Save me from Myself. (NB: very personal) [Archive]

kiwikid78

10-06-2005, 04:21 PM

Hey everyone...

It's been so long since I posted and I'm in desperate need of some support.

I'm really worried about my health. I found out quite recently I have contracted HPV in the form of cervical dysplasia, which is the number one cause of cervical cancer in women. Through a coloscopy they found that the abnormal cells on my cervix were A-typical and should be monitored every six months through a pap in hope they will correct themselves. If they don't there's a high chance they could develop into pre-cancer or cancer and then .. ugh.. well, I don't want to allow that to happen, despite the fact that my lifestyle reflects otherwise.

I have since relocated to the East Coast from Cali and have been entirely self destructive; partying, drinking, smoking, eating excessively and I've put on 10 lbs of the 30 I lost while raw. I feel like a toxic monster, My body feels like breeding ground for disease, and while I'm completely aware of the possible consquences of the lifestyle I'm leading, I seem entirely unable to stop.

I'm due for my 1st pap since being diagnoised, and I'm so worried that my lifestyle has aided the deterioration of my cervix that I've been putting off going to the Dr's, which is the worst thing to do.

I want to focus on my health and rid this horrid misfortune from my body through a new start, and I keep promising myself that "tomorrow' I will start new, only so many tomorrows have passed that they no longer hold any hope or significance for me, and I'm just in such a rut that I'm getting depressed ontop of everything else.

I'm originally from Down Under and don't have family here, so I'm calling upon the rawbies from rawfoodtalk, who've always been so great to me in the past, to please give me the kick in the backside I need to get my ass out of neutral and into gear!

I intend to start Raw again.

When? is the question.

Please inspire me again!

Does anyone have any experience with healing HPV or cervical dysplasia through raw?? I feel like such a disgusting lepper.

PS) I hope not to offend anyone with the personal nature of this post.

PPS) Forgive the run-on sentences lol

kmik

10-06-2005, 04:40 PM

Hi KK,

I can't imagine how you must feel inside, having to deal with this, especially at such a young age. I don't have any experience with that, but I do have a suggestion for helping you get raw back on track... do you have Alissa's DVDs? As inspiring as all of the wonderful members here are, and I'm sure many who know you better will have tremendous words of wisdom... but Alissa's vibrancy and energy is just so contagious that I have a feeling you'll find you'll be able to redirect yourself and get back on course.

Best of luck to you!

sweetgoddess

10-06-2005, 05:01 PM

KiwiKid, I wondered where you had gone. Welcome back to the forum.
I am sorry to hear your sadness and frustration. Big hugs for you.

What can we do to help you? Tell us...please.
Where on the East coast are you??? I need to know that.
Maybe one of us is by you and can actually help in person.

All I can tell you is get ready. What stands in the way? Is it mental, emotional?
Begin now, right this second for there is never any tomorrow--there is only ever right now, this very minute you exist and that is all. That in itself is eternity.

You have done this before. You CAN do it again.
Alissa says in her book, you have to begin again, pretend you are brand new to it. Remember that excitement?

What are you doing there and what is the support around you?
I know you need to make a mental shift, but I am sad that I cannot tell you how to do that for it seems exactly how that happens is never pinpointed or even orchestrated.

Faith in yourself, in the power of raw, living foods and some inspiration/motivation are a great place for you to prepare for that shift. Begin raw this second. Read and submerge yourself in success stories, talk to us daily, read up on motivation and disciplining the mind. Tony Robbins is great. Do you have a spiritual path?

We will help you and support you all that we can.
And I have faith in you. I have faith that in 30 days time you could be writing here how wonderful you are feeling on raw. Take another 30 day challenge! We will cheer you on.
And reread your old journal if its still up. Every word of it.

I am glad you are back and that you reached out.
And I send you loving hugs.
Carmel

LNdolls

10-06-2005, 05:34 PM

Don't wait another moment - begin now... limp along until you can walk - do what you can from where you are... and remember the body can heal - will heal.
Best,
LN

WinterSun

10-06-2005, 06:09 PM

Hi Kiwi! I've been down the road with dysplasia 8 yrs ago, it was just kept an eye on. Then 6 yrs ago it went to the next stage ( I wasn't raw then, SAD was my way) I had cryosurgery where they freeze the cervix in the docter's office and the cells slough off. My first PAP after was abnormal, but that is common, however since then all my PAPS have been normal, I had to go every 6 months for a couple years.

I noticed you say you smoked, my gyno was adamant that I quit, smoking can make it worse. So try to quit, I quit smoking and it was all a matter of changing my habits at the usual times I'd smoke.

I live on the east coast, where are you? I'm in PA.

Eating raw is bound to help any health condition.

You can make the postive changes. Keep coming back to the forums, it helps.

Peace

Autumn

10-06-2005, 07:24 PM

Kiwi,
Hi again. I'm so glad to see you back, but am so sorry about what you are going through. If you'd like to do another challenge, there's a group of us that just started a 90-day challenge. There is also a yahoo group that we go to chat as well. It is very inspiring, lots of cheerleaders there. It just might be the kick in the ass you're looking for. Look in the 30-day challenge area, the links to the Yahoo group are there as well.

Raw_Medic

10-06-2005, 07:26 PM

Kiwi,
I PM'd you

rawpriestess

10-06-2005, 07:28 PM

Kiwikid,

Long time no see, and WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME BACK.

We missed you.

I am so very sorry, to hear of your health challenges at this moment, but you know what?

YOU HAVE CHOICES.

YOU know you can eat raw food, and it will help tremendously.

You can still pary, you can still go out and have fun, you can do anything you want. YOU see, it's up to you, you are the one with choices here.

So, if you choose to go out and party, that's fine, go out and party, and if you choose to eat raw food before you go out and party, that's fine too.

Eating raw, and partying aren't two different lifestyles, they are just two ways to have a grand old time. And you deserve to feel great and party too.

You may choose to not drink, or to drink raw wine, you may choose to eat tons of fresh fruits and veggies before and after you party, you may choose to take naps on your party days, or you may choose to take a day off work, to recoupe your strength on those days,

But it is up to you, we are here to support you in any way we can. You can lose that 10 pounds, you did it before, you can do it again.

We know you can. Do YOU know you can?

What would it take for you to KNOW that you will eat fresh, ripe, raw fruits and veggies from now on? What do you need to hear? What could you tell yourself? What exactly do we need to say to you, to let you know how much we care about you?

I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. I've seen you do it before, and it wasn't easy then, but it can be easier this time, because you already know what to do and how to do it.

We are all here, with great recipes, and words of wisdom, LOL we all have slipped up and eaten something that we knew wasn't good for us, so we've been there too.

So, let's just pick ourselves up, take it one step at a time, one bite at a time, of fresh ripe, raw fruits and veggies, and we'll heal one bite at a time.

So, I know you can do this, I know you can do this, I know I can do this, I know I can do this. keep saying it, and doing it, and being raw.

We are all with you.

Blessings and healings, and raw food -- YAH!!!!!

jaurequi

10-06-2005, 07:34 PM

Stop your procrastinating! Get your behind in gear. What's the deal?? Do whatever you have to do and do it NOW! Why are you waiting? Is any expense "too much" or "not doable" right now with such an urgent situation?? I think not. Let's go! Get moving. It's not that difficult; your life and future is on the line -- what more motivation do you need, woman?!
Is that a good enough kick? ;)

If you have to, call and get a personal consultation with a nutritionist (Does Alissa do private phone consultations? I'd find out); find one that specializes in raw foods or is at least knowledgeable about it and willing to work with you in that vein.

We need a little smiley with his butt being kicked, lol. Especially on this board :D
Okay, this one will do for now: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a49/jaurequi/hug.gif

Best,

SedonaSun

10-06-2005, 08:38 PM

I suggest immersing yourself in raw food information -- read books on raw food living, read testimonials, hang out with us here, put at least some raw back into your life now if 100% is too overwhelming to think about at the moment.

I don't have a magic raw-rah answer or I'd do it myself, too :)

You may need to do something drastic, too, like seek new friends who aren't into partying and smoking and drinking. Hey, is there a raw food group in your area? Or even maybe a vegan group -- something, anything that promotes a healthier lifestyle for you to meet some like-minded people who will support you?

You're getting a lot of suggestions here... I hope something one of us says is "IT" for you :)

tracyinfo

10-06-2005, 08:53 PM

Hey there! I haven't heard from you in a long time. I'm sorry to say that I don't have much info on your situation, but i would love to get together and sit and chat at either Cafe Gratitude or Alive. We can talk about your situation (if you want) among many other things. Most weekends are good for me.

Many blessings.

Sharon in Colorado

10-06-2005, 09:05 PM

Hey Kiwi - Nice to have you back on the board. I hope you make the decision to turn your life around. Sometimes it's those scary wake-up calls that do it, but by no means will it keep you doing it after the determination wears off.

It's determination and support.

Be determined to right now stop destroying yourself and start the healing process.

And then find a support group in your area. If you can't find one, then start one! Put up a flyer at a local health food store (I did this and it worked)...you'll find tons of people who are either already raw or raw interested.

So...

1) Read through some of these threads.

2) Commit to the 90 day challenge with us - it is never too late (click the link in my sig line)

3) Read Alissa's book if you have it, or any other book.

4) Get off the computer and get some produce and raw supplies at the store.

5) Once you have real food to eat, get rid of the food you should NOT eat. Throw it out or give it away. Get rid of any booze you have stashed around. Just throw it down the toilet. Bye bye booze.

Write those steps down and follow them. Check them off after you complete each one and then go on to the next step. After 3 days on raw, go out and buy yourself a new shirt. After 5 day on raw, buy yourself a bouqet of flowers. After the first week, buy yourself some really nice organic cosmetics or bath items. After a month get a new outfit. I use a charm bracelet for incentive and add a new charm every week I'm raw, you can do that too.

Don't make me write all this out in vain. Go to it girl!!!! :cool:

jaurequi

10-07-2005, 10:10 AM

kiwikid, this was just in the news yesterday. Unfortunately, it's Merck...

I would be suspicious of drugs, as I'm sure you are, since you want to heal through natural means, as I would; but it's always good to know what your options are.

Just so you're informed: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9609603/

chilove

10-07-2005, 10:44 AM

Hi Kiwi,

Dysplasia at the stage yours is at should be fairly easy to cure on a raw food diet but you MUST stop smoking NOW. You can not procastinate about it. There is a great book called "The easy way to quit smoking" that you should buy and read. Also, check out www.whyquit.com (fairly graphic-very motivating). If I can quit smoking and stay 100% raw, ANYONE can! Seriously. I have zero will power. I just acknoweldge that my health is the most important thing to me. If you don't have your health, you don't have life. It is that simple. You really should consider getting some support in the form of a support group or counselor.

Best of luck to you!

Audrey

veggie

10-07-2005, 11:03 AM

Hi Kiwi!

I too am deeply sorry about the issues you are facing. One thing I would like to add to everyone else's supportive comments:

Try surrounding yourself with new friends or hanging out with your current social circle less. It's so easy to continue with harmful habits and behaviors when you are around others who encourage it.

I know you will get out of this slump! You've done raw before and you can do it again!

Punky

10-07-2005, 11:37 AM

I intend to start Raw again.
When? is the question.
Please inspire me again!

Does anyone have any experience with healing HPV or cervical dysplasia through raw?? I feel like such a disgusting lepper.

Dear KiwiKid,
1st off, welcome back! I've missed you around
:D

2nd you are not a disgusting lepper! HPV is very COMMON...most people just don't talk about it is all. I know several friends that have had abnormal pap smears and HPV is the #1 cause of that. Those are just the ones that have
opened up to me; I know there are lots of people I know that probably have
been thru this and haven't told me...
I myself have been through all of this ages ago (16 years ago).
My paps have been normal ever since treatment.
Now I have NO experience with raw and treatment for this since I was very SAD and YOUNG at the time. I was scared too.

I do believe a raw diet would help tremendously.
I can relate to the party-ing; something I battle with regularly...
I feel so much better pysically and mentally when I am not partying so much...finding balance is the key. For right now I have given up drinking.
I always find reading sucess stories inspiring. I got 2 new unCOOK books
yesterday to motivate me back to raw too. Always exciting to get something new.
I need to do another 30day challenge too. If you want to be raw buddies
just let me know
;)
I could use a good kick in the a*s to get me more raw again too.
Plus I have had some weird stomach issues (ulcer, gastritus??) last week,so need to get back to raw for my own healing...

If you ever want to chat on a more personal level about all this
don't hesistate to PM me..

Also take some personal time for yourself...the busier I am the easier it is for me to fall back to old self-destructive patterns...

Punky

10-07-2005, 11:47 AM

Faithfullyfit

10-07-2005, 11:51 AM

KiwiKid,

Bless your heart......!
I have gone through your exact experience....when I was much younger in my 20's -I am 40 now and stronger and healthier than I have ever been in my life! You CAN get through this hurdle. I had my annual wellcheck this week and It is amazing how reflective I have been about going through the Cervical Dysplasia almost 13 years ago and, having the LEEP surgical procedure (removal of the top layer of cervix) and being monitored so close for almost 4 years thereafter. I was not sure why that had been weighing on my mind so heavily- until I saw your post! I will offer you prayers and unlimited support to take charge of your health-today! I did it and look where I am today- I have 2 beautiful children (4 and 7) I counsel women in Fitness and Nutrition and I publicly speak on Womens health issues for the Heart Association and The National Osteoporosis foundation. I only know the value of good health because of my out of control lifestyle when I was dealing with that struggle. PLEASE know there is someone out there to help- I may be in Texas- but just a few keystrokes away!!!

Take Care,
Faithfully Fit :)

sachis2112

10-07-2005, 01:11 PM

Take heart, dear Kiwi. HPV is present in 85% of college aged females. The bottom line is, if you are sexually active, you have it. (For the young folks anyhow.) My doctor informed me that they are ready to stop testing for HPV in women under 30 because something like 90% of women who have it early don't show any signs of it after 30.

Yes, it is the largest cause of cervical cancer but it takes a long time (often YEARS of neglect) for it to turn into cancer. And even then, it's treatable.

Stop with the self-destruction, get tested often and you'll be just fine. I found out about all this earlier this year. I had an abnormal pap and went into the same freak-out session as you did. I had gone raw the week before I found out and the doc thought that was pretty cool and a sure-fire way to let my body help itself. :D

kiwikid78

10-07-2005, 04:38 PM

Wow!

THank you all SO SO much for your responses!!

I can honestly say, without a doubt in my mind, that this must absolutely be the most caring and supportive forum on the entire web. Never before have I encoutered such a large group of compassionate, genuine souls, and it's just so refreshing to be a part of this community. I wish I could express the extent of my gratitude in a way that showed my appreciation for each and every one of you, but I'm pretty sure everybody here knows and feels equally grateful for having discovered the raw lifestyle and the beautiful people who've embraced it.

Just the fact that you've all responded to me is inspiration alone to get back on track, so I want you all to know what a difference your contribution to this post has made in helping me get back on track.

I feel so much better knowing others have healed from dysplasia. I knew HPV/dysplasia was common, but I've never really met any other women with it, so it's a HUGE comfort to hear about your experiences and success in dealing with this. I feel confident that I can heal my own body through the power of healthy living and RAW.

I'm going to go shopping this weekend and restart RAW on Monday. Yipppeeeeeeeee!!!!

Please follow my progress in my journal and lend support. Your words of support are much needed and appreciated by me. All I really need is support and someone to care and I can do the rest myself.

Really, Thank you for caring. I'm going to take alot of your advice, and I'll also start individual threads addressing certain subjects some of you have provoked thought in for me.

Incidentally, I work in Northern New Jersey(about 15 minutes from Manhattan) as a nanny with a really great family, so if anyone around here wants to meet up sometime, I'm not always a complete and utter misery guts :)

Peace, Love and mungbeans
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

sweetgoddess

10-07-2005, 10:27 PM

Carlene

10-07-2005, 10:34 PM

Did you folks see the news last night. There is a new vaccine for HPV. It is expected to hit the market next year.

imari2542

10-08-2005, 11:23 PM

Hope this inspires you:

My sister had the same problems for years and they did the standard treatments. When she was 1/2 way through the pregnancy with her 7th child, she developed full blown cervical cancer. She was bleeding heavily. She went mostly raw and started juicing a lot of carrot juice. Within 1 week the bleeding stopped and she carried the baby full term. He weighed over 9 LBs and was beautiful. She said it was the best prenancy she ever had.

kiwikid78

10-09-2005, 10:10 PM

Beanie

10-10-2005, 12:32 AM

HPV is not HIV! It is sooooo common. At least 50% to 80% of all people have it. Its just a virus. Like a cold virus. It predisposes you to cervical cancer. But if you don't create a mucus laden acidic condition, then you will not get cancer. Like I said its just a virus that is linked to cervical cancer. If you do have a precancer condition, they do a simple leep which is relatively painless. But I understand the fear!! Focus on health. Not a simple virus you have. We all have millions of viruses, most remain dorment. Remember, its not HIV. The name surely sounds scary though!!!!

But I understand falling off the wagon. Things have gotten stressful for me too so the first thing I did was start to reach for numbing cooked foods to sedate my feelings. Yes, that worked, but now I need to take respondsibility for my health and do 100% raw. I'm going to start to journal and try to fit in exercise into my busy schedule. I get so darn stressed and anxious with life sometimes!! I find raw makes me even more sensitive, reactive, and emotional and sometimes too much comes bubbling up and I get overwhelmed.

You can do it! I'm right there with you!!!!!

Sweet lips

10-10-2005, 07:12 AM

Recently several of us were together and we were wonderign where you were, so I am glad we called you up.

"Let not your heart be troubled", you are never alone. I write you as I would my daughter, and I send to you as much love as I have as I would her to, if she were in a distant land, with no family. I share this with you - you have opened the door for change, love and support and it is here for you - take it embrace and prepare for the person that will come into your life, who by your testimony will be blessed.

I CAN BEGIN AGAIN

I know I can begin again.
I can let Tomorrow in.
All along the lonely way;
on through every cloudy day,
I won't let the doubting win.
I know I can begin again.

I can move beyond my fears,
and wash my vision clean with tears.
I can tell the past goodbye,
spread my wings and learn to fly.
Even sorrow has an end.
I know I can begin again.

(Chorus)
Goodbye Lonely Avenue !
Too crowded with your neon light.
My soul desires another view -
Dawn emerging from the night !.
I have other songs to sing.
I have better gifts to bring.
Open, Life - and let me in !
My soul longs to begin again !

I know I can begin again !
I can sense a fairer wind !
There's a ray of light I see -
softly beckoning to me.
No mirage of might-have-been -
It tells me to begin again.

There are new friends welcoming !
There are eagles on the wing !
There are songbirds soaring high !
I believe my heart can fly,
where newness rides a warmer wind !
I know I can begin again !

Blessings

kiwikid78

10-10-2005, 10:05 AM

If you do have a precancer condition, they do a simple leep which is relatively painless.

Thanks for your support, Beanie. I have an appointment this weekend for the 'dreaded pap' I've been avoiding because I fear my lifestyle will have worsened the dysplasia, so I'll find out if the cells have changed at all - hopefully for the better.

Is Leep where they remove the abnormal cells? I'm not familiar with that term.

kiwikid78

10-10-2005, 10:16 AM

I share this with you - you have opened the door for change, love and support and it is here for you - take it embrace and prepare for the person that will come into your life, who by your testimony will be blessed.

Aww, thankyou, Sweetlips. You actually brought tears to my eyes which is a tough thing to do.

"Prepare for the person that will come into your life."

Sounds dreamy. Are you a tarot reader; do you have psychic tendencies?

I recently got a tarot reading at the Van Gogh's Ear in Union, NJ (if anybody's interested in going - on Tuesday night, i think). The lady was english (I have her card somewhere -I should charge for commission lol ) and was very accurate in her reading; said alot of things that were VERY relevant to me.

Any of you guys dabble in tarot, or readings of any kind?

kiwikid78

10-10-2005, 10:24 AM

Now theres the spirit I remember in you! Yippee!
I will delight in following your journey and cheering you along the way. Monday, is it? I'm with you kiwikid! It wont be long at all, and you will be feeling magnificent.

Big Hugs~
Carmel

Hey Carmel,
Yep, Monday(today), it is. I actually started yesterday, because I just couldn't stand junky cooked foods another day, but I'll start journaling tonight for today.

Anyhow, I just had a peek at your website, lovelivefood. Very impressive. You've really dived into this.

Did you create the website yourself?

Punky

10-10-2005, 10:25 AM

Sweetlips,
Did you write that poem yourself?
It is really beautiful and so inspiring. It really uplifted me.
I am going to put it on my frig even though it wasn't intended to me ;)
You are a very talented writer!

Punky

10-10-2005, 10:29 AM

We all have millions of viruses, most remain dorment.

After treatment, the virus has been dormant in me for years--16 to be exact.
I have moved on and never think about it except for my annual pap smear.
I am married and have 2 beautiful kids now and my husband has never contracted the virus.
Stay positive Kiwikid! It will get better ;)

(((cyber HUGS)))

Punky

10-14-2005, 09:34 AM

Kiwikid,
I was just reading how Brenda Cobb healed herself from breast and cervical cancer from raw and living foods:

Brenda Cobb, our Founder and Director, overcame the early stages of breast and cervical cancer without the use of drugs or surgery by following the simple principles of detoxification and nutrition. She also got rid of allergies, acid reflux, indigestion, arthritis, obesity, age or liver spots, and gray hair. Her eyesight even improved! She looks and feels 10 years younger than she did 10 years ago. Brenda now devotes her life to educating others in this wonderful Truth.

Just thought I'd pass it on.
Here's her website:

http://www.livingfoodsinstitute.com/aboutus.htm