Needing support, living with carnivore

[Live Free]

My spouse asked me today if I wanted a piece of barbeque chicken. I almost cant handle the smell anymore. It is the weirdest thing.

Does anyone know of another raw foodist who has to deal with a meat eater in the house and that he/she makes it difficult to live with him or her?

I also wanted to know if there is anyone who has to deal with a meat eater and he/she feeds the child in the family meat. Without consent. I am constantly worried for my child. I just got tired of fighting for my baby daily. It just got draining to keep after my spouse to not give my baby meat to eat.

My baby is over 2 years old and she asks for the meat to eat it. Am I forcing her to be a vegetarian or is my husband forcing her to eat meat? I know it is an addiction, could my baby at 2 years old be addicted to meat already?

Teresa and Mae
Live Free

[Jo-anne]

Teresa, I'm not sure how to answer your questions, there are a lot of experienced people on this board who I'm sure face the same dilemmas as you and who can provide you with some advice.

Me personally I can't understand why people who are in a relationship would want to sabotage their partner, maybe your husband thinks that you are hurting yourself by eating raw food, not everyone undertands the principles behind eating raw and believe we are being radical, your husband is probably thinking the same about you, maybe he is asking his friends the same questions........such as: how can I stop my wife from eating raw food and trying to feed this to our daughter, why is she trying to sabotage me, my daughter needs meat for protein etc?

Maybe you can provide him with books that outlay the benefits of eating raw foods.....other than this I don't know any other way, I don't have an issue with this in my household, my dh as turned 100% raw after seeing Tim's transformations and my son eats roughly 80% raw, I dont force him to eat raw, I find that if I make a dish and he likes it then he'll eat it, if he doesn't like it then he won't, and that's fine, I just keep trying new recipes until I come up with some favourites for him and try to stick to them.

I wish you the best of luck.

Jo-anne

[kmik]

Hi Teresa!

I'm sorry to hear how thoughtless your husband is behaving. Although my husband is a carnivour, I've been vegetarian since before he knew me, so he doesn't try to "taunt" me. He is quite thrilled with the changes that I've had through raw.

When we got married, I told him when we had kids, they'd have to be vegetarian, otherwise no deal (I also told him no meat in the house unless it comes in on an occaisional pizza... not as much luck with that, although he only occaisionally has some prepared frozen stuff). I did have kids from a prior marriage, and although I expressed to my first husband that I didn't want them eating meat, after we separated (and they were 2 years old) he would make a point of taking them to McDonalds. Not to be dark, but let's just say, shortly after our divorce it ceased to be a problem. I'm sure where he is now he knows I was right ;)

But now my two little girls are always saying "Daddy, why do you eat chicken? That's so sad!" (They're 3 & 5... you'd think that would get through to him, but nope.)

I wish I had some advice for you... other than to say to him that your improved health will only benefit him in the long run. But for your daughter, just tell her where the food comes from that Daddy's giving her. No child, unless desensitized from birth, would willingly eat a dead animal. And if you explain to her that Mommy doesn't eat meat because it's sad that the animal was killed, and there's nice yummy apples she can eat instead, she's bound to take your side!

Good luck! I hope more people can give you some better direction.

[RawTruth]

Teresa -- I am so sorry that this is still going on. I remember that we exchanged PMs months ago about this -- I'm a little surprised that it's still the same issue. I know there have been great suggestions to you in other threads about this.

As has been mentinoned, there are many raw people who live with meat and cooked food eaters. Some raw foodists actually prepare the cooked meals for their families. Some of them have given you ideas on how to handle this. I recall one person suggesting that you and Mae eat before your husband brings home or fixes his food so that she (and you) are full and not tempted. There have been a number of other ideas over the months, too.

I don't know what to say at this point -- it really doesn't seem to be a discussion of the food itself but, rather, a power play which (as I recall us discussing) is a relationship issue, not a food issue.

Sorry there's no easy or simple answer for you -- but, I sense you know that already -- and, in fact, I think it's an answer that you're going to have to find for yourself. We're just a bunch of regular (and sometimes irregular!) people scattered around the world who are dealing with our own lives, but who've been lucky enough to have found a path that's brought us health and radiance. We're not family counselors or therapists. In all kindness and with warmth, since this continues to be a big problem for you, I suggest that perhaps you might consider turning to just such a professional at this point.

I wish you and your darling daughter the best.

[prettyeyes38]

Hey, there! Your daughter *is* adorable!

I am new to raw food and may not be qualified to give you the advice that you need.

I am a single mom with a seven-year-old daughter, divorced for three years. My daughter has always naturally followed the way I eat. For example, when I went low-carb, she stopped eating french fries and taco shells (of her own choice.) When I decided to stop drinking Diet Coke, my daughter announced that she was done drinking it as well. Now, she requests water only at restaurants, in her school lunch, and so on.

Even new to raw food, my daughter is following my example. She has asked for half of her lunch to be raw fruit from now on. For a snack this afternoon, she had a fruit smoothie and strawberries...all because she saw that I was eating those foods. When I went out of town for a business trip and she stayed with her dad, he brought her to the grocery store to get food for her lunch and she requested oranges and greeen grapes.

I will never demand that she eats the way that I do...but I am seeing a clear pattern that she wants to follow whatever example I set for her.

I feel that you have a tight bond with your daughter, as well. I think it would ease much tension in your household to let your daughter make the choices. Continue to be a good role model for her--let her see what you are eating and allow her to make choices. Kids are smart, and she'll want to emulate your good health, sparkling eyes, pleasant disposition, and fit figure.

I also feel that by allowing your daughter to make choices now that you'll help her grow up without being rebellious about food. She won't be thinking that she never had a choice and that she was forced into eating a certain way. As a mom, I want to set my daughter up for the healthiest and happiest life possible.

Anyway, just another set of thoughts, I hope everything works out well for you and your family, no matter what direction you choose to take.

Rachel

[MoniDew]

Hi, Sweetie!

You and I have had this conversation before, in a slightly differant vein. I live with 4 carnivores, 4 men, my husband and 3 sons. And I am the only raw foodist, the only vegetarian.

One of my sons refuse to eat anything even vaguely "healthy" (I'm not even talking about raw here, even cooked vegetables!) He eats complete crap! He is 14 1/2 and eats Lunchables! that stuff is like 100% chemicals. it scares me!

I'm a cancer specialist. I tell him that those chemicals can lead to cancer. That people come to me to get rid of the cancer. He knows what I tell them to eat (raw!) He knows what he'll have to do to get well, if this crap makes him sick. Yet he adamantly refuses to eat anything but junk. He'll eat an entire gallon container of ice cream if left unsupervised! (really!) He's an obese child who gets no exercise whatsoever. He plays video games all day long.

I feel guilty aiding and abetting his slow version of suicide. I tell you, shopping and cooking for my family feels like supplying dope to a drug adict or vodka to an alcoholic! Even though this family knows how I feel, they still expect me to participate in this co-dependant relationship.

Yes, it is mentally ill to continue, but this is the only family I have. I gave them up once, and decided that I'd rather live with them than without them. Living with them means living with cooked food, meat, and people who are brainwashed.

It's kinda like trying to convince somebody about your "religion" (person relationship with God.) If you nag at them, badger them, deride them, etc. you drive them FURTHER AWAY, rather than closer to, the truth.

LIVE THE TRUTH, right under their noses. WITH ALL THE LOVE IN YOUR HEART!

LOVE THEM TO THE TRUTH! ("love" being a verb in this sentance)

[Sharon in Colorado]

Teresa - I know how hard your situation is. I really think you need to have a heart to heart with your hubby - each of you try to meet somewhere in the middle. Obviously he's going to eat how he wants and you how you want, but you need to come to some kind of agreement how your daughter needs to eat.

If you are the shopper and food preparer, and if you know that there is no way around this, at least get some organic foods. That way you know if he's giving her animal products they don't contain dangerous pesticides.

Your relationship with your husband is far more important than the food you eat. It sounds like something might be there beyond diet. Maybe some control issues or something. Just something to think about - perhaps seek help about.

[swiddweas]

Well,

I live with three carnivores.

What I have found to be true FOR ME is: We all are individuals. Nobody can make us do something without our consent. I am in total control of what goes into my brain, thus my mouth.There will always be temptations in life. If it's not food, it's something else. Always temptations.Can never get away. So, the only solution to this is to have your own beliefs and convictions and believe in them so strongly that you can overcome the temptations in life. We cannot change others, only ourselves. Ourselves. We can be strong in knowing that nobody can change us unless we LET them. Those temptations are my friends because they enable me to become stronger. Without any resistence, I don't grow. Life is all about growing and changing. We all do this in our own time, when we are ready. The loved ones around me aren't ready. So what. Let them be. Let them eat their choice in food because to try to force someone when they aren't ready is totally controlling. If people say," I want some yummy ice cream", so, they want ice cream. So what. I have a choice to say yes or no. That's freedom. My choice is no thank you. Just as nobody is perfect and knows-it-all, we should make tremendous allowances for this fact and be the best we can be and let the others make all the mistakes they need to. No one forced me to eat raw food. I chose it and can change my mind any minute if I want. That is true freedom.

It will not kill my family to make mistakes in their choices. This is how i learned, by much trial and error. I do not fight or frown upon the choice my husband makes and gives to the children. When they are ready, they will come along.


Just because there is ice cream and cooked goodies in the house, doesn't mean that the other members of my family are trying to do me in (this is my thinking, anyway.) I look at the tempting food as a vehice toward stronger will power and control.



Patty

[rawpriestess]

Although I am totally in agreement with the raw food lifestyle, and I would for sure feed my family raw food if I had kids living with me.

You are missing a very valuable point here.

Your husband has the same rights as you do, to choose how his child is raised.

And if HE believes that she needs meat, then what needs to be done, is NOT to fight with him, but to educate him.

And if he doesn't want to learn, then there is nothing you can do, after all, you aren't listening to him about HIS way of life either.

The ONLY other thing you can do, is to continue to fight with him, which will NEVER work in your favor, OR, you can leave him, and then you have a whole new set of "control" issues with your child to deal with.

[Live Free]

Thank you everyone for all your support. I am working on the issues that I am dealing with, but I know you all are exactly right.

I just keep trying, my husband doesnt want to be educated about what I am feeding this baby or what he is feeding her.

Control issue.

Teresa and Mae
Live Free

[BDraw]

Teresa,

You've gotten a lot of great advice here. All of which I too needed to read -- again! Somehow what rawpriestess said hit me right between the eyes.

"You are missing a very valuable point here.

Your husband has the same rights as you do, to choose how his child is raised.

And if HE believes that she needs meat, then what needs to be done, is NOT to fight with him, but to educate him.

And if he doesn't want to learn, then there is nothing you can do, after all, you aren't listening to him about HIS way of life either.

The ONLY other thing you can do, is to continue to fight with him, which will NEVER work in your favor, OR, you can leave him, and then you have a whole new set of "control" issues with your child to deal with."

And I for one am not listening to HIS way of life either. We all grew up with knowledge of "how we are suppose to eat", some of us are lucky enough to break away from all that brainwashing -- which was in reality -- the truth as those that taught us knew it. What we are trying to do (raw) is foreign to most of the world.

Something a dear RAW friend told me, which I am trying to do is: Bless their food, no matter how much you may think it is "bad", just bless it and prepare it with love. I think that may be the answer. And remember God will answer that prayer and take care of our children. Our job is to do the best we can, sometimes our hands are tied, just a bit, yet we do the best we can. He will take care of the rest.

Blessings! BD

[Sharon in Colorado]

Thank you everyone for all your support. I am working on the issues that I am dealing with, but I know you all are exactly right.

I just keep trying, my husband doesnt want to be educated about what I am feeding this baby or what he is feeding her.

Control issue.

Teresa and Mae
Live Free

The control issue is going both ways it seems. If you don't meet in the middle or come to any kind of agreement where you both give a little to the other, there will always be problems between you.

Marriage is about giving as much as receiving.

[Revvell]

Marriage is about giving as much as receiving.

It is???? :eek:

[ebonysea7]

I agree with some of the others on this list. I think if you stop fighting with him about what the child eats and just continue giving her the healthiest food you can even though she's still eating meat she'll be way ahead of the game compared to what the average child is eating. In the meantime, by deciding not to fight you are more likely to win him over to your side.

/gfj

[Live Free]

Thanks Ebonysea7 those are my sentiments exactly.

Thank you all. I just wanted to add a comment, we did well today. And guess who didnt have meat for dinner? I think this is the only time my husband hasnt eaten any meat at any meal. He has to have meat with every meal.

It kind of made me laugh. I guess he didnt bother eating any because there was nothing cooked. Such as it is

And my baby didnt eat meat today. Whoo Hoo.

My Mom said she is praying for him, I said Thanks a lot Mom! :)

Good night and May God Bless all you kind people
Teresa and Mae

[Sharon in Colorado]

It is???? :eek:

Nah I was kidding around.

[Revvell]

Nah I was kidding around.

Whew!!!! *wipes sweat off forehead*

[Kris]

I just wanted to say how impressed I am by so many people who are able to live with meat-eaters. My husband, thankfully, is vegan (although not raw), though he was a meat-eater when I met him. Our journey has taken us in much the same direction, though it seems we don't always arrive at the same place at the same time.

For example, it took quite a bit of time and love and education from me to convince the man to give up dairy products. But he did, and he continues to make vegan choices every day. I often find it frustrating that I seem to be forging the path for both of us when it comes to health and nutrition and dragging him along behind me, but reading all of these posts makes me realize just how lucky I am. Because although he takes his sweet time doing it, he really does listen to what I am saying, do his own research, and think quite hard about it to make up his own mind.

So, in summary, I'm grateful for this discussion on two levels: one, I'm really appreciating my hubby's open-mindedness, and two, I'm incredibly impressed at the strength, willpower, and loving concern displayed by all of you who are living with less-than-supportive families. Good on you all!! :D

[MoniDew]

AMAZEMENT! True amazement, and I am saying this to encourage Live Free -

My husband asked that I start preparing him and the children salads SEVERAL times per week, starting now! (HAH!)

The light is dawning!!! Horray!!!!!

Stay strong, Live Free. It will happen!

[Live Free]

We have been doing great since my first post. I have convinced my husband to not play Russian roulet with my daughters health.

He agreed and will not feed her meat, to the best of his ability I will assume.

He also took three apples, one banana and one persimmon to work the other night for his dinner. Wow. I was totally impressed. I think he was trying to see what I was talking about. However, he said that he was starving.

I explained to him what he was missing and why he was still hungry. He will never be a vegetarian or vegan ever. I told him that I would never ask him to do that. I will never bother him about what he eats, he shouldnt tell us what we can eat or not. If he doesnt bother us about it again. We will all live happily ever after.

Teresa and Mae
Live Free

[Sharon in Colorado]

Sounds like you're living with the enemy there.

Good grief girl, go give him a massage. Tell him how much you love him. Make him a beautiful fruit plate and his favorite food - raw or SAD.

Remember he's part of that lovely little girl the 2 of you made.

[swiddweas]

Offering cooked food to someone in the spirit of love is a good thing, accept that. Most people are doing their best to get on in life with what they have and know.Most people won't go the raw way, eaither.

I believe that we are given our spouses for a reason. We should do everyting we can to support them at their level, not to try and make them someone they aren't.

Just because a spouse offers the cooked food he is enjoying to his raw spouse or to his children, doesn't necessarily make him controlling or someone who is trying to sabatoge your efforts. He is being generous in his eyes. Not evil or sabatogical (word?) Afterall, he is eating the food and really enjoying it and wants to share the gift with others. Why are we persecuting our cooked food loved ones just because they don't see what we see? Do we think we are better people then them because we are raw? i surely hope not.

It sounds to me like the real issue here isn't raw food vs. cooked food . Maybe you two could see a Counselor who could help you see the real reason why you have these negative feelings about your spouse?


It's not evil or a crime to eat cooked food for heaven's sake, LOL!! It's not the end of the world.


I HOPE! (just kidding!)

[Raw Sweetie]

I've been raw for four years and I got married in 2004. It's really hard!! For me not because of temptation, but my husband is soooo unhealthy. He's developing diabetes and is so combative about it!! He wasnt' like this before!! I think it's hard for people to deal with their addiction to food and taste--I mean there is a reason they are self-medicating in the "acceptable" SAD way. If anything (one) threatens their "happiness", why wouldn't they lash out? I agree with what many people posted: love your carnivore and keep yourself at a high level by continuing to grow. Make it your mission to continue this raw journey to be the light for those around you. When you're tempted, think about how your mission may be compromised if you give in!! I have a son, and it's difficult to find the balance of making responsible decisions vs forcing vs giving in. He drinks banana seed milk every morning with me and I make sure he has tons of raw fruit and veggies. If he wants meat, I give it to him and make sure he has loads of healthy things as well. I have faith that as he sees my example and if I don't make RAW an unpleasant "rule", that he will be positively influenced. Good luck, sweetie!

[Dr. Raw]

If I may, I think our heavenly Father or in most cases your higher self has given you/us FREEDOM of choice and your husband just like my wife has the FREEDOM to choose whether or not she wishes to eat meat.

My wife and I have been together for over 25 years and 23 of those married, We have learned to compromise and love each other through all of our indifferances.

And for the ladies, when your men folk awaken and get in touch with their feminin side, life seems to go much smoother around the house.

[sweetgoddess]

We have learned to compromise and love each other through all of our indifferances.ahhh wonderful statement. Love is truly granting someone the freedom to be and the freedom to choose the experiences they need to have.

[VeryBerry]

I in my opinion, the best thing you can do is let your daugher eat whatever she wants. Do not be controlling. It can cause more damage to the relationship than any food. When she will grow up she will do whatever she wants anyway.

I know a familiy that brough up 2 kids to be vegetarians, now both kids are teenagers and they are both meateaters. I sounds like she wants to eat meat so let her. Making an issue out of it is only going to make her and your husband reasentful.

If you chose to be vegetarian and raw foodist, do it yourself and let your sucess be an example for them. May be they will want to join you.
Trying to control other, even your kid, will only make you miserable.