View Full Version : Best desserts
11-08-2005, 08:59 AM
I have a dilemma. There is someone in a group of friends from a Bible study, who is constantly sneering and singling out whatever food I bring, asking for complete analysis of it while he will chow down a store bought flour/sugar pie that other people bring without question. His wife and family are good friends of mine, but his attitude is driving me nuts. The other day we had a potluck (six of us), and I brought date-nut torte squares and he acted like I had just served him dog poop. Therefore nobody else wanted to try it. He took a tiny slice of one and said, "It should have been made with pecans instead", then realizing he'd gone too far, he said with a big sigh "Oh well, for someone who can't have flour this is ok I guess"... (CAN't have flour??? I WON'T have flour) Then he took a big slice of a raisin and walnut store bought pie (someone else had brought it) that had all kinds of additives and trans-fats in it.
Well, this coming Monday, it is my turn to bring a snack. I am NOT going to cave and make some cooked crap, and I want ideas for favorite finger foods or pies or whatever. What have you brought that has made people go "oh wow!"
Point to anything in Alissa's book, which I have, or anything you personally have made that people have really liked. I felt like the date nut torte (which is NOT cheap to make) was like pearls before swine. His wife liked it.
I'm thinking of the almond butter fudge in Alissa's book, but I'd love to bring something decadent and lovely that will shut even him up.
Hopefully, the dehydrator which I ordered may arrive by next week, but I'd like dehydrator-free ideas, please.
11-08-2005, 09:29 AM
Hi, I don't know what you could take that would shut this guy up. I doubt it has anything to do with what you are bringing. I think he is just probably scared of anything that is new and different. I would be tempted to take something I liked(the fudge sounds good) and tell him sorry, you can't have that. I know you can't eat natural foods, just the processed stuff.the shock of real foods might be too much for your system.(not very nice I know, but tempting none the less.LOL). Good luck with the get together. Hopefully there are some folks there with an open mind,and you can help them get healthy like you!!!! Keep doing what is best for you, and looking and feeling as good as you do, perhaps the skeptic will see the error of his ways soon. blessings Earthmama
11-08-2005, 09:46 AM
I agree with Earthmama. Nothing you bring, even if it were a SAD dessert that you TOLD him was one of "your kinda desserts" he'd still do the same...so it seems
But from what I've heard as I haven't made it yet myself, Alissa's Black Forrest Cake is very decadent. I HAVE made the pecan pie and it is too!
11-08-2005, 09:47 AM
I would just take a big basket of fresh fruits, and when he "trys" to complain, you can say talk to the cook, and point upwards. LOL
Honestly, I would do that.
There is no reason for him being such a jerk, but realize that every statment, is either a "loving embrace" or a "call for help", others are sure to see his abuse, and not look at you as the challenge.
If they don't want to try your food, good, there is more for you to take home, as it was expensive to make, cool.
If they try your food anyway, good, because then they can make their own decision based on their own minds, also cool.
You will NEVER, and I will repeat this NEVER change him, you can only change how you look at this situation or what you do with this situation, if you change what you do, like not bringing the foods you love to make, you are allowing him to control you, and your life.
But if you change how you look at this situation, as if he is a small boy acting out (which is really what he is doing) and that he really needs tender loving care and obviously LOADS of attention, maybe you can simply take him aside and ask him his opinion of your food prior to serving it to anyone else.
You could say something like, "Joe, I know that you consider yourself an expert when it comes to deserts, and I was wondering if you could help me out here. I want to make a really great impression, could you give me your opinion on this dish?" then give him a piece.
When he says how terrible it is, you can either start to cry, or act hurt, or simply say, "Gosh, I was sure hoping that it tasted wonderful, I worked so very hard on it."
Now, realize, that you have not lied, you do want to make a great impression, he does think of himself as an expert, you did work all day on it.
But this might help you to help him to NOT mess with you.
sometimes our biggest challenges are our best friends in disguise.
I mean after all, you are now looking for a wonderful recipe, that is cool, and you want to really make something so special everyone will love it, just think of how many people might actually be interested in raw, if they try your great food?
There is always a silver lining, sometimes you really have to look for it, but it's there.
11-08-2005, 10:21 AM
You say his wife and family are good friends of yours. Is he not part of the family?
Personally, I would take him aside and speak with him out of earshot of others and let him know how you are perceiving his actions. Sometimes people get into a cycle and don't realize how they come across. IF some (in this case, you) speak to him privately and frankly about his attitude, then it is possible he'll knock it off. If not, *shrug* ignore him. It's one of those "leave others to their otherness" things.
11-08-2005, 10:37 AM
<<I would just take a big basket of fresh fruits, and when he "trys" to complain, you can say talk to the cook, and point upwards. LOL>>
I love that. :D
If you say grace before your snack, you could mention that you are thankful for all that comes directly from Him. You could also mention in your prayer that although you come together as Christians, everyone needs to be tolerant of each other's choices and differences, and embrace them as a learning experience and a chance to share and grow.
11-08-2005, 10:39 AM
QUOTE "you can say talk to the cook, and point upwards. LOL"
rawpriestess, that's amazing!!
I would say right to him when he makes a rude comment that that is a very rude thing to say. Once when I was really mad at someone for being rude, I told them I'm surprised you got to be xx years old and didn't learn basic manners. I learned once in a seminar that if someone is being passive agressive, the best tactic is to shine the light of day right on it, repeat what they said out loud for everyone, summarize the situation out loud before the others in the group, etc...
The best thing I ever made a pecan pie, it had raw honey, I remember some figs and nuts in the crust, it was one of those that no one could turn their noses up at. It's been about a year, and I just winged the recipe. I think there's a pecan pie in the book Rawesome by Brigitte Mars, but I'm not sure I'm remembering that right. It could be made into squares.
Another strategy when I bring raw food for skeptics is to try to stick with more familiar items to them, as in not the sprouted quinoa tabouleh... Once when I knew they liked Mexican and spicy, I brought a salad with avocado, fresh corn cut off the cob, red peppers, lime juice & hemp oil dressing, fresh cilantro, chili powder (optional), hot fresh peppers, etc... They ate tons of it and raved. But this guy just sounds like a jerk, are all those bible study classes not teaching him something about basic human decency?
My favorite finger food to serve to SAD people (again maybe because it's sort of familiar to them) is with raw sushi. I use a parsnip-pine nut rice, then put avocado, grated carrot, red pepper, whatever as the middle. Serve with wasabi and nama shoyu for them (not totally raw but makes it sushi). I make my own raw ginger too.
But sushi's probably beyond the guy. :rolleyes: It's not exactly taking the high path, but I'd probably just say to him "How bout a nice glass of shut the hell up?!"
11-08-2005, 10:42 AM
You all are so right...
I think I'll be trying the pecan pie and the fudge balls AND bring lots of fruit.
I don't care so much if he doesn't eat it, but I just don't like all the fanfare LOL... I'll make these things and in the spirit of agape love just serve it, and have that be that :)
Thank you earthmama and rawkinlocs, I do agree.
RP as usual you put things in perspective so well.
Revell, yes, his whole family is friends of our family. We've been friends for 5 years, and everything has been fine up until the point where I changed what I eat, trying to politely and discreetly just "do it", but it seems to bother him. I see his behaviours as "acting out". I told DH that, and he agrees. This is a man who spent over $4K on a water filter for his home, so I think improving quality of life is not something he's opposed to... And yes, I don't think he realizes how he is coming across, and how uncomfortable his behaviour is making me and DH (and even his wife)
Hmm...I almost think I started this thread in the wrong forum, but I really would be welcome and open to other ideas before monday.
Anyway, thanks again
11-08-2005, 10:46 AM
exurb hey wow, I did think to bring my nori wrap sushi, but two of the people in our group are Asian who have brought "real sushi" with rice in the past, and it's something he eats a lot of. He eats store bought sushi as well. It's a great idea for times when their family is over at our home and I want something to serve.
Thank you. I'll most certainly consider that.
11-08-2005, 11:25 AM
rawandnatural, don't feel alone. I deal with those types of attitudes quite frequently. Some people just don't like anything or anyone that is different from what they are used to. Raw foodism is a migration towards a more pure society. You will always have people who wish to live blindly. You can have victory though. If you continue to do the right thing despite the negative attitudes of others, there is victory in that.
Personally, I would make the avocado chutney served on romain lettuce leaves to look like living tacos. I am fixing to make a batch in a little while.
11-08-2005, 02:39 PM
If you do try the pecan pie, I say get the pecans at Costco, they're sort of plumper and fresher than others, and generally cheaper. Maybe you could make some reference to his earlier comment about preferring pecans as though you made the desert with him in mind, if he reacts badly to your efforts after telling him that, then that would reflect really badly on him.
Check your PM for recipes. :cool:
11-08-2005, 03:09 PM
I love all of the suggestions the others have given for what to say when he downs your food. So I'm not gonna make any suggestions on that (although I like the one where you ask him to try your food and if he gives you crap about it act hurt...this is a bible group...maybe he should learn to be open minded and kinder...ask him to read the passage about being the first to throw stones...)
One of my fave recipes is kinda like the torte. I make the bottom half of the torte (the walnuts and raisins) but I roll them into balls instead, and then I roll the balls in raw coconut flakes. If you let them sit for about an hour (I put them in the frig) they will solidify and the coconut flakes will absorb some of the sugar from the raisins and really have a nice coconutty flavor. These are my non-raw boyfriends fave recipe I make. The pecan pie is great too....I've made that one with banana and strawberri's as the crust...yum!
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
11-09-2005, 09:10 AM
Since it IS a bible study group, I would probably wait for him to start his little rantings, and then draw the attention of the whole group, and let him and everyone else know that what I've served is FRESH, NUTRITIOUS food, the way GOD intended it....so I would ask him in front of everyone, WHY he has a problem with that!! BEST of luck, we all have those kinda people in our lives....so SAD!
11-09-2005, 09:42 AM
we all have those kinda people in our lives....Wendi
Uhhh, no we don't. :)
11-09-2005, 10:31 AM
Thanks again, everyone. Efforts have been made to mend fences, and I hope things can work out. It's hard to see a five year friendship go to pot because of resentments and I don't understand and can't make heads or tails out of his seemingly sudden change of behaviour toward me specifically.
That time at the potluck (mixed potluck, not raw) was quite embarrassing, because it was difficult to have the spotlight on my food as "special diet food", thus making everyone squeamish, when it was in fact rich and delicious. I have another unrelated event coming soon, to bring the date-nut torte, and it will be where people are unaware that I "eat differently" (thus they'll just take pieces of the yummy-looking dessert), and I will in the meantime try other dishes.
For Monday, I've decided to provide cut-up fruit and the almond butter fudge from Alissa's book. I'm sending my DH there and not going, myself, mostly because it's at their house (their turn to host) and I'm choosing to stay away from an unsupportive environment (and saving $$ on babysitting). But I am still sending good foods :P for the snack time. On evenings when it's not their turn to host (we alternate homes, since we all live near to each other) he chooses to look after his children while his wife (my very dear friend) attends.
EDIT: perhaps if this thread is not a good fit for this forum, one of the mods could move it to the appropriate forum. Sorry for the inconvenience.
11-09-2005, 12:15 PM
One never fail dessert is chocolate dip and strawberries. A bit expensive during non-strawberry season. The dip is SO simple. 1 cup carob powder and 1/2 cup honey and a pinch of salt.
11-09-2005, 02:56 PM
It is too bad you have to deal with a Toxic Person at a Bible Study Group, maybe over time he will get a Divine intervension and be blessed with an "attitude adjustment".
There are ways to deal with Toxic People, and in his case he sounds like a classic "Passive Agressive." A true pain but once you learn to disarm him it will be easier to deal with him.
First STEP is as RP says..Perfect. He lives for you to bring something he can make Passive agressive statements about so deny him that..take Fruit !! Some Figs would be biblically symbolic but that may go over him head.. lol....maybe an articoke..oh yeah we are Christians so I will stop here !!
BEST TO YOU.........
Sharon in Colorado
11-10-2005, 02:04 PM
I completely agree with RP.
Bring fruit, God's food and explain that there is no reason to change God's food. It was made for our consumption and it is perfect as is. When you made the date nut torte, you were trying to appeal to people who already denature and destroy God's bounty, but this time, you want to show an expression to our Heavenly Father that what He has provided for us is perfect and needs not be changed.
Bring a beautiful bunch of grapes, some berries, or some wonderful pears. Don't even provide cutting tools. This is the way fruit was meant to be eaten, let them enjoy that.
If he doesn't like it he's welcome not to eat it.
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