Need feedback concerning hubby and raw eating....

[katchmoleen]

My husband has been very supportive of my eating raw. He is one of those disgustingly healthy people who weighs what he did in high school, has a huge appetite (at 54) and never seems to slow down. He does make healthy choices but enjoys his SAD (nonjunk) food. However, awhile back he said he would eat "high raw" with me (he offered, I never even brought it up.) Well, what happened was that he ate up a big portion of the raw foods and also ate just as much of the cooked stuff I made for the kids. That lasted for a few meals so I went back to just making a small portion of the raw stuff for me and my daughters, though fruits and veggies were unlimited. So a couple of days ago, he said he wanted to start eating "all raw" with me to encourage me (as I have been in a bit of a raw funk lately). I questioned him closely, saying I knew he did not want to give up eating meat. And also that I would still need to make some cooked stuff for the kids (teenagers). But he said he would eat WITH ME in the evenings. So last night I made these stuffed tomatoes and a salad. He ate them and then shortly after supper made a big bowl of cereal.
Well, if his purpose is to encourage me, all that does is irritate me. It takes effort and expense to make raw entrees, and all I can think is, if he hadn't eaten it, I would have had lots of leftovers for other meals. And eating cereal almost immediately after the meal seems to cancel out any encouragement he was trying to give me. Raw entrees are expensive and time consuming, and most of the time I don't bother, but I feel like I would have to if he is eating with me, due to his hearty appetite. And to me, "eat raw with you in the evenings" means you eat all raw. You do it to encourage me by NOT eating cooked food in front of me, so that I have a partner in doing this.

So am I being petty and picky? Or do some of you see my point? What would you do?

[jakrawr14]

hehe... I just added a similar post! Well, kind of... :) I'd say be happy that he's putting all of those things that are good for him in his body. That's what I'm trying to do...

[katchmoleen]

I would feel happy about it, if it weren't for the fact that he is already healthier than I am! And he has such a huge appetite. Stuff that would last me for days is gone in one meal.

[JennaHoneyBear]

I would be honest and talk to him about it. how is he going to do anything different if you talk to us and not him? :)

Just sit him down and gently tell him your concerns.


"And to me, "eat raw with you in the evenings" means you eat all raw. You do it to encourage me by NOT eating cooked food in front of me, so that I have a partner in doing this."

Say something like this. And maybe add if he's still hungry afterwards to make a snack that you won't witness. Or maybe suggest he eat something raw after like fruits or veggies, then if he's still hungry have some cereal in private. Tell him it means a lot to you to have a partner in this, and it makes it a lot easier for you, too.

[Green_Woman]

He ate them and then shortly after supper made a big bowl of cereal.

Kathy, don't hurt me but this made me laugh so hard because it's EXACTLY what my menfolk have done in the past...!!! :D

For instance, recently I whipped up a huge (for me) dinner of raw sushi nori rolls, kim chi and miso soup. I even set the table fancy for it all.

My honey ate the whole thing, and then started complaining about being hungry still. :eek:

You know what I figured out after steaming around the kitchen and throwing a few things at him? *giggles*

Even my 43 year-old giant of a man is still just a growing boy... and growing boys have HUGE appetites, ESPECIALLY on Raw!!! :D

Ya gotta make them four times what you make for yourself. Well, especially for a man with as high a metabolism as your hubby, apparently!!!

Most importantly - DON'T let his attempts irritate you!!!

He's trying in his own boyish way!!!!

[katchmoleen]

After thinking about it for awhile, and reading other post about this subject, I realize that my negative feelings go back to what I posted before about how my family was after my surgery. Namely, I just don't get enough help. And if my husband is doing something "to encourage me" but the net result for me is that it ends up being more work for me, then that is going to do nothing but create more negativity on my part. This is not a subject that can be unraveled in one talk, as it obviously has been a dynamic in our marriage from day one. I have a hard time even talking to my husband about it, as it has not been successful before. If someone already believes they are doing a lot around the house, then nothing I say can really change that. So, I guess the question is, am I being selfish by not wanting to make more work for myself if the end result is that my husband, and probably my children, will end up increasing their consumption of raw foods? The answer to that is probably, yes, I am being selfish.

[DebB]

Hi katchmoleen ~ My husband took a stab at eating raw for a few months. It just did not satisfy him, he was always hungry. He'd like to eat raw again - but he knows it just doesn't cut the mustard and keep him satiated. He was eating a lot of nuts & seeds too, thinking it was the fat he was missing from the meat.

He's a BIG meat eater and that's what satisfies him.. FWIW my husband's a type A-. *Ü*

[terry brown]

Hello,
I did not read what everyone has to say but I can relate to your situation as my husband is 51 and very healthy too! I have the health issues, which lead us to raw.
My husband went all raw with me for a month and lost 30 pounds that he did not have to loose. So now we eat raw meals together often and he has a big bowl of cereal and toast after dinner.
Since he is not all raw I would rather he not eat my expensive raw food treats. :rolleyes:
So... I think it is awesome your husband is supporting you and think of all the good nutrients he is getting from the raw.
The more raw my husband eats the less SAD he eats. He is feeling better than ever too. I do insist that he eat a good bread and cereal. Ezekial is a good choice. He is happy with that.
Hope this helps a little!
Terry

[levamssg]

I will say, it is nice that he is supportive of your food choices, and interested in at least trying the food, and actually eating it when available.

HOWEVER

Perhaps instead of fixing the raw for FOR him to eat with you ... suggest you will teach him how to prepare some food and have him make some raw rood dishes For You.

Now - THAT would be supportive!!!

I know what you mean cause I've already been down that road. I simply don't make raw food for my husband anymore, even tho he always says ''' wow, that looks good' as he sits down to his microwaved wings and store bought potato salad and chips.

I figure, if he really wants to eat raw, then he can learn how to prepare it. when he shows an initiative to do that, I'll be happy to help, and we can prepare food together.

Until then, it is MY food and I will eat it.:)

[revdrcyn]

Hi Kathleen! First let me say how great it is to "see" you!

I have written before about my SAD husband . . . I know exactly what you mean about the time and expense that feels "wasted"

The compromise I have reach with my DH is this: I make him a Green Smoothie every morning, and I share a bit of my desserts when I make them (he's diabetic), but that's it.

I do not see the point of him eating up all the expensive nuts and organic produce only to follow with junk food (he ate an entire case of Spam last week - what is that stuff anyway? Never mind - I don't really want to know.)

I definitely do not think you are being picky -- actually, you are perfectly reasonable.

[sidrah]

I don't think you are being selfish. I find the same with my brother. He goes to this nutritionist and I told him I would cook for him. So, of course, I was lucky and won the opportunity to shop and pay for the food, too!

I made chicken, zucchini noodles, a cool tomato sauce..all of which he ate and loved. Then he ate ice cream and like a box of Little Debbie things. I almost killed him. Not the first time, but after a few times. And when I do say something he does this stupid smirk and says, "Whaaaa. I was hungry still."

I get it completely. It IS a waste of your money to buy the good stuff and spend it on him if he is gonna eat the bad stuff later. Yes, it is good that he is eating the good, too, but I understand 100% your aggravation. That is food you could use for lunch and another dinner...

ANyway, yes I get it and I see your side a million times over.

[sidrah]

Hi Kathleen! First let me say how great it is to "see" you!

I have written before about my SAD husband . . . I know exactly what you mean about the time and expense that feels "wasted"

The compromise I have reach with my DH is this: I make him a Green Smoothie every morning, and I share a bit of my desserts when I make them (he's diabetic), but that's it.

I do not see the point of him eating up all the expensive nuts and organic produce only to follow with junk food (he ate an entire case of Spam last week - what is that stuff anyway? Never mind - I don't really want to know.)

I definitely do not think you are being picky -- actually, you are perfectly reasonable.

SPAM can be used to wax cars!!
Just the thought of it makes me gag. My dad used to eat it all the time with eggs. The smell makes me start in the mouth heaves. But, I know people who grew up in Hawaii and love it...ironically, one of them, my brother's girlfriend thinks the "whole vegetable only thing all day is kind of dumb".

[IamLoved]

Hello!

I totally agree with levamssg! I have tried so many times to make raw yummies for my hubby. I have spent hours in the kitchen working on something, agonzing over it and loving it into creation only to present it to him and either have him turn his nose up at it, take one bite and make a face, or eat it all and then have a bowl of cereal. (What is it with the cereal?!) It is so frustrating and I have the exact same thoughts as you do about it too. It is frustrating. I know that the food would have lasted me a long time, or I think of how hard I worked only to have him snub the food. And to me eating cereal right after eating my raw meal is just awful. That might sound bad, but really, why eat the raw meal if you are going to just eat cereal after? I am very all or nothing in my personality though so maybe that has something to do with it.
So no, I don't think that you are being selfish and yes, I totally understand your feelings. You are not alone. My hubby is always welcome to eat my raw food but I don't stress about trying to please him with it anymore. I like it and that is all that matters. And I totally agree that if he really wants to eat raw with you then he should be responsible enough to make his own food and work in the kitchen with you. Until then you will continue to have frustration.

Best of luck to you! :)

[T-Bird]

So am I being petty and picky?

Yes.



Or do some of you see my point?

Yes!



What would you do?

Just realize that every bit of raw food is good for him. Also - if he eats it first while very hungry - he will be developing a taste for it over time.

Also - he's hungry - are you making enough?

I've faced similar issues with my son - who will eat POUNDS of the super raw cashew, walnuts and peacans that I special order for recipes. Literally - he 20 and built like a line backer. He's lazy too, so rather than fixing himself something - will grab a bag of nuts and chow down.

I've had to just tell myself - it's good for him. Not only in ingestion - but in developing the taste for something healthier.

[T-Bird]

I would be honest and talk to him about it. how is he going to do anything different if you talk to us and not him?

Just sit him down and gently tell him your concerns.

I totally disagree with this. He's asked for more raw food in his diet - whether it's exclusive or not - I think katch should be happy about that and not sabotage this situation.

The only issue is whether or not katch is willing to put in the work to make this food for him.

Whether is 100% or not is his business. Katch - are you turning into the raw police?:eek:

[T-Bird]

I would feel happy about it, if it weren't for the fact that he is already healthier than I am!

Is this the real issue? Do you want to "catch up" with him healthwise and worry if he does more raw he will return the situation to him being way healthier?

[T-Bird]

wow guys - just finished reading the whole thread and I'm a little shocked at all the ladies kicking their men to the curb to keep the raw for themselves.

I agree the men can help with the food prep because it is a lot of work. I definitely think they should be pulling their weight around the kitchen.

But there seems to be alot of "no - you can't have any salad because I know you'll just eat a twinkie later"

I don't get it.

Is it frustration over time spent in the kitchen? Fear that they will be healthier - and maybe more attractive to other women, or what?

:confused:

[katchmoleen]

wow guys - just finished reading the whole thread and I'm a little shocked at all the ladies kicking their men to the curb to keep the raw for themselves.

I agree the men can help with the food prep because it is a lot of work. I definitely think they should be pulling their weight around the kitchen.

But there seems to be alot of "no - you can't have any salad because I know you'll just eat a twinkie later"

I don't get it.

Is it frustration over time spent in the kitchen? Fear that they will be healthier - and maybe more attractive to other women, or what?

:confused:

Yes, it is frustration. I work 20-40 hours a week, just like him. On top of that, I also homeschool our kids with no help from him. I also manage the bills and usually do his laundry. He does some of it but then always leaves a big pile on the floor driving me crazy. I make sure the kids do their chores, but when I am at work, nothing gets done. I also do all the cooking. On the days I work, the kids usually get eggs or frozen something and I have to fix something for myself. I have to fix a full SAD menu for everyone, and I also help my daughter bake our own bread but I don't eat it.

So.....I DON'T NEED MORE WORK.

I am happy for everyone in my family to eat all the raw fruits and veggies they want to. There is no limit to those things. But yes, the raw entrees made with expensive nuts. If they are going to eat the full SAD meal and then turn around and eat 7/8 of the raw entree and not leave enough for me to take to work the next day, that will really irritate me.

If my husband were going to be 100% raw, I would be happy to fix enough for him and me both. Because I wouldn't have to fix the SAD as well.

BTW, I always share the desserts. We don't keep SAD desserts or even a bag of white sugar in the house. It is just the entrees.

Not worried about my husband getting more attractive. He is already a hunk!;)

[somelikeitraw]

Yes, it is frustration. I work 20-40 hours a week, just like him. On top of that, I also homeschool our kids with no help from him. I also manage the bills and usually do his laundry. He does some of it but then always leaves a big pile on the floor driving me crazy. I make sure the kids do their chores, but when I am at work, nothing gets done. I also do all the cooking. On the days I work, the kids usually get eggs or frozen something and I have to fix something for myself. I have to fix a full SAD menu for everyone, and I also help my daughter bake our own bread but I don't eat it.

So.....I DON'T NEED MORE WORK.

I am happy for everyone in my family to eat all the raw fruits and veggies they want to. There is no limit to those things. But yes, the raw entrees made with expensive nuts. If they are going to eat the full SAD meal and then turn around and eat 7/8 of the raw entree and not leave enough for me to take to work the next day, that will really irritate me.

If my husband were going to be 100% raw, I would be happy to fix enough for him and me both. Because I wouldn't have to fix the SAD as well.

BTW, I always share the desserts. We don't keep SAD desserts or even a bag of white sugar in the house. It is just the entrees.

Not worried about my husband getting more attractive. He is already a hunk!;)

I can see the frustration factor! It seems to me that if your hubby could read this last post of yours it might help. You are not begrudging him the healthy food, you are simply burning out! If he really does want to eat raw with you, I would start his meal with a very large glass of water about 15 minutes before eating and I would always serve a GIANORMOUS salad with the entree and make sure he knows that if he is still hungry after that there are plenty of fruits and veggies he can munch on. I agree with a previous post that he could be helping in the kitchen. If he isn't up to fixing food, perhaps he could clean up the entire kitchen after. I also understand the frustration of him not being completely raw when he said he would as well. It seems to me that we all went through a time where we had "voracious ravenousitis", meaning - when we started raw we ate a lot more quantity than we do daily now. I do still go through spurts where I eat every raw thing in sight, but on a daily basis, I eat much less than I used to. Having a person that never gets past being a bottomless pit can really wreak havoc on the grocery budget. I have my own SAD family issues so I'm sending love and support your way! ((((((HUGS))))))

[T-Bird]

Yes, it is frustration. I work 20-40 hours a week, just like him. On top of that, I also homeschool our kids with no help from him. I also manage the bills and usually do his laundry. He does some of it but then always leaves a big pile on the floor driving me crazy. I make sure the kids do their chores, but when I am at work, nothing gets done. I also do all the cooking. On the days I work, the kids usually get eggs or frozen something and I have to fix something for myself. I have to fix a full SAD menu for everyone, and I also help my daughter bake our own bread but I don't eat it.

Yep that's a lot - and you don't have a small family either!! So this is years and years of hidden frustration, I think. Or maybe not so hidden!

I would definitely talk to him about it - not the Raw bit - but all it. Because that what the issue is, not "I made raw food and then you erased it with a twinkie" syndrome

[katchmoleen]

I've talked many times. It doesn't help. So i have learned to live with it for the most part.

[lovenlife]

Hi Kath, I totally see where you are coming from and how this stemmed back into no one helping you when you were sick.

So now, with him "supporting" you on raw, it actually is making more work for you. woweeee that is understandable how you might feel this way!

Talking always helps even if it doesnt solve it. He will see how you feel and maybe it will open the door to him helping. Perhaps there can be more money to purchase more food if that is an issue.

He can learn to prepare it yes!

Smoothies are easy and filling.

Having said that, raw food eating opens the door to wanting it more and more. Not setting an "all raw committment" is the way to go. How great he is getting all those living enzymes and nutrients! BUT yes, ask for help!

Many women would give their right arm to have a raw hubb it seems. Maybe you will. Hope not sweetaaaay.
Many who appear to be so healthy, might not be inside!

[lovenlife]

Kath, it seems the thing right up front for you is raw food prep. There seems to be deeper seated things going on?

Boy! You sure do have a lot on you and add raw prep for two makes it extra tough.