Are People NICER To You When You Are Skinny? [Archive]

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 04:22 AM

Do people seem nicer to you when you're skinny? Do they tend to treat slender people better? Have you yourself ever found yourself looking at a really fat person with disdain? Such a temptation is only human, and we are not above human experience. Well, most of us, lol.

This question has crossed my mind a few times. I thought it would be interesting to see what others' impressions are? Experiences too?

Some say it's more "in your own head", how you feel about yourself, how you behave. ("How you behave" as being based on your own sense of worth or dignity, and because of that, you'll have higher expectations for yourself.) They say that others pick up on how you feel about yourself, and react accordingly. In other words, based on your own demeanor, good or poor, others will treat you the same as you project yourself. I think this is partially true. Others still have their choices, their attitudes, independent of how you affect them.

One obvious aspect to all this, is that of being attractive - a natural gift. I think it is safe to say that slender people are generally seen to be more attractive.

Then, it was wise Solomon who said, "He who neglects discipline despises himself". And so, it stands to reason that if one grows in discipline, that person will not despise himself/herself. (PLEASE do not despise yourself, regardless!!! It's not about that!)

But, do others despise an overweight person? At least subconsciously? We don't mean ALL people, of course. But, what is the general tendency?

Sure, there are some beautiful philosophical life-outlooks like "You're only pretty as you feel", "It's the heart that counts", "Never judge a book by its cover", etc. And there's something to be appreciated in such statements. But, how many folks have this attitude - in the real world?

Then comes a good question -- "Should I really care what others think about me?"

Maybe someone could explain this better, in psychological terms.. but my own sense is...

If what another thinks (negatively of me) can be handled in a way that is constructive and profitable for me, then by all means, I should care.

Kind of like "Don't get bitter, get better".

But, if someone cannot handle what others think at all - like "this whole thing is just too much of a bummer.. I cannot turn it around" -- then it would only be self-destructive to pay too much attention to what others say, think or do. And self-destruction is to be avoided at all costs.

I don't normally think of myself as overweight. I guess cuz in my mind, I'm still my skinny old self.

Mirrors lie. Cameras don't.

I've added some heft over the years, and I don't carry it well. Some folks look like a pear, others like an apple.. where most of it goes to the middle... then the torso.... then the face. Well, I'm the apple. And I can gain weight just by looking at a picture of food.

Or there's a "fat meeting" going on in town, and my body's the Convention Center.

I know my wife loves me, even with the unneeded love handles and extra wedding ring. We've talked about it now & then. And even though she loves me all the same, she would certainly delight in me more, to have back the slender husband of her youth.

I wanna be hubby, not flubby.

Also, I've noticed over the years that some of the relatives don't seem very nice to me anymore. (And I try very hard not to trip.. not to concoct things in my own mind.. if you know what I mean. And I've reached out to them, to overcome this kind of feeling.. to make sure it wasn't just my imagination. But after years of this, I still can't help the feeling -- it's NOT just my imagination.) It's gotten to where I don't even like to go to holiday get-togethers anymore.

That is, not until I've done my Rocky Balboa number and whipped myself back into shape. Can you hear the music? (Rocky theme plays in background. Lol.)

OK, maybe this sounds like buying others' acceptance, based on performance. I don't mean it as such. And, I don't think this is guilt or shame-based. I'm really doing this for myself, as a matter of self-respect.. for all the right reasons. I'm seeking that constructive response! :p

Does that make any sense?

sport

01-06-2011, 04:49 AM

I think that it is all in your own mind.
I know someone who claims that she is treated better by the staff in the bank when she wears her good jewellery. I find that attitude a little sad and unbelievable. I do not have good jewellery and believe that you are treated better in the bank if you treat them better.
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewellery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 05:24 AM

I think that it is all in your own mind..
You get back what you give.
If wearing her good jewelery makes her feel better about herself then maybe she will treat them better as a result and it will come back at her.
If being thin makes you feel better then the same will happen.

Sport, thank you for your response. I like the point that you make, that the impression you leave on others is largely shaped by your own perception, and projection.

But, how can this be entirely so? People are still people, with free will, and not all of them are the same. Some choose to respond positively and maturely. (Maybe most of them, in the scenario you describe.) Others do not respond favorably. Indeed, they can be influenced by one's persona, demeanor and general vibe. But where do you get a guaranteed outcome, in all cases, that you can control?

Are you sure it's purely a matter of "all in your own mind"?
Is this the entire truth?

sport

01-06-2011, 05:44 AM

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.
Examples are the man that is in the news the past two days that is described as "the homeless man with the golden voice"
Another example is Susan Boyle in that first appearance on television.

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 06:35 AM

But I think that we can overcome the personal bias of others by what we project.

Sport - I appreciate your insight. Yet the burden of the original question was to seek a solution to a problem - that is outside oneself.

Not to make the problem purely a product of oneself.

If a person projects a truly good image of himself, and another has a very bad attitude and perceives all things negatively, with whom does the shortcoming lie?

Sincere Blessings

Aleesha Sattva

01-06-2011, 10:18 AM

i have a friend who says that if she goes into town and isn't dressed really nicely she never gets good service. when she told me that i laughed. at that time i was 300 pounds and dressed horribly all the time. i always got great service. made friends with everyone i met.

i haven't found a change at all since getting thin. i find i still get the same great service.

so i think it's more in how you treat others than in how thin you are, how you dress etc.

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 01:02 PM

i have a friend who says that if she goes into town and isn't dressed really nicely she never gets good service. when she told me that i laughed. at that time i was 300 pounds and dressed horribly all the time. i always got great service. made friends with everyone i met.

Thanks for your reply, Aleesha. 300 pounds!?? I didn't know. Now you're a skinny Minnie. What an amazing testimony you have!!! :)

Stina

01-06-2011, 01:21 PM

Naomi Wolfe wrote on this general subject, a book called The Beauty Myth. Sorry, its been proven scientifically over and over again that people project positive attributes to attractive people and vice versa. I've especially observed this in the work place. I'm careful to not buy into it and rise above it. The other end of it is to not end up getting socially conditioned by it.

nadien alexandra

01-06-2011, 01:30 PM

I agree that it is really what you project out into the world. You let out a particular vibration and that vibration reverberates.

the slender thing... perhaps you have some internal discomfort with your appearance as a fatty and you project this discomfort, unhappiness, un-self-confidence, out into the world. You receive this back from the world. When you don't like you, no one will have reason to like you either.
You tell the world (without verbalizing, as this is not necessary, just popular, as a means of communication) that you are nothing to look at and appreciate, and so no one looks at you as something to appreciate!

EDIT:

I think when someone appears more physically attractive, subconsciously, you are SEEING an attractive body/mind spirit. When someone loves themselves, you can SEE it on the physical plane, and it looks very physically attractive.

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 01:33 PM

Naomi Wolfe wrote on this general subject, a book called The Beauty Myth. Sorry, its been proven scientifically over and over again that people project positive attributes to attractive people and vice versa.

Hi Stina - I have long believed that the concept or "standard" of beauty has become a cruel oppression upon women, both for those compelled to live by it via the media, and to those the media compels to model it. I think this applies to men too, although women have been far more exploited. This aspect, I never even thought of, when I raised the question.

Aleesha Sattva

01-06-2011, 02:03 PM

stina i hear you but i think it's the individual. some individuals look at the outer appearance of people... other's look to the softness of their eyes and speech. i'm one of the latter.

i don't judge people on how they look instead i look at how they walk their talk... if they do i respect and admire them. if they don't... i simply turn the other way and look for someone who does.

i honestly wasn't treated poorly as an obese woman. my hubby and son didn't even realize i was that overweight. they didn't see me like that. i guess it's because i didn't see myself like that either. i saw myself as an enlightened being who was shining her light. not as a fat woman living in this world.

great conversation brother bear!

RawHealthyBeauty

01-06-2011, 03:52 PM

Well.......ever since I've been eating raw food......alot of my perspective have changed.....

I really don't think any of us were meant to be overweight now that I know what the wonders of raw food can do for the body.

Before raw food, I just thought that being overweight was just something that seem to be somewhat unavoidable and normal to some extent (now I know that is the unnatural fattening chemicals/substances in processed/cooked food these days going back to the late eighties for me. I rarely overeat/binge and exercise all the time) and the media hanging the concept of having a slender perfect body in front of my nose seemed out of reach no matter how hard or how much I tried.

Then raw food came across my path......I went from a junior size 11-9 to junior size 3-1. I'm doing P90X which is achieving the goal that I had for so long to have a cute energetic fit body no matter what age I am.

I like feeling good about me and I do it for me.

The point is that with raw food, beauty does not feel like a cruel oppression, but it certainly did felt like it on SAD food.

People treat me pretty much the same now and then, except with the curiosity/wonders of how did I do it to look so good!!

To answer your question, I believe it has a lot to do with how one feel about the self that either attracts the positive attention or the negative attention along with how we treat others.

RawKnitster

01-06-2011, 04:32 PM

There was a time when I first went raw and started losing weight that I thought people were paying more attention to me. I quickly realized it had nothing to do them and everything to do with how I put myself out there. It is about how bright we are shining, which for me has everything to do with how happy I am with my food choices and the vibrations and magnetisim I absorb from the raw foods I eat.

Eating raw will expand our consciousness, increase our vibration and our magnetic field, which draws people to us.

Here is a quote from David Wolfe which describes it best: "Your mind is a living magnet. You draw people, things, and circumstances into your life in harmony with your dominant thoughts and desires. The Law of Attraction demonstrates that you will experience whatever you hold in your conscious mind long enough and deeply enough. The more intensity you attach to your thoughts, the quicker that desire becomes a reality."

klomasius

01-06-2011, 07:35 PM

I definitely think it's a mixture of both.

People DO get treated differently, even if they have the most positive attitude. Sexual dynamics are different, levels of attractiveness are different (not just measured on appearance but on other chemical biological cues that change with excess weight), it's keyed into our genes and has a lot to do with how we assess health (which is a good way to assess the ability of an individual to a) produce offspring and b) be alive to raise these offspring to breeding age). This is mainly to do with interactions between people of the opposite sex, but to a lesser extent people of the same sex.

I'm not sure about the 'nice or not' bit, I think that might be more to do with society's attitude toward overweight people, but I'd say there'd still be those underlying biological cues.

Attitude does have a significant impact on the way we interact with the outside world, and we can significantly increase our number of overall positive interactions with the outside world (or lower them) with a change in attitude (which encompasses the assessment of self worth).

Upon saying that though, it's not just our attitude, but the attitude of others around us that shape our daily world interactions, and for someone who has been overweight all their lives (different from someone who hasn't been and has put on weight after being normal weight) this shapes their very personalities from a young age.

My own personal experience is in line with the research on this topic. I put on a massive amount of weight after the birth of my son, and peope treated me very differently. Men literally ignored me. Even without my baby, on my own , all the cues I had from men beforehand were not there and there was a distinct difference in my interactions with people due to my weight. I was quite astounded, as I had been around normal body weight, if a little over sometimes.

I lived for about a year in the body of an overweight person and the world was vastly different for me.

EternityRider

01-06-2011, 08:11 PM

I definitely think it's a mixture of both.

Oh, I don't feel all alone now. :D
(didn't anyway. :-)

In the world of science and Mind Science, physics and Metaphysics, both of these realities are observed. Much that has been expressed here clearly reflects a more metaphysical vantage point.

("Mind over matter", "cause & effect", "It's a thought world" -- all that exists is but an out-picturing of thought.. "There is no life, truth, intelligence, nor substance in matter. All is infinite Mind, and its infinite manifestation...")

Existentialism also comes into play (a fascinating and varied-meaning word.) :cool:

All that to say.. this has been very insightful. As another student of life, I find there is so much to learn. And I think that folks here do want to take individual responsibility for their inner state, their actions, their outlook on life, rather than blameshift it all on others.

Again, thanks everyone for your heartfelt responses! :)

k8sl8

01-06-2011, 09:24 PM

There was a well-known study done where pictures were shown to babies... They responded more positively to "attractive" faces than to plain or unattractive faces. Basically, I think this says it all. We are hardwired to "beauty".

I have been heavy, not heavy... happy, not happy but always just "average" in looks. I know for a fact that "pretty" people are always responded to in a different manner. I don't necessarily think this is a good thing, just different.

RawHealthyBeauty

01-06-2011, 11:51 PM

True beauty comes from a place of love.

Aleesha Sattva

01-07-2011, 12:14 AM

True beauty comes from a place of love.

YES!!! Yes Yes!

Stina

01-07-2011, 12:55 AM

EternityRider

01-07-2011, 01:29 AM

True beauty comes from a place of love.

I like it! I like it!

EternityRider

01-07-2011, 01:35 AM

I lurk at another raw food forum that recently put Alissa Cohen on their list of fat people. Yep......that's absurd.

It is. It always amazes me that folks make bodily purity such a HUGE issue, while having absolutely no problem with the extremely toxic, poisonous-to-the-spirit hate, anger, intense bitterness and cruel ridicule they so freely indulge in.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.

klomasius

01-07-2011, 02:39 AM

I've personally risen above it. I work with the elderly and I'm constantly amazed at how much beauty I see in them. I don't tell them anymore though, it makes them uncomfortably self conscious. Instead I express the love I feel for them and they feel that and appreciate it.

It's not pessimistic, just realistic to observe that we live in a image obsessed society. I lurk at another raw food forum that recently put Alissa Cohen on their list of fat people. Yep......that's absurd. I think she has the ideal physique with curves and strength. That kind of thinking is why I lurk there and not participate.

Stina, you are SO RIGHT!!!

It never ceases to amaze me that a certain segment of the raw food population can be so darn shallow and judgmental. I often wonder at the state of mind that allows someone to think that physical perfection is so much more important than evolving one's mind and attitude. Both are important, but if I had to pick one over the other, I'd definitely choose having a better attitude and outlook on life.

The way I see it, those who focus on the negative (i.e. always bagging others) are looking back down the path into the past. Those who concentrate on the positives are looking down the path into the future, to where we should be going, not where we came from.

I can't help but wonder what it is that these people feel is lacking in their lives that they have to concentrate SO HARD on the negatives and not move on and be positive examples.

I, like you, see beauty on almost everything, I can't think of a single person I know of that doesn't have something beautiful about them. I adore the fact that this is where my mind has evolved to, this wasn't always the case, I used to be a very negative, sarcastic person (now I only pretend to be, inside it's all mushy and hippy and flowery).

Thanks for being so loving to the people you work with. Big hugs to you!!!!! :D

Dimond

01-07-2011, 08:04 AM

I'm also one for seeing beauty that others can't. I never make a decision purely on someone's appearance. I think that's ridiculous and unfortunate for everyone when people do that. I've known some amazing people that are overweight. What's funny is how people view a beautiful appearance as an accomplishment to be awed over. It's meaningless. The world is basically deciding whether someone is worthy or not based on nothing and it's sad.

somelikeitraw

01-07-2011, 08:48 PM

Replying without having time to read all of the previous replies -

My mother was 5'10" and weighed 400+ pounds my entire life. She had a very high opinion of herself, was very well educated, had a good heart and usually treated people well. I say usually because if one started off on the wrong foot with her, look out. One day she and I were swimming in a river and when we got out and walked up on the shore there were some kids playing near their parents. The kids stopped and watched my mom and me walk by. One of them pointed at her and said very loudly "look at that fat lady!", the kids all laughed loudly and the parents just sort of snickered under their breath, you could see them shake even though they didn't laugh out loud. My mom, without missing a beat, turned to the parents and said very loudly to me, without pointing," Wow, Holl, look at that incredibly rude child!" Things like this happened more often than I would like to remember. She always made like it didn't matter but there were times when her armor came off and her tears soaked my understanding shoulders.

When I was in grade school some kids wanted to know if I was adopted because my mom was so fat and I was so skinny. They actually asked me that in so many words. One even shut me out when I said I wasn't adopted. There were jokes of how I was going to get fat too. In high school I made some friends that looked past the outside of my mom and they would ask her to movies with us and include her in some of things we were doing.

If she wore nicer clothes she was accepted better by adults but the younger kids were just downright mean.

In my own experiences, when I was skinny I was treated better. Then I grew up, had a baby, put on weight and people didn't treat me the same way. Even my own family. Being raw has helped me release over 70 pounds and I am finding that people are again treating me in a nicer way. There have always been some people that see past the outside and have treated me with love and respect no matter what I weighed. However, even my own father has issues with my weight. He keeps telling me how proud of me he is that I lost so much weight. While it feels good for him to be proud of me, I can't help thinking that I wish he was proud because I am a good person, a good mom, a good daughter, a kind hearted, compassionate being that makes the world a better place simply by living.

I believe that some people will always see the outside, the package, of others and will judge them and in so doing deprive themselves of getting to know some really wonderful people. I also believe that there will always be other folks who don't see the package, they see the person.

I do know that if I am having a rough day and not very pleased with myself for some reason, others feel it and treat me accordingly. Likewise, if I feel good others feel it and treat me better than on my off days.

My answer is that there is no way to change what is outside of you. I don't mean your body/package, I mean we each can only change ourselves. I can only change me and the way I look at things/react to things. No matter how much we want to not care what others think, it seems to really matter. It's a human thing. We want to be loved, accepted and appreciated. Just as we are. Just because we live.

Even in the book Eating For Beauty by David Wolfe studies are sited that have shown that beauty makes a difference. Do we oooo and ahhh over the dull mousy brown moth or the monarch butterfly?

klomasius

01-07-2011, 11:46 PM

Somelikeitraw, you said it all... well said, well said. :)

Aleesha Sattva

01-08-2011, 09:48 AM

However, even my own father has issues with my weight. He keeps telling me how proud of me he is that I lost so much weight. While it feels good for him to be proud of me, I can't help thinking that I wish he was proud because I am a good person, a good mom, a good daughter, a kind hearted, compassionate being that makes the world a better place simply by living.

Couldn't he also be proud of you for those things but in this moment he's sharing that he's proud of what you've achieved?

My family, friends, etc often tell me how proud they are of me for releasing 170 pounds... but I don't take it to mean that they aren't proud of my many other achievements and attributes in this life. It's just what they are commenting on in that moment.

Going back to the conversation at hand...

I think that if your focus is on your weight or the weight of others you will see discrimination moreso than someone who does not focus on those aspects. For example: someone with brown hair may feel that blondes get more attention. Someone with short legs may feel people with longer legs get more whistles at the beach...

lovenlife

01-08-2011, 07:53 PM

I agree with raw knitster of drawing people to you.
I also think that people treat attractive people better.,,sad but true.

healthywealthy

01-16-2011, 08:24 AM

its your energy
everything is energy
the higher the energy within
the higher the energy without.

Amii

01-19-2011, 09:13 AM

All I know is that my last two bosses were morbidly obese, and BOTH of them at one point bitterly said to me "With what I eat I should be as slim as you".. both said this whilst stuffing down cake. True story.

Denial of the highest order! I've noticed a lot of large people going out of their way to blast thinner people, saying that they look "unhealthy" and anorexic.. as if fat people don't look unhealthy?!? Trying to convince themselves that thin people are too thin. I've only ever had negative treatment off large people for being thinner.

An obese person said to me once "God your arms are so thin, what's wrong with you, don't you ever eat?" I smiled at her and said "My arms are only thin in comparison to yours." and walked off. Her expression was hilarious.

Others have said "Dear God do you EVER stop eating?? How is it you aren't huge?" And I've said "You know, because I'm still eating healthily and in tiny portions, unlike some."

Hey, if they bite I'll bite right back. Some people have no shame.. myself included ;)

climbing

01-19-2011, 11:45 AM

I honestly don't notice other people's weight very much. It's more the overall energy of the person, and no, I have never felt hateful toward an overweight person. The most I've ever felt, when seeing someone who is severely and dangerously obese, is a lot of sadness and empathy for their condition. It doesn't come from a place of physical beauty *who cares* but more because I know they will likely die from that condition if they don't change it.

As for myself... well I have always been thin. Underweight for a period of my life and very unhealthy looking as I had gluten intolerance and didn't know it, and was not absorbing food properly for most of my life. I can't really relate to the overweight thing since I never was BUT I can relate to being treated different because of my appearance.

When I was young I was actually harassed (and I am not exaggerating using that word) for being too thin. This went on for years. Other girls at school were quite brutal to me, always laughing at me, making comments about how I probably threw up my food after lunch, a few of them even tried to corner me and threatened physical harm to me because they claimed "looking at me was disgusting". I would walk by and hear snickering as girls compared my legs to a pole in the auditorium.

My gluten intolerance also caused depression/anxiety issues so all this together was what lead me to attempt suicide at a young age and then be put into the mental health system and drugged up on an assortment of unpleasant meds for the following decade (I wrote about this in another thread too)...

I will never understand the way I was treated in school by other girls, I guess you can just sum it up with the whole "kids are cruel" thing... It wasn't like it was just me, the fat kids got it too... anyone got it for any reason that the bullies could find. But the pain these kids put me through was unimaginable. It wasn't just one or two bullies either... it was a lot of girls I went to school with.

Biplane pilot

01-21-2011, 03:20 PM

From a mans perspective I can tell you that many times my friends and I have had this conversation about women. We always agree that confidence and attitude is the driving factor for us. If a women is thin or heavy, for the most part, it doesn't matter. The right kind of attitude on a heavy women is much more sexy than a skinny women with no self confidence.

Having said this I mucst say that I went from skinny to fat and my confidence changed a little. As a business owner my success depends on my ability to have confidence because customers can sense this immediatelly. I'm a very confident person but I've always felt like I let myself down by not eating right and people can sense this as well.

So yeah, I think people do treat you different but not because of weight alone, but rather a combination of weight and confidence.

Interesting topic. I've always had compassion for everybody in all walks of life and I have made another observation as well. The person who treats people differnet because of weight has much larger issues with life than any over weight person could ever have. All we have in life is each other and in some weird way we are all related, I couldn't imagine treating somebody different or poorly because of a number.

Mike

kaleboy

02-19-2011, 04:00 AM

My vibration has definately shifted, strangers will talk to me now for no reason. They'll just start talking lol. Another example is I get stopped a lot more now and asked for directions whereas before hardly ever...bizzare. So as some posters have said I think it is more that your vibration is nicer to interact with and safer to interact with.

StarFire

09-02-2011, 05:38 PM

This is an older blog - but wow what a great thread! All the responses were so interesting and filled with all the subtle shades of truth.
For me .. it's a combination of almost all the responses! I grew up with parents that were all about 'outward appearances'. To be anything less than perfect (in their eyes) meant I was not 'good enough' or worthy of kindness or love. It was a painful existence because frankly I am sooo far from perfect - the battle was lost before it started! lol!
After gaining weight - I noticed my confidence took a dive and as a result - people treated me differently. Lately - I've been trying to 'find myself'... find the beauty in the mirror. I've come to realize that gaining weight has actually been a good thing for me because it woke me up .. made me realize my worth is within not without. So - I began to dress nicely again and stand up inside and go figure - people began treating me differently too.
I have always looked at large women with amazing confidence and I would admire them, their beauty - how they carried themselves and how the way they acted demanded respect from others... not begging for a morsel of kindness or consideration. That is beautiful and amazing big or small ...!
but it is true that there will always be those no matter what - that will judge strictly by appearance alone and those people are sad individuals indeed.
great thread... ! :hug

Revvell

09-02-2011, 06:27 PM

... there will always be those no matter what - that will judge strictly by appearance alone and those people are sad individuals indeed.

Uh huh! And they will judge no matter whether one is larger or smaller. It's what people do to make themselves feel better and take the focus off themselves. Exactly what we chatted about in class this morning.

Shannan

09-02-2011, 07:11 PM

I would say people are nicer to thin people, esp in the pacific northwest. After the birth of my first son I had gained so much weight I was 260 lbs. i constantly recieved dirty looks from people to the point that I couldnt even eat at restaurants. I also had people yelling insults at me from their cars like "cow" fat a$$" etc. then when I lost 125 lbs suddenly people were talking to me, men would open doors, paid attention to me etc. there was a huge difference and it most certainly was not in my head.

id say here in the midwest there is definitely a lot more fat acceptance

rawmiss

09-02-2011, 09:26 PM

I totally don't care about the weight of a person I'm interacting with, I just want them to be nice. One, thing I don't get is why fat people are getting picked on when they are actually in the majority, you'd think people would be used to it.

As far as sexuality though, I think I read somewhere that we are hardwired to look for a thin mate because fertility is affected by weight problems and thin people are the most fertile. Just like a healthy young person doesn't find an old person attractive (usually) because old people aren't fertile either.

Bananna

09-02-2011, 11:11 PM

Totally great read, I agree!

I also was taught about the baby study where babies responded more positively to beauty. In fact, I was one of those babies. From the I first saw my uncle at six months old I went completely hysterical. I Screamed everytime I looked at him!! For Years I continued to do this. Now he was a naturally more shy kind of person.....but the nicest, most wonderful soul you'd ever meet. (I only know this after Years of slowly getting to know him)....literally even at 14 I was still having a hard time. I remeber around 25 fully realizing what a Great person he was and feeling a bit sad that I had missed out on him all those years.
No I didn't react to all less than beautiful people this way....but perhaps we do overcome our very first instincts and that these people often help us with their own confidence and friendliness. It's sad that they have to work for it....and that beautiful people seem more automatically granted this.

Of ourse many of us do overcome this primal instinctand treat people more equally and optimistically. Especially after they've been burned by some beautiful people, lol.

I have seen many beautiful obese people and many thn people who are not though so I'm not sure how much it has to do with weight....although many people do look much better if they are in half-decent shape.

As for the original posters family....I have had the exact same experience with mine. I'm wondering if it's some unconscious attempt to 'ignore the behaviour they want to go away'....as in they know you can be a better you and are trying to socially ostracize that into happening.

...It could be a confidence thing....but it could very well be a 'them not being enlightened' thing as well.

Bananna

09-02-2011, 11:18 PM

Also interesting....it has been scientifically proven that people trust people with brown eyes more than blue eyes. ...This may be related to social conditioning somewhat however, as none of the participants were babies. ;)

PansyLo

02-25-2012, 12:49 PM

I don't know about just skinny vs fat but people definitely treat you differently if you're considered more attractive.

When I was younger I was plump, had bad skin and quite a few bad hair cuts and was a bit of an ugly duckling. When I got older my body evened out, I lost weight, I cleared up my skin, I wore much more flattering clothes and became exceptionally good as cutting/dying and styling hair for an amateur. As I became more attractive people definitely treated me differently.

It would be completely naive to say this reaction was imagined. While of course I feel different and more confident I would say that how I look has been a bigger factor in the change than how I feel. People treat me completely differently. A lot more people try to talk to me or be friends with me, people are generally nicer to me. Men particularly.

There a plenty of people who are shallow and plenty of people who have formed opinions on people that are deemed pretty or hold some bitterness against them. I've had people actually confess to me that when they first met me they assumed I was "one of those pretty girls" their words. They thought I was going to be shallow, careless and dumb. A lot of people while getting to know me have said that I'm not how they expected from my appearance. I've had people be outright mean to me, normally women. I've been hired for jobs then later heard that a large factor was my appearance.

It's not right and it's not fair but it's most definitely true for many people.

If your weight makes people deem you attractive or unattractive then it's going to be a large factor in this too.

MysticTree

02-25-2012, 01:12 PM

I think a lot of it boils down to how we view ourselves and how we project that view of ourselves onto others. It's a large part of the answer but probably not the whole of it.

Raw Angel Mom

03-02-2012, 08:26 AM

I never had weight issue and always look ok physically. When i was younger and prettier, i didn't get always a good service only because i feel that I have like that sign on my head, "you can walk all over me and take advantage of me". I didn't think that i deserved to be treated good, so i attracted these experiences. Once i figured that one out, i did a lot of inner work. Now, i feel good about myself, i know that i deserve to be treated good and i love interacting with others. I think people can sense that. Sometime other people just have a bad day and this is nothing to do with you. It just is.

All is well

TERARMT

03-23-2012, 08:36 PM

TERA RMT (http://www.rmtvip.jp/rmt/tera.html)
ラグナロクオンライン2 RMT (http://www.rmtvip.jp/rmt/ro2.html)
RO2 RMT (http://www.rmtvip.jp/rmt/ro2.html)
レッドストーン RMT (http://www.rmtvip.jp/rmt/redstone.html)
REDSTONE RMT (http://www.rmtvip.jp/rmt/redstone.html)

dottywine

04-01-2012, 01:43 PM

I don't know. I get treated better when I wear something sweet & innocent & simple. Even though I am not conciously trying to project anything. If anything, I hate what I am wearing (I like to look edgey and fashionable).

PansyLo

06-04-2012, 03:15 PM

I'd rather be treated badly for being myself and dressing how I like to dress and being outspoken about the things I believe in than treated well for acting like something I'm not.

There are always people who'll like you and there are always people who'll hate you no matter what you look like, how you dress and how you behave because everyone is different. You can never please everyone so you might as well please yourself and find people who love you for who you are.

LexieW

06-05-2012, 10:51 AM

Really interesting thread, everyone. I've pondered this on more than one occasion, as well.

I've been through both sides - very thin as a child, a very long awkward phase (11 years to about 19 years old) in which I was still thin but hadn't grown into my nose, my hair looked like a bush, etc.

When I grew into my face and learned some new styling techniques, I started getting noticed by men. Inside, I guess I still feel average, though I have wonderful people in my life who have told me, very seriously, that I'm beautiful. It doesn't really matter, I guess - my self image was formed when I was in my awkward stage, so I value my physical attributes far less than my other attributes.

For instance, I always recieve excellent service when out and about because I'm exceptionally nice and friendly to everyone. I look waiters in the eye and smile. Same with sales reps in stores, rack people in changing rooms, etc. I'm also very friendly on the phone. This attitude has led to people just giving me discounts and free food on a pretty regular basis! All because I treat them like human beings.

Now, it would be dishonest to say that I don't have certain thoughts while seeing over-weight or obese people around me. When I was younger, I judged. Then when I started putting on weight, I judged far less. Now, when I see people struggling with their health, I get angry.

I'm furious with everything to do with the system:

- the Big Food industry here in the states that contols the pricing and availability of fresh foods vs. low fat/low carb/ low sugar processed crap, making the former much more expensive than the latter.

- the medical system which isn't training doctors who can use their brains so much as make money for insurance companies.

- the vast body of nutritional research, which still espouses the same "research" it did 50 years ago.

- the whole mantra that you MUST work out HARD every day in order to maintain your weight, and that exercise is more important than what you eat.

When I see people struggling, I know it's because they are so overwhelmed with confusing and false information. It's such a blessing that I found raw food, and I want so much to tell others about it - but their lives and their journeys are often very private. I'll share information with anyone who shows an iota of interest, but otherwise, I won't even raise an issue which may be very sensitive to them.

And what infuriates me most, is when I see very young children who are already morbidly obese and already have a slew of health problems. Because there is absolutely no need for it.