Comparing

[vegggeeemom]

Did not know where to post this. But, if I can "get over" this, then for me it would be a step of personal growth for me.

So, here it goes......... :rolleyes:

Oh, so embarrassed that I am even posting this.

But, I have been thinking about this since last night.

I have a major bad body image and compare myself to others.

I see people that are 35-55 pounds heavier than I am and say that is
what I look like.

I know it is not healthy to compare to someone else, but I just feel
so fat lately.

Also I know that being raw is not all about weight loss and the fat
loss, but I just feel so not good when I see my pictures.

Maybe a few of them I have liked, but for the most part, I am very
critical of myself and will put up a picture, take it down, put up an
avatar, take it down.

How can I get out of this cycle?

Is it that I don't have self love?

Ok, will be done rambling about this.

I just need some help on how to get over this!

Anyone relate at all?

I sure hope so or I will feel so ridiculous having posted this! LOL

Thanks!

Pam

[Ariannah]

Don't feel bad. Comparing ourselves to others is a long-ingrained habit. We're taught to do it in school, growing up, we're compared constantly with other people, so it's difficult to break that habit.

I compare myself to other people too. I want to be happy with me, as me, but I do the same thing. Also, I see people who look as I USED to look (I was, at one point, 275-ish pounds), and sometimes feel "I used to look like that?"

For what it's worth, you are looking great in the photos I have seen!

I have fat and bloaty days myself, and I think it's fairly normal, and we just have to keep on going, and our new habits will eventually take over!

Cheers,
Ariannah

[vegggeeemom]

Ariannah,

Thank you very much for your response!
Phew, glad to know that I am not alone in my thinking!

Yes, it is a long ingrained habit and something that I would love to break.

In time I guess it will come if I just stay raw!

Thank you for your compliment.


Thanks!

Pam

[dhammala]

My perception is that it is fundamental human nature. Even if you could *break the habit* of comparing bodies, there is always something else to compare. Our minds exist purely in conflict! Always looking at two sides, making choices, etc. It is the nature of firing neurons (which way do I go) etc.

Anyway, what helps me is to remember that we are all unique and the universe needs each and every one of us to be just the way we are. Apples and Oranges, they are both so wonderful why even try to compare them? Enjoy them each for what and who they are. Dance and celebrate who YOU are all the way down to your core.. !

[Sasha1200]

hey pam,

I COMPLETELY RELATE...i think this happens to many if not most of us. even when I was 115 lbs i felt fat. i have friends who are 98 lbs ( what???) who feel fat. i think we all have our inner demons that we have to contend with. the media, magazines and music videos don't help with self-esteem too much either. when i was a teacher i use to see these beautiful young girls starve themselves because they wanted to look like kate moss.

your before and after pictures our AMAZING, pam. not only are you shrinking your inner light is glowing and it's awesome to see. you're one of the many people on this board (and on the 90 day challenge) who inspire me. last week i was feeling the exact same way..."Gosh I feel so fat!"...but then i stepped back and really compared where i was at last year...looked at old photos...and had to say...DAMN...i've gone along way! whenever you feel "fat" look at your before and after pictures and really...really see the changes you've gone through. focus on the changes in your health, how your breathe, how you relate to others, how your sking glows, how your energy has soared...YOU'RE DOING AN AMAZING JOB PAM!!! KEEP IT UP :)

[vegggeeemom]

dhammala, thank you so much for posting here. It is actually nice to get a guys perspective on this! :)

What you said here: "Dance and celebrate who YOU are all the way down to your core.. !" is where I want to get.

Following raw, I know that I'll get there.

Sasha1200, thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement and for your compliments.

You are so right. I need to go to my journal area (that has all those pictures just for that reason!!) and compare where I was before I came here in August!

Thank you for mentioning that I am an inspiration. That is very humbling.

Thanks again to the both of you for your replies!

Now, off to "compare" how I was just 3-4 months ago! :)

[Goldenrod]

hey pam,

I COMPLETELY RELATE...i think this happens to many if not most of us. even when I was 115 lbs i felt fat. i have friends who are 98 lbs ( what???) who feel fat.

I'd be one of those. I'm down to 93 lbs and some days I just plain feel heavier than other days. I'm pretty sure it's just a mental game with myself, but, like today, I'm sitting here and my thighs just feel bigger. It's always the thighs since they are my main holdout. They just don't want to let go of that fat they are holding onto for dear life. I'd love for the day to come when I realize that weeks have passed and I haven't felt like that. And honestly, I never look at and compare myself to others. I'm just stuck on comparing me know to the me I was before I had kids. :rolleyes: And can someone tell why it is that I've lost 5 lbs since the end of August when I started my bumpy raw journey that the weight has come from everywhere but my thighs. Ok, so first on last off...I know that...but I don't have to like it.

[sweetgoddess]

I am sure almost every human can empathize with you here.

I can tell you what helped me begin to view myself differently.
Realizing I am not my body. I am Soul and I have a body. My body is a temporary vehicle or a vessel for me to experience physical life through. But I, I am Soul.

When I truly realized this, it changed how I viewed myself and others. That doesnt mean I dont sometimes forget though! lol
But it does allow me to very seldom visit that place anymore.

Be assured, you are not alone, and that it is huge that you are aware of it.
And, be assured that you are one very beautiful goddess!

Warmly~
Carmel

[vegggeeemom]

SG,

I don't know how you do it every time. You hit the nail on the head.

Maybe it's because you have been down this path before!

Sometimes I fight myself about posting anything, but when I get such great responses like this, I am glad that I posted my problem or question.

I am so much looking forward to crossing over all my bridges that I've got to cross and looking back wondering who that person was.

I really do appreciate your posts to me.

Thank you

Pam

[blessed]

Hi Veggiemom,
Let me tell you don't let other peoples words effect you, you know that you've lost and that the end of it.
Be secure in yourself knowing that you will reach your goal, keep your eye on the prize.
Everytime I mention to my husband that I think I see a change, he says you still look "borderline" to me. I have learned to not let that effect my way of seeing myself. I know I'm losing inches the scale may not reflect it but I know that I know and that's enough for me.
One day soon he will notice a difference and so will people around you but until then hold your head up, shoulders back knowing that you are:
LOOKING GOOD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ann

[emmaann]

When I get in those moods and feel really terrible about myself and do to much comparing, I have a reflecting time with myself. I have even taken all my clothes off and said, HEY THIS IS ME and I LOVE ME. Loving yourself just the way you are is the key to letting go of comparing and trying to measure up. Because WHO OR WHAT are you trying to measure up to anyway? Whether you have 10, 20, 30, 40, or 100 pounds to lose really doesn't matter. Because you are YOU!! FEELING good is the key here not how much we weigh. It comes from the inside out!! Remembering that WE all feel that way sometimes helps to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
HANG IN THERE.

smiles,

ac

[vegggeeemom]

Ann and Emmaann,

Thank you both for your repsonses.

I know that self acceptance will come in time as I continue on the raw journey

Pam

[misslinda]

YES !

I swear I compare all the time like I'm performing complex mathematical formulas,calculus or differential equations. I belive it truly is an intimacy issue with loving yourself and accepting yourself as you actually are. I struggle with this and discovered in therapy that "loving and accepting" yourself is NOT easy. I get to the point that I won't leave my home!

I hope that you will find joy in the process of loving you.

So Pam--curious....... why do you think you compare? what do you hope to accomplish by comparing?

:)

[vegggeeemom]

So Pam--curious....... why do you think you compare? what do you hope to accomplish by comparing? :)


Misslinda,

Well, that is a VERY good question! One that I will have to think of why I compare and what I hope to accomplish.

There is NOTHING at all accomplished when I compare myself to others. It's a no brainer that I need to stop, but such a bad "habit" that I have.

Like everyone has said, it's a self love issue.

One I learn to love myself for WHO I AM, then I will more than likely have dropped the comparing habit.

Thanks for your input and I'll think hard about what I get out of comparing! :)

Pam

[misslinda]

Funny, I had to think about why is that I compare without realizing I was asking you and haven't clearly answered that myself :p :eek:

....I think part of it for myself, I believe I am "bigger" than the other person or that other person is thinner etc b/c in some way, that assures me that I have something to conquer,accomplish and achieve. I suppose a kind of gratitude of myself that is so evasive. But I realize it's a constant cylce that keeps me "going" and having something to achieve.

LOL...today is one of those mornings............I binged last night and 2+ pounds on the scale !!!!!! :(

[blessed]

I don't ask my husband about my weight anymore. I just try on old clothes that did not fit before and now they do.
I have learned to validate myself. Someone told me one time if you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror then what makes you think other can.
I have learned to love the skin that I am in and as time goes on what I see is getting better and better.

Ann

[JMD]

Boy can I relalte to this thread!!

I know when I compare my body or feel less than it is either three things.

1. I am eating too much and my body is signaling it
2. I am feeling stressed in another area of life that I am powerless over the outcome and controling it...from my hubby's job to my bosses mood etc...I distract myself by focusing on my body.

3. I personally feel like I am NOT enough in some area of my life and I go back to body hatred because of having character flaws in action or my thinking. Stinking thinking to be exact!!

How I cope:

1. Talk cry vent seek support go to the gym or for a walk, do yoga
2. Write about what is THE REAL issue or pray it is revealed soon.
3. Keep eating clean and remember this too shall pass.
4. FORGIVE FORGIVE FORGIVE myself for being me--full of fear doubt and insecurity but ALSO love compassion and empathy.

Good luck
JMD