Emotional Detox!!!

[ArcturusXIV]

I have been very worried about emotional detox. I have not cried in years due to childhood neglect and abuse on a level most people would not understand... I have Borderline Personality due to emotional trauma, and I am a bit worried about releasing it! Just yesterday, tried pranic breathing to the center of my chest, the place that feels "off" if you will... I started tearing up, and then stopped because I felt...well...panicky! I do not know if I can go through detox unless I have a way to release these emotions! A torrential downflow is gonna be no good! I have built up almost 20+ years of feeling no emotion, just a hollow resonance in the center of my chest... It is a symptom of us borderlines...

And the anxiety attack I experienced when I started crying was HORRIBLE! :eek::eek::eek: I had to stop immediately, it was too scary to continue. I cannot go back there without help! What can I do???

[Eva]

Scary how? Suicidal? Dangerous? That I can't comment on ~ I'd rather you didn't face it yet to be honest... unless you are in a safe space.

Or just really really really difficult? Because then...

It kinda does have to be expressed at some point... for your health... your life... if you want to move past it and feel free.

Because right now, you are a prisoner to these emotions you are not facing.

I remember that... I smashed a TV during my emotional detox. Kind of awkward.

But I got through it... and I feel so dang free now it's ridiculous. I have one little issue, and I face it. Done. No living in fear and avoidance. Which is Easy Peasy once you get past the big stuff that's been Trapped for Years.

I'm sending you support and good thoughts...

You CAN do this. You CAN. You WILL. And BRAVO, BIG TIME for what you have already expressed/felt/opened.

[klomasius]

Scary how? Suicidal? Dangerous? That I can't comment on ~ I'd rather you didn't face it yet to be honest... unless you are in a safe space.

Or just really really really difficult? Because then...

It kinda does have to be expressed at some point... for your health... your life... if you want to move past it and feel free.

Because right now, you are a prisoner to these emotions you are not facing.

I remember that... I smashed a TV during my emotional detox. Kind of awkward.

But I got through it... and I feel so dang free now it's ridiculous. I have one little issue, and I face it. Done. No living in fear and avoidance. Which is Easy Peasy once you get past the big stuff that's been Trapped for Years.

I'm sending you support and good thoughts...

You CAN do this. You CAN. You WILL. And BRAVO, BIG TIME for what you have already expressed/felt/opened.

Um... I really can't say it any better myself, so what Eva said! <3!

[terry brown]

Yes ditto to what Eva said.

Blessings to you dear one.

[Shine]

I second, third and fourth Eva. She put it beautifully!

Bravo for putting this out there!! Do you have a firend, confidant, counselor that you would feel comfortable sharing this most recent experience with? I find talking to someone in person can help with the most difficult things, but sometimes having my own space is safer....until I am ready.

Hang on, go as slow as you need to and remember you are doing an amazing thing for yourself!!

All the best :)

[DopeRawAbundance]

I don't think Emotional Detox has to be painful, or something to fear. At the worst, you may go through strange, foreign emotions, and being aware of that will make you comfortable with them. Its an adventure of sorts.

See if you can keep your focus on positive things. My most recent emotional detox incident that I can recall was when I was laying down thinking about the things that I love, and the more I focused on things I love, the more I was reminded of even more things that I love. I realized how much I love my twin brother, my dog, my family, my friends, my house, the wonderful foods I eat, videogames, the wonderful area I live in... I'm going to cut myself off here.


Well yeah, this was an awakening of sorts, a shift of awareness. It made me cry, and felt like a profound, healthy emotional release. It felt liberating and relieving, and set my life into a more positive direction.

So just know this: Emotional detox can be a very beautiful thing. Just keep love in your heart and know that something very profound is happening to you right now.

Blessings.

[Dimond]

Angela Stokes has a great book on raw emotions that may help you.

[ArcturusXIV]

I will take a look at Angela Stokes book! The problem is, I stop breathing. Here are the symptoms:

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
* Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
* Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
* Chronic feelings of emptiness
* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
* Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms


The worst is the symptom of "emptiness." I do not think doctors do a good job of describing this: it is like a yawning black hole at the center of my chest, sucking all light. It sort of feeling like something so "sucky" it sucks in all matter, even light. And yet so dense, it is like a collapsed star!

The problem I'm having is I stop breathing! I start gasping for air, have a full on panick attack, start crying, feeling guilty for it, stop within 3 seconds.

That is all! Can anyone help??

It is so terrifying I cannot go on alone! There must be other therepeutic outlets to deal with this? I have not cried in 20 years, sobbing, because my dad used to beat me upside down by my ankle, using a wooden plank, sometimes even using rusty nail, until I stopped crying, even when I begged for forgiveness! It is like anxiety x10!!! The worst dense feeling in the world! I can't breathe there, chest feels like dead weight, most of the time won't expand, try to think about breathing doesn't help, I stop breathing and start suffocating, going into post-traumatic stress mode. I am too scared! HELP!! :/

Just yesterday, started breathing to that spot, figured out how... It takes intense focus, and I stop after less than a second, because I start hyperventilating and tears come to my eyes, like too much pain to bear!! There must be a way out of this?? Depressed? Yes. Mostly just numb. Not suicidal anymore. Just empty, like a rock sitting on my chest! Buddhist meditations are tricky for me for this reason, I prefer sufi which quiets the heart, if I follow my breath, I panick and stop breathing. Words do not really describe this illness. It is somehow related to post-traumatic stress.

Remember a guy developing multiple personalities from abuse. This is similar! it is a coping mechanism. How do I get "natural" therapy?? It is supposedly incurable, mainstream doctors can only do dialectial behavioral therapy, 10+ years to cure, chance of remission, most people who have it successfully commit suicide. It is that terrible!...

[Tenuviel]

I too have had traumatic abuse in my past. I have done some EMDR therapy sessions, and they have been really helpful. It is a somewhat hardcore therapy though, as you are asked to revisit the experience during the sessions. I have been to other therapists, and the gentle talking about it always made me feel worse. here is a link so you can get an idea of how it works.

http://emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html

I used to think i'm better now because I repressed everything that happened, would feel great for a few months, then freak out in these self destructive spirals. Now I can go back in my head to what happened and see them as something that happened in the past, that can not happen ever again.

Are you in a safe place now? If you are in the same place as the abuse and it is still happening the first thing you should do is get away and stay with anyone you can trust. As for immediate treatment of the panic attack itself the paper bag is highly underrated, and I do find that it is somewhat calming. Sometimes if that doesn't work I just duck my head under the covers for a minute. Self hypnosis can also work well.... I light a candle and sit and stare at the flame defocusing the eyes until the room gets foggy all around. Then you can choose a word that makes you feel calm, or picture a safe place, and say the word over and over (in your head if you want) then when you panic just picture the place or the word and it can be really calming. I also carry a sachet of dried lavender or pleasing scented herbs. Some people also have success with Bach's flower essences, which are made just for the purpose of calming

[Aleesha Sattva]

Please remember that no one here is a trained therapist nor can they give advice as such. If you contact your doctor they can assist you to get the assistance you need.

in light,
Moderator

[ArcturusXIV]

Please remember that no one here is a trained therapist nor can they give advice as such. If you contact your doctor they can assist you to get the assistance you need.

in light,
Moderator

Doctor's really don't have any cure for Borderline. Read my previous message again. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy 10+ years, and most people still commit suicide. I am looking into alternative treatment, otherwise I wouldn't be here. :)

[Revvell]

Actually there are trained therapists here and doctors rarely can help other than to give drugs which are useless. They rarely refer to anyone useful ~ although, they might, I guess.

I would suggest EFT and also check out Byron Katie's site yet...

The main thing would be to check into your own area. Ask people you know there. You'll be surprised at who knows someone who knows someone. There's no way I know of that anyone can help you by phone, by forum or long distance.

[Zaphirah]

I have a parent with undx'd BPD, so I am a little familiar, second-hand, with what you are talking about. Taling to you as a friend and certainly not a professional.....I know they say DBT is the only treatment-and it does take awhile, but wouldn't something be better than nothing? Personally, I custom-tailored my therapy experience in dealing with my traumatic childhood with my BPD parent. I did "regular" CBT along with raw food lifestyle, exercise, journaling, fasting, and even a past life medium. All of these things COMBINED got me to where I am today-panic attack FREE! Could you possibly start DBT but continue to have other helps and therapies along the way? Untreated BPD sucks the life outta ya, doesn't it? I would hate to see you feel this way for as long as my mother has. She's 61 years old and no better than she was at 20. It's such a sad thing to watch her go thru. (altho she doesn't recognize that she has it so getting "better" is moot.)
I wish you all the best Arcturus! Much love and healing to you, friend. :)

[SevenKindsOfCookie]

I second Revvells suggestions! EFT is very effective for releasing any pain, and so is the Sedona Method (which is similar). And there are plenty of other effective methods.
For me, raw foods helped me bring my problems to the surface, which was a painful but valuable experience. The emotional pain can become so much more intense, but it will let you see more clearly what needs to be done.
Using an effective emotional release therapy makes the process so much easier. You will realize how easy it can be to release the pain. In many cases it's an over night process really. Don't expect it to be difficult. I've done that too many times myself.

[Raw Angel Mom]

Without question an energy work either what has been suggested or even Reiki, would be a great help. Remember that no matter what your inner voice may say to you or makes you feel; that you are worthy, you are love and so loved no matter what. You deserve happiness and it is time to claim it. If this is ok, with you, i pray for you to be at peace and happy.

Nice uplifting music, wonderful walk in nature and just remember who you really are (perfect, loved, worthy, powerful, .....), will help you to restore balance in you. You will see the synchronicity manifesting. The right person, the right book, the right event, ......Pay attention to the help offered to you, you will find a way.

All those years, you have berried those dead emotions, but now you are ready to be free from these burden and claim your power back.

[Stina]

Hi my friend, bear with me,i am learning to swipe on my new computer phone. So I chuckled when I read the symptoms because I was like check check check got that. No I am not exaggerating.i never got diagnosed with bpd but I could have.i went a very similar route with the addition of substance abuse.i have told myself several times that I will not mention on raw forums that I am a grateful member of aa but then I feel spiritually obligated to. I have actually gotten a lot better.i am grateful buti am also really surprised!! The 12 steps are remarkably effective and I can already tell you that you qualify for coda,co dependents anonymous.also it gives you a whole tribe of support not just one therapist

[Stina]

Oh me and my amish technology skills. I meant it would be additional support along with the counseling and raw food diet and yoga and church and anything else you ferrel lead tho do.but it's huge and it is wonderful and it works.can you imagine years down the road laughing about how you crazy you were.ask me about living in my van and collecting bowling balls.

[Zaphirah]

oh Stina! that last line was priceless. thank you. :D Just got back from therapy with my mom. I so needed that. :cool:

Arcturus-how are you feeling today, friend?

[ArcturusXIV]

Thank you guys, I am going to check into Sedona method, and also try some rapid eye movement release. I have to get money for all this stuff, so it's gonna be tough! However, I am also going to start dialectical next week! And I am joining a support group for people with Asperger's syndrome, which I am also diagnosed with.. The whole reason my dad beat me was because I was an aspie. He was also a little psycho.

[steveoregon]

Here's something you can try for free. Safely & physically release some anger (like beating a pillow), but direct it to the past - that is - mentally direct the anger towards people in the past who abused you.

Details of the technique can be found in the first two lines of my signature. It will take a bit of reading to get the jist of Ellie's theory - but once you do - you can begin to see results within a couple of days. You are a PERFECT candidate for this therapy, because you know & remember exactly who abused you.

.

[RawkinM]

Arcturus
I just wanted to say I will be sending light and love to you. I understand deep childhood neglect (I lacked attention and touch as an infant then was physically then emotionally abused) and I went through 35 years of not believing I was worth the air I breathed. I have in the last few months reached out and have been healing. My abuser is out of my life and I am feeling strong.

I echo those who say to find good support groups - that's really what got me through and I was heard and understood for the first time in my life. I'm so glad you're seeking help and reaching out. That is so brave and strong and I have to say a really good step in taking care of yourself.

Healing and strength to you!