I really need some help, please

[EscapeArtist]

I went raw for 30 days and in that 30 days it's like my life changed. Anxiety disappeared, depression disappeared, I got back to school, BDD disappeared!! Even my fear of intimacy started to disappear, which is a complete miracle. All this great stuff started happening AND THEN

I went off of it, about 30 days ago now. And I am worse off than even before I went raw. I have gotten into milk products and I'm lactose, and it has taken a serious toll on everything. I'm housebound again, my BDD is worse than before (actually, i've gained so much weight that it's not even dysmorphia at all)

Every time I try and go raw, I give up before I get through even one day... I'm scared of feeling good in case it is taken away. I'm scared of change, of success, of trying, so many fears! I'm also scared to go without addictions (to food). I think I'm mainly scared because I know that raw will take me to the places I want to be, and have wanted to be for so long, that part of me doesn't want to believe it. (It really helped THAT much!)

Raw is my only hope at the moment, but how do I get back to it??? I'm so lost. I don't even know what I'm asking for from ya. Tips on transitioning without including cooked food? Tips on... how to regain the excitement that you get the first time you go raw? Encouragement? Motivation? Motivation!

[Revvell]

Part of what's happening here is, you're focusing on the food, rather than on your emotions. You've reached what we call an "upper limit". Things are going REALLY well, you become anxious and stop doing what's bringing you what you say you want.


I'm scared of feeling good in case it is taken away.This is very common. If we've got abandonment issues, when we get into a relationship we have to end it first before we're "abandoned". We've learned that good things don't last and bad things last forever. I've heard so many say something like ~ "things are going so well; I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop" so they create it and say "See? see?"

What you're doing is staying within your comfort zone ~ obviously, because the monkey mind is comfortable there.

One thing I have my clients do is work with sentence completions... Some for you would be ~

If I allow myself to feel good ~ (finish with 6-10 different endings)... some examples are:

If I allow myself to feel good ~
I wont know how to act
People will expect more of me
it wont last
I'll be way out of my comfort zone.....

Others you might do are ~

If I didn't use food as an addiction ~
If I go back to eating raw ~
If I felt safe leaving the house ~
One reason I don't want to leave the house is ~
One reason I don't feel safe leaving the house is ~

Remember, 6-10 different endings for each of those.

Check your monkey mind (that lil chattering voice in your head) and see if it tells you not to do those; what good will it do... blah, blah, blah. What good they will do is assist you in going in and finding out the why's and wherefore's. What you want to do is get that/those voices to support you. If those voices were the voices of people outside of you, would you listen to them? Would you call them friend? What you're hearing are the voices of fear. What you want to do is change the voices to voices of support, aliveness, awareness.

You call yourself "Escape Artist" and, currently, you're escaping from life. What you want to be is an Escape Artist from the fears that bind you. I changed my name to give myself something to live up to ~ to revel in life!

~ Revvell ~

[Mindful mama]

Artist,
i am sending you Light & Love. You deserve everything you experienced while raw for 30 days! You deserve to feel joyful, positivly self directed, & self supportive.
Start by eating your next meal or snack raw.
Consider reading your posts & conversations from last month's challange to remember what you ate that you loved, how it made you feel, and just how quickly you began to see & feel the change!
You can have any experience you choose. You know what the right choice is for you. You know the way there. Begin your journey. And begin it again. And again. And again. And...

[bella30]

Mmmm. Sorry to hear about your situation. You did it once-you can get there again. I just want to 2nd what Revvell stated in her post --so good for everybody.

[EscapeArtist]

Thankyou, Revvell! Doing that was extremely helpful. I completed those questions 3 days ago and I feel a lot lighter after having sorted through it on paper. It seems to have really helped, too, because I have been raw since (3 days) and I feel like I'm in it for the long haul this time, I feel ready for change. I'm going to keep those questions/answers around in case the 'monkey mind' begins to chatter and I need clarification. Thanks again for all of the effort you put into that post!

As for the name, is it possible to change usernames? I have been wanting to ever since joining. I used the same name as the one that I had on an anxiety forum, didn't think that one through. I definitely need a more positive way of looking at myself other than as an escape artist...

[klomasius]

So glad you are doing better!

I see your name as a very positive thing, how about using the same name but looking at it differently?

Escape Artist: someone who is effective at escaping from the rat race and all the negative things about our modern society.

Escape Artist: someone who is talented at escaping from the crappy food and thought cycle and escaping into a better frame of mine and a wonderful new way of eating!

Escape Artist: someone who is escaping from a JAIL! Of the mind, or the body, whatever you wish.

Escaping can sometimes be a wonderful thing! When we escape from the bad things that plague us, we are moving toward the good things yes? :woohoo:

[Revvell]

Thankyou, Revvell!

You're welcome and congratulations for taking a giant step.



As for the name, is it possible to change usernames? I have been wanting to ever since joining. I used the same name as the one that I had on an anxiety forum, didn't think that one through. I definitely need a more positive way of looking at myself other than as an escape artist...

It's not up to me yet, I agree with Klomasius. I think Escape Artist is a GREAT name! Escaping from the fears that have kept you immobile for all this time?

[lovenlife]

Awesome thread and answers! Great work Rev and Klomasius!
You both got Escape Artist back on track! Extraordinary!:woot: