rawnpawgirl
12-17-2009, 03:02 AM
First, my cleanse update. Today is Day 55 of my 108 Day High Vibe Challenge, and quite the journey it has been thus far! Two words. Intense and WOW. Soooooooo….anyhoooo… if all was going perfectly and as succintly as originally planned, I would be finished with the kidney cleanse and the second liver cleanse, and well into my colon cleanse (from Dr. Floras). Alas, this is not the case. It ends up I started my kidney cleanse late and made it last longer than I originally intended so I could finish up all the kidney herbs. I am now in the midst of Liver Cleanse #2, drinking tons of apple juice in preparation for the actual cleanse which will occur this Sunday evening. Then, I will move onto the Colon Cleanse, Parasite Cleanse (part of the same Dr. Floras kit- www.drfloras.com) and will most likely completely eliminate the juice fast because I have already lost so much weight I did not want to lose! I have gone from 129 to 114 since starting this Challenge, and I just don’t have the extra poundage to lose! I will rethink this when the time comes, but as of this very moment, no go on juice fasting.
I am trying to incorporate green juice, green smoothies, and raw fruits, veggies, and salads into my day, and some days are wonderful in that respect and I give myself a pat on the back, but others I am lucky to get anything green in and feel fortunate just to get some fresh fruit down my gullet. I am really trying to make conscious choices about what I am putting in my mouth, but I have definitely had plenty of days of “medicating” myself with other STUFF I won’t even mention.
I am amazed at how sensitive my body has become. For instance, the INSTANT I eat something less than desirable, even something as seemingly benign as eggs and toast, I feel like my whole stomach is weighted down with bricks and I feel my energy levels depleting with even the first few bites. Oh and the DETOX! I don’t know if this has been detox, or emotional stress and trauma, or hormones going crazy, or what, but I have had some bizarre goings-on with my body!
Here are a few of the things i have dealt with in the past few weeks:
MAJOR breakout of cystic acne that simply would NOT heal- I have not dealt with anything like this for AGES! if ever!
Rosacea-like flare up- red, itching, burning on my face/cheeks
Itching all over my body and head, especially at night
Emotional mood swings- get teary eyed at the drop of a hat over the simplest things, like my kids coming home from school and just saying, “Hi Mom!” The love I felt would overwhelm me and the tears would just well up! Or at the other end of the spectrum, I have gotten flaming raging mad over someone not going fast enough for my liking while driving and I even HONKED at someone (gasp!)– and I am NOT a honker! I am totally AGAINST honking!
Very sore and painful breasts/nipples– now, what is up with that???? It almost seems mostly hormonal. Gosh, if this is menopause, I am very frightened! What more to come?? Do I even want to know?
Now, for what I REALLY wanted to talk about- LABELS!! To start, let me share with you MY LABEL.
It seems that I am A BETRAYER. I am A CHEATER. and you know what they say about cheaters,, right? “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” It has also become evident that with this label, I also get the labels of being SELFISH, and of WEAK MORAL CHARACTER. Because come on now, really??? what kind of person would choose to step outside of their marital vows and engage in sexual acts with a person other than their spouse? What OTHER reason could there be for infidelity except for pure selfishness and weak moral character?
Is this who I AM now? How I am forevermore defined? According to some, I guess it is. Certainly, according to my husband it seems to be his new defintion of me. There can be no fruitful discussion because really, all it comes down to is the fact that I CHEATED. That is all that matters. And now this is my new label- A CHEATER.
Don’t get me wrong. I made a very bad choice. I made a huge mistake. and I do accept full responsibility for my choice. I have no excuses. I can blame many things- but the bottom line is, when it came right down to it, I made the choice to have sex with another man. and now I am forever deemed as A CHEATER. Totally disregard the 15 years of absolute faithfulness, because now I am defined by 3 days.
Does that mean that when my husband screamed at me at me or called me A BITCH, humiliating me in front of his friends, that he is A TOTAL DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLE? A WOMAN HATER? A PERSON WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS? Should he be confined to those labels forevermore? Or how about a girl who has a lot of sex? Is she a SLUT? A WHORE? Or, how about a parent in the store who loses their temper with their child and yanks them out of the store, yelling all the way? Is that person A BAD PARENT?
This very thing just happened to me today while I was in the parking lot outside the grocery store. And because I just happened to be without my kids pushing my buttons, and in a calm peaceful mood, it doesn’t mean I have any right to judge this woman being pushed to the limit by a crying raging 2 year old! If I am honest, there were plenty of times I acted harshly with my kids, grabbing them by the wrist a little too hard, hissing venomous words into their ears. The truth of the matter is that we all can be caught “with our pants down”, so to speak. It just depends on the moment. Think of your worst day, your worst most despicable unproud moment. If someone took a video of you right in that moment, what would YOU be judged and labeled as by onlookers? If you lose your temper with your child and you spank him too hard and he ends up getting a bruise on his thigh, does that mean you are a CHILD ABUSER? Or did you just make a bad choice in a moment of weakness and vulnerability?
How easy it is to judge others and stick labels on them. Anything or anyone we see, we instantly try to either identify with it or condemn it. Race, religion, sexuality, the way we eat, spend money, learn things, you name it…we smack a label on it and tuck it away in a simple category in our egotistical and threatened minds that really do not have a freakin’ clue!! The very act of putting a label on something or someone, by NAMING it, is what causes the conflict in the first place.! But get this, anything we judge and put labels on, we are only understanding it from our limited frame of reference. To truly understand, we must be willing to go beyond such a limited point of view governed by our scared and threatened egos. How can we know what something IS from such a small scope? There is so much we don’t know, don’t understand, don’t see, refuse to see. DROP THE LABELS!! That is how we can begin to REALLY SEE something. By NOT NAMING IT!
So, guess what??? I refuse to be labeled as A CHEATER. That is not what I am. That is not who I am now and it not who I will be in the future. Don’t let yourself be defined by the labels other’s give you. Move beyond. Be willing to expand your frame of reference. Be willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers. Let go off the compulsion to pass judgment out of habit. Stop naming, just SEE. that is all.
This is my latest blog post: check it out at www.getrawgetreal.wordpress.com
I am trying to incorporate green juice, green smoothies, and raw fruits, veggies, and salads into my day, and some days are wonderful in that respect and I give myself a pat on the back, but others I am lucky to get anything green in and feel fortunate just to get some fresh fruit down my gullet. I am really trying to make conscious choices about what I am putting in my mouth, but I have definitely had plenty of days of “medicating” myself with other STUFF I won’t even mention.
I am amazed at how sensitive my body has become. For instance, the INSTANT I eat something less than desirable, even something as seemingly benign as eggs and toast, I feel like my whole stomach is weighted down with bricks and I feel my energy levels depleting with even the first few bites. Oh and the DETOX! I don’t know if this has been detox, or emotional stress and trauma, or hormones going crazy, or what, but I have had some bizarre goings-on with my body!
Here are a few of the things i have dealt with in the past few weeks:
MAJOR breakout of cystic acne that simply would NOT heal- I have not dealt with anything like this for AGES! if ever!
Rosacea-like flare up- red, itching, burning on my face/cheeks
Itching all over my body and head, especially at night
Emotional mood swings- get teary eyed at the drop of a hat over the simplest things, like my kids coming home from school and just saying, “Hi Mom!” The love I felt would overwhelm me and the tears would just well up! Or at the other end of the spectrum, I have gotten flaming raging mad over someone not going fast enough for my liking while driving and I even HONKED at someone (gasp!)– and I am NOT a honker! I am totally AGAINST honking!
Very sore and painful breasts/nipples– now, what is up with that???? It almost seems mostly hormonal. Gosh, if this is menopause, I am very frightened! What more to come?? Do I even want to know?
Now, for what I REALLY wanted to talk about- LABELS!! To start, let me share with you MY LABEL.
It seems that I am A BETRAYER. I am A CHEATER. and you know what they say about cheaters,, right? “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” It has also become evident that with this label, I also get the labels of being SELFISH, and of WEAK MORAL CHARACTER. Because come on now, really??? what kind of person would choose to step outside of their marital vows and engage in sexual acts with a person other than their spouse? What OTHER reason could there be for infidelity except for pure selfishness and weak moral character?
Is this who I AM now? How I am forevermore defined? According to some, I guess it is. Certainly, according to my husband it seems to be his new defintion of me. There can be no fruitful discussion because really, all it comes down to is the fact that I CHEATED. That is all that matters. And now this is my new label- A CHEATER.
Don’t get me wrong. I made a very bad choice. I made a huge mistake. and I do accept full responsibility for my choice. I have no excuses. I can blame many things- but the bottom line is, when it came right down to it, I made the choice to have sex with another man. and now I am forever deemed as A CHEATER. Totally disregard the 15 years of absolute faithfulness, because now I am defined by 3 days.
Does that mean that when my husband screamed at me at me or called me A BITCH, humiliating me in front of his friends, that he is A TOTAL DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLE? A WOMAN HATER? A PERSON WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS? Should he be confined to those labels forevermore? Or how about a girl who has a lot of sex? Is she a SLUT? A WHORE? Or, how about a parent in the store who loses their temper with their child and yanks them out of the store, yelling all the way? Is that person A BAD PARENT?
This very thing just happened to me today while I was in the parking lot outside the grocery store. And because I just happened to be without my kids pushing my buttons, and in a calm peaceful mood, it doesn’t mean I have any right to judge this woman being pushed to the limit by a crying raging 2 year old! If I am honest, there were plenty of times I acted harshly with my kids, grabbing them by the wrist a little too hard, hissing venomous words into their ears. The truth of the matter is that we all can be caught “with our pants down”, so to speak. It just depends on the moment. Think of your worst day, your worst most despicable unproud moment. If someone took a video of you right in that moment, what would YOU be judged and labeled as by onlookers? If you lose your temper with your child and you spank him too hard and he ends up getting a bruise on his thigh, does that mean you are a CHILD ABUSER? Or did you just make a bad choice in a moment of weakness and vulnerability?
How easy it is to judge others and stick labels on them. Anything or anyone we see, we instantly try to either identify with it or condemn it. Race, religion, sexuality, the way we eat, spend money, learn things, you name it…we smack a label on it and tuck it away in a simple category in our egotistical and threatened minds that really do not have a freakin’ clue!! The very act of putting a label on something or someone, by NAMING it, is what causes the conflict in the first place.! But get this, anything we judge and put labels on, we are only understanding it from our limited frame of reference. To truly understand, we must be willing to go beyond such a limited point of view governed by our scared and threatened egos. How can we know what something IS from such a small scope? There is so much we don’t know, don’t understand, don’t see, refuse to see. DROP THE LABELS!! That is how we can begin to REALLY SEE something. By NOT NAMING IT!
So, guess what??? I refuse to be labeled as A CHEATER. That is not what I am. That is not who I am now and it not who I will be in the future. Don’t let yourself be defined by the labels other’s give you. Move beyond. Be willing to expand your frame of reference. Be willing to admit that you don’t have all the answers. Let go off the compulsion to pass judgment out of habit. Stop naming, just SEE. that is all.
This is my latest blog post: check it out at www.getrawgetreal.wordpress.com