dhammala
11-18-2005, 11:00 AM
I have been hearing a lot of 'guilty' type conversation on this board and in other places that I read. It drives me crazy to hear that people are suffering so! My opinion is that life is too short to feel guilty!
Guilt is just a story in your head -- you made up some "should", or "have to" -- I should be eating this way, I have to be eating this way -- and then beat yourself up for not living up to those made up expectations. Guilt is 100% self-induced and it is not empowering! It always leads to more continual failure -- visions of worthlesness and self doubt will creep in and disguise all of the positive. Learn from your mistakes, re-evaluate your commitments and move on! Don't dwell in feeling guilty for yourself.
Instead of feeling guilty, why not feel compassionate? Do you think a child feels guilty for falling over when learning how to walk? Do we yell at the child for not being able to stand up the first time? No! We have compassion for them.. and we smile and delight in their trials and tribulations. Why not do the same with yourself, even as an adult?
The mind is just a thinking-machine. It is always thinking.. That its job! Well, to keep those thoughts coming the mind will create conflict. It is always judging what is going on around it, how people are acting, looking, how YOU are acting, doing. The very nature of the mind is all of this conflict and judgement. The mind (or ego) does not exist without conflict. It will always tell you that "the grass is greener" just because that is all it knows how to do. It will always tell you "just one bite of chocolate cake and you will be fine." If not grass or food, it will be the next thing! If you can see this and understand this, you can always be successful, because you understand that what you think does not matter! It is just the job of the mind to think.. that doesn't make it real!
If you fall off the wagon that you want to be on, pick yourself up, restate your commitments, get clear as to why you want to be on that wagon and then get back on. This is not a process that requires guilt or any other negative emotion for success. Life does not care how many times you get back on that wagon or how many times you fall off. Life is the fun in doing it!
Here is a poem that I personally find very inspirational.. it helps me give me the permission to have freedom in these types of situations.
"Autobiography in Five Chapters"
From the "Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche.
1) I walk down the street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I fall in.
....I am lost...I am hopeless.
....It isn't my fault.
....It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
....I pretend I don't see it.
....I fall in again.
....I can't believe I'm in the same place.
....But it isn't my fault.
....It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I see it is there.
....I still fall in... it's a habit
....My eyes are open
....I know where I am
....It is MY fault.
....I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
Guilt is just a story in your head -- you made up some "should", or "have to" -- I should be eating this way, I have to be eating this way -- and then beat yourself up for not living up to those made up expectations. Guilt is 100% self-induced and it is not empowering! It always leads to more continual failure -- visions of worthlesness and self doubt will creep in and disguise all of the positive. Learn from your mistakes, re-evaluate your commitments and move on! Don't dwell in feeling guilty for yourself.
Instead of feeling guilty, why not feel compassionate? Do you think a child feels guilty for falling over when learning how to walk? Do we yell at the child for not being able to stand up the first time? No! We have compassion for them.. and we smile and delight in their trials and tribulations. Why not do the same with yourself, even as an adult?
The mind is just a thinking-machine. It is always thinking.. That its job! Well, to keep those thoughts coming the mind will create conflict. It is always judging what is going on around it, how people are acting, looking, how YOU are acting, doing. The very nature of the mind is all of this conflict and judgement. The mind (or ego) does not exist without conflict. It will always tell you that "the grass is greener" just because that is all it knows how to do. It will always tell you "just one bite of chocolate cake and you will be fine." If not grass or food, it will be the next thing! If you can see this and understand this, you can always be successful, because you understand that what you think does not matter! It is just the job of the mind to think.. that doesn't make it real!
If you fall off the wagon that you want to be on, pick yourself up, restate your commitments, get clear as to why you want to be on that wagon and then get back on. This is not a process that requires guilt or any other negative emotion for success. Life does not care how many times you get back on that wagon or how many times you fall off. Life is the fun in doing it!
Here is a poem that I personally find very inspirational.. it helps me give me the permission to have freedom in these types of situations.
"Autobiography in Five Chapters"
From the "Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche.
1) I walk down the street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I fall in.
....I am lost...I am hopeless.
....It isn't my fault.
....It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
....I pretend I don't see it.
....I fall in again.
....I can't believe I'm in the same place.
....But it isn't my fault.
....It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I see it is there.
....I still fall in... it's a habit
....My eyes are open
....I know where I am
....It is MY fault.
....I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
....I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.