View Full Version : Help! I'm weakening. . .
08-29-2005, 03:09 PM
I've managed to keep my younger Kids mostly (99%) raw since summer, but I am weaking fast. I also have to cook for hubby and 18 year old son. And it is getting very challenging as to what to feed the little ones. And today I am just about to say to heck with it! I pack them a raw lunch, I give them raw breakfast, but supper time is so much trouble. And it seems that since giving the kids raw all summer, my hubby is managing to not eat with us more and more. . . . claiming he is not really hungry -- could it be guilt that he gets the "good" (ha) stuff, and the kids don't? So he goes down in his garage and drinks beer and nibbles on sunflower seed and chips (his stock) all evening, then comes up around bedtime and is hungry so makes himself pizza rolls (more of his stock).
I'm tired of the battle, silent as it is between us. Gosh I'd like some help (advice). Thanks.
08-29-2005, 03:28 PM
When you say weakening, do you mean as far as preparing raw foods for your family (children) or for ALL of you including yourself?
I'm trying to understand your dilemna. I think one thing to realize is that when we begin to eat raw foods, there is to be a total mind renewal and this includes the old ideas of "this food for breakfast", "that food for lunch", and "this food for dinner/supper".
That can pose a challenge because we are still having the SAD mindset (or should I say the cooked food mindset) thinking that we have to have certain things for breakfast, lunch and dinner...that dinner time has to be this big full-course meal when in fact, it can be ANY thing you want it to be whether it's the "pasta" and sauce and a salad or JUST a salad.
Supper can be a smoothie or it can be fruit or it can be veggies with mock salmon pate'. It doesn't have to be "dinner" food. It can be banana ice cream or date nut torte!
But many raw fooders who have families will have their children eat MOSTLY raw and a healthy cooked vegan/vegetarian meal for dinner and that would still be excellent for them and if that helps take the stress off of you because that stress is not good either.
My kids aren't 100% raw 100% of the time, but they eat mostly raw. I could MAKE them eat all raw, but I don't want them to be turned off from it later and run the total opposite direction when they're out of the house. I know they will make their own decision either way, but I'd like for them to be well-educated about the benefits of eating raw when they DO make that decision. They know that certain things they will not have in THIS house and they understand and respect that.
I don't know if any of my ramblings has been helpful or not..hope so!
08-29-2005, 03:37 PM
Sounds like part of the problem is the way your husband is reacting to your making raw meals?? Do you make him dinner even if it is cooked? If your not, then I suggest that you do to keep your marriage happy. They can be healthy meals, made from scratch. And you can always have a huge salad for you and the kids and also for him to have with his dinner.
He may be feeling guilty but that is not your problem. Let him be convicted in his own time about eating raw, and in the mean time serve him as much raw as he will allow.
And I encourage you to keep feeding the kids as much raw as you can. That is wonderful that you are willing to feed your kids healthy. Is your husband ok with the kids eating raw too??
Best of luck with your situation. Hope one of us can give you an answer that is helpful.
08-29-2005, 03:44 PM
Why do you have to cook for a husband? Let him cook for himself.
08-29-2005, 03:53 PM
If that is the agreement in their relationship, then that is what it is. In some customs, cultures, religions, etc. the wife cooks for her family and it's not our place to tell her to "let him cook for himself". Either way, the issue here is her husband possibly not wanting to eat due to feeling guilty for eating what HE feels is "the good stuff" while his kids are "stuck eating that healthy stuff".
So, from what I gathered, she is trying to decide if she should not worry about it and continue doing what she's doing or allow her children to have that one cooked meal at dinner time. (correct me if I'm wrong BDraw).
Pizda, unless you're a woman and married with children, and did NOT raise your children up eating raw nor were you eating raw when you entered into such union of marriage, then it may be hard for you to understand the situation.
It's like when 2 people get married and they're both party animals who both mutually drink, smoke, etc. Then, one finds a spiritual path that guides them out of that lifestyle but the other partner decides that is NOT for them and wants to continue with the same lifestyle they started out with. That could cause some contention and dissention in the marriage.
It takes a very strong person to be able to continue with the person although they are living contrary to their newfound way of life and to love them regardless. It can be challenging and can be a battle. But it can still work if there can be respect, willingness to make some compromises and understanding with both parties.
08-29-2005, 04:06 PM
WOW, I feel for you, I know how important it is for the whole family to be together and sometimes the ONLY time a family is all together is at the dinner table.
I don't know if you have a yard, or a park nearby.
But I love picnics, on picnics there is lots of different kinds of food, all kinds of fresh fruits and veggie salads, corn on the cob, and fruit drinks, etc.
Go on a picnic, and let your hubby know how much him being part of your dinner means to you and the kids.
Do a carpet picnic, where all of the kids take their food down, and eat with dad while he is watching TV, and make it fun.
Let each child have their own "snack" of fresh raisins and nuts to eat with dad, while watching TV.
OR ask dad to help put together a family meal.
We used to have "family" night, where the kid (one had one) got to pick out what he wanted to do with the family (no TV was allowed) had to be a game, or outside activity, for at least 2 hours, it was every Thursday night, phone was taken off the hook etc.
Dragggon's son still talks about "family night" and how fun it was.
My son does it with his 5 children.
The kids get to decide what to eat, (raw) of course, and what to do, if you have more than one kid, it could be a different child's choice each week.
At least you would be spending one night together, and dad could still eat whatever he chooses the rest of the time.
It is important for families to decide what their lifestyle is.
I grew up where no one ate together, never at a table, never sitting down, and whenever they wanted, and whatever they wanted.
So, I rebelled, and wanted sit down, full blown dinners every night, when I got to be an adult, so my son was used to that.
Each family chooses how they like to interact, so let "dad" know you want more of him, and often. (could be a fun thing)
Good luck, and keep us posted.
08-29-2005, 04:26 PM
Thanks for all the input. Yeah, I'd like to say "cook for yourself" but, that is not me. I believe in taking care of my man as well as I can. He goes out and works for me and brings home the paycheck. It is all give and take.
I love him dearly, but lately this food issue seems to be coming between us. I wonder if it is worth the silent battle. He supports me and wants to help, but deep within, he also wants his cooked food and the same for his kids. I think someday, he may join me, yet I'm doubtful.
I do to make his meal and do the big salad for everyone else and it was great, not anymore. He says I've taken all his treats for the kids away (i.e. ice cream bars, popcorn, chip, you know -- junk!)
So why am I weakening? Having a hard time trying to figure out what to make, create, fix, etc. to make it enticing enough for them not to want what Papa has. And then the church mentions next week's hamburger picnic. You should of seen my kids -- salivating pretty well explains it. These are my foster/adoption kids and they all three have an obession with food. Honest! They must have been starved at one time. It is a constant battle. I have no problem with feeding me raw -- love it and it's benefits, even though my 18 year old is constantly testing me with bites of his food. And he refuses to take bites of my food ???
Okay I'm ranting. Sorry. Thanks so much for the well-intended advice. I need it badly right now. I love the idea of family night.
08-29-2005, 04:34 PM
GREAT post!!! Good ideas for my family~~~
Rawpriestess is so right,,,, it is so important for your husband to know that you love him and want him as a part of your evening meals together. And it is also just as important that your children see you honoring your husband by trying to please him in his choice of food. Maybe you could have a good talk with him and find out what exactly would make things better when it comes to dinner time.
Wow BDraw, that's a really tough one... usually i can just laurgh this stuff off...but that comes from the perspective of a single person who's got their own life...
i've dated 'cookies', and it was always more of a big deal to them than to me (friends, and family in general) i've always done my own thing, so i never really gave a damn, but your situation reminds me of the sometimes subtle tug of wills between our loved ones and ourselves.
when i was 'just a vegan', because my liver refused to process animal protiens anymore i visited my mother one weekend. it had been months since i'd had any animal foods, and i was feeling, and looking MUCH healthier. anyway mom had been pretty good at 'humoring' my dietary requests until breakfast one morning where she cajoled me into having some butter on a bagel... i was reluctant to do it because of the INTENSE pain, i had experienced from even the slightest trace amounts of dairy a few months previously, but i did miss a good bagel and it had been months since my last 'episode'. well needless to say within 15 minuets i was laying on the floor with a liver/gallbladder spasm, and my mother thought i was being a hypochondirac... even now my family 'subtly' tries to undermine my health decisions. (i for one have stopped calling them fools for believing in western medical science...but whatever.)
thank you for sharing your struggle with us BD, i wish i had some really useful advice.
you could try telling your hubby that sitting down to dinner as a family creates a much more profound impact on children's development statistically than almost any other known factor... maybe he could agree to sit down for a salad at dinner, and have his pizza rolls later?
good luck with that
08-29-2005, 05:40 PM
I can understand your struggle with this...I think at this phase...why don't you just try adding SOME raw foods to your husbands & children's diet.....raw fruits & veggies for snacks, raw nuts instead of his salted sunflower seeds,
just make the raw foods a part of their cooked diet...it doesn't need to be radical at this stage for raw to be beneficial....allow them to feel the benefits of more raw foods before they get totally turned off by the whole thing and it cause problems within the family
I'm a little worried about your kids seemingly already having gone through an obsession with food...perhaps allowing them to eat some of whatever they want...along with a good dose of healthy raw foods would be better for them all around (including mentally)
08-29-2005, 09:19 PM
BDraw, you are in a tough situation. My husband is a vegetarian, but, he eats a lot of junk veggie processed food. Of course, my kids love the processed vegetarian foods he brings home. So far, he will sit down with us at the dinner table and drink his wine. He tells the kids, that he is not hungry until much later.
I do like the idea of rawpriestess about family night where one child picks the food(s) for that evening. I may have to introduce that to our family!
Wishing you the best of luck! I know domestic disputes (silent or not) can be tough.
08-30-2005, 12:34 AM
Could you make similar raw and cooked meals? If your kids saw similar foods in both theirs and their father's plate, maybe they wouldn't want what dad was eating.
Ex. he's eating pizza, you and the kids are eating raw pizza. He has spaghetti, you have squash spaghetti, he has a hamburger and fries, you have a raw burger pate and jimca (sp) fries or dehydrated sweet potato chips; he has lasagna, you have raw lasagna.
I realize this will add to the cooking time, but perhaps if you tried it once a week, and tried RP's suggestion of family night once a week, and Nemo's suggestion of at least eating your salad together once a week, then soon you would be eating many more meals together. :D
08-30-2005, 08:17 AM
BDraw, I am glad you reached out. I too cooked for my husband and a little for my daughter so I can share my experience with you.
My daughter, who is now 11, was very easy to get to eat raw. She has always loved fruits and veggies and is very bright. So she understood all the knowledge I share with her on how our body works, and what food does what once it enters. Knowledge and information are so necessary so it is not a "because I said so" thing.
With my husband, however, different story. It was also the role I lovingly accepted in our marriage, that I take care of the homefront, as he works hard, and this enables me to be with my daughter.
I talked to my husband when I began raw, told him what the theory was briefly, why I wanted to do it, what I hoped to gain from it and that I am dedicating the next year of my life to detoxing and healing. I then asked him if he would support me. ( of course he would)
A week later, I realized i needed to tell him HOW he could support me!! Maybe that would serve your situation, as sometimes people do need things spelled out to them.
I , down the road, began to become very frustrated with cooking, because it tempted me and often my daughter. But, I understood that in order to love my husband, I had to grant him complete freedom to be himself and make the choices he needed to make to have the experiences he needed to have in this lifetime.
So, I never pressured him, never nagged him.
But I did decorate my food to look beautiful, said "mmm, this is SOOOOo good, oh yum I could live off of this" quite often. LOL I asked him what fruits he liked and would sometimes walk into the living room and plunk a plate of sliced fruit onto the coffee table in front of him with a napkin with love notes written on it. I didnt say " here eat your raw food", I said " I brought you a treat because I adore you."
One morning I handed him a banana strawberry smoothie ( with a little spinach snuck in there) and said " I made you a milkshake my love." He loved it.
And so, 7 months after I began raw, after my husband has witnessed many changes in me, he woke up one day and said "wheres alissa's book?" and later asked to eat raw. He is not 100 % but close.
Have faith and communicate with your heart wide open!
08-30-2005, 09:12 AM
I agree with everyone's post on here. Just one thing though, you mentioned that hubby isn't too keen about the kids missing out on ice-cream, treats etc, how about making banana ice-cream, some frozen icy poles or even chocolate ice-cream which one of the ladies had posted the recipe on here but I honestly can't remember who (so I do apologise to that lady, actually I think it might have been the purple Fairy....waves to purple Fairy....yummy recipe THANK YOU!. You can even make chocolate cookies for the kids (but one thing for sure, everyone that I know absolutely LOVES the banana ice-cream, give a go!
Hope it all works out for you.
08-30-2005, 09:18 AM
Wow! I am touched at all the support and wonderful advice. Special thanks to sweetgoddess, what wonderful loving ideas. I do offer him smoothies and etc, he always refuses, claiming to save the special stuff for me. You know I wonder if maybe he feeling drawn to raw and therefore is really stocking up on all the junk right now to get his fill before he has to let it go. Hey, it is a good thought.
I did get throught last night okay, but only because of everybodies support and encouragement. Thanks so very much! I made a large brocolli, carrot, raisin, sunflower seed salad for everyone. Made meat for the two men in my family. Also had sweet flax crackers for the kids for dessert. It did go well.
Later that night my husband and I were sharing and he did admit to thinking him and 18 year old should eat salad with us, then have thier other stuff after kids have gone to bed.
And my 18 year old is asking me to make him a smoothie every day. Lazy kid :) Actually I think he is milking me for all he can get before he takes off for his independence. He loves being taken care of, and always ask with this great big smile and eyes full of mischief and love.
Any suggestions for getting through a church hamburger picnic? I'd love not to go, just to avoid the confrontation and work -- it is a lot of work to take 4 little people to such things. Kids don't really understand, they just want any and everything they can possiblily get away with in the food areana. One minute we discuss the benifits of raw and the problems with cooked and junk, the next minute they are drooling at the site or mention of SAD.
Okay, I'm rambiling again. Thanks for being the support you all are to me.
Okay one more question: I read all the benefits of raw and believe it with all that is within me and see the proof in my own body. But I have a very hard time getting this information across to another in an understandable way. Any sugguestions as to the perfect book, tape, site, etc. to sugguest?
Thanks again -- a million times!
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