View Full Version : Controlling the Temper
05-05-2010, 12:34 PM
I thoroughly embarrassed myself this morning by making a scene at the gas station because a couple of people there were talking on their cell phones. Firstly, a man in a delivery truck was driving while talking(and had already made me upset by being a bad driver by talking on his cell, grr!), then talking while filling up; and another guy was chatting away while filling up.
Anyway, now I feel horrible and embarrassed. :(
My temper is so fiery and strong, I get it from both of my parents. My dad flips out so quickly--like I do, and my mother does the whole annoyed-stressed-out-and-loud stuff like the above.
I know I could have been nicer, I know I could have left them to themselves and not said anything, but I was concerned for my safety, and I flipped out.
I'm trying to not be so angry at the world when stuff like this happens, but I feel like the fire inside me grows so quickly, I can't control it, and then something like this happens, and then it turns the fire into a murky guilt. I've been working on controlling my road rage, just laugh it off, etc., but it's a process...
I don't want my anger to affect me like this anymore, I feel awful. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I'm so embarrassed. I don't know what I can do to keep myself cool when things like this happen.
I never want this to happen again, I want to change this, but I don't know what to do :(
My husband who is soooo wise told me once (cuz I shoot off my mouth and then regret it later!!). Think of what you want the end result to be ... now before you take action, ask yourself, "Will my action bring about the end result that I want?"
Well for me - about 99% of the time, the answer's a resounding NO ~ lol. But it gives me pause and with practice that's all it's beginning to take. That plus the knowledge that I now realize no one cares what I think about XXX without my being asked - ha! *Ü*
05-05-2010, 06:11 PM
I get the same way occ. It was how I was raised...always attack. I'm much better now but I have to work at. Sometimes, people who are so inconsiderate of others need a little chewing out once in a while.
05-05-2010, 07:56 PM
Jenna, I am sorry you had this challenge today and I cna understnad how you might feel. Yes, its a good idea to seek a change.
I totally beleive and have seen it ring true every time in my life...How I am and how I treat others begets the same back to me.
I dont have people get angry and upset and have all kinds of problems with people. I just dont. I love everyone I meet and even those who seem not too happy, I seek to add something nice to their day.
This has to come from a place of peace inside of me however. It is all an inside job. So I did all the inner work and have no anger about anything inside of me. So, in challenging situations, no anger comes out, only love.
Life is an inside job and it takes lots of work to be at peace.
05-05-2010, 10:26 PM
Thanks you guys,
Deb--a great idea, thank you!! I will remember to take a breather and ask myself that :)
margoss-- thanks :) it's so hard to change something that we were brought up with!
lovenlife--you make it sound so easy ;) I wish I had a calming inner peace to help keep me cool..but hey, I guess I'm making the right steps toward that now
I'm so overly emotional (my zodiac is Cancer !) and all of my emotions come out crashing hard like waves.
Today was a real eye-opening experience for me, and I'm trying not to dwell on the bad feelings, but rejoice that I can recognize that I want to change, and I'm taking the steps to do so.
A few people cut me off today on the road, but I didn't let it affect me...it's getting easier. I have to remember that sometimes I make mistakes, too, and people get mad at me!!
05-06-2010, 06:47 AM
Jenna, If you see yourself as a highly emotional person...check out the book called "The Highly Sensitive Person". It is amazing and if it speaks of you, it will get you real clear on a whole lot about yourself.
I read it and it changed my life.
I cant wait to hear how it goes.
And yes you are doing great..the fact that this is bothering you, you are ready for growth and change.
05-06-2010, 11:40 AM
Oh, great!! I will check out that book! thanks!
05-06-2010, 11:48 AM
I used to have a bit of an anger issue. Maybe I wouldn't yell at strangers at a gas stations, but that's because I'm too shy for that. But I would raise my voice to win arguments, and I would let everyone know I was having a bad day.
I honestly think, the way I learned to deal with this, was to witness a friend of mine, who is my best friend now. She treats everyone with sincerity, and kindness, and that's all she gets back from the world. She's like this little deer that everyone appreciates, and everyone changes when she is around. Everyone turns off their need to be vulgar. And I watched her, and her affect on people, and I needed to be more like that, so i could appreciate myself, and in turn hopefully others will appreciate me.
And that's what has worked for me. I think of how i want to see myself, and how others will be affected by me and my actions. What I do, affects what everyone else does, and it's all about the vibration you send out.
I hope that helps if even just a little..
05-06-2010, 12:46 PM
To add a bit to this, even more powerful I am thinking.
I know someone who just died. He went about in the world, mad at it and let everyone in his path know he was mad.
Who one is in life is who they are in death. Very few phone calls or attenders while he was in nurse home and same when he was gone.
What kind of mark are we making on the world. It is in every minute of every day...we are either making a mark by being an extraordinary human or we are making other marks!
Raw Angel Mom
05-06-2010, 02:17 PM
(((Jenna))),.... I hear you about wanted to be in balance and to be the one in control versus the anger. You should check Debbie Ford. Perhaps the library you can borrow one of her books. She talks about our shadow and how to deal with this.
One day while watching Oprah, i saw Gary Zukav saying to treat our negative emotion as our friends. I thought this was so strange but the way he explained it, it made sense. Our negative emotions are only there to tell us that something in us needs attention. Many times under anger there are deep sadness and sorrow. You are perfect no matter how many parts in you may make you feel or others may have told you, the only truth is that your inner light is perfect and pure and untouched. The rest are just energy/believes that don't belong to you.
Bravo for wanted to brake the chain and i want to applaud you for being so honest.
05-06-2010, 06:54 PM
My anger problem has left me feeling the same as you on more than one occasion. It's not something you "fix" overnight. (Anger) Forgive yourself and move on. I really just wanted to send you a hug.
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