Eating Disorders, 12-step programs and just being okay being raw [Archive]

karotw

11-08-2005, 04:46 PM

Hello -
I'm back again after many months of not even trying to be raw. I've been lurking for over a month now and I'm still convinced by watching all of you that are succeeding that raw is best way to live. . . .

I am really ready to Just Be Raw. . . .and unfortunately I'm still caught up in my head about the things I mention in the title of my post. . .I have been told for my entire life that I "have a problem with food". . this is true. . .not only have I weighted 285 lbs, I'm also obsessed with putting food into my body and trying to change my mood with food. . .this has gone on since I was little (or not so little) girl and was something I didn't would ever change. . .

Until about 7 years ago when I found myself in a 12-step recovery program (like Alcholics Anonymous for food) for food addiction. . .and that worked. . .I lost 127 lbs. kept it off for a year and found a spiritual way of living that changed my life dramatically. . . .unfortunately my own fears got in my way and ended up binging and gaining a lot of weight back. . I have been in this roller coast for the last 4 years and while I believe that I have learned many, many valuable things about myself in the 12-step rooms. . .I keep getting caught up in the place of great guilt when I can't do it perfectly. . . there is also a sense of skepticism regarding a raw way of eating. . . .I keep hearing the "it's just another diet". . .and I know that's not true. . . so I find myself feeling stuck in the middle. . . afraid to move from the 12-steps . . .fear of the guilt I will feel if I do it. . .fear of gaining even more weight back. . .and fear of disappointing other. . .ah, this is a big deal for me, this fear of what others will think. . .

Anyway, I know I'm rambling on. . .I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there who has been down this road (or any part of it). . . .

I tired of "trying" and ready to "do it". . . . I seeking a daily support network and any guidance that you all can send my way. . . .

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. . .Self-love is my goal, here. . . .

Thanks for listening. . any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Karot

rawpriestess

11-08-2005, 05:05 PM

Karot,

I so sympathize with you on this. I too have chosen a life of eating to numb my pain, pain and fear of not being good enough, which also make me an over achiever, which makes people think I'm bragging when I accomplish some great task, which also makes me obsessed with being perfect in anything I try, which also allows me to hate myself, because we can't be perfect, which makes me want to eat to numb the pain of not doing it right AGAIN.

Vicious circle.

I find that I say things, like, "Well, I could be addicted to heroin." like my food issues are better than any other drug.

But, just ask that herroin addict to ONLY take their drug 3 times a day, in moderation, in a "normal" portion, see it on TV commercials all day long, in every place you look there are herroin restaurants, kids taking it, at the movies, every street corner, at the circus, and fairs. in the malls, EVERYWHERE, it is there.

I think I may understand where you are coming from. We all have to hit bottom some time, sometimes, we hit bottom 5 or 10 times before we jump up, others hit bottom so often, they can't jump up anymore.

So, all I can say, is that you can do this, you've done it before, you can do it again.

All we can do is what we can do, every moment in time, we have the opportunity to do IT, what ever our "it" is, we can do IT.

And if we are not perfect, it just means we are human, we can get up dust ourselves off, and do it again, and again, and again.

I heard somewhere that the definition of failure, is not someone who tries and doesn't accomplish the task, it is someone who doesn't try.

Now, THAT is powerful mojo.

karotw

11-08-2005, 05:22 PM

Rawpriestess

<<But, just ask that herroin addict to ONLY take their drug 3 times a day, in moderation, in a "normal" portion, see it on TV commercials all day long, in every place you look there are herroin restaurants, kids taking it, at the movies, every street corner, at the circus, and fairs. in the malls, EVERYWHERE, it is there.>>

Yup, you understand. . . .thank you for that. . . .it brings me tremendous peace, as I often find myself feeling like no one gets me.

I wasnt aware of hitting bottoms along the way because I was so numb on food. Now that I have become aware, it feels like I hit them constantly. . . .

Loving my human-ness. . .loving my imperfection. . .loving all aspects of myself despite and because of who I am. . . .yeah. . . .

<<I heard somewhere that the definition of failure, is not someone who tries and doesn't accomplish the task, it is someone who doesn't try.

Now, THAT is powerful mojo.>>

Yes, quite powerful. . . .as is the statement on your signature line. Continuing to show up and being aware and just doing it does seem to be the path to take, at least today.

Thank you for your connection. . .and for the tremendous spiritual energy that I find in so many of your posts.

Blessings,

Karot

TimmyC

11-08-2005, 05:40 PM

Karen, this was a great post....not that you're struggling, and not that I've been through even close to what you've been through, however, it got me thinkning. The one really cool thing that I've learned or that "snapped" in my head is that with this way of living, I'm in control....the way of living is not in control of me...the food is not, the people around me are not, I don't have to quit or stay on it for a period of time, and that is very freeing. "I have the con." :)

I think when I was eating SAD, it had a control over me....not that I didn't have any will power, rather there's something in the SAD food that makes me want to eat and eat and eat. And I know all about the eating my problems away...been there and don't want to return, and with this way of life I don't have too. The food doesn't do that to my mind, and I know I'm in control because of that. I also know I'm healthier.

To me, it sounds like you're taking control of your situation, and you know exactly what to do. Sounds like this is a big step for you, and I think you know what and how to do it so you will be in control. I hope I said that right :). I wish you well in your raw journey.

Tim

kmik

11-08-2005, 05:45 PM

Hi Karen!

I'm glad that you decided to come back.

I, too am addicted to food, cooked food, processed food. While I've only been 100% raw for 40 days, I do feel like eating is finally becoming a physical process, not an emotional one for me. I truely believe there is nothing but 100% raw that could have done this for me. (mostly because nothing else ever did!)

I also have gone through fear in this process. What if this TOO failed? Then when I started dropping weight like crazy I got even more afraid - what if this DIDN'T fail??? I had tremendous fear of the unknown. What could my life possibly be like not dependant on food for my security? How will I cope?

Despite my fears, I pushed on. Let me say now, I'm diggin' this. I'm no longer afraid of being slim and sexy ;) I now know what it feels like to eat because my body is hungry. And I have no problem stopping when I'm no longer hungry. I don't even have to think about it!

I do have a couple things I think helped me to overcome cravings. My morning fruit smoothie has a big scoop of hemp protein powder in it, and a heaping tablespoon of coconut oil. I credit those two things with curbing physical cravings. Any cravings I have now are emotional, and I'm getting to a point (with the help of fellow board members!) where I'm able to reason with myself.

Another newly discovered tool is green smoothies. If you don't already know, it's greens like kale, spinach, romaine, mixed with fruit. Here again, I also stick a scoop of hemp protein powder. My morning smoothie has even evolved to being green :) But these keep me humming all day. I feel smooth and even. Not rocky.

Anyway, sorry for responding with a novel... I KNOW you can do this, cuz I'm doing it, and I was the choco-queen! I lived on cheese and chocolate. I ate every waking hour... or should I say minute.

My prayers will be with you, please let me know if there's anything I can do to help!

RedRose

11-09-2005, 02:47 AM

You are definitely not alone! I have been down that road for many, many years. In fact I think I could write a book about it! I am a woman, wife and mother of 5 boys, a former aerobic exercise instructor, yo-yo dieter, (you name the diet, I tried it). About 5 years ago I became interested in raw and have been studying and trying it ever since.

My motto is "Never Give Up On Raw".

I have succeeded for 6 months at a time and then fallen back into cooked. I did this many times until I figured out it's not about raw or non raw. It's about the part food plays in my life. First I called it BED (Binge Eating Disorder). Then I also joined the well known 12 step group to which I still belong. Now I call myself a Compulsive Overeater. I joined in January 05 but I am still struggling. I lost and gained even in the group. (Not to say it isn't a very valuable and wonderful group!) It's me, not the group!

Right now I am on Day 8 of a Master Cleanse and feeling wonderful. I want to clean out Spirit, Soul and Body in a way I never have before. I only weigh myself once a week. So far I have lost 7 pounds but I don't think that is the important issue here. Only God can direct me now to cut with my love of food, yes even thinking about raw which I can also overeat on! I want to eat the bare minimim to live not live to eat.

I say all this to encourage you and others. There is hope...We have to get our eyes off food and get on with our lives. Life is short and I don't want to burn out before I accomplish the tasks set before me. I want to feel thin, yes but also healthy, active and creative!

Don't give up.....Raw is definitely the way to go. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Even 85% raw or as much raw as you can in the beginning.

Much success,

RedRose

Vandy

11-09-2005, 08:57 AM

I think what everyone has said is so inspiring. I used to think I was the only one who could sit in front of a TV night after night and just eat and eat and eat, but now it's so relieving to feel for the first time that I am finally in my own skin, living the lifestyle that I choose. Some college students call me weird and give me that look like "I can't believe she's gonna eat all that rabbit food," but it doesn't bother me one bit b/c I am happy with myself. Also, did you ever think that when you sit down at the table for dinner to say a prayer before eating raw food that you're actually thanking God for the food that HE TRULY PROVIDED for us (How can man pray to God thanking Him for food that is manmade?!) We depend on the seasons to change and fruit to grow on trees. It's all been amazing. I think everyone is amazing. Have a great day!

karotw

11-09-2005, 12:44 PM

Thank you all for you responses and kind words. . . .As I've been sitting in meditation these last few days, I'm getting a message that there is room in my life for both the 12-steps and raw food diet. . . .and response here have helped me to see that more clearly, too.

Raw feels right at a level I can even begin to explain. It's like my cells stand up and cheer when I feel my body raw food. . . .so different than my usual body response when I eat and want more and more and more. . .ad nauseum. . .

Kmik - thanks for the hemp protein idea. . .I do love green smoothies and I think adding the raw hemp protein will help! Do have any suggestions on where to buy it?

TimmyC - You've hit the nail on the head for me about raw being a way of life. This is certainly not about "dieting" but about making a complete lifestyle change and being committed to myself. . . .

RedRose - thank you for your understanding and for walking this path before me. . .I'm certainly not planning to give up on raw. . .even all those months of "trying" to do it differently, raw was always in the back of my mind. ..

Vandy - Thanks for the reminder to be daily thankful for the food I am eating. This is a practice I have done in the past, but not something I have been doing most recently. I will begin, again, to say a prayer of thanks before I eat my delicious raw food.

RawPrietess - You have such a wonderful way with words. Thank you for your understanding and for sharing your journey (on this thread and on so many others on this board).

So today will be today. It has started raw and I feel blessed to be here right now. I firmly believe that raw is where I need to be, so for right now, raw I will be : )

Many Blessings,
Karot

kmik

11-09-2005, 01:27 PM

Hi Karen,

Alissa has it for sale under "supplements" :D I hope it works as well for you as it does for me!

ren

11-10-2005, 10:28 AM

I sympathise! I feel the same way. I used to go to Overeaters Anonymous. I am going back there when I've gone thirty days without coffee to get a 30 day coin. I have the 24 hour coin and that dime store coin gives me courage than most any other looney diet solution out there.

Rawadventures

11-16-2005, 11:40 AM

It is incredible. Sometimes when you feel "low" or even just lonely, you can come here and find yourself in someone elses post! I am all over this post... which is in it's own way very comforting right now. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that food is actually a huge addiction for me - I never realized the true extent of food being an ADDICTION before I found the raw lifestyle! My brain, spirit, emotions, etc all "want" to be raw, but I struggle so much. It amazes me how I can do something so 1000% for almost 60 days and then flunder around!

I have been contemplating actually going to Overeater's Anonymous just to get the extra support and accountability and encouragement. I have not mustered the courage to go yet though! (uh-oh, hope this is okay to mention that... I am not pushing to support them or anything).

Oh well, I do not even really know why I am posting this except that for some reason I am feeling low about my diet right now and my instability in my raw life.

I feel encouraged that so many of the others out here can understand what I am really feeling. And for the other's, don't get me wrong, I am not sitting here beating myself up over things I have eaten... I am paying for that in other ways... :rolleyes: I just wanted to thank those out here who are willing to share thier feelings when they DO feel this way... it really helps others of us out here.

theresaann

11-16-2005, 08:44 PM

man have I battled food addiction. In my twenties (I'm 41 now) it was alcohol. I could function in life and only drank on weekends, but I drank A LOT. It was the "social scene" thing. Then in my late 20's realized I had a problem and quit drinking, lost all of my friends and social structure, and then 3 months later got pregnant. Had a baby, split from her dad, and with no more drinking to self medicate, turned to food, and more food and more food. Couldn't use drugs cause had to be there for my kids (had another baby three years after my first). I used to joke to people if I could mainline shortbread cookies I would've. Why bother with the baking and eating part?? lol. anyhoo, throughout it all I tried to go raw and would make it a few days, a few weeks, but always would get so stressed and couldn't take the stress without cooked food, and sugar. The last 4 years I added coffee to the list as well as alcohol..... again. Anyway....

What I eventually came to see was that raw food wasn't really even about my health (although that's what got me to pay attention). The only reason my commitment to be 100% raw is unwavering this time is because I get it's really a SPIRITUAL issue. I believe the reason raw is so incredibly challenging is because it's essentially asking us to give up our attachment to the aspects of the MATERIAL world which reflect fear and separation consciousness-which is NOT our true nature. Cooked food is the closest aspect of that part of the material world to us. It's a substitute for spirit, which I can see so clearly in how my vibration is rising and the spiritual insights I'm getting on raw are amazing.

So, for me, what's making the difference this time is choosing to be in service to the Holy Spirit through me, my higher self, and surrendering the ego-sacrificing it on the altar of becoming my true self. The ONLY way I can stay 100% is to choose to express the will of my higher self and realize my ego identity self is the one addicted to cooked food, and I'm not choosing to be that. That's NOT source, and I"m choosing to BE source. Yea!

Rawmommie

11-17-2005, 06:44 AM

The only reason my commitment to be 100% raw is unwavering this time is because I get it's really a SPIRITUAL issue. I believe the reason raw is so incredibly challenging is because it's essentially asking us to give up our attachment to the aspects of the MATERIAL world which reflect fear and separation consciousness-which is NOT our true nature. Cooked food is the closest aspect of that part of the material world to us. It's a substitute for spirit, which I can see so clearly in how my vibration is rising and the spiritual insights I'm getting on raw are amazing.

Yes! That was beautiful to read. I feel the same way. :)

shakalover

11-25-2005, 03:23 PM

As I've been sitting in meditation these last few days, I'm getting a message that there is room in my life for both the 12-steps and raw food diet

i agree, karotw. i've been in oa for about five or six years and at one point i came to the realization that i could follow the 12-step program while eliminating certain foods. i said that there were certain foods that it didn't help if i ate b/c it would get me down the road of compulsively overeating and throwing up. i think it's the same thing w/ being raw. it isn't countering 12-step. i can still take the first 3 steps w/ it, still turn over to God (or hp) my struggle w/ compulsive overeating and ask Him to help me stay raw, one day at a time.

calee

11-25-2005, 11:57 PM

I've been in Overeaters Anonymous since 1989. I had great success for the first 9 years, then fell into relapse and picked up the food again. I've been clean from binging again since October 2000. What I love about the program is that it has three components. Spiritual/Emotional/Physical I use the 12 steps for my spiritual and emotional healing and use raw food as the plan of eating that I follow for my physical recovery. I've been in OA long enough that my best friends are all part of the program. On the outside we're the best of girlfriends, on the inside we have the 12 steps to use as a way to have healthy relationships with other people.

I don't think that raw eating and OA are adverse to one another. I don't necessarily voice off my eating to everyone who asks, but then again I don't share other private things where it's not appropriate. But, I will say that I find that I get a lot of support inside those rooms for my eating becuse we're all just so thrilled for each other when a day goes by that's not consumed with binging. OA gives my life a level of serenity and peacefulness that I didn't have before program.

For anyone that might be reading all of our posts and might be interested in OA.... some of us have a RAWVeganOA group over on yahoo. Stop by, we'd love to have you there!

Lee

RawTruth

11-26-2005, 12:15 AM

There are raw OA groups. Two people close to me are members in San Diego. Karen, since that's so close to you/us, there may be some in the OC.

shakalover

11-26-2005, 02:23 AM

some of us have a RAWVeganOA group over on yahoo. Stop by, we'd love to have you there!

thanks lee :)

karotw

11-28-2005, 12:38 PM

Thanks Lee and Diana - I will check out both the Yahoo group and S. Call OA groups. This thread has been so helpful for me - know that so many others have felt this way and a finding their way to peace and serenity one way or another. As I continue to see, support is the key to finding balance. . .

Thanks everyone for your input and support.

Many Blessings,
Karen

JMD

11-30-2005, 09:49 AM

I have been in OA in The Boston area for many years. I share my food plan with my SPONSOR and not everyone else. Many people do different things but MY plan is between GOD, my sponsor, my inner self. Addictions can be arrested daily. Maybe find a plan or blueprint you can stick with and commit it. There are NO judges...and you can SUCCEED at anything you heart and mind are in allignment with.

LOTS of blessing and joys to you....

JMD

Colin

12-21-2005, 12:43 PM

My understanding of food and addiction is that you have to eat. With heroin the only sobriety is no heroin. With food, I believe we are given sane eating, which is being able to still eat but without the addiction to overeat, obsess, excessive control, binging, starving, etc. The recovery lies in sanity around the food and eating. So as a heroin addict can achieve recovery through abstinence, I abstain from compulsive overeating. The gift is the same. One is no heroin; the other is sane healthy eating.
Some foods may have to be eliminated because they are like a drug (white sugar? etc.)
I found for me the my 'core' was needy. I looked to food for love, acceptance, respect, nuturing, and joy or well--being. I was trying to use food for what it was not intended to do--be a 'god' I had a poor relationship with God (as I understand God), myself and others so food and other addictions tried to fill me up but couldn't. This recovery is an ongoing process for me. I am able to progress, and am no longer having to be 'perfect.'
Colin ...on the journey...

[QUOTE=karotw]Rawpriestess

<<But, just ask that herroin addict to ONLY take their drug 3 times a day, in moderation, in a "normal" portion, see it on TV commercials all day long, in every place you look there are herroin restaurants, kids taking it, at the movies, every street corner, at the circus, and fairs. in the malls, EVERYWHERE, it is there.>>

fwebes

12-24-2005, 12:10 PM

Karotw, I am right there. For the last 3 years I've been in a 12 step program for food adddiction where we weigh and measure our food and commitedit to our sponsor. No flour, no sugar, no sauces, no snacks. I did really well the first 1 1/2 years. Lost 120lbs and then I relapsed and gained about 20lbs. I went back and for a year did really well again, but I hated being reminded I'm an addict. I felt my life was too consumed with program - 3 meetings a week, call sponsor every morning, make 3 other phone calls, receive phone calls. There was so much I wanted to do and program seemed to get in the way. I started to feel that a lot of these people just switched their addiction to the program. I didn't want to live like that. Then in August I decided I should be able to have raisins. Well, since that was a break in abstinence it sent me nto a downward spiral. I was binging a couple times a week and now I was purging which wasn't part of my past. I realized that "program" or my sponsor, or whatever, was conflicting with my personal beliefs. I didn't want to accept that I was an addict and really believed I could change it, I have the power to do whatever I want. It took a few months, I found an addiction specialist to help me recover in a holistic way, I fired my sponsor, went to a different program, but that was just more of the same. Last week I quit my program altogether. I will take with me all the good things I learned. During this time, I was also taking hypnotherapy classes and despite now being a certified hypnotherapist, I still gained 40lbs. I had been dabbling with the idea of going raw, but my prior programs wouldn't allow it. If I did OA, I probably could be raw. My programs were offshoots of OA but much stricter.

So, I'm no longer labeling myself or letting others label me. I do have a problem with some foods so I need to avoid them. But if I have it, I won't beat myself up, feel guilt or shame. I'm recognizing that the higher power is within me and that I can be my own sponsor.

Sorry to ramble so much. It is comforting to know I'm not alone on these boards. Leaving the program was a scary step but, even though my weight is up, especially due to all the candy I ate over the last two weeks that was sent to our office, a lot of people have told me they see a definate change in me, my attitude, etc. A few people have even said I have a glow about me. Because I have finally started my spiritual journey, I feel a constant joy about me now. There is a fear too. Will I overeat on raw? Can I get the weight down? I know I'll get the weight down eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Take care
Lynn

ciarac

12-26-2005, 04:29 PM

I'm sorry, I haven't been down the same road as you, I won't pretend to empathise, but I do sympathise. You clearly aren't living the full life that you deserve.
I hope I can leave you with a small bit of encouraging and useful advise:
You are the only one who is and should be in control of your life. Obviously other people in your life are discouraging you and swaying your opinion, but it is YOU who is letting them do this. YOU are in control of your life.

JJACK

12-31-2005, 02:36 PM

ReneeSC

12-31-2005, 02:45 PM

Welcome back, Karen!!

Lynn - I'm in perfect agreement with you about the sometimes backfiring of calling ourselves "addicts" for life. I've always had a problem with that since being introduced to the principles of Bill White and AA program. ( no flames... I come from an alcoholic household.. I understand what this is about ). Still, I think you CAN be released and delivered from addictions - ANY addictions. That would make you then an EX addict - a FREE BIRD..

What's nice about the way Alissa approaches this raw food thing - is that there ARE no labels. There is NO RIGHT WAY.. there is NO calorie counting.. no incessant weighing or measuring.. or constricting ( outside of what you're ready for )... You EAT. YOU DRINK You MOVE. YOU LIVE.

That's freedom.

Restrictions can be for a purpose - but the purpose needs to be outside of the realm of the addiction and in the realm of healing, motivation, and the building of one's self.

When we seek to soley manage an addiction rather than to build the body, mind and soul, we're focusing on the negative rather than moving within the realm of possibility, ability, and fulfillment.

YOU GO, GIRL. You sound READY!

Congratulations on your 120lb loss! Good job!

jenjenn

01-24-2006, 11:15 PM

I don't really have a major story with 12 steps or anything I've only been to 10 or so meetings so I never got commited. However I can tell you that I have been a binger for over 10 years and it was so nice to read your post and all the responses to your post and find out that I am not battling this alone and that there is support out there.
So thanks again so much for putting this out there!

karenisraw

01-25-2006, 12:06 AM

karowtw,

I have/had a food addiction and compulsive eating habit and as well, for 6 years, I had bulemia.

Part of this was from family neglect issues but also a physical problem with a very low metabolism that left me feeling chunky and uncomfortable in my skin. We were also very poor and on welfare and so I always gobbled up food as if it wasn't going to be there tommorrow.

I cured myself of the bulemia because a friend of mine had a friend that had bulemia for ten years and she had a heart attack at age 25 and the doctors said she probably would not make it. She also had teeth problems and other health issues. This made me quit throwing up immediatley.

Since then, I have tried everyway possible to lose weight and like most of you felt like a prisoner to food. I thought about food all of the time too and ate to fill in the happiness where a family should have been. I have always noticed that i ate more than most people. That always bothered me.

I discovered raw about 4 1/2 weeks ago and because it is a natural way of living, eating and rather instinctual, along with the fact that I feel so much better physically and more stable emotionally, I am letting go of the emotional claws I had dug into food and eating. I am letting go of food and letting my body tell me when it needs nourishing. As the days go by with raw, I feel myself feeling more self confident because I can let food take care of my physical needs and and I am beginning to let food do that instead of taking care of my emotional needs to.

What is fulfilling the emotional needs from of family neglect and the fear of famine?
Maturity, the liberation that raw eating gives you, the physically improvement in mental health from eating raw, and accepting that what happened to me was not my fault. I now have a new group of raw friends, (I made 3 new raw friends this week here in my neighborhood) and the community of raw folks in Minneapolis. A wonderful doctor that literally solved my physical problem with weight through his honesty and ability to be honest about what a person needs to do to be healthy and this forum that is like the funniest, most sensitive, caring and giving group of people I have ever discovered.

Starting to let go of food in my head and letting it come to my body for nourishment.

K
:p :p :p :p :p

JMD

01-25-2006, 08:38 AM

I find that lately my eating disorder is raging. I find myself wanting to eat all day..and it is all emotional and fear-based. FEAR is the root of my addiction-s!

I am so happy to read this thread and realize i am not alone. I am just asking for the strength of myself and others to hang in and eat appropraite foods and simple quantities. I don't want SAD foods just loads of raw nuts and nut butter--foods I normally do not eat... I know this will pass soon and find it freeing to just share it and let it go.

TO all who have major food addictions and quantity addictions I FEEL for you and feel free to PM me anytime to share recovery,strength, and hope!

Thanks,
JMD

karotw

01-25-2006, 01:36 PM

Greetings again - It's amazing to see what one little thread will start and the resurrections that it will have. . . .much water under the bridge since the orginal post. Some things are better some things haven't changes, nothing is worse, so I will take that as progress. . .

Renee - Your word ring true for me - "Still, I think you CAN be released and delivered from addictions - ANY addictions. That would make you then an EX addict - a FREE BIRD.." Deep in my heart I believe this, I'm just not sure of the path to follow that will get me to this place. . . .but raw does seem to lead me in the right direction. . .

JenJenn, JMD - binging - aaaaack. . .it still haunts me but happens less and less. . usually around PMS time (which is now!) We are certainly not alone. . .

KarenRamsell - good to see you here, too. I'm so happy that you found a physician who will work with you and your body to heal : ) Parts of your story ring very true for me. . .and a reminder that I don't need to keep my emotional claws dug into food. . .I needed that today.

I find that I don't want to identify myself with the word "addict", yet for now this word still fits my thinking. . . .I attended 12 step meetings for years and identified myself as a "recovery food addict", which set better, but still feels like I will fight that battle forever. . . what happens when I stop fighting and start living? Keep living and find that fighting doesn't serve me anymore? Just some rambling thoughts for today. . .

One of the things that has been happening a lot for me recently is the rediscovery of my own abilities to create abudance in my life. I have had a number of situations of asking for what I've needed and received it almost immediately. . . this has included raw food support. . . .and I am in awe at how quickly people have been willing to help me in ways that they can. . .Things keep changing and again, it feels like progress.

Many Blessings,
Karen

JMD

01-25-2006, 01:57 PM

kAREN

I loved reading your posting!! I know there is an abundances of abundance for us all...it is just my mind that needs to grasp and experience them---one being FREEDOM FROM FOOD and self-labeling!.

I look forward to our journey and how we prosper..

Blessings to you and a rawesome week!!

JMD

aeroanny

03-15-2006, 06:27 AM

This is such a great site to be a part of. You will find knowledge, motivation, and folks who are walking the same walk. You will slip but you always have the choice to get up. Jan 2nd would be a great day to start... If you are looking for some one to email daily let me know I would be happy to do that. I converse with a friend in Conneticut daily about RAW.

janet

I am in total agreement! I am very new to this site and the raw lifestyle but I am getting so much positive energy from the people here! I am an alcoholic, drug addict, food addict, smoker, work-a-holic............ on and on! I do not agree that you can totally recover from your addictions, you need to stay vigilant ~ physical, mental, spriritual. I think you can feel relief and live a full and happy life as long as you do it ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Thanks everyone!
Ann

SparklePlenty

04-24-2006, 10:24 PM

""What I eventually came to see was that raw food wasn't really even about my health (although that's what got me to pay attention). The only reason my commitment to be 100% raw is unwavering this time is because I get it's really a SPIRITUAL issue. I believe the reason raw is so incredibly challenging is because it's essentially asking us to give up our attachment to the aspects of the MATERIAL world which reflect fear and separation consciousness-which is NOT our true nature. Cooked food is the closest aspect of that part of the material world to us. It's a substitute for spirit, which I can see so clearly in how my vibration is rising and the spiritual insights I'm getting on raw are amazing.

So, for me, what's making the difference this time is choosing to be in service to the Holy Spirit through me, my higher self, and surrendering the ego-sacrificing it on the altar of becoming my true self. The ONLY way I can stay 100% is to choose to express the will of my higher self and realize my ego identity self is the one addicted to cooked food, and I'm not choosing to be that. That's NOT source, and I"m choosing to BE source. Yea!""

Thank you so much for this--it helped me so much to read it today! What you wrote offered me in my language, such clarityabout what I am reaching for..I could have written it myself. The reason that losing weight isn't doing it for me as a 'why' any longer, is that that is not the most important thing, it's no where near enough. It's like Jim Carrey said about fame, money and experiences---go have it, so you can see that that's not the answer. I have been on a spiritual path for so long now, that if it isn't going to uplift, heighten my experience, raise my vibration, make love more tangible, reduce fear to the whisper of a feather, then I'm truly not interested. It's all fluff otherwise....for me.

Honestly, I could give a rat's behind about getting thin if it doesn't mean a higher level of consciousness. I've been thin...thin didn't do it for me. And I am sexy, active, healthy, beautiful as I am. And skin changes are nice, and I like them, and aches and pains going away are nice, but.....if peace and joy and bliss are not the brass ring, I'm not getting on the merry go round. I love being this clear and knowing why I want this. And I know that bliss and joy and peace, and even Nirvana are totally possible.

I have always known that the trip to my ideal body would be a spiritual undertaking, spirit manifesting in my life in yet another amazing way/form. And now i know that it only matters what I eat because of what I believe about it and how I am aligned with it or not. I believe raw is best for me...no
question.....and I can be aligned with it much more easily if I see wanting/eating cooked as my ego dragging me down another dark alleyway
out of fear. All of our addictions are an attempt to replace awareness of connection with Spirit. I have gone to the mat for Spirit over and over and over again in my life with so many issues, and they have been healed, I have been transformed, and climbed higher, and to more joy and peace, and
making this raw journey is simply what is going to work for me in that quest.

I am learning more about manifesting and co creating with this journey than any of the others because I have the information now. I didn't have it when any of the other awesome and miraculous happenings in my life occurred.... but now I am playing intelligently with the mechanics of manifesting and wow, it's so cool!

Living in my ideal body will be physical evidence of my level of consciousness...but that's just me. LOL I love how the "already"
of that feels!

Thanks again Theresann, It's always wonderful to find a kindred spirit!

dreamrawalwz

04-25-2006, 07:02 AM

I'm a little late at responding to this, but I dind't want to admit it. I feel I should though. I was anoreix for 4 years, after (or rather, during) recovery it switched to bulimia. Binging to numb the pain from my past, present, and fear of the future. Every time I go raw the purging stops, but the binging continues and I don't know how to stop it by myself. I'm binging on carrots, oranges, dates, avocado, ect. I don't kow how todo tiny portions. Usually is 1-2 big meals a day (one including a HUGE salad with other bowls of cut veggies and fruit).

SparklePlenty

04-25-2006, 08:24 AM

It may be challenging, but trust the raw process. Your brain chemistry needs time to heal and balance from the purging, etc. I know because I was there almost 25 yrs ago. Raw will heal you. I am sure of this. The main thing is to celebrate your body for surviving, and celebrate your spirit for leading you to raw and keeping you optimistic....and mostly, celebrate yourself for being raw, even if you think that for now, you are eating too much. The amounts will level off. Remember that your body has been starving for a very long time between the anorexia and the purging. Let her eat and enjoy the feeling of being allowed to KEEP it and use it to rebuild and renew herself.

There is an amazingly natural healing process that takes over when we are raw. I am very impressed with your being raw!! Good for you!!

Sending hugs and light,
Jan

jeni

05-19-2006, 05:47 AM

ive literally just joined the sight, and i and so interested about the raw food culture, i have just come out of a battle with anorexia, which turned into a battle of overeating or food addiction that made my weight sore! i have heard that raw food is a natural remedy to curing eating disorders! i wanna give it a go and see what happens, but i kno wot u all are going through, and it sucks! u feel like your doing well and all of a sudden when u think about how well ure doing u go nd muck it up buy eating more, then get trapped in the cycle! i am hoping raw food will give me the freedom i crave..... god luck everyone

xx

JMD

05-21-2006, 05:17 PM

Best to you Jeni---Recovery is ALWAYSSSSSSS possible...

Hugs,
JMD

Purl

05-22-2006, 08:01 AM

so thankful for this thread. I've struggled with food issues my whole life. My earliest memories are binging and hiding wrappers under my bed. I knew where EVERY creak in the floor was-and how to avoid it on my may to the cookie jar. I seriously could do it in perfect silence and get back to my room in 10 seconds or less.

I am a food addict.

I was strugling with raw for 4 months before I decided to join OA and I haven't felt worse in a long time. I am so depressed that I cry alot now. I am scared and angry and lonely. I am facing crap that I haven't delt with in 15-20 years. and I'm PISSED.

I feel like there is a battle for my life and sanity right now, between my disease and the Holy spirit. My disease wants to kill me and make me miserable. The Holy Spirit wants me to fight-but I'm exhausted. I've been sleeping more and more and I'm still tired. 2 months ago I was in denial and feeling GREAT. Now that I want to rid myself of my stinkin' thinkin' my disease has really reared it's UGLY MUG and has just about taken over.

I'm in a bad place. But I had a green smoothie this morning and I plan to have a raw lunch. That's as far as I'm gonna let myself think ahead. I can barely keep it together minute by minute right now. I feel like my life is falling apart-and the *ONLY* way I know how to cope is my binging. :(