How do I help?

[Rawkinlocs]

I wasn't sure if this should go here or in the other topics/health related section...but Alissa, if it should be moved, please move it.

My mom called me this evening. It started out as a "chit-chat" kind of conversation but then it ended up a very emotional conversation as my mom first shared with me how my grandmother is ill and my aunt who has lived with her since I was a wee little one is now ill with very large, swollen legs (she is obese) and can now barely walk. Then, my mom mentions that she, herself, needs to get bloodwork done because she's been having some things happening to her and she's scared and she started crying and everything.

I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that all of this stems from their poor, Black American Diets (BAD)...that same diet that caused my great-grandmother to die of heart attack and stroke, the same diet that has my mother, my grandmother and my aunt stricken with diabetes, heart problems, high blood pressure and other similar ailments.

But aside from prayer, I don't know what to do to HELP them because 1.) I am NOT a health expert nor a raw foods expert 2.) I don't know who to refer them to because all of the natural health/raw food experts charge a pretty penny that is surely not covered by insurance and 3.)I haven't been the best example with all my slips and slides in my own diet.

So it's like, while I KNOW that eating raw or at least incorporating MORE raw into their diets is a step in the right direction, I don't know how to tell them or what to tell them as far as an eating plan, etc. because I'm not an expert in this field and don't feel qualified to do so.

I guess I'm really just venting here but hoping SOMEONE has some suggestions. I mean, I want to tell them, "Just stop eating that meat, stop eating that grease, stop eating that dairy and eat raw foods"; but I don't want to cause any complications with any medications they're on, etc.

*sigh...well, again, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as to where to go for more guidance to help my family.

[Curtis]

Hi Cherie,
This is a area we all eventually have to deal with, so you are not alone. :)
I am going to spend Thanksgiving with my folks and in talking to my mom today I politely ask her not to be offended at me because I finally quit eating meat about 2 months ago. I had went to eating chicken only a few days a week a couple of months ago which she knew and I told her I feel a lot better not eating meat any more. She was fine with that and this opened up the converstation to exercising and her getting back into it with her treadmill. I will keep you in prayer on what to say and how to say but my advice would be to maybe suggest web sites they could read info on concerning not eating meat, etc? Or sites that have scientific studies on how the sad effects us? Hope that helps. :)

[smasty]

Hi Cherie

That is such a hard painful thing. I go through the same thing with my obese sedentary parents. My mom complains that her legs have gotten so weak she's having trouble walking. I give her the answer to how she can strengthen her muscles, she just smiles and nods and continues to sit in front of the tv all day long. What is it! A generational thing? It seems they do not understand the concept of accountability and personal responsibility for health. They have no concept of taking control. Argh!!! :mad:

[Curtis]

Is it that Sue or have they just given up? I wonder sometimes if people when they get a certain age start believing they are to old to make a change.

[flutterfly]

Our Parents have worked all their lives. Did the best they know how to do for us while
they were raising us. I do believe they know we are right in our diets but they are just not ready for it and most likely never will be. To try to change them, even if (and we all know it is a big if) we could would be against their wishes.
I did try to talk to my Mother about it years ago and she just got real bucky. She can see what the raw has done for me but wants no part of it. We just have to try not to worry so much about it because that is their free will not ours ;)

[lil]

I think it's because complaining about illness (and wanting medication to cure it) is such the 'norm' these days. If I travel on the bus and overhear conversations, it's likely about people complaining about their health. It's almost become that if we are not complaining about our health, there's something wrong with us. I see this a lot on health forums - and anyone that comes in with a success story, especially if it's diet related, they are heavily criticized - they usually say "she's in remission!" (meaning: you can't get better).
Rawkinlocs - I think you have the ole "you can lead a horse to water...but you can't make it drink" situation. As much as you care about your family and would like to see change, I doubt any amount of talking about change will initiate it. At the same time - I'm sure it's frustrating listening to it. But you don't need to take it on. I would just ask "what can I do to help?". If she wants your advice, then she will ask for it. But most likely, she just needs to vent (and you can set limits around that).
I watched my mother die of lung disease due to years of heavy smoking and diabetes. There was nothing I could do to change her path. She knew the risks - she took the risks and she paid the price.

[glad_2beme]

I am right there with you guys. I just realized not to long ago that my mom is not the mom I grew up with, she is looking older and has a lot of medical problems. :( Although she does not understand my beliefs I have her going to Curves for women to get some exercise. I think she is starting to like it (probably seeing other people) but none the less she goes 3x a week. :) On the other hand since she and my dad retired recently, its like they have nothing to do. I see both of them heading down hill. The doc has her on a blood thinner, and as much as I tell her its rat poison of course I am not the doc!!!

Sorry, I got of on a vent too...anyway I have resolved to be there for them and pray and encourage the changes in their lifestyle that I can. Just being there for them is all I feel that I have left to do. :confused:

[Rawkinlocs]

Thanks for all replies everyone.

Yeah, in the case of my grandmother and aunt, they are both very about "My doctor says..." and it was the doctor who prescribed two different prescriptions for my grandmother that caused her tongue to swell up out of her mouth! But my mom, it was more difficult to hear her because it went sorta beyond her just complaining about her health, but she actually started crying and said she was scared and wants to DO something. She is still raising my 12-year old brother and wants to be here for him.

She mentioned realizing that the doctors are doing nothing but giving her a pill and sending her on her way (her doctor gave her blood pressure medication and told her that if it didn't regulate her blood pressure, up the dosage :rolleyes: ) I told her I can try and help here but that there are sacrifices she must be willing to make (giving up drinking for one, putting her foot down that her "significant other" stop smoking or at least in the house, and of course a change in diet)

So it's like, now that I know she seems to really WANT to do whatever it will take, I'm at a loss because again, I'm no expert in this area and don't want to begin "prescribing" dietary regimens for her but as I mentioned before, those who probably COULD do that for her charge way more than she can afford. I guess what I'm trying to say is, when someone really DOES want to do what is necessary, how do I help? She doesn't have a computer for me to send her to websites. One thing I am going to do is try and print up as much as I can and I guess I could get a couple of books for her...

Maybe those of you who may have some of the same ailments as she can tell me what YOU did or are doing when you first began eating raw. So far I know she has high blood pressure, Type 1 diabetes, pains in her chest near or at the heart, she drinks beer (I think that's all she drinks), she says she has lost a lot of weight and has to MAKE herself eat due to loss of appetite.

Now with that loss of appetite thing, in MY mind I'm thinking, "Go with this...FAST...drink water or juice or eat light fruit only during this time and let the body do what it needs to do" but again, don't want to go "prescribing", ya know?

Thoughts anyone?

[tglasco4]

Hi Rawkinlocs,

There is a story in the bible that I believe helps us all in this situation. Because all of us will be faced with it if we are not already. It is the story of the 2 demon-possessed men in Matthew 8. As Jesus and His disciples came across the sea in a small boat, these 2 crazed men came charging at them. The disciples ran but as they ran they realized that Jesus was not with them. He had stood His ground and cast out the even spirits (sending them into a nearby herd of swine). The 2, formerly crazed, psychotic men were sitting with Jesus, calm, composed and in their right mind. They were so thankful for what the Lord had done for them that they wanted to follow Jesus where ever He went. But Jesus, didnt want them to follow Him like that, He said to them "go home and tell what great things the Lord has done for them."

I would like to quote something from the book Ministry of Healing, page 99

"The two restored demoniacs were the first missionaries whom Christ sent to teach the gospel in the region of Decapolis. For a short time only, these men had listened to His words. Not one sermon from His lips had ever fallen upon their ears. They could not instruct the people as the disciples who had been daily with Christ were able to do. But they could tell what they knew; what they themselves had seen, and heard, and felt of the Saviour's power. This is what everyone can do whose heart has been touched by the grace of God. This is the witness for which our Lord calls, and for want of which the world is perishing. "

The key thing that got me here is "for want of which the world is perishing". We who have been blessed with the raw diet, have a testimony. Pure fruit and vegetables will not kill anyone. Pure water, air and sunshine will not kill anyone. To put one's Trust in the Almighty and having Faith will certainly not kill anyone. When someone comes to you, pleading for help, you must give what you know. If you have experienced great changes in your health because of the raw lifestyle, that should be shared. It is amazing what a short period of time on all raw food and juices can do for a sick body. My mom is here with me and is asking for help. She is a diabetic, she has all other kinds of things wrong with her. All related to lifestyle. I love our dear MDs, but MDs study disease. We who are raw study health. We don't merely promote the avoidance of disease but the acceptance of health. I believe EVERYONE can have complete, vibrant, total, terrific health if they want it. Because I know what has been given to me. I believe that is enough. So rawkinlocs, I would pray. I would also tell what was done for me. What I have seen and heard of others also. For we cannot but speak the things that we have seen and heard.
In a life and death situation (and that sounds like one), if a MD were to say "eat all raw fruit and veggies for 3 months" they would do it without question. Especially if he wrote it like a prescription. Guess what would happen? They would have a great change for the better. But most MDs would prescribe a drug of some sort to go with whatever else they say. I would pray and tell them earnestly that a "temporary" diet of all raw fruit and veggies for 3 months with plenty of fresh water and good doses of clean air with prayer and faith will cure them if they want it. Because they came to you with it (and rawkinlocs, you know it was no coincidence) you can speak to them with love and boldness. Because what you say is true and real and it works.

Peace.

Todd

[Rawkinlocs]

Todd, thank you so much for that!

[ksabe98]

Rawkinlocs, I think it is perfectly normal to have back slides from time to time the important thing is that you are primarlily doing what is best for your body. Remember we didn't get ill or heavy or whatever from occasional treats of the forbidden we got that way from eating the bad or sad diet for years. That said don't let that stop you from sharing with your family what you are doing to make yourself healthy. Tell them how you are doing it. Get them books to read, make them the food you are eating. Maybe they won't go 100% raw. But any percentage in that direction is better than nothing. But remember that people will only respond if they are ready. However they can't respond at all unless you share something with them they can respond to. I can't remember if your family was aware of your lifestyle change to raw food or not. But if they don't know now is the time to tell them. I wish you the best. I also have family that would benefit from my way of eating but they are not ready. But I take every opportunity to let them know how I am doing and I don't push them. People tend to stop listening if they feel pushed. But I did take the opportunity to share the whole ball of wax with them initially so that I would get A: the support I needed and wanted and B: give them the information so that if they were ready to accept it for themselves they would know that I could help and what exactly it was I was doing. I hope that this makes sense. Again I wish you the best with your family.

[Rawkinlocs]

Thank you ksabe...I appreciate your words! They are "kind of" aware..they know I don't eat certain things, but don't really know about the raw part of it all ;)

But I know what I gotta do and I'm gonna do it. I guess it's like spirituality/religion...you are so excited about it that you want to shout it to the roof top; but then you don't want to force it on anyone either, so you just be an example and gently, lovingly share with them especially when they show an interest or the opportunity presents itself and let THEM make the decision for themselves.


The response here have really helped me put things into perspective! Thanks to you all again! (((hugs)))


Rawkinlocs, I think it is perfectly normal to have back slides from time to time the important thing is that you are primarlily doing what is best for your body. Remember we didn't get ill or heavy or whatever from occasional treats of the forbidden we got that way from eating the bad or sad diet for years. That said don't let that stop you from sharing with your family what you are doing to make yourself healthy. Tell them how you are doing it. Get them books to read, make them the food you are eating. Maybe they won't go 100% raw. But any percentage in that direction is better than nothing. But remember that people will only respond if they are ready. However they can't respond at all unless you share something with them they can respond to. I can't remember if your family was aware of your lifestyle change to raw food or not. But if they don't know now is the time to tell them. I wish you the best. I also have family that would benefit from my way of eating but they are not ready. But I take every opportunity to let them know how I am doing and I don't push them. People tend to stop listening if they feel pushed. But I did take the opportunity to share the whole ball of wax with them initially so that I would get A: the support I needed and wanted and B: give them the information so that if they were ready to accept it for themselves they would know that I could help and what exactly it was I was doing. I hope that this makes sense. Again I wish you the best with your family.

[Analeah]

Hey Rawkin I am so sorry to hear about mother and aunt! I think the best way to be introduced to raw foods is to go to a conference or talk of some kind or even a potluck. I went and saw the Boutenko's when I was 16 and the whole seminar was so powerful I stopped eating all cooked food at once for a long time. I know they travel around a lot but don't know if maybe they would be coming to somewhere near where you live but it might be worth checking out. I think the internet is the next best thing for getting information (just takes a little more effort initially) but if she doesn't have a computer then the best thing you could do is print articles out for her so she can read them (if she likes reading). I don't know what all Alissa's DVD includes but if it has any kind of an introduction to raw on it I think it would be a nice holiday gift for them. I know you say you're not an expert but I am guessing you probably know MUCH more than you give yourself credit for. I would just share what knowledge of the raw food way of life that you do have and give her some information to read and she can make the decision. I think if she were to give it a trial period of a week or even a few days she would notice such an amazing difference she wouldn't need any other persuasion. Good luck!

[Rawkinlocs]

Thanks Analeah. Yes I thought about checking into some videos and/or dvd's. I'll probably get Alissa's, the Boutenko's and anything else I can find to have in my library and share it with them either here or carry it to their homes to watch!

[smasty]

Todd!!! I loved, loved, loved your post. Thank you.

Sue

[Gosia]

Rawkinlocs, I think that you DO HAVE very good raw-food counselling skills. You have been able to give wonderful advice to fellow raw foodists many times. I have no doubt that you will be able to help your mom.

My mom lives far away (on another continent), and I also want to "convert" her, for the sake of her health. I posted to her some facts (including stories and pictures with some amazing transformational photos) and recipes, which I printed from raw food websites. She finally said that she is going to try. I hope that she will.

I think that your mom already understands that what she has been doing so far, does not work. I believe that when she sees photos of happy raw foodists, and reads stories about those who cured themselves even from cancer, she might become interested. There is a fair bit of information to digest, and a lot of shifting in one's mind to occur, but who knows, maybe your mom will connect with the idea quickly (considering how bad she feels now).

By the way, Rawkinlocs, you ARE a great example to us!

[glad_2beme]

I am in complete agreement w/ Gosia, YOU are a great example and inspiration to us.

[Allison]

My parents were the same way about the advice needing to come from a doctor. My father is a physician and has great respect for other physicians. So I purchased the RAVE diet DVD (less than $20, I think) and they have regular MD's on there talking about the need to eat vegan and at least 50% raw, and how this diet changed their lives, healed their heart disease, etc. This DVD convinced my skeptical dad to change their diets, and now my mom has reversed her heart disease. I highly recommend this DVD as an introduction to nutrition information (although I do not agree with their statements on evolution, but I took the good and threw out the bad). Anyway, you might want to consider spending the $20, because I don't know about you, but sometimes people need to hear advice from someone outside their own family.

Allison

[Rawkinlocs]

Gosia, Glad2be...you two made me blush :o That was so sweet of you to say such things...thank you.

Allison, thank you for the DVD recommendation, I will definitely get that and that's great that it convinced your parents to change and your mom reversed her heart disease...that's GREAT!! I'll do a search on it, but could you recommend where I could find this DVD? Thanks! You're definitely right about sometimes needing to hear things from other sources (such as other MD's or someone more "credible" in their eyes.

[Allison]

Try this:

http://www.ravediet.com/index.html

[Rawkinlocs]

Oh cool...thanks! :)

[kinsamanee]

Hi, Im thinking of you in this...because its something i lived through as well with my father. I know its hard. My dad was on every drug/insulin and raised in the 50s...steak era.

http://www.lifestyleadvantage.org/sites.html

check this out...after one of his bypass surgeries, his doctor got him involved in one of these dean ornish outpatient programs. It was really amazing. I think it lasted a couple months and he went to the hospital twice a week or so. They would have a vegan or vegetarian potluck and also work on meditation..stress management. Stuff my dad had never done in the past with all our encouraging. It was absolutely amazing how well he did. He actually didnt need to take insulin anymore..he lost weight..felt better...everything. of course i caught him cheating now and then..but for the duration..i think that support of other people..in the exact same boat as he was really really helped. Because he was in such bad shape though..their was a cleansing period for him on a vegetarian.vegan cooked diet. I remember some embarresing moments but i just tried to explain to him that his body was cleaning out and it was no big deal. the nice part about all of this was that it was supervised by professionals...so he felt ok about it...with whatever cleansing or odd "side effects" he was having. I think his doctor had to refer him to this. It must have been lo cost or subsidized because he never would have been able to do it otherwise. Unsure about that. I know weve never met...but im thinking of you and hope that this can be an opportunity for a positive turn for your family.

[Rawkinlocs]

Wow, how sweet of you Kinsamanee...thank you for your thoughts, sharing your father's experience and the link to this resource!