Convincing the Skeptic...

[holistica]

For months ahead of time my boyfriend and I discussed going raw, 100% at the same time, for 30 days or more. We were ready. Prepared. The anticipation was eating at us. I started working more salads into my diet... He ate the greasiest stuff he could until his final days on cooked...

I told him ahead of time it would cost a little more, detox would be hard... He said, "no problem, I'm willing to put out a little more money to be healthy (he handles the money in the household), plus I did this for a week once, remember? We'll be fine."

Now 5 days in, he's craving, he's cranky, he's upset, dizzy, having headaches... And he's making every excuse he can find to stop including telling me that we can't afford it anymore. I just don't know what to do!

I feel like maybe he would be more passionate about this if he understood just how much better it is for him, but I don't know where to begin! I have the level 1 certification, so I know how to make a lot of the nice nutritious meals, plus I've been raw off and on (more on than off) since February of '07, so I know what it's like to detox and go through all the symptoms and come out the other end feeling great!

But I'm terrified that I won't be able to convince him to keep going. Cooked food is a terrible mistress. Any suggestions?

[Aleesha Sattva]

give him alissa's book to read!

[Aleesha Sattva]

and remember... every one's journey is their own! it may not be his (in this moment or ever) to be raw...

[holistica]

give him Alissa's book to read!

He's in school right now, and doesn't want to read yet another book. Believe me, I've tried that route!

[Aleesha Sattva]

if he wanted this... he'd read the book, he's eat the food... he'd make it work.

sounds like he doesn't want it... and truly... eating raw is about freedom, so we don't want to take his freedom away and force him to eat it. ;)

[Green_Woman]

I agree with Aleesha, it's all about timing and it HAS to be an individual choice to Change -- but something I did notice is that it doesn't sound like he's actually said, 'I don't want to do this anymore!'

Rather, it just sounds like he's having a rough detox and feeling whiny.

Too often, people will not change until the pain of NOT changing becomes GREATER than the pain of change.

[DebB]

When my husband decided raw wasn't for him, it was difficult for me to let go of that control - I felt I knew what was best for him - ha! But, I did let go (although it wasn't easy for me, but a very good lesson I needed).

So, now he eats how he eats and I eat how I eat.

He does add in a lot of raw food though - so much better than how we used to eat. *Ü*

[Revvell]

I don't understand why you are "terrified"?

So many of us here have spouses/partners who don't eat as we do. It's no big deal ~ unless we make it one. You're creating drama where there is none.

Here's my take: "Leave others to their otherness and take care of yourself." He'll see what's happening with you and potentially gradually change. If not, his choice as an adult.

Also, as Green_Woman said ~ "Too often, people will not change until the pain of NOT changing becomes GREATER than the pain of change."

Absolutely!

[T-Bird]

well - it's detox, but he has to want to go on.

You can explain about detox, and about negative thought processes during detox, fix him a nice epsom salt bath to soak in and contemplate.

Then - the decision is his. Keep fixing nice raw meals - make them available, and let him do his own thing...

[maddiesdaddy]

Let me be the echo here,
If he's not in, there is nothing you can do to convince him today. Take care of yourself first.
Time will sort out whether it is a non issue for you or whether you can blend the two lifestyles.
I have experienced much of the same with my partner. 4 months in and she is continually trying more raw and eliminating more of her SAD comforts. It didn't hurt that I lost a bunch of weight and have a ton of energy.
Offer him an opportunity to enjoy your RAW creations and hopefully he will grow into it. We can't make people who we want them to be, but we can certainly try to shame and humiliate them into seeing things our way:rolleyes:

Your Avatar looks soooo like you!

Dave

[Revvell]

... we can certainly try to shame and humiliate them into seeing things our way:rolleyes:


*falls off my chair lmsssao!!! * :D

[Green_Woman]

Dave, you had better not be serious!! :D :D

[RawKnitster]

Let the boyfriend out of the deal before he pulls you out, too. Like others have stated here, you don't have to be raw together. Make it happen for yourself.

First time detox can be excruciating. Maybe his is worse because of all the bad things he ate in his "final days on cooked".

Make it happen for yourself. Since you are eating raw he will probably eat better, too. If and when he decides to try 100% again, his detox may not be so bad.

The I can't afford it argument doesn't work. You can't put a value on health. Check out the threads here on making it work on a budget.

[streetsurfer]

Have or had you considered fasting as a way to help ease him into this? Maybe one day a week for the first month would help you each collectively to reset your gyro's. During the fasting you could make a plan for the week ahead as to how you will handle any temptations and negative thoughts about continuing. Sign a paper together, as a token of your commitment to it. It may also help speed up his detox and give him the stamina and determination to proceed.
If not the two of you, you fasting alone it will give you the ability to handle his negativity about it better. Meditating on it during your fast could help you come up with positive things to do that might help him. Just his seeing you remain calm about it as a result of fasting could have a positive impact.
I guess you realize it too, but I think it was this...." He ate the greasiest stuff he could until his final days on cooked..." that is the source of his trouble with it. Suggest to him, a short fast that is eased into first, if he should bail on you and then wish to give it another go in the future.

[holistica]

First I'd just like to say thank you to everyone that replied.

It's day 6 of our raw adventure, which (I neglected to mention earlier) he asked me to start him on a couple months back, so he WANTED this to be the path for him when he was sane and not detoxing. His cravings for cooked foods have lessened, and tonight he's not being nearly as whiny, nor is he protesting the yummy guacamole and baby carrots that I put in front of him for dinner.

And he's lost 10 pounds.

He has decided to stay with raw for the 30 days, but even if he hadn't, I would have stayed with it just because I know this is the way I prefer to eat and live. I was concerned ("terrified") that he would go back to the grocery store and buy bread, milk, eggs, frozen pizzas and the like, and try to tell me that because he buys the food, we have to eat like "normal" people, but he's not doing that.

And now I can just remind him every time he gets cranky that he has lost 10 pounds and is doing great!

I'm really pleased that he is pulling through this. I shouldn't have been so worried. *sigh of relief*

[Aleesha Sattva]

yip yip yipppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[terry brown]

yeay for you both..it can be a challenge!!!!
But a very worthwhile challenge for sure!!!!

[RawKnitster]

Kudos to both of you!

[bikediva]

I'm still amazed at any guy that would give up his steak. I'm just sayin'... :o

[Revvell]

My husband never eats steak. I'm just sayin' :)