Sharing food with non-raw roommates

[bikediva]

This is my first post. I just moved back in with a couple I lived with for a year previously. They are absolutely amazing people, really generous (they made a special trip 200 miles to move my stuff for me), and I love them to bits.

When I was renting a room from them before, I simply ate whatever was around (and ended up 230 pounds and suicidal and miserable), which seemed to work fine, as I paid them a lump sum for rent, phone, internet, utilities, some use of their car, and food. However, now I'm (mostly) raw, and there's tension.

I live in an isolated town of 2500 people, so I brought up a bunch of raw nuts, agave, coconut cream, dried fruit, dates, Larabars, etc, with me. I make desserts and share with everyone. Likewise, they cook dinner and I eat the salad.

So I really mostly share fruits and veggies, with some fish and cheese, and certain condiments. I also use their food processor and utensils, dishes, etc.

How can I arrange to share with them without tension? When I ask my friend to buy a big bag of apples and tons of greens every week for juicing, she thinks I'm nuts and too expensive (especially since the greens are organic). She also says these are things she normally wouldn't buy, so I'm costing her a lot.

Should I just keep paying them because they're so generous in general, and buy extra groceries on my own? Bigger question, how do I respond when my friend says I don't need to drink so much green juice, that I'm being wasteful? Or doesn't understand why I don't want to eat the beautiful duck she cooked for me?

I should also note, I have problems with night bingeing, which being raw helps with tremendously, but my binges (now rare) are inevitably on her refined food.

Thanks for unmuddying this quagmire!!!

[michigan roman]

one quick point i agree with your friends on is that the juicing is very wasteful , and if not fasting there isnt much a reason to juice to me

[Nubianess]

I know how you feel.
I moved into my own place when I started raw, so it was easier for me to experiment without anyone seeing my "failures".

How you eat is your business, its your body.
People around you usually feel threatened if you change,.. because that changes the status quo, especially that you have been close to them in the past and shared food together.

Just let them know, kindly that you feel better when you eat raw/drink green juice. Dont make a big deal of it,.. just be firm yet gentle about it.
I think maybe you should start taking responsibility for your own shopping.
Anyone who is NOT raw would see the amount of vegetables/juice that raw foodies buy as being "excessive".
Im now at my parent's place and I have the same problem as you.
Ive started binge eating again... and its on processed food that they buy. Foods that would not be around me if I was on my own.

Maybe like me, you are apprehensive about "staying raw" with all the "forbidden" foods around you. So you end up being "good" all day, and then"rebelling" at night.
its not necessarily a good or bad thing, you just have to change your mentality towards food.

its so easy to say, trust me, Im still struggling with this one.
but at the end of the day you have to make your choices for you.

my mom complains about my sprouts on her kitchen window, the blender noise 2 or 3 times a day and "all my veg and fruit"

But its for you,
I dont feel happy/good/alive eating otherwise, so I do what makes me happy............ to the best of my ability anyway.

Just learn to stay calm around food. At the end of the day, food is just food. Nothing else. If you REALLY want it, . allow yourself a piece and ask yourself, is it REALLY that special, how does it make me feel?

Duck or a large GS??, .. I know which on would make me feel better!
were you binge eating before? or did this just start when you moved in with them?

[bikediva]

I've been night bingeing for years, but it's getting way more infrequent (once every week or two instead of multiple times a night). I've tried putting a lock on my door with a time lock safe, and that works great (although my new roommates will also think that's crazy).

You're right about the veggies...I go through a pound of apples and a head of lettuce every day, along with many carrots. But really, an entire head of organic romaine costs less than a filet of beef.

Like you, my roomies do not like the food processor/juicer noise that much. So tough because they're my good friends!!!

Another twist, I'm happy to share my nuts/dried fruit, except that my friend inevitably wants to roast them! Such a waste of organic raw nuts!

I'd love to learn to compromise, because if I get married, my future husband will likely not be raw.

[Green_Woman]

Should I just keep paying them because they're so generous in general, and buy extra groceries on my own?

Or... you can explain that you would like to eat DIFFERENTLY because your HEALTH demands it... and then start buying your OWN GROCERIES, with your OWN MONEY.

It sounds more like the Tension is springing from the Financial angle (and financial messiness is a sure way to ruin a good Roommate Situation...) than from the fact that you want to be healthy and RAW, now.

My suggestions based on past experiences with Roomates + Raw:


Buy your OWN food from now on.
Have a WRITTEN, LEGALLY-BINDING CONTRACT/LEASE AGREEMENT with your Roommate friends with clear guidelines on BOTH SIDES as to expectations, Finances (who pays what, when) and a timeline (is this temporary?)...
When you Prepare Food that's yummy, Share it! This will help alleviate the tension from the "strangeness" of your chosen Diet... and they will see that RAW is NOT crazy, but instead, quite DELICIOUS!

[Tenuho]

oh lawd, pleaaase buy your own food, everyones different but some people r touchy about this raw food stuff, it would kill me to be dependant like that on someone that has issues with the way you chose to eat.......its like when i was living with my parents my mum would moan if i asked her to buy me raw food stuff but would happily buy junk food for my siblings, i thought that was disgraceful and immediately told her i will buy my own food, at which point i guess she felt guilty and started buying loads of raw stuff, especially being i was the youngest in the house yet the only one paying for their own food........

[bikediva]

I do think the only solution is to buy my own food. It kills me that I can't share meals with my roomies. But since I've been green juicing every morning, I've had one night binge in 2 weeks, as opposed to nightly before. And I feel much happier. In the end, I suppose that matters more than a few hundred bucks a month. (I don't think my roomies will go for my paying less per month because I'm buying my own food, since they say I'll still eat theirs.)

Maybe in time my friend will realise how serious I am about this, and how much better I look and feel, and will be more supportive.

As an addition, how much do raw foodies spend on food a month?

[kaybee]

ok i know im echoing what has already been said, but yeah, def you need to buy your own food--and not be contributing to their food budget. i know situations like this can be touchy and tricky.... but if you can get this established then you wont have the stress of not knowing what they are going to think or say or complain about you spending too much of their budget etc. PLus. you may actually end up SAVING money, because like you said, your head of romaine is less than their steak...AND you will feel more healthy. Plus, you would probably prefer to use things like raw, cold-pressed oils, and if you are paying the money for those--more expensive!--you are probably going to be really annoyed if you see them using your high quality oil to FRY their stuff in or whatever, just as you found the nuts thing frustrating (i mean, seriously, raw nuts are expensive and hard to get!).

good luck!

[T-Bird]

easy solution!

Talk with them, tell them you know you are eating very differently from them so including food in the rent doesn't work anymore.

Agree on a rent amount without food, buy all your own food, and wash the appliances after use.

[blenditallguy]

one quick point i agree with your friends on is that the juicing is very wasteful , and if not fasting there isnt much a reason to juice to me

I agree that juice extracting is very wasteful! You will save MONEY, time and get more health benefits if you will make whole juices rather than just extract the juice and throw away the pulp and fiber!

In order to do that you need a machine that can process the entire fruit or veggie down to the cellular level.

www.blenditall.com

[Conscious Midwife]

Seems like a clear line needs to be drawn as to wether you are payiing rent ior paying for room and board.

Renegotiate the arrangement. Pay for the space you use only and buy your own food. Graciously share and keep it moving.

Be very clear however becasue one day you may need to dehydrate an item for 12-16 hours and the last thing you need is to have someone excuse you of running upom their electric bill with the few kilowatts you'll be using.

[bikediva]

So I brought up the subject of buying my own food and lowering the amount I pay my friend, and she seemed to get upset and offended. Basically, she was like, what's wrong with the food I buy and cook (she does make delicious, healthy food)? And further, she said I'd end up eating her food regardless. Seemed like she thought I was being cheap.

So the past three days I've been eating whatever, gorging on leftovers and Christmas sweets, and feeling terrible. Like, I went from wanting to walk for hours each day to sleeping tons. Incredible the difference! It's solved the tension with my roommate, but I've put on weight already and am not having regular BMs and feel myself sliding toward depression.

Point is, due to my past history (many eating disorders) I know raw food is the only way to health and sanity for me. My roommate does fine eating the way she does, but I don't.

HOW CAN I CONVEY THIS WITHOUT SOUNDING DRAMATIC? What I want to say is, if I don't eat raw, I will be miserable and have no quality of life. I've tried EVERYTHING else, and I know this works for me. So why is she not supportive? I don't claim to know everything about health, and I'm not trying to tell her what to do, but this works FOR ME.

If I can't resolve this with her, I don't know what I'll do. I live in a really small town and noone is even vegetarian, let alone raw.

PS. I made Alissa's blueberry cheesecake for my friend's dinner party, and everyone loved it. Didn't even realise it was raw! I also made a spinach salad with avocado dressing for a potluck, and people loved that too. So I know there is hope!

HELP!!!

[DebB]

How about have her read this entire thread? *Ü*

[Conscious Midwife]

How about have her read this entire thread? *Ü*


Excellent idea!

[Tsurugi_Oni]

I would buy the extra groceries yourself for sure. If your friends start to feel that you're becoming a burden then all you can do is help to alleviate it. Raw is expensive no doubt, and you don't want to pin that onto someone else.

[hugcapat]

I've been night bingeing for years, but it's getting way more infrequent (once every week or two instead of multiple times a night). I've tried putting a lock on my door with a time lock safe, and that works great (although my new roommates will also think that's crazy).

[Green_Woman]

1) For you, cooked food is NOT healthy, so her making healthy food is STILL going against what YOUR body needs. So no, she's NOT making great healthy food - not for YOU!!!

2) Stop eating their food - and don't blame your friends or make excuses for yourself. Just stop. If you're serious about going RAW then you won't HAVE excuses... if you're not, and it's just not the right Timing (this is a paraphrase from Alissa's book, btw, which you REALLY NEED TO READ) then don't stress it and keep eating cooked. (Although from what you're telling us, Cooked is NOT working for you - and you know this. So stop eating it. OMGoodness, YES, it really IS as simple as choosing not to. ;) )

3) If you have to lock yourself in your room to control your urges for Food, then your Addiction to SAD is something that needs not just physical determination but likely a spiritual change, too. You've got to want this badly enough to make the temporary mental sacrifices for it to work. You have to learn how to control YOURSELF. Not your roommates... YOURSELF.

4) You can do this. It's been done before. But you have to decide that you are going to control yourself. After all, YOU are the only one who WILL.