artwithapulse
06-18-2010, 06:51 AM
Hi!
I always feel like a right fool posting these "look at me!" posts, but nevertheless, an introduction is only polite.
Well, I've been a vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm now 18. At age 16, I started thinking.. my goodness, this isn't good enough.
Growing up started teaching me the lesson of self image. I'm 171cm, and at my heaviest, 94kg as a poor-quality vegetarian (lots of rich heavy big pastas, breads, etc). As a half-arsed vegan, I dropped down to 67kg.. and still felt awful. At my lowest I was trying to google the best ways to vomit up your food.
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/1-158.jpg
The most heart breaking image for me to look at. Probably close to 90kg.
I was a veg for many reasons, including visiting a slaughter house, and simply never enjoying the taste of meat and the idea of consuming sentient flesh. I was a poor vegetarian until my 16th year, which I read a book called "Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About".. This introduced me to the world of fasting, colon cleansing, dropping drugs, dropping alcohol, and the importance of health. After that, the internet became my favourite research buddy!
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/Teddyl019.jpg
(there is me at about 75kg)
So, I went what I like to call "half-arsed vegan".. I was a healthful vegetarian - many salads, goats cheese feta, oats, cooked veggies, olive oils, nuts, eggs, dried fruits, alternative milks etc and I thrived on making a soup at the beginning of the week - all veggies and some stock cubes and eating that all day every day. To the outside world, this would have looked fantastic, but my weight was dropping slowly and my skin was still poor. There had to be more to this.
Then, I discovered raw foodism.
So, when i was turning 18, I started lurking here and started a raw food diet. It failed. I made it so complicated and eventually broke down and ate a huge plate of risotto, only to vomit it up later. I felt rotten.
So, I gave it up after 8 days - not totally raw, I was addicted to my oatmilk and oats in the morning..
somehow, I ballooned back up to 71kg.
I couldn't look in the mirror.
bulimia came back.
so, I gave it another chance.
It was natural, I grabbed an apple and had a few in the morning.
Snacked on some oranges and brazil nuts, and had some banana's, with a spinach and celery, apple and cucumber green juice for dinner.
I simplified. I mono ate. It felt natural and real and the smells and taste of those first bites were heaven.
The next morning, I was 66kg, light, clean, deep breaths and felt springy. I went for a 7klm walk with my dog, and the trees felt alive and whispering.
and that was only this morning!
I have absolutely no desire to consume anything cooked.. except maybe my rolled oats, but its certainly not strong. I feel like I'd have to force myself to consume anything even lightly sauteed, and my once staple soup seems stomach churning. As I sit right now, I'm 64kg. My tummy doesn't feel tight or sick or hard working. I've just eaten some rockmelon and feel content and smiley and happy to be alive. I have no guilt. I even feel beautiful. My skin is cleaner and softer than it was last night. My hair even feels springier. I was on the treadmill happily jogging away at 7klm p/h for a half hour.
I will be this.
This feels like the holy grail of diet.
Utopia.
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/37233_10150215303595714_79005071-1.jpg
Here is me as I (am a dork in front of the webcam with fruit and a green smoothie) am right now. Surrounded by fruit and happiness.
and after the first raw attempt, about 68kg;
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/28850_10150195397355714_790050713_1.jpg
Here is me as I (am a dork in front of the webcam with fruit and a green smoothie) am right now. Surrounded by fruit and happiness.
I'm not done yet. My goal stable weight is 55kg, and my goal "physical health" is to help my skin return to normal with the old acne scars. I would like my skin to reflect how my organs now feel inside. I wish for stamina and the ability to hold onto my youth. I want to feel like I believe we should.
I hope to be a part of this community and hope that wasn't.. too long and scrambled!
I always feel like a right fool posting these "look at me!" posts, but nevertheless, an introduction is only polite.
Well, I've been a vegetarian since I was 8 - I'm now 18. At age 16, I started thinking.. my goodness, this isn't good enough.
Growing up started teaching me the lesson of self image. I'm 171cm, and at my heaviest, 94kg as a poor-quality vegetarian (lots of rich heavy big pastas, breads, etc). As a half-arsed vegan, I dropped down to 67kg.. and still felt awful. At my lowest I was trying to google the best ways to vomit up your food.
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/1-158.jpg
The most heart breaking image for me to look at. Probably close to 90kg.
I was a veg for many reasons, including visiting a slaughter house, and simply never enjoying the taste of meat and the idea of consuming sentient flesh. I was a poor vegetarian until my 16th year, which I read a book called "Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About".. This introduced me to the world of fasting, colon cleansing, dropping drugs, dropping alcohol, and the importance of health. After that, the internet became my favourite research buddy!
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/Teddyl019.jpg
(there is me at about 75kg)
So, I went what I like to call "half-arsed vegan".. I was a healthful vegetarian - many salads, goats cheese feta, oats, cooked veggies, olive oils, nuts, eggs, dried fruits, alternative milks etc and I thrived on making a soup at the beginning of the week - all veggies and some stock cubes and eating that all day every day. To the outside world, this would have looked fantastic, but my weight was dropping slowly and my skin was still poor. There had to be more to this.
Then, I discovered raw foodism.
So, when i was turning 18, I started lurking here and started a raw food diet. It failed. I made it so complicated and eventually broke down and ate a huge plate of risotto, only to vomit it up later. I felt rotten.
So, I gave it up after 8 days - not totally raw, I was addicted to my oatmilk and oats in the morning..
somehow, I ballooned back up to 71kg.
I couldn't look in the mirror.
bulimia came back.
so, I gave it another chance.
It was natural, I grabbed an apple and had a few in the morning.
Snacked on some oranges and brazil nuts, and had some banana's, with a spinach and celery, apple and cucumber green juice for dinner.
I simplified. I mono ate. It felt natural and real and the smells and taste of those first bites were heaven.
The next morning, I was 66kg, light, clean, deep breaths and felt springy. I went for a 7klm walk with my dog, and the trees felt alive and whispering.
and that was only this morning!
I have absolutely no desire to consume anything cooked.. except maybe my rolled oats, but its certainly not strong. I feel like I'd have to force myself to consume anything even lightly sauteed, and my once staple soup seems stomach churning. As I sit right now, I'm 64kg. My tummy doesn't feel tight or sick or hard working. I've just eaten some rockmelon and feel content and smiley and happy to be alive. I have no guilt. I even feel beautiful. My skin is cleaner and softer than it was last night. My hair even feels springier. I was on the treadmill happily jogging away at 7klm p/h for a half hour.
I will be this.
This feels like the holy grail of diet.
Utopia.
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/37233_10150215303595714_79005071-1.jpg
Here is me as I (am a dork in front of the webcam with fruit and a green smoothie) am right now. Surrounded by fruit and happiness.
and after the first raw attempt, about 68kg;
http://i924.photobucket.com/albums/ad90/TheGutterDoll/28850_10150195397355714_790050713_1.jpg
Here is me as I (am a dork in front of the webcam with fruit and a green smoothie) am right now. Surrounded by fruit and happiness.
I'm not done yet. My goal stable weight is 55kg, and my goal "physical health" is to help my skin return to normal with the old acne scars. I would like my skin to reflect how my organs now feel inside. I wish for stamina and the ability to hold onto my youth. I want to feel like I believe we should.
I hope to be a part of this community and hope that wasn't.. too long and scrambled!