Scared To Lose [Archive]

holistica

08-22-2011, 11:11 AM

I've been a raw foodist since 2007. When I started, I weighed 230 pounds, and by the time I got to the place that I considered myself to be the healthiest ever, I weighed 135 pounds.

Now, plateauing at 166 pounds after straying from raw for almost a year, I have to face my biggest demon of all: I'm scared to lose weight. I'm scared because of the way my friends and family reacted to it the last time, and I don't want to have to be bombarded by that again.

166 pounds feels safe. It feels normal or average. No one tells me I'm too fat or too skinny. People that come into the grocery store where I work tell me I look good... But I feel terrible.

At 135 pounds, I heard comments like this:

"If you lose any more weight, I'm going to start force-feeding you lard sandwiches."

"Your grandparents and I are discussing an intervention. We think you need to be checked into a home for women with eating disorders."

"Do you ever eat?"

So I'm sitting on the couch now trying not to cry because I know that 135 pounds was a good weight for me. I felt healthy, I felt free, I ate huge salads and lots of apples every day, lots of nuts and seeds, and avocados... And I keep trying to mimic the same habits and eating patterns I had back then, but I don't think the trouble is with the food. I think the trouble is in my fear of having to hear things like that again.

Any advice?

Revvell

08-22-2011, 11:21 AM

Learn EFT and voice dialogue.

I'm currently working with a group of women who have excess weight to eliminate. They all have fears of eliminating it because of various reasons ~ some that they wont keep it off; others that they wont be able to stop losing and will get too thin...

For me, I got away from those who didn't support me in my aliveness. It's all about self-esteem. Some VD (sentence completion) stems might be ~

(Say or write them, then finish with 6-10 different endings)

I'm afraid ~ (finish this)

If I get down to my ideal weight ~ (Finish this)

One reason people say those things to me is ~ (finish this)

For EFT ~

Even though people might think I'm too thin, I choose to love and accept myself

Even though people (can be specific if you want) say hurtful things when I reach my idea weight, I choose to love and accept them

Even though people say things when I reach my idea weight, I choose to love and accept MYself

Enjoy!

Revvell (http://www.facebook.com/RevvellsFitnessJourney)

MysticTree

08-22-2011, 11:50 AM

Revv has made some excellent suggestions.

Are you more than 5'9" tall? If not you could just thrust a height/weight chart at people and tell them to walk the plank!

Sorry ... I find this situation so frustrating because it would be nice if the motives of ones friends and family were benign.

I recommend trying to distance yourself from people who are toxic. I don't know how old you are ... still at home?

I have a friend who is a taker. I have put myself out for her time and again and not once has she put herself out for me. I didn't see her for a while (at least 4 months) but agreed to meet up the other day and I came away thinking ... you know, I really don't like you very much. So now I don't mind if I see her again - or not. I found this very liberating.

holistica

08-22-2011, 12:00 PM

I'm 5'8". I've tried throwing the BMI chart at them, indicating that they needn't worry unless I dropped below 120... I get in return, "oh you know that chart is messed up anyway. They don't take your bone structure or your age or anything else into consideration. If you weighed 120, you'd be dead."

I'm 28, and my husband and I live with my mother. It's hard to admit it, but she's been the most supportive family member I've had through all this, and even she still tells me I'm crazy sometimes.

MysticTree

08-22-2011, 12:05 PM

My ex-husband and I lived with his mother. It is a hard thing to do.

Try some of Revv's suggestions and learn to be stronger and if anyone starts trying to force-feed you lard sandwiches call the police. Abuse is abuse.

holistica

08-22-2011, 12:07 PM

Abuse is abuse. You know, it's scary how often I need to be reminded of that. Thanks, guys. By the way, just watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and had to hold back the tears. I could do 10 days on juice...

maggiesdaddy

08-22-2011, 01:14 PM

I personally have a lot of weight to release. I am 6"2 I started at 350 after some bad experiences as a teen (I was thin before that) and am now down to 290 after being vegetarian/vegan for 2 years and am now raw.

My wife however is 5"10 and weighs 130ish lbs and after having our first daughter went from a size 4 to a size 2. She looks good. Her stomach is flat (not that I would mind if it wasn't after all, I love her for her, not how she looks) and you can't see her ribs or anything. She in no way looks sickly, but her parents and mine are always saying that she is concave and that she looks so gross. It is hard for her to hear. No one else sees her with her cloths off so I don't know where they get off saying that she looks to thin. She is the ideal weight for HERSELF.

Althought I can't personally understand how you feel, I do know where you are coming from. My wife stuggles constantly to maintain a positive self image because of these people. Just be the person you want to be . . . 166 lbs, 130 lbs, or 290 lbs (in my case). The most important thing is that you are healthy and happy. I know it's easier said than done, but I know that everyone here supports you!

holistica

08-22-2011, 02:15 PM

Size 2? 4? I was barely a size 8 (barely like closer to a 10 rather than closer to a 6) and I was being attacked. I can only imagine how it must have been for her. This world is so strange. Thanks for your words of encouragement, and thank her for letting you share her tale. I hope she has less difficulty in the future as well.

13WaysToFeed

08-22-2011, 05:13 PM

If you settle in at 135 lbs. (or whatever) and that's where you feel healthiest, then you know it's your idle weight. Only you can make a proper judgment of your health, because only you knows what it feels like. These people are judging you on "their" beliefs and IMO will look for any excuse to ridicule you for your new lifestyle because it's so different then what they believe in. And that's ok. Everyone has their own beliefs and opinions, let that be. Know that only you know your truth and don't take things so personally because those people don't know your truth (even if they do think they have your best interests at heart).

therawmichelle

08-22-2011, 07:10 PM

Hello! I am very sorry to hear that you're having these problems because you are slim. However, one could fairly evaluate your health based on your weight only if they knew what your height is as well. I weigh 116 pounds and stand 5.5 feet and seem to be within normal ranges according to nutritionists. My BMI is somewhere at 19.5, which is fairly low, but within normal limits nonetheless. Perhaps you could explain this to your friends and family, that there are ways to measure health based and height and weight and that there's nothing wrong with being slim. In fact, according to some studies, a lower weight without driving yourself into starvation can actually prolong life and organ viability. The Okinawa diet is based on this calorie-restrictive concept: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calorie_restriction

I can imagine it is unjust and hurtful to hear someone close to you imply that you might be having a disorder just because you're slim. I am so sorry you had to go through this. :(

Revvell

08-22-2011, 07:22 PM

I don't see why you have to explain anything to anybody. You're an adult making adult decisions. People tend to put their fear on others and when they are out of control of themselves, reach out to attempt to control others. I've had people do that with me yet, when I'm strong in my stance and say what is, they just say "o.k." and leave me to meself.

CaraS

08-22-2011, 08:15 PM

I have to second the EFT suggestion. It's done wonders for me and my eating/'afraid to lose weight' issues. There's tons of videos on youtube if you google eft - and once you get the hang of it you can substitute whatever phrases work for you.

I also understand your loved ones' concerns. My partner and I have been eating a raw food diet for the last three months. We both had a lot of weight to lose but he's been much quicker with it and is now at a weight that is below what he was even aiming for and he'll likely still lose some more. He looks skinny - really skinny. But since I know what he's eating, I know he doesn't have anorexia or anything and he's getting lots of wonderful nutrients. His body is just settling out where it needs to be. I've had times where I comment on his thinness as if it may be unhealthy and I'm the one living with him! I think its just ingrained in a lot of us who live in the States surrounded by overweight people to look at someone who's lost a lot of weight and think they're too thin.

All in all, its your body and you know what's best for it. I'd definitely encourage you to try EFT for help in getting past this.

RawnieColeman

08-23-2011, 07:08 AM

Once upon a time, a foreign minister came to a Roman leader and asked for advice in politics and how to effectively manage citizens. The roman leader lead the foreigner to a field of wheat, and with a sweep of a scythe leveled the heads of the wheat to exactly the same height. The point being: make them all equal.

You see this sort of behavior all throughout school. Whenever a smart kid excels he is ridiculed until he feels ashamed about his talents for learning. Just about every stereotype you can think about, hates on another for having something they don't. It is programmed into us and insinuated throughout the school system as a matter of principle. Anyone who excels is a selfish person for making other people feel inadequate.

Don't ever feel bad about having something that separates you from the pack. Remind your friends and family that a cow, when fed a proper grass diet, has only 4% body fat and is perfectly healthy.

holistica

08-23-2011, 07:11 AM

Thanks, much, everybody. Your words of wisdom and encouragement make me feel so much better about this. I'm going to do a juice fast and see if I can get off my plateau, because I know where I want to be and what felt good to me.

@CaraS, I had the same thing happen to me that happened to your boyfriend. I was only shooting for 150 pounds as my goal, and I ended up down at 135. The thing is, the human body isn't meant to carry around nearly as much weight as we "fat Americans" think it can/should.

That's the thing I wondered about perception. Do I only look skinny compared to people around me who tend to be heavier, or am I really too thin? I still had a nice round belly on me at 135 pounds. I'm gonna keep going for that goal.

Thanks again, everyone (not that I'm closing the post because I'll take all the advice I can get, definitely looked into the EFT thing too)!

Raw Angel Mom

08-23-2011, 09:45 AM

I haven't read any replies so my apology if i repeat with others.

Ok, you give attachment about how others react. It is good, you found something that you can work on now.

The truth, you deserve to be happy, healthy and free from any limitation. Sometime, it bothers others to see you succeed but bless them instead and let go the attachment of what they feel. You will soon enough inspire them instead to do something about themselves.

My favourite thing for me: "What you think of me, is none of my business." at the end is what you think of you that matter.

My first year of raw, i went underweight, lol.... good heaven i was so skinny so can you imagine the reaction of my family, co-worker or friend, lol.... Today, they ask me advice because they can see that i clearly look great and healthy now.

135 pound depending of your high, doesn't seem skinny to me.

Let go your fear to be healthy and to please other people.

Take the gift that your body is trying to offer you which is health and vitality.

The power of the mind has no limitations. Visualize yourself healthy, with a cute bum and your family happy. Surround this vision with love and know in your heart it is done.

All is well and be happy now!

Raw Angel Mom

08-23-2011, 09:51 AM

maggiesdaddy

08-23-2011, 12:56 PM

I read some of the replies and yours.

I would throw that scale and visualize a cute body instead and most of all YOU BEING HEALTHY, BALANCE AND FULL OF ENERGY.

This woman did that on fruits

http://www.youtube.com/user/liferegenerator#p/u/8/QPZKsu_F52E

Focus on your health, always, weight lost is side effect.

Aimed for the stars sweet angel, for the stars and don't even compromise.

Blessings to you!

RawAngelMom,

I know that I don't post often so you don't really know me, but I have to say that I have stalked this board for a while and I love reading each and every one of your posts! I struggle with self esteem and this one really got to me. Thank you for being you!

Adam4man

08-23-2011, 02:39 PM

Good luck, Holistica!
I had a similar problem when I first went raw.
My family began to lay off my case when they saw that I was still active, strong, and leading a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps if you explain quickly that you are still getting all of the necessary protein, fat, calcium, and nutrients, and that you have more energy and feel better, they will be more accepting.
I feel for your situation, and hope the best for you!

Norie

08-23-2011, 02:47 PM

I have the same problem! :( I am 5'2 and about 130 pounds and people keep saying they are 'worried' about me... IM NOT EVEN ANYWHERE NEAR SKINNY!!! They are always like, "oh I worry you don't get enough vitamins blah blah blah.." and it's like, well if I stuffed my face with mcdonalds no one would be worried about my health, but instead I eat a HUGE amount of fresh pure fruit vegetables nuts and seeds... And all hell breaks loose?? Sorry for my rant...

MysticTree

08-23-2011, 03:12 PM

these comments are rooted in their own insecurities and not your health. (imo)

13WaysToFeed

08-23-2011, 05:14 PM

My favourite thing for me: "What you think of me, is none of my business." at the end is what you think of you that matter.

Love that!

Raw Angel Mom

08-23-2011, 07:38 PM

RawAngelMom,

I know that I don't post often so you don't really know me, but I have to say that I have stalked this board for a while and I love reading each and every one of your posts! I struggle with self esteem and this one really got to me. Thank you for being you!

((((Hugs to you))))), you are worthy and loved!

Raw Angel Mom

08-23-2011, 07:42 PM

Love that!
"What you think of me is none of my business"

Glad you like it.

This quote is from dr. Dr. Wayne Dyer. It has been so useful and very liberating. I believe this is from his movie the shift. Highly recommended.

All the best!

Revvell

08-23-2011, 08:32 PM

This quote is from dr. Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I know it from Terry Cole Whitaker's book which has been around since at least 1988. Did she get it from him?

holistica

08-24-2011, 02:40 AM

holistica

08-24-2011, 02:42 AM

Ok, you give attachment about how others react. It is good, you found something that you can work on now.

The truth, you deserve to be happy, healthy and free from any limitation. Sometime, it bothers others to see you succeed but bless them instead and let go the attachment of what they feel. You will soon enough inspire them instead to do something about themselves.

My favourite thing for me: "What you think of me, is none of my business." at the end is what you think of you that matter.

Thanks so much for your post and that quote in particular. That's really helpful to me in many of life's situations. :)

Raw Angel Mom

08-24-2011, 02:49 AM

I know it from Terry Cole Whitaker's book which has been around since at least 1988. Did she get it from him?

Great possibility. He is intellect, spiritual and read a lot ancient book. He made a must see movie the shift.

Raw Angel Mom

08-24-2011, 02:52 AM

Thanks so much for your post and that quote in particular. That's really helpful to me in many of life's situations. :)

I am so happy sweet heart. It is so normal that people around us and even our immediate family tend to sabotage our effort but at the end if you hold on and believe in you instead, you will help them to make the shift as well.

It is all good and you are loved!

RawnieColeman

08-24-2011, 06:20 AM

This quote is from dr. Dr. Wayne Dyer.Wow, You listen to Wayne Dyer too?? I've listened to his "Change your thoughts, change your life" E-book at least a dozen times.

And yes, I do have a life. The e-books help get me through my monotonous days at work. I love it though, let's me get a ton of 'reading' done while I get paid!

Also, it's funny how when you lose weight super slow and you could use a word or two of encouragement and nobody except people you don't even like that much bother notice. But lose 'too fast', and all of a sudden everybody is a board certified nutritionist.

holistica

08-24-2011, 07:42 AM

Also, it's funny how when you lose weight super slow and you could use a word or two of encouragement and nobody except people you don't even like that much bother notice. But lose 'too fast', and all of a sudden everybody is a board certified nutritionist.

Tell me about it. I was talking about a 10-day juice feast at work yesterday and all I got for responses were, "are you crazy?" and "isn't that bad for you?" *sigh* It amazes me what passes for nutritional knowledge these days.