Being Raw & Social Eating

[somelikeitraw]

So the other day my hubby says to me that he and my daughter were talking and he told her that they couldn't take me out to eat on Mother's Day because I eat raw. I replied that they could take me to The Greenery, a raw restaurant that isn't too far from us. He then said, "Yeah but what would WE eat?!?". I sort of lost it there and said, "Right. Because Mother's Day is all about you isn't it? Ginny (a good friend of mine) went to The Greenery with me and ate the food and liked it! She isn't raw but went there with me to celebrate my one year raw anniversary!". Hubby shut down after that and we didn't discuss it anymore. I guess I'm a little over sensitive here because for my birthday last June they wanted to take me out for dinner and asked where I wanted to go. I was thinking out loud that I really wanted to try the raw restaurant as I hadn't been there, but then they would have to eat raw too and Jimbo's (a local HFS that serves food too) has an awesome organic salad bar and serves cooked stuff too so maybe that was a better option, and of course hubby jumped on Jimbo's. Then we get there and all they ate was the salad bar after all!

Later on I mentioned to our daughter that her dad had told me of their conversation and found out that she had said that they could too take me out to eat and said her dad walked away while she was saying where! Apparently her dad didn't want to hear this.

I know we are very lucky to have a raw restaurant near us and I really want them to see that eating raw isn't always what they see me eat at home. I go through mono meal times and lots of salads and haven't really gotten into any gourmet or even much regular dehydrated foods. I've been reading Brian Clement's book Living Foods for Optimum Health and am starting to feel guilty for not feeding my family more raw foods. On another thread Aleesha posted something to the tune of just focusing on her own path and letting others take care of their own paths. This was great to read and... I'm still feeling guilty. I want to go to the raw restaurant partly for them to see that raw can be really super tasty and not a salad, and partly for me because I love the food there and won't have to cook for them one night.

Hubby's idea of a place we can all eat is souplantation. He seems to think that the long salad bar should work for me. While it could, in a pinch, be something I could fill up on, it isn't really worth the money spent to me. Not for the 3 or 4 things they have that are not smothered in cooked sauce/dressing goop, besides the wilty undressed greens.

I guess I'm being too picky and could focus on them wanting to do something nice for me.

How do you deal with social eating being raw?

[Revvell]

Because Mother's Day is all about you isn't it?

Valid question. Yeah, them wanting to do something nice for you is different than them DOING something nice for you ~ like taking you out to eat where YOU want to go. If he's still hungry, he can always go eat somewhere else after. I've done that when I worked for a chiropractor and we went where HE wanted to go for holiday lunch. Everything that came out that I could eat, all the meat-eaters wanted ~ and got. So, after the torture was over, I gathered the other two veggies and asked them where they wanted to go eat. The next year I refused to go (same place) unless I got to eat too. I did. I ordered extra of whatever I wanted. :)

We eat at Souplantation ~ a lot! The greens are never wilted here and He gets to eat too.

BUT, He's willing to go to raw restaurants as well. He's almost always satisfied with what he gets ~ as am I although, very often, neither of us like the food at raw restaurants AND, they are often way (in our opinion) overpriced.

"Selfish" is underrated. Go for it!

[DebB]

How do you deal with social eating being raw?[/QUOTE]

I haven't gone out to eat many times in the couple years I've eaten this way ~ but what I normally do when going to a regular restaurant is take along my own salad dressing and an avocado. Then I order a big house salad (asking them to hold the things I don't want like croutons, cheese, etc.).

No place I've been has ever said one word about me bringing my own dressing or avocado. What works great is at home - cut the avo in half, remove the pit, put the avo back together and pop into a little bag. I just carry a cute little bag with an ice bag in it and I'm a happy camper!

I wonder if The Greenery has a menu online that you can take a look at to see if there's something he might like to eat?

We don't have any raw restaurants here. One of these days we'll make our way up to Seattle (4 hours away) and go to one up there ~ that will be so much fun! *Ü*

[Dimond]

Every raw restaurant has food for SAD eaters. It's actually easier for them to come to "our" restaurant than for us to go to theirs. If they stop focusing on the fact that it's raw, they may actually enjoy it. I went with a friend the other day and he really loved the food. It's just a matter of being open minded. Maybe you can go over the menu choices beforehand. There's always some type of dip like hummus, which usually everyone like. There's always some type of pasta dish like lasagna. There's always some type of mexican dish like burritos or tacos. There's plenty of salads and fruit. Amazing decadent desserts. Can't understand why anyone would have an issue with it.

I rarely have to deal with social eating, but when I do, I choose someplace everyone will like when it's a situation where I'm not close friends with them. Like Cheesecake Factory because they have large salads with 15-20 raw ingredients. I have people who thought they had to choose a vegetarian restaurant, but it's usually not any better than a regular SAD one. Vegetarian rarely equals healthy or raw options. So they were pleasantly surprised that we can go to a more "normal" place. If I become better friends with them, then we'll go to ones with more or all raw options. Regardless, I'd prefer eating at home or getting takeout versus eating at a restaurant.

You should occasionally bring home some foods for your hubby to try (if you don't make anything yourself). Maybe don't even mention it's raw until after.

[LemonFlower]

Eating out for me isn't fun anymore since raw. I will go with someone if we're out and we're hungry and I can usually find something there that satisfies my hunger. However, it's kind of lost its allure. My food at home is way better. (no raw places near me) I'd much rather go for a walk or hang out at my friend's house with her.

For my birthday, my husband was talking about how he wanted to do something really nice for me and mentioned a few restaurants, kind of lamenting about what I would be able to eat there. When he finally asked for my opinion, I told him that I thought he was using my birthday as a reason for us to eat out because HE doesn't eat out as much anmore now that I'm raw :-) He realized this was true and made me a really great (mostly - he tried!) raw meal at home.

For HIS birthday, I am planning for a large group of us to go out to eat at one of his favorite places. I'll eat before I go ;-)

I do find it difficult to be social now that I'm raw if I start to overthink how others will feel/react. I do much better if I just take care of me with a smile on my face and expect that everyone else will be taking care of themselves.

[IamLoved]

I totally understand how you feel and I do not think that it is selfish of you to want to go where you want to go on Mothers Day.

Hubby just asked me the other day what I wanted to do on Mothers Day. There are not any places that we can really go out to eat around here. So my thought is why not do something non food related? What about asking for a trip to the spa or salon or a certificate to get a massage? Or maybe he could hire a maid for the day or even for a week or a month to clean your house for you? It doesn't have to be about food. :)

[lodestar]

i love the way you pointed out the fact that mother's day really is a day to celebrate you.

just the same i know you don't want raw food eating to be a source of contention. so i really like the idea of making this year a year that involves food you enjoy and maybe an activity that all would like.

last year i prepared a SAD meal with a big beautiful salad for my children and wanted to celebrate the wonderful women that my sons have married. this year i may do the same or better yet get my husband and sons involved.

the social aspect of eating only raw food can really be a bummer..., but looking ahead and making some small preparations make it much more doable.

[D'vorah]

You know, reading your post just made me mad. You're not being selfish and you should NOT feel guilty. Mother's Day is YOUR day, you work hard as a wife and mother, I know. But then, I'm the woman who watched my husband and four adult children open Christmas presents year before last and not ONE present was under the tree for me.

ONE meal at your raw restaurant won't kill him, but it's probably not worth it if he's going to sit and sulk.

Deborah

[CathyA.]

Going through a similar situation here. It's okay to feel the way you are feeling. Don't feel guilty. Going raw makes you REALLY see how much emphasis is placed on food. I did not realize how much celebrating revolved around the food until after I made the change. Chin up... we are here for you.

[DebB]

You know, reading your post just made me mad. You're not being selfish and you should NOT feel guilty. Mother's Day is YOUR day, you work hard as a wife and mother, I know. But then, I'm the woman who watched my husband and four adult children open Christmas presents year before last and not ONE present was under the tree for me.

ONE meal at your raw restaurant won't kill him, but it's probably not worth it if he's going to sit and sulk.

Deborah


WHOOH! Amen Deborah!! Good post ~ ~ :D

[CathyA.]

You know, reading your post just made me mad. You're not being selfish and you should NOT feel guilty. Mother's Day is YOUR day, you work hard as a wife and mother, I know. But then, I'm the woman who watched my husband and four adult children open Christmas presents year before last and not ONE present was under the tree for me.

ONE meal at your raw restaurant won't kill him, but it's probably not worth it if he's going to sit and sulk.

Deborah


Are you kidding me!!!:mad:

[Revvell]

ONE meal at your raw restaurant won't kill him, but it's probably not worth it if he's going to sit and sulk.

Deborah


True that. Get a gift certificate from him and go with someone who really wants to celebrate you!

[somelikeitraw]

Wow! Thanks everyone for all of the support and ideas!

[Amii]

I am having trouble
working out
exactly why your husband can't eat something there.

what's this "yeah but what do WE eat" crap? You are eating food, not hay. Jeez.

[CathyA.]

I am having trouble
working out
exactly why your husband can't eat something there.

what's this "yeah but what do WE eat" crap? You are eating food, not hay. Jeez.

LOL:D "hay" love it.

[lovenlife]

All go to the raw rest. for YOU and have THEM take the food they want in a bag and they can have what they want...hahaahaha Tis what we do all the time.

I recently was up home for my dads funeral and when I got there, my sister had bought a huge plate of subs and they were all meat of every sort. The family ate off them for three days. No one gave on thought to me nor asked me. Good thing I was watching out for me and had my food with me!

[D'vorah]

Are you kidding me!!!:mad:

Huh?

Deborah

[snoops]

I expect that she is thinking how awful it was that you got no presents. I hope you didn't cook Christmas dinner for them...

[Green_Woman]

I attract friends and partners who respect my diet considerations. Social eating is no longer a struggle for me because I no longer spend time with those who would seek to sabotage my lifestyle choices.

HOWEVER - it has taken a few years of eating Raw and learning to respect myself to get to where I could put my foot down around friends and family.

My simple plan for social outings is as follows...

In Arizona, at the University, I simply bring my own food OR order raw vegetables off the menu to snack on...

In California, I simply invite friends to join me at Raw restaurants or Vegan restaurants and if they're not up for it, we at least go somewhere I can find a big salad or heap of raw veggies... when that doesn't work, I bring my own food or eat before.

I've been reading Julia Child's autobiography and also one of Michael Pollan's books and it does strike me that Americans have forgotten how to take pleasure in the TOTAL eating experience... we've become so caught up in just schnarking down plate-loads of garbage, we've forgotten that it's the people we're with, the environment we select, and our own attitude about the dining experience that either bring pleasure... or stress.

[D'vorah]

I expect that she is thinking how awful it was that you got no presents. I hope you didn't cook Christmas dinner for them...

we, er, they, opened presents after dinner.

Deborah

[somelikeitraw]

we've become so caught up in just schnarking down plate-loads of garbage, we've forgotten that it's the people we're with, the environment we select, and our own attitude about the dining experience that either bring pleasure... or stress.

Right on! And I love SCHNARKING, good word!



we, er, they, opened presents after dinner.

Deborah

Yikes! I am so sorry Deborah!

[D'vorah]

Right on! And I love SCHNARKING, good word!




Yikes! I am so sorry Deborah!

Thanks. To keep this on-topic, let me add that it is what it is, and this is the kind of stuff that makes healthy eating difficult for me, and others, I might guess. I comfort eat.

How to deal with less than sensitive family members and eat healthy is a powerful thing to ponder, far more than this thread's title suggests. If it were merely an issue of social eating, that would be different, but it's also an issue of how to deal with those that choose to dis-honor us, how to honor ourselves when they won't (or can't, because of their own issues), and how to meet our own needs apart from food.

Deborah

[kjduf]

Personally I would go to the restaurant you want to go to because ITS YOUR DAY!! Us mothers deserve to be pampered one day out of the year.

Another thought....When it is fathers day don't you do what he wants?

[christinajade]

My husband and I go out to eat pretty much every day for one meal of the day. We have no raw restaurants here so that issue never comes up. I find that my husband is actually making healthier choices when we go out to eat since I went raw. He is also very considerate when we go out places with other people by making sure it is a place that I can get something to eat. This wasn't always the case. After some minor dissagreements, he understands that a simple "house salad" served at a SAD restaurant probably isn't going to fill me up. You know, those salads that only consist of a small amount of carrots, iceburg lettuce and maybe 1/4 piece of tomato? We went to CA to visit my aunt and uncle who don't eat raw. We never visited any raw restaurants but they suggested a couple of restaurants and my husband was like, "but what will you be able to eat there?" He really looks out for me now!

I think on your birthday or mother's day or any other special day that is just for you, should be focused on just you! So if you want a raw restaurant for YOUR day, that is what you should have.

I've learned to be really creative when going to a SAD restaurant now. You would be surprised what the chef can put together with all those raw ingredients they have in the kitchen before cooking them. Even if it isn't on the menu, just ask. I kind of scan all the ingredients of the dishes they make and see what they would have to cooks fresh from raw ingredients and ask for those in a salad or something. They are usually more than happy to oblige!:D

I'm pretty easy going most of the time so I really don't let the SAD eaters upset me. There should be respect coming from both sides. SAD eaters respecting me and making sure I can eat at the places they want and me, respecting them and making sure they are happy with what they want to eat. Just remember that unfortunately we live in a SAD world and it is going to take a little more creativity in this kind of world get get what you want when going out to eat. I think if you stay positive realize this there might be a little more piece and eventually your family will come around. :D

[somelikeitraw]

Another thought....When it is fathers day don't you do what he wants?
Yes. And every year for his birthday I cook his requested meal and bake a lemon meringue birthday pie, his fav. I also still deal with cooking for him daily, or most days anyway. Sometimes I luck out and he, or our daughter, will take care of their food. I'm happy to say that our daughter is open to trying my food sometimes :), hubby - once in a blue moon tries raw I make at home, but that's better than never. It's as though he thinks it's inedible or something. Which isn't the case... most of the time, lol! Occasionally I end up with something I eat simply because I won't waste the food.


Christinajade - I think it's wonderful that your husband looks out for you now! I have had many good experiences with restaurants making me something raw and tasty upon request. I have also had times when they tried and failed by sending something cooked on a salad, which I usually just tried to eat around. I have also experienced times when they will not budge other than serve me the greens without the other stuff and the dressing only to find that they charged me full price! That seems to only happen at bigger chain restaurants like Islands. I won't even order there anymore and try to lobby for a different place. I did have an experience like that at a local independent place, but the waitress was upfront about the fact it would cost the same and offered to put the salmon that I didn't want into a to go box for my husband. Most of the time I would say that the servers and the kitchen have no issues with whipping up something raw. One time I went to an Indian restaurant and they whipped up one of the best raw salads I have had to date! It was decently priced and it wasn't small either!



How to deal with less than sensitive family members and eat healthy is a powerful thing to ponder, far more than this thread's title suggests. If it were merely an issue of social eating, that would be different, but it's also an issue of how to deal with those that choose to dis-honor us, how to honor ourselves when they won't (or can't, because of their own issues), and how to meet our own needs apart from food.

This does seem to be more than just social eating. The problem is, and I guess I should just speak for myself here, I really want my mate to think about me and look out for me without my having to fight for it. At least on Mother's Day and my birthday. For our anniversary I will end up cooking his requested meal for him and whipping up something else for me, as I do for all of the major holidays as well. I must confess here though that sometimes he surprises me with a freshly squeezed glass of orange or red grapefruit juice as breakfast in bed. I'm trying to focus on a positive here ;)

[CathyA.]

I expect that she is thinking how awful it was that you got no presents. I hope you didn't cook Christmas dinner for them...

yup that was exactly what I was thinking.

[lodestar]

fresh squeezed juice... in bed no less... a great start! ;) xox

[christinajade]

My husband doesn't make me juice!! :(;) That is awesome that he does that sometimes!!

[Riiiya]

wellll i'm late with a reply but i just wanted to share my little opinion :)

You definitely have a reason to be pissed about this situation. but i don't think it's wise to fight over it and think about how unsupportive the family is..

Maybe your dh is intimidated by this raw food thing and he's being unwilling to understand and support. Instead of saying but it's MY DAY or anything of that sort, i would try to be trickier- tell them to experiment with their tastebuds, give it a try because it would your make your mother's day unforgettable, and then you could even go somewhere else to eat to make everyone happy.

anyway, hope everything went well

[somelikeitraw]

...this is how the day went -

I got up and came in the office and popped on RFT til DD got up. She came into the office complaining how her dad really let her down and that she really tried to get me a mother's day gift and that she really did love me. I told her that I know she loves me and that she gives me gifts every day in the form of hugs, kisses, snuggle requests, smiles, laughter, etc. DH woke up and I made them what they wanted for breakfast, SAD stuff I won't mention here. Then I did a quick tidy up in the kitchen but left the seriously greasy stuff in hopes that one of them would clean those. My daughter squeezed some grapefruit juice for me and some orange juice for them. DH chose to eat his food while laying on the sofa instead of coming into the kitchen with DD and me. Now, I know he had a total knee replacement on March 11th but this was first thing in the morning. Did he really still need to be laying down? DH spent most of the day on the couch watching TV. DD had lots of homework and most of her day was spent on that. She would take breaks though to spend some time with me and on one break gave me an awesome leg and foot massage. Now THAT'S an great mom's day gift! :D Everyone was left to their own devices for lunch. I went through some clothes and decided to get rid of a bunch that no longer fit and did laundry. I called my Dad to wish him happy mother's day, he is my only surviving parent. I also called my godmother, who was very happy to hear from me and we chatted for quite some time. My now mom was out of town and I knew she would be so I didn't try calling her. I got a text from my "other" daughter, a friend of DD's since they were in kindergarten together, wishing me a happy mother's day. THAT was a great gift and took my day to a whole new level! :D DD and I went grocery shopping and she picked out what she and her dad had for dinner, which she heated in the oven, and I bought supplies for a recipe I found on this site. While we were out DD asked for $25 and didn't want to tell me what for. She went into the store next to the one we were in and bought Everyday Raw by Matthew Kenney for me. She didn't tell me about it but made a big production of giving to me in front of her dad. What a doll! :D I'd say I had a really great Mother's Day! DD and I had lots of fun together and shared lots of laughter and THAT is what it's all about! :D

[D'vorah]

Wow. Your daughter's awesome. Your husband not so much, but then, you're not HIS mother (aren't you glad about that? Hahahaha!)

You did a great job of taking care of yourself! Happy Mother's Day!

I spent mine with one of my sons (the only one in town) and his girlfriend. We went out to the valley to The Musk Ox Farm where I volunteer. It's the season opening traditionally. New baby musk ox, family and friends. Sweet. My flute circle performed for the guests. Perfect day, other than the fact that dh is out of town (and I didn't hear from him) and my other three offspring are all living elsewhere.

Deborah

[somelikeitraw]

Thanks Deborah! I think she's pretty fanfreakintastic! At least with DH vegging on the couch, he wasn't in our way ;). You bet I'm glad I'm not his mom!!!

Your day sounds pretty great too! Baby musk ox sound super cute. Right up there with baby elephants and baby white rhinos. Who would've thought they could be that cute? Nice that you could be with at least one of your babies (mine will always be my baby even when she's off on her own, all full grown).

[Green_Woman]

Right on! And I love SCHNARKING, good word!

:D

Thanks... I'll make up/steal new words anytime. *giggles*

[Ekin]

OMG I understand your husband but why is food such a big deal? It's mothers day at the end not eating cooked food day...Maybe next time he'll be more understanding?? Best of luck with your raw journey!! :)

[Amii]

Ok so I've just found that I'm going to have to drink several glasses of diet coke next week for a film I'm shooting. I'm well peed off! I really don't want to drink that crap, especially not several glasses of it, and the writer is unwilling to remove it from the script :(
yay for self-poisoning..

[Shels]

Ok so I've just found that I'm going to have to drink several glasses of diet coke next week for a film I'm shooting. I'm well peed off! I really don't want to drink that crap, especially not several glasses of it, and the writer is unwilling to remove it from the script :(
yay for self-poisoning..

How awful! I hate soda.
Is he willing to find some compromise where you don't have to actually ingest it? Like have the coke in the scene, slurp it up if you have to but not swallow, or have a can with water in it, etc.

[Revvell]

Ok so I've just found that I'm going to have to drink several glasses of diet coke next week for a film I'm shooting. I'm well peed off! I really don't want to drink that crap, especially not several glasses of it, and the writer is unwilling to remove it from the script :(
yay for self-poisoning..

From a can or glass? As Shels said, if, from a can, then put something else in it. If from a glass, put something else in it. I'm sure the writer wouldn't even know as long as it looks right. I'm sure someone here can give you a look-alike substitute.

No audience really knows what's in a glass. I know actors are not drinking all the beer/wine they seem to be drinking. Plus, how does one know if it's diet or not? If it's root beer or anything else?

Apple juice with some natural coloring? I dunno.

[D'vorah]

I bet you can come up with a smoothie recipe that's close in color. . . I'm thinking beets, blackberries or blueberries, kale. . . . .