Raw, when you live with a chef...

[Metamorpha]

I have attempted to go raw before and one thing I find that makes it really difficult is living with my fiance who is a chef. Cooking is his first social response, it's how he shows he cares for people. He makes me these delicious cooked dinners and he can make just about anything! Every night when I get home he asks me "what do you want for dinner?"

My first thought was to try to get him interested in raw "cooking" so he would be more apt to do it with me instead of trying to cook for me. He did start drinking green smoothies at work which is great! Anyone who's ever worked in a restaurant knows how hard it is to a) eat anything healthy and b) eat enough on long shifts. He said the smoothies seemed to help his energy a lot. But when it comes to lunch and dinner, he wants cooked. He clearly doesn't like not being able to cook for me. And although he loved the food we had at Grezzo he's really not interested much in raw "cooking".

It's not that he's totally against me eating raw and he helps me whenever I make something. He even told me recently I should start raw up again. He just doesn't seem to want to not be able to cook for me ever again, you know?

Breakfast and lunch are easy for me to do raw because he's at work and when I'm at work I can just go to the grocery store and get whatever produce I want and make a big salad.

I want to try to eat more raw again and I am thinking this time I will try to have a raw side dish with dinner, and try to keep dinner steered towards healthier options. I don't think 100% raw is possible right now and I know it will fail if I try to do it, so for now I am happy with just trying to be mostly raw.

Anyone else have suggestions?

[GoodCat]

I would shoot for high raw (at least 85%) and then enjoy a little cooked food at night. But I wouldn't want the cooked food to be SAD. No animal, refineds grains, refined sugar, refined rice, ect...

Its really to bad he couldn't get into raw "cooking". There is so much that can be done with that...

:D

[DebB]

I do all my own meal prep. My husband cooks his own food. Both of us are more than willing to include the other in what we're preparing. But since I want to eat this way, I just make what I want to eat. Easy peasy! My husband loves the food I make & eat and a lot of what he eats daily is raw. Would it work for you do just do all your own meal prep?

Oh, a suggestion would be to see if there is a Raw Food Meetup in your area. I started one in our area and we're slowly growing. Last meetup we had 11 people. We get together and have a raw potluck once a month, usually someone demoes something too - lots of fun! You can check it out at www.meetup.com *Ü*

[Stella Green]

I was just talking to my friend, who is a senior citizen. Her husband, who passed away, was a chef at a french restaurant, and for this reason, she used to cook in the garage! This is because her husband didn't want to smell food when he got home from being in the kitchen all day. An extreme example, I know. But what I mean is, maybe your fiance might want to take a break from food. Maybe you could just eat raw and he eats what he eats, but take the focus away from food. It sounds like his life is centered around food, but surely there are other pleasures meant to be explored. Listening to music maybe, or maybe you could start a ritual of just walking around the neighborhood.

[somelikeitraw]

I know you wrote that he doesn't want to be a raw chef and I still find myself wondering if he really needs to actually cook for you or if maybe he could feel good about using his awesome chef skills to create food for you that you both might enjoy, perhaps the "sides" could be raw and you just don't have the cooked stuff. Feeding people to show love has been huge in my upbringing (I'm guessing it's been a big factor for a lot of families) and I find myself grappling now with feeding my own loved ones. Used to cook for a living and now being raw and feeling the benefits, I wrestle with guilt feelings when cooking and feeding cooked to my family. Oops! Sorry, I got off track there. My thought is that it feels good to feed people you love. It feels better to feed them the way you feel best eating but that isn't always what they want. Likewise for your sweetie. He wants to feed you the best way HE knows how. Is it possible to put it to him that his fantastic knife skills could be used to create something beautiful, tasty, and also not cooked that you would feel the love in while your eating it? Could he find it in himself to give you what you want and not what he wants? Is there a way to compromise in another area of your lives together so that he gives here and you can give there? Is he the kind of chef that is fun to be in the kitchen with? If so, maybe you could prepare meals together and you could learn from each other. Many chef skills would be very valuable to a raw food preparer.

In case there are any folks wondering about my self talk regarding the above guilt issues - I console myself with the fact that I am giving my loved ones what they want in much healthier way than if they went out to eat at the usual sub-standard places that they tend to frequent to get food in a fast and cheap way.

[Pop Tart]

I'm a Chef!
It was my chosen field a long time ago and I still work in a kitchen cooking even though I've chosen raw for myself.
I've decided that you cannot change everyone, and I do my best to put forth "healthy" meals that are appealing to the senses.
My husband is not a raw eater, but cooks for himself.
He also prepares some raw for me :) He enjoys trying my raw food.
As long as both of you are satisfied with your ways of eating, then why not let things be?

[changeisgood]

My husband isn't a raw foodie - he will join me in smoothies and juicing.
And he'll eat my salad concoctions and fruit salads. Sometimes try something I make thats totally foreign to him. But when it comes down to it, he makes what he wants or I cook for him, which I enjoy doing for him.
When we go to B&N I show him the pictures in some of the cookbooks and he is amazed at how gourmet raw food eating can be. So, I know I will be able to slip something in here and there. Although we may be cooking different meals, we still enjoy being in the kitchen together since it is the conversation, joking around and being playful.
If I were in your shoes, I would do as others said, make a raw side dish that coordinates with his cooking, and take a smaller portion of his so he feels appreciated. If it were my husband, it is being appreciated that he looks for from me, whatever he is trying to do for me. They take it very personally when we reject them even though it isn't them we are rejecting. Perhaps trying a different approach in communicating. It's a toughie!

[D'vorah]

Cooking is his first social response, it's how he shows he cares for people.

You've nailed the problem right there. Most of the diet sabotagers that I've met do it (whether they know it or not) for exactly this reason. They don't know another way to show love.

A long talk about the love you each give and the love you each receive?
Discuss new ways of showing/receiving love?
An objective third party to walk you through the issue?

The book The Five Love Languages lays out specific "love languages," one of which is "acts of service." Perhaps you could talk to him about ways, other than cooking that he might learn to speak love to you?

If cooking is his bottom line, if it's the only way he knows and the only way he is willing to care for you and he is unwilling to compromise, you WILL have to be the one compromising in this relationship. You have to decide if the relationship or the raw lifestyle is what you're willing to compromise on. Otherwise, this will always be an issue, always be between you, and sooner or later, one of you will be living in resentment.

[meetpeter]

hey guys,
i have just joined and i like the concept.
i have experience of living with a chef because my friend is a chef and he always say me that do things like this and that.i must say it is a difficult job and its is our social responsibility too.
thanks for sharing such a good material.
i really like it!!!!