rawruh
11-07-2005, 02:15 PM
a friend commented to me over the weekend, that i must have really been an overeater in my past life to suffer the torture that i do now, with fasting and deprivation, etc. Like this is my karma to settle.
Now before you think what a horrible friend, i actually do agree with her - I'm sure that i carried this habit of overeating into this life, because i remember sneaking food and overeating from such a young age and it wasn't learnt from my family, where no one is like this. And spent my whole life in a cycle of overeating and fasting. Weight going up and down.
And yes, i do feel that i have created negative karma with my body, it's a relationship after all, and it's been an abusive one. The overeating was abusive, but also the fasting and dieting was, because it wasn't done out of love for the self or body, but out of a desire to make the body more acceptable to others. In order to repair that relationship, ie. clear the karma, i am now having to pay a price. The price of being so careful, so deep, so honest, so ..... But i am trying to pay that price with love, the price is loving and caring. I can't be careless in this relationship, there isn't a lot of trust left to spend.
A lot of people have found themselves on this 'extreme healthy' path, as a direct result of having walked an unhealthy path for a long time. I often wish i was like my 'normal friends' - who although don't have the radient raw glow, have never overeaten and had weight problems, no food issues - and a lot physically healthier than me, who says i am raw, but then goes on and off, so end up worse than someone who just keeps a normal healthy 'cooked diet'.
problem is, i can't be normal. i know cooked food is addictive, but not for everyone. but for me, it is all or nothing.
now before you think this is the confessions of someone with really low self-esteem, actually my conclusion from all of this is a positive one.
like - those who fall the lowest - get to climb the highest!
i am extremest - from overindulgence to totally minimlism.
I have food issues!!
but those issues, accepted with love, have lead me to such a deep understanding of myself, and the body, the society, so many things. led me to such a crowd of beautiful souls here on this forum.
the fact that those on this forum are such loving, beautiful caring people, is the greatest advertisement for RAW, not the stories of weight loss.
Although my friends comments about torture were coming from her own perception, addiction to junk food is a worse torture indeed, but in a sense she is right. the obsessiveness, the facing of the self, the holding back, the soul searching, it is a kind of sweet torture sometimes, but the taste of freedom and promise of more of it, from this pure diet, makes it worth while.
i think it is true, that we are all here, settling our karmic debts with our own bodies. past life or this life! but our 'crimes' have lead us to seek the truth, or be open to it, and now we have this chance to not just clear up the negative debt, but create a huge positive deposit in our health account for the future. This account isn't just stored in the body, but in the soul, as a record of giving love.
don't know if anyone can relate to this. but my thoughts of last few days.
Now before you think what a horrible friend, i actually do agree with her - I'm sure that i carried this habit of overeating into this life, because i remember sneaking food and overeating from such a young age and it wasn't learnt from my family, where no one is like this. And spent my whole life in a cycle of overeating and fasting. Weight going up and down.
And yes, i do feel that i have created negative karma with my body, it's a relationship after all, and it's been an abusive one. The overeating was abusive, but also the fasting and dieting was, because it wasn't done out of love for the self or body, but out of a desire to make the body more acceptable to others. In order to repair that relationship, ie. clear the karma, i am now having to pay a price. The price of being so careful, so deep, so honest, so ..... But i am trying to pay that price with love, the price is loving and caring. I can't be careless in this relationship, there isn't a lot of trust left to spend.
A lot of people have found themselves on this 'extreme healthy' path, as a direct result of having walked an unhealthy path for a long time. I often wish i was like my 'normal friends' - who although don't have the radient raw glow, have never overeaten and had weight problems, no food issues - and a lot physically healthier than me, who says i am raw, but then goes on and off, so end up worse than someone who just keeps a normal healthy 'cooked diet'.
problem is, i can't be normal. i know cooked food is addictive, but not for everyone. but for me, it is all or nothing.
now before you think this is the confessions of someone with really low self-esteem, actually my conclusion from all of this is a positive one.
like - those who fall the lowest - get to climb the highest!
i am extremest - from overindulgence to totally minimlism.
I have food issues!!
but those issues, accepted with love, have lead me to such a deep understanding of myself, and the body, the society, so many things. led me to such a crowd of beautiful souls here on this forum.
the fact that those on this forum are such loving, beautiful caring people, is the greatest advertisement for RAW, not the stories of weight loss.
Although my friends comments about torture were coming from her own perception, addiction to junk food is a worse torture indeed, but in a sense she is right. the obsessiveness, the facing of the self, the holding back, the soul searching, it is a kind of sweet torture sometimes, but the taste of freedom and promise of more of it, from this pure diet, makes it worth while.
i think it is true, that we are all here, settling our karmic debts with our own bodies. past life or this life! but our 'crimes' have lead us to seek the truth, or be open to it, and now we have this chance to not just clear up the negative debt, but create a huge positive deposit in our health account for the future. This account isn't just stored in the body, but in the soul, as a record of giving love.
don't know if anyone can relate to this. but my thoughts of last few days.