him but later, he started eating more and more raw and now he considers himself a raw fooder!
Many others here...myself included, have had spouses/partners to not want to be bothered with it too much at first, but later on end up doing it. So, continue on with it and reap the benefits and watch what happens! My husband goes through some on again/off again periods where he'll want certain (non-raw) things and decide, "I don't want to get too engulfed in this (raw)" and then after a few days to a week he's saying, "I don't want that if it's not raw".
So, give him time...this could be a temporary,mind thing he's going through mainly due to it being the holiday season where MANY of us begin to start rationalizing and saying, "Oh it's okay this time and I don't think I want to be all raw for the rest of my life" but then once all the hooplah wears off and the body begins to let off those signals, we come back to it!
11-19-2005, 12:28 AM
<<it felt like we were on a crusade together toward better health. We gave up alcohol in January. We gave up caffeine and sugar in June. We did a Master Cleanse together in August and started eating raw in September. It felt like "You and Me Against the World" and I'm feeling sad--and a little nervous--about going it alone in our household.>>
It sounds like it IS, you and him against the world, to me.
I mean look how far he has come with you.
He gave up alcohol, which is major, he gave up caffeine and sugar, my gosh how cool is that? He did a Master Cleanse with you, and started eating raw. WOW, I mean really WOW.
Now, he has tried this, and has made his own conscious decision, that it isn't for him. Right now.
Has he said he is going to eat meat at every meal, and never eat raw food again? Probably not.
he is just saying that he wants to have a "regular" Thanksgiving dinner with friends. Doesn't sound too terrible to me.
My hubby was a die hard SAD eater, drank, smoked, ate meat at every meal. And I never said a word. He just saw all the great raw fruits and veggies I made, and he would eat salads with me, and have fresh fruits too.
Occasionally, he'd be interested in what I was eating, sometimes he liked it, and would have some, other times he didn't.
He would help me in the kitchen, and he loved to play with the recipes I was making.
After a while, he started eating some raw with me, we'd have some fresh fruit for breakfast and snack, then a salad for lunch, then he'd eat meat for dinner, then we'd eat raw nuts and raisings or something like that for snack.
I made it easy and OK for him to eat raw or not.
There was never any judgement on my part.
Now, can you say the same? I mean would you like it if HE was all upset that you didn't want to face the world eating meat with him?
So, eat exactly what works for you, and love HIM< not what he eats, and allow this process to take as long as it takes. There is no time limit here.
Life will continue, whether he or you eat raw or not.
But, if you want a happy and loving relationship with the partner you have chosen to be with RIGHT NOW, then you MUST give him the same exact support you wish HIM to give YOU.
IF there is love between you both, you will see, that it doesn't matter what either of you eat, it mattes how you treat each other.
And allowing him his own choices, is as important as him allowing you your choices.
Just keep lots of tasty raw fruits and veggies, and nut milks, and salads, and raisings, and dried apricots, and frozen bananas etc around, for him to eat if he so chooses.
Also, just to let you know, it is very easy to eat raw tasty fruits, while you are raw, and enjoy them WITH your lover, if you get my drift.
This is an especially sensual and loving way to eat raw fruits.
11-19-2005, 12:37 AM
((((((((((((((((((Lauraw))))))))))))))))) Big hugs!!
I'm am very brand new to this board, but I've been reading post after post for the past three days soaking in everything. I too am starting this RAW way of life with my husband. I'm am very worried about him stopping later as well. I can imagine what you are going through.
What I can say is this. Many people on here have gone Raw, stopped, gone back, gone at part RAW/part SAD.. and so on. And many, it seems, are striving to be 100% Raw eventually. Everyone works at a different pace. And many come back. Your husband may be the same way. He may want to be raw again one day. Any maybe he won't. Maybe after Thanksgiving he'll feel worse than going through Detox. Who knows?
What's important...is that you keep doing what you're doing for YOU! You keep striving for what makes you happy, healthy, and full of life! And don't forget, you ARE NOT alone! We are also your RAW family and here to support you!! Now wipe those tears away girl!! :o
11-19-2005, 07:35 AM
I totally understand how you feel. It's much harder to go your own way with a spouse that is eating differently. It can be done though, a lot of us have gone through it. Most of us, I would guess.
My husband is eating vegetarian now, which is HUGE for him. He was the biggest meat and potatoes man, but after watching me eating raw he decided he wanted to eat healthier too. He tried raw, but it was super difficult for him b/c he's an over the road truck driver. I'm proud of him that he's stuck to what he has chosen as a healthier way of eating. My 3 children are also eating vegi meals, but eat more raw food all the time. :)
11-19-2005, 08:25 AM
Wow, I can relate. Don't fret-he's had a taste of health, he will come back to it when he feels the effects of cooked. Even if he doesn't do 100% raw, even 50, 70, 80 is great! and you and he are STILL on a health path, because he learned a lot doing what you guys have done. ALissa says on her DVD that once you've been 100% raw, or even high raw, in my experience, you can never go back forever. No way! Don't you worry!!
11-19-2005, 08:34 AM
FWIW, I no longer "push" or even discuss my new found RAW way of eating on my wife or anyone else for that matter unless they ask. Instead, I just try to have RAW things around the house to eat and live by example. So far that has been working for my wife. Not only is she eating better now but we also get along alot better too :)
Good luck to you and your life partner, fiddler.
11-19-2005, 11:03 AM
Wow. Thank you everyone. I read some of the posts last night and felt your love and support. Today's a new day and I'm feeling much better.
After I wrote my original post last night, I realized that *I* had been the one suggesting and leading all the changes in our dietary habits since January. David had been a willing follower, but maybe I was expecting too much too soon, without his full buy-in.
So, he got home late last night (after playing a gig with his Beatles band) and I acknowledged that dynamic. I told him I supported his choices, whatever they were, because he needed to do what's best for him. I also asked him to support my choices. He was so grateful and understanding, and said "of course" he supported my choices. He even understood my feelings of sadness, which weren't about his choices so much as feeling I was "losing" my best buddy in this lifestyle change. (It's a little different than the case of spouse who never wanted to eat raw to begin with.)
Anyway, as fate would have it, David had eaten a bean tostada for dinner. By the time he got home, his stomach was gurgling and he didn't feel so great. He laughed at himself and acknowledged that he had absolutely no desire for cooked food in that moment. ;)
We'll give this time and see how it plays out. I have new resolve for eating raw for ME and loving David for David, not for whether he comes along for the ride. I'm so grateful to know you're all out there. Your love, empathy and support are soooo appreciated.
11-19-2005, 12:21 PM
I agree with all posted above especially with what R.P. mentioned - one of the things that I noticed about raw, was my self discovery, and the changes that I had to make. I am glad you reached your conclusions and I am excited to hear about this next leg of this journey for you.
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