View Full Version : Heart to Heart with Hubby
11-05-2005, 11:58 PM
Thursday was our 5 year anniversary. My husband had a doctor appointment the same day (he is on high blood pressure medicine). His doctor told him his cholestrol is high as well, and prescribed another pill. We both were upset because he had been getting so healthy in the years we were married and it seems he has regressed. It seems the more raw I go, the more he rebels. He loves veggies, but is not a big fruit eater. He has also been under an enormous amount of stress at work lately.
Last night we went out to dinner. I have been quite successful as of late, to find raw alternatives in restaurants. This has been quite an accomplishment, given where I live. However, last night I caved. We went to an old favorite restaurant and besides a sparse salad, the raw options were slim. So, like I said, I caved. Big time.
Last night I didn't sleep well, and actually had nightmares. This morning I woke up feeling drugged and had a terrible headache. I couldn't "get going" for about 4 hours.
I sat down with hubby and had a real heart to heart talk. I told him how happy I was to have celebrated 5 years of marriage with him. I told him I'd like to celebrate our 50th anniversary one day. He replied that however nice the sentiment, it probably isn't going to happen since he is 20 years older than I am. I agreed that it probably isn't going to happen, but not because he is 20 years older. I said his diet had gone to pot and that I needed more support from him to stick to raw. I said if we were both 100%, we'd probably make that 50 year mark. But if we continued like we were (he a meat eater and me slipping from raw on occassion) we could pretty much forget that dream. I got very teary-eyed at one point and said I didn't want to lose him to a heart attack, stroke, diabetes, alzheimer's or any other disease. I wish we had found each other 20 years ago, but we didn't, but that doesn't mean that I don't plan to be with him for a very long time.
We talked about how we let the gardens slide this summer and that we want to be able to grow nearly all our own food. I think we made a real committment to each other and to raw, during this talk. I know he won't transition as quickly as I did, but he promised to be at least 75% to start. He also promised not to bring junk into the house, which is helpful for me. I felt like we were a real team again, partners, like we used to be.
Anyway, I know this is very long, but I just wanted to share with you all our new committment to each other-to raw-for the next 45 years!
11-06-2005, 12:19 AM
Awwww Autumn, that's beautiful (the committment part). I'm sorry that your hubby's health has declined, but that can change and WILL change due to having a loving wife as yourself to gently guide him in the right direction and the two of you supporting one another.
Best to you and many blessings for 20+ more years!
11-06-2005, 12:25 AM
Oh I am so happy for the both of you. I loved every word of your post too. Your Husband won't be sorry going raw. Let him work his way into it. Once he feels the power He will know for sure that is the way to go. You know at my size My blood pressure is 120/60 Better then my Doctors. So once your husband is on this for a month. He will not have high blood pressure anymore, and his Colestoral will go way down too. You both will be so happy and he will be happy more often too. So go for it and keep posting, let us know how your doing. Doug in Calif......... :) :o ;)
11-06-2005, 01:38 AM
Autumn, and Autumn's hubby,
You both are an inspiration.
let's all go for another 45+ years with the ones we truly love, and cherish.
I think this was the most beautiful and loving 5 year anniversay present anyone can give to their lover/spouse/best friend.
Talking together is such a wonderfully intimate thing, being a partner, caring about the other person, and taking the time to talk and give loving support, and tender care.
What a blessing you are to him, and he is to you.
I lift up my glass of fresh spring water and toaste "To 45+ years"
11-06-2005, 06:20 AM
Thank you for sharing this here. It is a wonderful gift of love shared between you both. Change is not easy and for your husband to be willing to give raw an honest try, for himself and for you is wonderful. I can relate to much of your experience. My husband is 10 years older than I am and after a month in the hospital with every complication possible from a ruptured appendix, surgery and a year of Inteferon treatment for melanoma he still eats fruit loops for breakfast everyday, cheetos, cookies, etc...total crap everyday. We have been married for 5 years too and I know that he loves me completely and with devotion but in spite of how much fresh food I have in the house will only eat salad a few times a week and fruit several times a month. He thinks potato salad is a vegetable. I am not going to get into some power struggle with him and try to "change" him. He has to want to do that for himself. I wish he would be more open to it as your husband is now. I can't see it, but I hope. Wishing you both every success, love and that 50 year anniversary~
11-06-2005, 06:48 AM
Autumn, congraulations on your 5th wedding anniversary.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. My husband is 16 years older, so you really struck me with your post. (and many others I see)
I am very happy for you that you had such a great, honest heart to heart with your love, and on such a special occasion.
There is beautiful love between you both that is a gift to witness, even at this great distance. Of course, how could anyone not adore our Autumn spelled with an E ! ( i rewatched all the Anne of Green Gable movies last week and couldnt help but think of you and that gorgeous mane of yours)
Anyways, congratulations on such a tremendous exchange of love, on both parts. A toast to your many years of love ahead!
Sharon in Colorado
11-06-2005, 08:25 AM
Good job on the discussion. I'm sure once he sees the benefits of the way he feels, he will keep going in that direction.
It is difficult with cooked family members, in fact I don't recall hearing about too many long term raw folks living with a cooked family, except maybe Janie.
Helen Of Tennessee
11-06-2005, 09:34 AM
That's so wonderful that you husband loves you so much that he's willing to make these big changes in his diet and not bringing junk food into the house. What a wonderful man you have there.
May the two of you have many, many more happy anniversaries.
<>< Helen of Tennessee
11-06-2005, 08:26 PM
I said if we were both 100%, we'd probably make that 50 year mark. I think we made a real committment to each other and to raw, during this talk. I felt like we were a real team again, partners, like we used to be. Anyway, I know this is very long, but I just wanted to share with you all our new committment to each other-to raw-for the next 45 years!
What a wonderful testament and you have my prayers in this journey.
11-06-2005, 09:32 PM
Hey Autumn. Wow what a great read! I wished my husband would commit to 75% raw. It took him 10 years to become a vegetarian!
I loved your story.
11-06-2005, 09:57 PM
Wow! Thanks for all the very nice responses! I feel so blessed to share my story with all the wonderful people here. Yes, he is a doll-when he wants to be! HAHA! One thing we agreed on when I came here was that his health was in serious need of overhaul. As long as I pushed and prepared, he was on track. But he got whiny, I got lazy, and he went back to his SAD. Now he sees the proof is in the pudding-a bad doctor's report. He is too young in mind/spirit to be old in body. (Read: immature. LMAO!) My new committment to raw at the end of September didn't wake him up, but the doctor's report sure did. I'm almost glad he got a bad report-now he's serious! He is excited about getting more into raw. We spent 2/3 of the day in the garden and the other 1/3 on the computer, planning to expand our gardens so that we will have no excuse with all this incredible food at our fingertips!
Again, thank you all for your sweetness and good wishes. I was very touched. :)
I'm almost glad he got a bad report-now he's serious! :)
Just like Victoria Boutenko, that's what she secretly hoped for Igor... and it worked!!!
My prayer is that your hubby continues to take this seriuosly and does not start to "forget" why he's doing this.
In the meantime, I'll keep praying for something to click with my husband
:( He thinks because he's not heavy (like me), he's "healthy." At 35, his bad habits haven't caught up with him yet. The only time he eats any veggies, is if it's salsa on a corn chip. I told him I don't want him getting sick, and he patronizingly said if he gets heart disease, cancer, diabetes, whatever, then he'll change his diet. Just the thought makes me want to cry!
Do it Mr. Autumn! Do it for yourself and for the one you love, who obviously loves you tremendously :)
11-07-2005, 08:34 AM
hey, I can relate. My husband Dan is 10 years older than me. (He's 50, I'm 40) His Dad just died from parkinson's complications, and Dan shows symptoms of it already if he drinks too much alcohol (which is very rare-he's not really a drinker), but the point is, the genetics are there. Plus he smokes a pack a day right now. He knows that he's a potential time bomb with the parkinsons, but he's just not really motivated to take care of his health. But he did say he's willing to drink green smoothies every morning as long as I make them for him, and he'll eat raw food, but he still wants cooked food. I am 100% raw now, and since I still have to cook for my kids, I'll cook for him too, but if it weren't for the kids, I'd be tellin' him if he wants to eat it's gonna be raw, or he'll have to cook for himself. It'll work out-I know when he sees how healthy and younger I"m getting he'll be more motivated. It's all ok.
I have a girlfriend in the same situation. She and I went raw together at the same time. Her husband is very over weight, has bad knees, high blood pressure, etc. She is telling him (they don't have kids) it's raw or nothin' cause she's not cooking. So he's eating raw with her, and not at work and still drinks on weekends and stuff. She's like, "whatever, but I'm staying raw."
It'll be interesting to see how it all unfolds for all of us!
11-09-2005, 01:01 AM
kmik and theresann,
There would have been no way I could have pressured my husband into this choice. I don't mean to step on the men's toes, but I believe, like most men, he would have rebelled big time! I think a lot of men are more reactionary-they wait for something to *happen*-before making a decision. Maybe when they start to feel aches and pains, or get bad doctor's reports they'll think about changing their ways. I guess it is up to us women to set a good example!
11-09-2005, 02:40 PM
today at lunch, my husband started falling asleep in his salad-at the restaurant. he does this fairly often-not like that sleep disorder, he just kind of fades out all the time-driving, reading, sometimes eating. His father just died of parkinsons. all I said was, "you are not getting enough oxygen to your brain because you smoke a pack a day and will not exercise." I added that with his genetics he can't afford to not get enough oxygen to his brain. He said he knows. I guess you're right, I definitely can't force him to take care of his health, all I can do is make sure he has life insurance, sadly.
Sharon in Colorado
11-09-2005, 06:33 PM
The worst thing I have done on this journey, is to make comments and judgements here and there to my family. I do not realize I do it, but my hubby reminds me of it. When someone is sick, has bad breath, is misbehaving, has a headache or whatever, I say it's because of their diet. It is not fair to say this to them - after all - they don't tell me that I was sick because I was eating raw, even though I personally may feel it's detox.
I have to be really careful about making comments and instead just be happy about eating the way I am and the way I feel. They will come around, if not all the way, then most of the way. Right now everyone is having juice, smoothies and fruit in the morning, that is a step in the right direction.
But I think making negative comments is just going to stir up anger and resentment and do the exact opposite of what you want the loved one in your life to do.
11-09-2005, 08:39 PM
<<But I think making negative comments is just going to stir up anger and resentment and do the exact opposite of what you want the loved one in your life to do.>>
I agree completely. My mother used to chide me about my weight when I was in my early 20's. I used to think, "Oh yeah? You think I'm fat now?" - and then eat another eclair. How I thought I was punishing her is beyond me, but that's what I thought.
11-10-2005, 08:21 AM
I have a friend who is really into sustainable living. she says it's ok if people feel a little uncomfortable. HELLO? it's one thing to be critical, it's another to simply point out facts. Being politcally correct all the time just allows people to settle for mediocrity, or make mediocrity ok. here's the thing. sometimes when we love people, it's ok to be a stand for their greatness. I can't say to my husband, "it's ok that you're killing yourself. really, I just want you to be comfortable. you just do what feels good." That feels like I'm selling out on him. I guess I don't agree. Nothing destructive in this world ever changed when people were "comfortable" with it. Change and truth can be uncomfortable and confronting. Pointing out the facts and criticism are two different things. I hate political correctness...ugh.
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