Being social AND raw

[willowriver]

Hey guys. I've been trying to be high raw for a couple of weeks now, but I've run into a road block. No, it's not cravings. I'm already vegan, I know how to deal with cravings. It's trying to be social. I'm not the world's most outgoing person to begin with, and I'm relatively new to the city I'm in, with no family or old friends around. I've got my boyfriend, and a few other friends ... all of whom I met at work. Now, the older people at work tend to sit at their desks or in the break room together for lunch and just eat whatever they brought. I'd love to do that. However, the people my age (pretty much everyone under 35) go out to eat every day. Some days I work out with a few of my friends during lunch, and then we hit up the cafeteria, where I can eat my packed lunch with them, but most days, we pile into a car, or just my bf and I go out. And often, the bf and I will go out to dinner as well. When I first moved here, I ate all of my meals at my desk, and cooked all of my own food at home, but now I go out sooo often. The bf is actively hostile to the raw foods thing, because he feels like it will isolate me socially, and because we'd both have to change our lifestyles if I did it fully. And he's right. If he didn't want raw food, he would have nothing to eat at my house, I would have nothing at his, and we couldn't go out to most restaurants (though I wish I wasn't eating out this much - cooked or not). And I couldn't go out with friends, like ever, because that's apparently all youngish people do here for fun - eat and drink. I've already cut out the drinking part, which has left me sitting at home on many occasions. I don't want to lose what few friends I have, especially since I work with all of them, and I'm already known as "the quiet girl" to a lot of people.

HELP! How do you guys deal with this?! Any suggestions?

[D'vorah]

My husband is the great white hunter. We can both eat just fine if neither of us passes judgement. Yes, I have to deal with meat and milk in my fridge, but I have really great Tupperwares for my produce, some of which he'll share if it's available and accessible.

You can pack green smoothies and take to restaurants. Steak places typically have a good size salad.

It takes some creativity and patience, but it's do-able.

Now, his hostility, that's another matter. You can't control that, and if you don't find ways to make it simple, you'll fuel that fire whether you want to or not.

Wishing you well,

Deborah

[Thick]

It can be tough in the beginning because, like you, your friends will have a lot of questions about what you are doing. However, I assure you, that after a couple of months and they see how drop dead gorgeous you look and how wonderful and vivacious you feel--they will want to emulate you.

For the work friends----If you have to go, either sneak something in to add to your salad or eat first or afterwards something more substantial.

If you wish you could hang out with the older people and stay at the office--why dont you? You might make some new friends, there--with people who don't expect you to go out to eat everyday. Invite the younger people to other social events.

For your boyfriend.. this is a big change for him and he's probably afraid of you changing in unexpected annoying ways. If you love him, then reassure him that you'll never force him to eat raw. Tell him how raw food amplifies your sex drive--and prove it..he'll probably be gung ho from then on out=)

[Green_Woman]

As Revvell famously puts it: "Leave others to their otherness and focus on YOU."

That's how I do it!

I have absolutely ZERO issues eating 100% Raw vegan meals every day, all day, all week WHILE maintaining an active School + Social + Love Life! And when I say active, I mean it. I'm an Opera Singer, a full-time University Student - AND - a Free-Lance Journalist, for starters!

You know what I've discovered?? I am surrounded by SAD eatin' people who look at my Raw Diet with curiosity and my sharp Body with amazement. *wink*

I don't attract naysayers anymore. My focus is on HEALTH, Happiness and Wholeness... and so now, I attract supportive, friendly, encouraging people who are encouraged by my healthy Choices to examine their own options. :) The naysayers vanished from my Life once I ceased to focus on others' opinions and simply began to focus on MY LIFE.

Regarding Raw + SAD Romance...

My Sweetie was not even vegetarian when we first began dating 2 yrs ago. At the time, I was on-off Raw, and mostly Vegan. We did 100% Raw together for awhile in 2008 and he lost so much weight and gained so much health that he was sold out on it ever since.

He is MOSTLY Raw today, but does occasionally eat some meat or cooked foods. We go on regular dates every weekend, and he orders anything he wants - and I make my Raw order.

I don't judge his food choices, he doesn't judge mine.

THAT'S how we do it. And that's true love on Raw. ;) The ability to sit beside my Sweetie while he shovels a plate of fried *** in and I dine happily on a bowl full of tomatoes and avocados...!

Regarding Eating Out on Raw...


After a few years of experimentation both with my Diet and with my THOUGHTS, I've learned that if I walk into a Restaurant (ANY Restaurant) and I am 100% confident that my 100% Raw diet is what I'm going to stick to, I am then 100% able to order RAW foods off their menu.

;)

It's so simple - but it starts with YOUR mindset.

Examples of my favorite raw choices from non-raw Restaurants:

Guacamole (*Suggestion: ask the waiter if the guac is dairy-free and is prepared fresh... you can tell the moment you see it if the waiter is giving you accurate info, too - fresh guac looks and smells noticeably better than frozen/thawed guac!)

Salad with Raw Veggie toppings, lemon juice and salt

Tomatoes and Mushrooms (*Freshly chopped, freshly washed in water only - this is a filling dish and is GREAT with a little spritz of Extra Virgin Olive Oil + Salt... I just had this at Macaroni Grille the other night!)


Parting Thought...

Be CONFIDENT in the changes you are making for yourself, and people won't have anything to attack. It is often indecision and fear and self-sabotage Mindsets that attract birds of prey, if you know what I mean. :)

[Revvell]

What G_W said. Pretty much my story and I go to networking meetings, out with my guy who is not even close to raw.

[freespirit]

Im lucky. My guy is from Maine and his father spends most of the winter in the woods 'finding' dinner. His father was a bodybuilder though, so my hubby grew up in the gym. he is health conscious, and the first night we met we sat together for 6 hours and ate dates. ha.

We eat raw, but when we have to go out, we will stray a LITTLE. and we only go out once every month. But we only go out when we have to. We mostly stay at home and make our own meals. It is difficult to go out and be around people becasue so much of our culture is based around eating and drinking. I would rather not have friends then sit in a smoky bar and hang around while people drink multiple beers and show their jekyll/hyde drunkin behaviour.

i find when i dont push those around me to try raw, they get more and more curious.

Maybe you can try and find a raw meetup group so you can meet some like minded individuals.

salads are so easy to get in restaurants. bring your own dressing or bring some stuff to top the salad.

If you dont resist the issues, they wont persist.

[joya]

willowriver,

I totally hear where you're coming from. My husband (then finance) was really put off when I started back up on raw. He felt like I had become no fun, since before we would share bottles of wine and go out to eat quite often. So I know exactly what it feels like to have your SO not thrilled with your new diet/lifestyle choices. (Though in the next breath he would say he supported me. hmmmph.)

Personally, the whole going out to eat thing is still a challenge for me, despite all the great advice I've found on this forum. I cringe when I hear my husband has made plans for us to go out to eat. And I wish I didn't feel that way (everyone says it's a mindset) but I can make better, more appealing, and cheaper food at home -- so I feel like I end up eating something I normally wouldn't, like non-organic iceberg lettuce with under-ripe tomatoes, etc. It's pretty pathetic the raw options in the meat-centric restaurants around here. (And in some, there are absolutely none. Seriously.)

Also, I personally don't feel comfortable bringing outside food into a restaurant. But each to their own.

I guess what I'm saying, it that I find it IS extremely difficult being raw and social. I know a lot of the more-seasoned rawbies on this board would disagree, but that has been my experience so far. So, I guess I'm just posting to sympathize with you!

BUT... you make your own choices. You are ultimately responsible for what you choose to put in your mouth, no matter what the social situation.

Good luck with it, and keep us posted. I really need to be strong in this area myself.

[T-Bird]

I've already cut out the drinking part, which has left me sitting at home on many occasions. I don't want to lose what few friends I have, especially since I work with all of them, and I'm already known as "the quiet girl" to a lot of people.

ok - here's pretty much to whole problem: not drinking leaves you sitting at home? Why????

Get a perrier, add lemon or lime, and join the flipping party! When someone says "Hey we're all going out for drinks, wanna come?" Are you saying "oh - no thank you, I don't drink"

WTF?

You say, "oh yeah - sounds like fun!" and then you order sparkling water and have a good time.

[Katie P]

I guess what I'm saying, it that I find it IS extremely difficult being raw and social. I know a lot of the more-seasoned rawbies on this board would disagree, but that has been my experience so far. So, I guess I'm just posting to sympathize with you!


I definetly agree! It isn't that eating Raw is difficult but the social aspect changes. My ex was supportive of my being raw, but there were times when I'd be really hungry & we'd go out & I would get guacamole & celery & he would be concerned & say "that's all you're eating" then it became some issue b/c he didn't think that I ate enough. It didn't matter if I ate an hour later, it just became a little difficult when we'd go out.

[lovenlife]

In my experience, we make socialization a challenge ourselves.

Its not to me. All good. Food is food and fun is fun....talking is talking.
I LOVE perrier with lime.

When I get asked for food...I tell them all I can and will eat, and what it non negotiable (all in one sentence). It is honored and respected.

Going out, I make the best choices possible. Easy peasy.

When u stand where u stand in confidence for what u r up to, its all good. No explaining needed. The rest can take care of how they feel or what they want to eat.

[MightyKong]

"Leave others to their otherness and focus on YOU."


I dig that... :)



As for being social... I host my own social "events" at my house! I call it "game night" and lemme tell ya, it's become quite the place to be, hahaha! Now, I have so many friends and family wanting to join in, I wish I had a bigger living room!

[Revvell]

I dig that... :)


The correct quote is "Leave others to their otherness and take care of yourself". Close enough though! :)

[lovenlife]

As for being social... I host my own social "events" at my house! I call it "game night" and lemme tell ya, it's become quite the place to be, hahaha! Now, I have so many friends and family wanting to join in, I wish I had a bigger living room!


We have been having "Hybrid meals" which are raw and some cooked. So people come and try the raw foods as well as eat what they are accustomed to eating (a bit better than in quality) and they love it.

Everyone feels comfy with what they do and people pic what they want with no pressure.

We make dessert for sure...chocolate as well as banana ice cream. They bring their fare for dessert as well.
Smoothies are a feature as well as teechino or coffee with nut mylk creamer.

It has been phenomenol. One friend got the book and read it sooo qucikly and said she is going raw. She now comes to the dinners and learns alot!

Easy peasy.

REV I am enjoying your ustream! Thankx! Nice you didnt chew the hub out for running the battery down in your car. Great!

[willowriver]

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate everyone's perspective. You've convinced me to make the effort, be more social, and try to find more like-minded people, and add vegans and rawbies to my friends circle, if I can find any (I'm in Texas). Maybe there's a meetup group...
And you've shown me that it probably has a lot to do with my mental attitude, that I hit roadblocks like this. I'll work on it.


ok - here's pretty much to whole problem: not drinking leaves you sitting at home? Why????

Get a perrier, add lemon or lime, and join the flipping party! When someone says "Hey we're all going out for drinks, wanna come?" Are you saying "oh - no thank you, I don't drink"

WTF?

You say, "oh yeah - sounds like fun!" and then you order sparkling water and have a good time.

That's exactly what I'm saying, but I wish I weren't. I have no problem really with occasionally drinking, or in being the weird one drinking a shirley temple (or sparkling water). I'm used to that. The not going to a bar thing is more complicated for me. What I'm trying not to say to them is, "I'd love to, but then I'd have to be the one to carry my alcoholic boyfriend home at the end of the night, and I have made the decision not to drink or go to bars when he's around, so I don't support his alcoholism, or have to deal with its consequences." And like I said, all of our friends are mutual. I need some new friends, I think, is the real answer.

[T-Bird]

Time for Al-Anon sweetie.

BTDT - guess where it got me?

a beautiful 13 yo but no child support check. Heard from him for the first time in 6 years in 09, asked DD, she said NO Contact, and we are done!

Either he gets himself together - fast - or you move on.

Or else you regret the wasted years at your leisure later on.

[D'vorah]

The bf is actively hostile to the raw foods thing

Sweetheart, his hostility towards raw foods is the least of your problems.

Deborah, daughter of an alcoholic mother

[willowriver]

Yeah. I'm slowly figuring that out, I think. *hugs*

[Green_Woman]

What I'm trying not to say to them is, "I'd love to, but then I'd have to be the one to carry my alcoholic boyfriend home at the end of the night, and I have made the decision not to drink or go to bars when he's around, so I don't support his alcoholism, or have to deal with its consequences."

Hmmm.

I am about to share a deeply personal story with you because I sense that you are open. I'm putting this info out there, and I release the results of sharing it. Here goes...

I first went Raw in July 2006. At the time, I was single, and Raw enhanced my life in every way - I LOOKED great, I FELT great, and I began to explore life for the first time.

In January 2007, I began dating a new dude. He was hot, fun, adorable, adoring, and drove a big truck. It was true love.

It took me a few weeks to figure out that he was also a raging alcoholic. Not the violent, mean kind... but the kind that was never happy unless he had a drink in his hand. I thought I could "help" him because he seemed like he wanted help, so I decided to invest my Life and Love in this man.

I was a foolish girl. :) It is NOT our JOB to "fix" Others who don't ask for our help... only to take care of ourselves. But back in 2007, I didn't know that yet.

Within a month of dating my "dreamy new man", I was off Raw. He convinced me it was "unhealthy" and instead of him coming on board with my Diet and lifestyle, I tossed my Life aside and jumped on board with his. I had deep-rooted problems on many levels, and I had never learned to attend to my own Life and Health and Happiness, so I went along with what he wanted.

I went off Raw, entirely, and out of guilt and misinformation began eating a regular SAD diet again. I gained 20 lbs, all the old aches and headaches returned.

I stayed with him for 13 months.

Leaving him was the toughest decision of my young life at that point...and after finally separating myself from his devastating alcoholic lifestyle, it took ME another year to Recover my LIFE!

I would not trade the experience. I grew, I hurt, I learned, I recovered, and today in 2010, I am Healed and I am Whole.

Let she who has ears to hear, hear.... ;)

Blessings,
Greenie
aka The Diva

[D'vorah]

Yeah. I'm slowly figuring that out, I think. *hugs*

Hugs to you as well, as often as you need.

Deborah