Have any of you hid your thinness...

[livenraw]

that raw has made you become?

I started doing this a few weeks ago, because I had dropped down to 105 lb (which is not a bad weight for someone who stands 5 ft and 1/2 an inch tall) But I know how people are and how they can become. "don't lose any more weight.' 'you're skinny enough.' why are you even trying to get below your goal weight? (I wasn't even trying...it just happened!) And I know that could begin sabotage for me as I would look in the mirror and justify eating unhealthy (you know, they're right. Maybe I am too thin. Maybe I should put on a few pouinds so I don't look that way, etc) So I noticed that I was picking out clothes that made me look a little on the heavier side (not heavy, heavy but they weren't form fitting, either) I told the dh what I was doing, and he told me that I should be proud of how far I have come and not be afraid to show that I have a slim, trim figure now. And who cares what other people think? So I finally started wearing my form fitting clothes again and decided that he was right - who cares what other people think? And whatever they say will not deter me from eating healthy.

Anyone else have this same experience?

[Sharon in Colorado]

I've always had that issue, being extemely thin and very tall growing up. For me there was just no hiding it.

It comes down to one thing: the rudeness of others. You just have to learn how to respond to thoughtless comments. It may take a few times.

Somehow along the lines of "I'm sorry it seems to bother you, I love the way I look and feel" is one of the best I can think of. Maybe something a little nicer, I guess it depends on how the person making the comments is coming across to you.

[JMD]

I agree...I have found that when i looked my best about a month and a half ago..everyone said i looked "too" thin. However I find that I felt energetic and healthy. Since then , I listened to these women and put on 5-6 lbs overeating some nuts/avocado or feeling like I "could" get away with it. I am back on track today but realize I have self-sabotaged myself for others feelings. Now, I tend to go by how I feel and what my doctor says my weight should be depending on my build etc.. I find when I was heavy, I felt threatened by thinner women, but this is just my experience. So NO MORE outside validations for me:)

If you are truly truly feeling good in and out then you are fine in my op[inion:)

[jaurequi]

You did the right thing in ignoring them. Your husband gave you great advice -- quite nice!

I think most of us know when someone is genuinely concerned and inquiring and when someone is being petty and/or envious.
I think the situations warrant individual responses. Overall, it shouldn't be something you allow to affect your life, as long as you are truly healthy.

Best,

[Queenie]

I can so relate to this! I know that people who are overweight have to deal with comments, but the way people talk to you when you're thin!!! Like they forget that you have a right to some respect. "Olive oyl" and "you need to eat more" and "you're too skinny" "Skinny Minnie"... etc etc. It is sooooo annoying. I have often wondered what makes people think they have a right to comment all the time when you're thin, it's so rude. I used to tell them, "I don't know, I eat like a pig" - and that used to literally be true! I have to agree with Sharon and JMD, though it's still tempting to tell people I eat like a pig and no, I don't have worms! Jeez. And I'm not that thin.

I think some of it is that in our culture so many people are large that we get used to seeing it. Once a guy in the lab here said something about my skinniness and I was tempted to say to him, "But your wife is huge, and look at your lab partner!" He looks at enormous women all day. I think perception gets super-sized sometimes.

But what I want to know is how long after those old cells melt away (I've lost 10-15 pounds) does it take to rebuild healthy cells? Should we be body building? I wish my arms were like Alissa's! LOL!

Cheli

[jaurequi]

I also think there is a lot sexism involved -- rarely are men queried in such a way about their thinness.

[Queenie]

OH, DON'T I KNOW IT!!!! I know that if I had a rack the men wouldn't say jack about "too skinny" regardless of how skinny the rest of me was! It's terribly transparent. Thanks for mentioning that. It's a very good point.

[deedub]

Actually it is tempting because as more and more people comment on my weight loss I start to have toughts that I can come off my diet. Even though this is not a diet. But I have to redouble my resolve. So far I haven't tried to hid my weight loss. And now I don't think I will do that but instead just respect that my food choices and my body are working together for my heathy body. Thanks for this tread.

[dreamrawalwz]

I've had this problem. If I get thin and toned everyone's like "you're too skinny" or "skinnie minnie" or "don't lose any more weight" blah blah...but I felt my best down at that weight. I had way more energy and like what I saw in the mirror. I let their comments get to me and thought, "fine i'll eat more, the only way to gain weight is to eat cooked though," that hurt me a lot! I'm back to raw now and know not to listen to the comments, even if my parents were some of them.

I think that as society as a whole is growing size-wise, peopel's perceptions do too and since the "average" is getting larger, those that aren't at the current "average" are now considered "too thin" even if we are healthier. That's just my opinion.

[Sharon in Colorado]

OH, DON'T I KNOW IT!!!! I know that if I had a rack the men wouldn't say jack about "too skinny" regardless of how skinny the rest of me was! It's terribly transparent. Thanks for mentioning that. It's a very good point.


Queenie! I think we were separated at birth, lol!

One time I was on a 14 day fast and someone commented to me in a concerned voice how thin my face had become. I was feeling real peppy and energetic at the time and said "alright! I am so glad to have lost some weight!" and they looked at me in shock.

Oh that was fun! :D

[deedub]

dreamrawalwz
I agree with you about the average weight being higher now so what people see as slim may be a little distorted. Also I remember when I was in grade school. (yes I can remember that far back), there was like one person who was over weight. Now I look at these grade school classes and almost 1/2 of them seem overweight. Out here in Cali they have a new campagne about childhold obesity. One good thing about having a muscle head for a Governor.

[Sharon in Colorado]

It seems that many women are proud of the fact that the average women's dress size in America is a size 12.

[Beanie]

Well, I'm 5'1" and weigh 75lbs....used to weigh less. So I hear stuff all the time. I'm very small boned so I'm tiny. But since I'm tiny, my low weight doesn't stick out as much since I don't appear emaciated. I've accepted myself for whom I am. I DON"T want to lose weight, because if I do, I look horrible! I focus on feeling good. A lot is based upon genes and your frame. But I have a friend that is 5' and 130 lbs, and I think she is perfect. Her bones are just heavy I guess!

I just find most Americans nowadays are much heavier than when I was young. I'm shocked at all the overweight kids!! They don't "play" anymore. Its sad. Those were my fondest memories. But weight doesn't matter, health does. Just nowadays a healthy size has gotten distorted.

[ELLE]

Hi, Livenraw.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Personally, I was praying for someone to write about this issue.
I thought that I was alone on this.

I cried a lot because of my underweight issue. Having family members, boyfriend family members, and friends criticizing me about being underweight.
It got so bad that my boyfriend's parents and his relatives were making up all kinds of false accusations about me. It was absolutely heart wrenching and ridiculous.
His parent's had not seen me for 6 months and the first thing they did was cry.
I was absolutely baffled. They were bawling and asked me if I had some kind of illness and if I was dying!
That was quite difficult to deal with.

Because of all the nasty comments and reactions that I got received, I was discouraged and started to eat massive amounts of food. Even though I was not hungry so that I can gain weight, and not have others say hurtful and nasty remarks about me.
That was quite foolish of me because my health started to deteriorate , personality change (moody/tempermental), and got really bad acne.

Now, I am trying to get back on track and live the healthy lifestyle that I once enjoyed.
I can't say that I don't care what others say about me because it hurts, but I'm trying my best to cope with it.

Stories like these really help because it shows that you are not alone and others are enduring the same problem as you.

Once again, thank you everyone for sharing your personal stories.

[Rawkinlocs]

When I first started losing weight after first really getting into eating raw, thinking back, I did try to hide my thinness a couple of times when going around my in-laws.

I don't think I'm skinny...but I'm definitely smaller than I've ever been as an adult. When around my inlaws, I had to hear comments like:

"Are you on some kind of diet?!? Girl, you don't need to lose no more weight!"
"Okay now, you gettin' too skinny now! Don't you lose anymore!"
"You done lost ALL yo' booty!" (This was not meant in a good way 'cause "everyone" knows that black women are supposed to have that extra "junk in their trunk"!)
:rolleyes:

But after a while, I stopped hiding and started flaunting because I realized that my inlaws were just unhappy because they were/are overweight. My husband doesn't think I'm too small, I feel great and I get tons of compliments elsewhere, so...too bad for them if THEY'RE uncomfortable with my size!

[twinyoga]

I noticed most of the time when someone says "you're too thin" it's because they're not use to seeing people at an appropriate weight.

And an appropriate weight is not a size 12 (I think Sharon mentioned this, too).

I'm a size 6 and would love to still lose another 5 lbs. But I'm not trying to diet. And I show off my figure proudly! Especially after having twins.

[Sharon in Colorado]

It got so bad that my boyfriend's parents and his relatives were making up all kinds of false accusations about me. It was absolutely heart wrenching and ridiculous.
His parent's had not seen me for 6 months and the first thing they did was cry.
I was absolutely baffled. They were bawling and asked me if I had some kind of illness and if I was dying!
That was quite difficult to deal with.




Elle - that is too bad. I'm sure had anorexia been as well known when I was younger they'd have tagged me with it too.

Wouldn't it have been a hoot to just laugh your head off and say to them, "are you kidding me?" and walk the other way.

[stephbkr]

I too believe that people are so used to seeing others overweight that when some one (like ourselves) comes along we are "SO skinny!". I got so fed up with it one day that I told the person I would like for him to stop commenting on my (very normal) weight because it was hurting my feelings. Never heard anything else out of him... now what to do about the others??? :cool:
steph

[twinee1]

ditto ditto ditto...too all the posts above.

I do not get caught up in what others think. It is more important that I feel good where I am at not where others think I should be !

When someone comments about my weight..lost a few, gained a few, thinner , too thin, whatever they say...I baffle them by just saying "Thank You ! "

[Jo-anne]

this is probably getting off the track a bit,

but I remember once....ok like a long time ago when I lost a lot and I mean a lot of weight and wanting to buy some new clothes (I kept wearing my clothes really baggy) I walked into a women's dress shop admiring the clothes on the rack.......the sales lady came over and asked me if I would like to try any on and I said yes I would, this one, she looked at me and said, my dear that dress is way to big for you come over here and I will show you some other dresses in your size......I hated her because I thought she was picking on me, she pulled out this dress which was sooo damn tiny, I told her no way is that dress going to fit me, she forced me to just try it on and see........holly molly!!!! was I shocked or what!!!....the dress fitted perfectly......you see, even though I had lost a tremendous amount of weight my mind still thought I was overweight and would not allow me to think any different........I know it sounds weird but it happened to me........and no iam not anorexic just in case anyone was thinking that.........like I said that was a very long time ago, I have since pilled on the layers so thick that it will take me some time before I shed this weight.

[Sharon in Colorado]

While reading the ranting on this thread (lol) another thing came to mind. I've always been skinny *and* tall, and had comments on both. For some reason people think that it is okay to also comment on tall people, but not on short people.

"Wow, you're tall!"

"Are you a basketball player?"

People would never think to make those kinds of comments to a 'short' person, unless they were being seriously mean. I never went up to some short person and said "dang, you're short, are you a jockey?"

[rawpriestess]

I have never thought of myself as thin, or even normal size, although I look back at picks and see that I was.

I used to hide my body, because I thought I was short and fat.

But, I used to get all kinds of weird comments, on my shape.

I have a very pronounced butt, I mean it isn't JUST big, it sticks out behind me, kind of like another person, walking behind me. I can't even begin to tell you how many times, someone has run into my butt. They are always so surprised that it sticks out so far.

Even when I was young, my hips were 20 inches larger than my waist.

I was normal sized except for that, and trust me, I learned how to hide it mostly, but no one knew I had a small waist, they just thought I was fat. so as long as I wore long coats, and loose fitting clothes, I just looked, fat, but If I wore my swim suit in swim class In high school, they all thought I looked like an hourglass, it was soooo embarassing to me at the time, now I look back, and think, wow, I had a beautiful figure.

But, no one ever saw it that way.

So, whether you are tall, or short, thin or fat, or whatever, if you are any different than anyone else, someone, somewhere, at some time in your life will say something to you.

So, the next time someone says, "Gosh you are too thin." simply say, "Compaired to what?" or something along those line. They will probably say, "everyody else.", then you can say, "Whom specifically?", then it is on them to figure it out.

This usually turns 99% of all challenges around. you can use this in any situation, like when your kids say, "But EVERYBODY is doing it." "Whom specifically?" LOL it's kind of fun then.

[Queenie]

Queenie! I think we were separated at birth, lol!

One time I was on a 14 day fast and someone commented to me in a concerned voice how thin my face had become. I was feeling real peppy and energetic at the time and said "alright! I am so glad to have lost some weight!" and they looked at me in shock.

Oh that was fun! :D


Sharon - I have always believed, secretly, that I had a twin and that my father sent her away at birth! So maybe we really are long lost twins! LOL!! I like everyone's comments about not hiding their figures and about just being ornery and saying thank you when someone says "too skinny!" ha ha!!

[JMD]

This is a very moving thread and I agree and can relate to everyone's comments--minus being tall:). I wrote my Master's thesis on children and the rise in obesity With that I also wrote children's book about a 3rd grade girl's journey to becoming healthy. I guess it was/is autobiographical. I have always been chunky-never obese --just not thin or boney like every other girl in the class. I am Italian and have a body structure that is naturally medium framed. That said...I got myself up to 175lbs at 5'3" at 23. Today at 34 ,still 5'3" but about 110-112 lbs....and feel normal and healthy. Lots of inner change caused the outer. I still want to lose 5 more ponds that come off in the summer that creep on in the fall. I also agree tha tI see myself as a size 10 or sometimes think i am a size 1 depending on the day. I have learned not to trust my head to gauge my body. I use a trusted friend.

Anyways, before i keep babbling I just felt called to write this and encourage us all to feel proud of WHO WE ARE RIGHT NOW and to keep eating the best foods for our bodies. It is so SAD that the norm is to be overweight. I teach 5th grade and have over 45% of my class heavier than me!!!

I do not know where this came from...just an emotional day and thought I would share and say how good it is to relate and how important it is for me to be an living example everyday with Universe's GRACE.:) Thanks

[Jo-anne]

Actually Sharon, I always get the "boy your short" comment and I hate it.....it does get very annoying, I just tell them yep and you know what they say.....good things come in small packages! well maybe not but it sounds good and I'm sticking to that lol

[Punky]

I just felt called to write this and encourage us all to feel proud of WHO WE ARE RIGHT NOW and to keep eating the best foods for our bodies.


I think this is a great point!!!; if you are striving to eat the healthiest foods and living a healthy lifestyle (food, excercise, sun and love) it is important to be happy *in your skin* no matter how tall, short, skinny or heavy you are.
Be happy :) Be proud ;)

Back to Livenraw--your hubby is right! Show off your trim and HEALTHY figure and don't listen to other people. I find that most people are either envious or ignorant to what's going on with those comments..You know you are eating right and doing it healthy..... I thought your weight and height were healthy and proportionate...but don't listen to me, listen to yourself and how you *feel* :D

[Secret Heart]

I agree so very much with the above posts pertaining to the fact that this "thinness" is actually our bodies at a natural equilibrium when we eat raw....our bodies have settled on what is naturally right for ourselves....and people comment that we are too thin...it is because of society's inflated perception of what "normal weight" is. I too have encountered a lot of people commenting and it is frustrating...Good thread idea.

Heather

[ELLE]

Elle - that is too bad. I'm sure had anorexia been as well known when I was younger they'd have tagged me with it too.

Wouldn't it have been a hoot to just laugh your head off and say to them, "are you kidding me?" and walk the other way.

Hi, Sharon.
It is still hard to swallow the harassments from his parent's and his relatives.
I have not seen them in over 2 months, but I am flying back home for Thanksgiving and I am just dreading it. I know I am going to get plenty of disgusted looks, whispers, and rude and nasty comments.

When his mother seen me since I had lost a little of weight, she told me that I looked ugly and for me to wear clothes that would cover up my bones.
So after what she told me I was extremely self conscious to wear anything that would show my skin, even though it was scorching hot outside.
You can tell she scarred me for life. ahaha

His mother even actually had the nerve to call my mother and accuse me of doing drugs, anoerexia, bulima, and etc...
She claims that I cannot be that skinny without using some kind of substance! I explained to her that I adapted to a healthy lifestyle and started to eat right and exercise, but she wouldn't budge. She simply replied, "you expect to me believe something so stupid!"

She told me to go see my physician and see if I have some kind of terminal illness. I am actually in Med school trying to become a physician so I think I would my own body better.

But the thing I do not understand about her is that she takes diet pills and tries all kinds of fad diets? She is very conscious of what goes in her mouth, has a personal trainer, and idolizes thin celebrities. She is always yapping about how she cannot eat this and that, and complains that she gained 2 pounds.
Now, I just think that she is overly dramatic and semi-crazy.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Okay - that kind of treatment is unacceptable. I thought at first you were just talking about some mean comments here and there.

I'm sorry but I for one would not step foot in any person's home who has insulted me like that. Calling you names and falsley accusing you of things, and calling your mother, that's over the line. Way, way over the line.

You have a choice. And your boyfriend has a choice. If he doesn't step up to the plate and respect you either (he's disrespecting you if he allows his own mother to treat you that way) maybe you should think about this relationship!

[Punky]

Okay - that kind of treatment is unacceptable. I thought at first you were just talking about some mean comments here and there.

I'm sorry but I for one would not step foot in any person's home who has insulted me like that. Calling you names and falsley accusing you of things, and calling your mother, that's over the line. Way, way over the line.

You have a choice. And your boyfriend has a choice. If he doesn't step up to the plate and respect you either (he's disrespecting you if he allows his own mother to treat you that way) maybe you should think about this relationship!

Sharon has some good points; who does she think she is calling your mother?
How is YOUR weight her business?!?!? She is way over the line.
She should not being treating you in this fashion; very disrespectful.

[ELLE]

It has been quite stressful for my boyfriend and I. Recently, we have gotten into a lot of arguements due to this issue Actually, it was me yelling at him and asking why his mother was like that.
But I've noticed that there is no pointing of trying to pick a fight with him when it was not him who said the hurtful things, but his mother.

My boyfriend tried to explain to his parent's numerous of times that I was just eating healthy and exercising, but they wouldn't buy it. His mother's respond was, "do you expect me to believe that?" -- "do you think I am stupid?"
Obviously, she is.

Actually, his mother yelled at him and blamed him for not doing anything about my weight. She asked him, "how can you live with her and not know that she has a problem"?
My respond: Umm... maybe he didn't notice anything because I don't have a problem.

My boyfriend & I are just relieved that we live 4,000+ miles away from his mom.
Honestly, I feel bad for him. That he was raised in an negative environment of such criticism.
Plus, I feel bad that he is in the middle of all this because there is nothing he can really do.
If he gets mad at her than she is going to just get mad at me. And I am speaking from experience.
So I guess it is a lose lose situation. :(

[truthseeker]

I get "skinny comments" from people so often (ALWAYS have). But now, after 2 years and some odd months raw....I am the thinnest I have EVER been.


When SAD I wouldn't even go to the restroom when at a restuarant because of some rude comments I had once received in the ladies room ....while I was in the stall doing my business !!!! VERY loud VERY clearly commenting about how I must have been "vomitting...how else could someone be that thin?"...luckly my best friend was in the bathroom at the time of this comment and told them she had known me her whole life and that I had ALWAYS been thin. Did't do good things for me though.

Then when people find out I gave birth 3 times....well, come on now, no one is that thin after child birth....3 TIMES!!!! And they assume I have an eating dissorder.

I SSSSOOOO badly want to gain. But it's been two years and change and a few health professionals later....and still thinner than ever :(

I REALLY do not like the way I look anymore....feel fine....look WAY to thin, for MY liking.

DH loves me, still wispers sweet nothings and finds me atractive. But I just don't feel it.

I have been hiding it. I couldn't wait for fall fashions to hit the racks....layers...lots of layers.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Elle I'm so sorry you have to put up with this crap.

The problem is not to try to convince her if there is or isn't a problem you are having as it's really none of her business, but to tell her to keep her big pie hole shut.

If your boyfriend would only tell her that, he would be my hero. Probably from all those years of verbal abuse he doesn't know how to deal with her.

You can always suggest counseling, then what could she do? Hand her a business card for a psychologist in her area and tell her how good he is with such-and-such a celebrity.

And then tell her that if she follows a fresh diet, she can lose weight like her favorite celebrity and then get nosy mean comments from her friends about her being a crack addict.

[ELLE]

Elle I'm so sorry you have to put up with this crap.

The problem is not to try to convince her if there is or isn't a problem you are having as it's really none of her business, but to tell her to keep her big pie hole shut.

If your boyfriend would only tell her that, he would be my hero. Probably from all those years of verbal abuse he doesn't know how to deal with her.

You can always suggest counseling, then what could she do? Hand her a business card for a psychologist in her area and tell her how good he is with such-and-such a celebrity.

And then tell her that if she follows a fresh diet, she can lose weight like her favorite celebrity and then get nosy mean comments from her friends about her being a crack addict.


AHAHAHA
I was laughing so hard when I read your post.
She’s a complicating woman. She always has been and always will be. My bf & her husband accept her for who she, but I don’t. I know I never will.

She always tells me that she loves me a lot and thinks of me as her daughter, but I do not think that she knows the emotional distress that she is doing to me.
I plan to talk to her about this because I feel that she should not get away with something like this. The only downfall of talking to her one on one is that I am afraid that I might get carried away and lose my temper. Because there is only so much a person can take.
My mom gave me some helpful advice. She told me that I am better than that to lose my temper because then she knows that she got the best of you.
She told me to talk to her in quiet and respect manner and just explain to her that I was hurt by her accusations.

What do you think I should do? Should I throw a huge fit and jab her with my bones? Ahaha

Well, will see how it turns out.

I still do not understand why she thinks that I cannot be too thin. I have always been thin before I converted to becoming a vegan. She met me thin.
My mom is petite and weighs 95 pounds and her sister weighs around 84 pounds. So I cannot comprehend why she making such a big deal.
I am suspecting that she loves to cause drama so that it gives her something to talk about.
I guess I will be keeping her entertained for awhile.

Thank you Sharon for being so understanding and helpful.
I really appreciate it.

[rawpriestess]

Elle,

I think the challenge with your boyfriend's mom, is that SHE has the drug problem, with the diet pills, and they don't seem to be working any more, because if she is all upset about gaining 2 pounds, then she is seriously in need of help mentally.

Normal humans and animlas, gain and lose weight depening on many things, weather, temperature, food intake, exercise, stress, age, etc. This is just normal, to be upset because she gained 2 pounds is totally unrealistic.

Most normal sized people can go up or down 5 pounds either way, with no issues.

I agree with several others, if she is treating you like this you have a choice. to NOT listen to her, and to NOT go see her, and to NOT allow this behavior.

As long as you allow her to treat you this way, she will not respect you, and you can't respect you either. ONLY you can stop this.

NOW, your boyfriend is another situation, if he knows about this behavior of his mom's and he is allowing it, I would really re-think this relationship.

Do you really want a person as your life mate who will allow ANYONE to treat you in this manner?

So, it is up to YOU and you alone, to say, "I will not allow you to talk to me like that." then hang up the phone. or leave the room, or whatever. But it is up to YOU.

I would also let your boyfriend know that you will be doing this, the very next time she calls, and I certainly wouldn't pay to fly 4000+ miles to see anyone who treated me like that.

But know that speaking up is the first step, and you are doing the right thing to ask about this behavior. It is NOT acceptable, and you know SHE wouldn't let YOU treat HER like that, now would she?

[ELLE]

Elle,

I think the challenge with your boyfriend's mom, is that SHE has the drug problem, with the diet pills, and they don't seem to be working any more, because if she is all upset about gaining 2 pounds, then she is seriously in need of help mentally.

Normal humans and animlas, gain and lose weight depening on many things, weather, temperature, food intake, exercise, stress, age, etc. This is just normal, to be upset because she gained 2 pounds is totally unrealistic.

Most normal sized people can go up or down 5 pounds either way, with no issues.

I agree with several others, if she is treating you like this you have a choice. to NOT listen to her, and to NOT go see her, and to NOT allow this behavior.

As long as you allow her to treat you this way, she will not respect you, and you can't respect you either. ONLY you can stop this.

NOW, your boyfriend is another situation, if he knows about this behavior of his mom's and he is allowing it, I would really re-think this relationship.

Do you really want a person as your life mate who will allow ANYONE to treat you in this manner?

So, it is up to YOU and you alone, to say, "I will not allow you to talk to me like that." then hang up the phone. or leave the room, or whatever. But it is up to YOU.

I would also let your boyfriend know that you will be doing this, the very next time she calls, and I certainly wouldn't pay to fly 4000+ miles to see anyone who treated me like that.

But know that speaking up is the first step, and you are doing the right thing to ask about this behavior. It is NOT acceptable, and you know SHE wouldn't let YOU treat HER like that, now would she?


My boyfriend is very supportive towards my decision. He knows that his mother is wrong and she should have handled it in a different manner.
He did get angry with her many times telling her that you cannot say those kinds of things and that she is not my mother so she should mind her own business. But she’s the type of person that never listens what others have to say—one ear and out the other. She has always been that type of person.
And I do not want to be disrespectful and stoop down to her level and talk down to her.
I want to handle this situation like normal sane adults. If I start off talking to her in a disrespectful way/tone then she would not want to hear what I have to say and that would not resolve anything, but instead she would dislike me.

Actually, I am not flying back home to see her. I am flying home for Thanksgiving to see my family.
She is not worth the plane ticket.

My boyfriend and I were going to confront her when she was coming to visit us, but she couldn’t make it. So we decided to confront her when we go back home for the holiday.
All in all, I hope she changes into a more optimistic person, instead of me changing physically.
I should not change my physical appearance for somebody, but for me.

She’s not only like this with me. She’s like this with everyone. Her mother can’t change her nor her husband, so what makes you think I can? Like I said, she has always been like this and always will be.
Only she can change herself.

[ELLE]

I am glad that I can talk about this freely.
I was extremely embarassed to talk to anyone about this. I just had it bottled up inside me.

Thank you everyone for being so caring & helpful.

[jaurequi]

Elle, I hope things work out for you. So sorry this is going on.

TruthSeeker, I'm so surprised by your post; I'm sorry you've been going through this! Please don't hide anything; do not give these people power over you, because that is what you are (inadvertantly) doing.
Don't change your life in *any* way no matter how small because of this type of criticism.

To you Both, please know that no one can do this to you unless *you* allow it. You control you and you will never control or change anyone ever. They will be the way they choose no matter what you do. They will also find other bogus things to complain about. It is not about you; it about them.
Don't waste any more of your self, your mind, your energy on the bad energy/spirits of these people. I'm not saying to completely avoid them (we can't always do that) but do not play into their negativity.

Best to you both,

[Sharon in Colorado]

Well, there's one last resort. The next time she says something horrible to you, you can cover your ears with your hands, roll your eyes back and forth and sing loudly

"LA LA LA LA...I CAN'T HEAR YOU....LONDON BRIDGES FALLING DOWN..."

:D

Or you can repeat exactly what she says to you, using a really stupid voice

"Doi! You are soo skinny! Are you sick!?? Uhhh!!" (sound like a real obnoxious dork when you repeat it back to her)....

Now, that would probably really make her angry, but it would stop the comments, guaranteed.

P.S. I have MIL problems so I feel very sympathetic to your situation.

[truthseeker]

Yes, you are very right jaurequi !

In the end, I do rise above it. That instance was long ago (but has stuck with me). I do SO feel the life force within me come alive when I am high raw, that's all the conformation I need to know what I am doing is right. I would not change it for any one person but for myself and/or my DH/kids...which I did already from SAD to RAW :p

I naturally feel that there is a reason that I can not gain weight, not just while raw I couldn't gain when SAD either. Infact I feel that at some point on this path to my natural self, that I will be closer to being able to gain. I think it is a matter of process of elimination (maybe literally!) to finding the answer.

ELLE,


And I do not want to be disrespectful and stoop down to her level and talk down to her.
I want to handle this situation like normal sane adults. If I start off talking to her in a disrespectful way/tone then she would not want to hear what I have to say and that would not resolve anything, but instead she would dislike me.

VERY SMART. I get the overall sense that these living foods make it hard to bring oneself DOWN to anothers (vibrational, energy) level. When she sees and recognizes the manner in which you address her and speak to her with such regard (even in heated conversation) , then you will have made your mark....and maybe planted a seed ;)

[ELLE]

Sharon, I love your comments. I am grinning from ear to ear.

I’ll update you on what happens over Thanksgiving.
I wish I don’t have to go so I wouldn’t have to get the awkward stares and rude remarks.
I especially hate the fact that his family members are going to be watching every move I make whether I am eating or not, or using the restroom after a meal.
Whatever I do they are going to be suspicious and probably make more stuff up.

Did I mention that my bf’s girl cousin called him and said that she thinks that I am a bulimic!?! She told him to watch me carefully.
He told her that she is crazy and that he should know better because we live with each other. He said that she probably does something like that because why on earth would someone think something like that.

Do you see how much his family love to gossip and make stuff about others?

So not only am I going to be dealing with his mother, but rest of his relatives.
It is going to be 1 against 30+. Whoppy for me!

I guess I am going to be the circus act/highlight for their Thanksgiving. Like I said, “karma always catches up to you.”

I am contemplating on whether I would want to spend my Thanksgiving with people that make me feel uncomfortable.
I’d rather just spend that precious time with my family and enjoy every minute of it.

The thing that I do not understand is that all my family members accept my new healthy lifestyle and love it. They love my positive outlook in life and my enthusiasm for little and simple things. I did not hear one complaint from any of them. So I can’t understand why his family can’t accept it.

[ELLE]

ELLE,



VERY SMART. I get the overall sense that these living foods make it hard to bring oneself DOWN to anothers (vibrational, energy) level. When she sees and recognizes the manner in which you address her and speak to her with such regard (even in heated conversation) , then you will have made your mark....and maybe planted a seed ;)[/QUOTE]

Hi, Truthseeker.

I wish she was that open-minded and easy to convince.
She'll just probably assume that I am on some kind of substance that it making me calm and relaxed. ahaha

The great thing is that I made my mark with my mom, aunt, and cousin. They are now living a much healthier lifestyle which makes me so happy.

[Punky]

I agree with several others, if she is treating you like this you have a choice. to NOT listen to her, and to NOT go see her, and to NOT allow this behavior.

As long as you allow her to treat you this way, she will not respect you, and you can't respect you either. ONLY you can stop this.

NOW, your boyfriend is another situation, if he knows about this behavior of his mom's and he is allowing it, I would really re-think this relationship.

Do you really want a person as your life mate who will allow ANYONE to treat you in this manner?

So, it is up to YOU and you alone, to say, "I will not allow you to talk to me like that." then hang up the phone. or leave the room, or whatever. But it is up to YOU.

But know that speaking up is the first step, and you are doing the right thing to ask about this behavior. It is NOT acceptable, and you know SHE wouldn't let YOU treat HER like that, now would she?

I agree with RP comments from my own personal experience with my own mother dearest...
My mom has been verbally abusive to me all my life paving the way to low self esteem and drug abuse. But I overcame all of that (although I still have issues with low self esteem at times, but waay better than in my youth).
My mom always had this control over me and I felt like a child just taking her abuse, even as an adult with my own kids and family.
FINALLY on my 32nd birthday, she took me too lunch, proceeded to insult me...you are overweight, don't like your outfit, yadda yadda yadda.
I got up and told her I didn't have to put up with her abuse; you don't treat your friends like this and I wasn't going to stand for it anymore...stay out of my life. She called me for days, and days apolagizing, etc....so I finally told her if she wanted to be in my life and my kids/family she cannot treat me this way and I wasn't going to stand for it anymore. I am an adult now.
Since then she has followed this treaty and for the *most* part hasn't been disrespectful...she still has her moments, but she is trying so hard I let the smaller things slide or let her know that is not acceptable.
So it's been almost 3 years since that day and she bought a house down the street from us :eek: :eek: :eek:
Not MY idea for sure...I got anxiety when I first heard about it, but she has been on her best behaviour and it is working out for some weird reason...
maybe this is our time to heal old wounds. Anyways, the day I stood up for myself was very liberating for me and I feel so empowered from it.

Now for my husband, once when I was pregnant with our 1st child she called and was on a psycho rant, had me crying, going off on me for no reason, mostly about our wedding plans...
so he grabbed the phone, and in a patient voice told her that he was not going to have her calling over here upsetting me like this especially with me being pregnant and hung up. She was mad at him for some time, LOL :D
and ME for letting him talk to *her* in that fashion...
She even called my dad (they are divorced) about it and he said he didn't blame Mark and took Mark's side...
Anyways, sorry for going on and on...but my point is that my mom doesn't pull that kind of bullshit with us anymore! Not an easy situation to handle, and you guys have to do what you feel is comfortable to you. But for us, this worked in our favour.
Peace and (((Hugs)))

[jaurequi]

:D I love your attitude, truthseeker!