Concrete help needed, please?

[GlimR]

I am under an incredible amount of stress, both work and family related. My day starts on the run at five and isn't over till at least 8, 8:30. I have six little ones two and under all day, all in diapers..that's 24 diapers a day folks. One is a very demanding infant, my granddaughter who wants to be held all day AND I am doing a daily preschool curriculum with them. DD has moved in with us with her two little ones and I literally don't have time to turn around. They can not be left unattended and I even have to make mad dashes to the bathroom as fast as possible. This past week had been terrible and I find myself crying when I go to bed and crying when I wake up...not good at all.
I have used food as a panacea for almost 30 years, a way to temporarily numb the stress and emotion so I could deal...go on with what was required of me. It works great in the short term but obviously not in the long run, health wise...hence my weight and health issues.
I have read many books, advice, etc...many say to find some other way to cope..go for a walk, practice yoga, meditate, take a shower, etc...well...let's get real here okay....if I don't have time to pee WHEN and how on earth can I do those things...sure they would make me feel better but there isn't one iota of practicality in those suggestions in my situation, I don't get any break all day, even at naptime the baby is up or someone is.
Between that daily stress and craziness, the stress with having an adult child move back home (she is a single mom and going to school, a good thing) being pre-menopausal (though doc says hormone levels don't indicate that, but three periods so far this year, night sweats and general bitchiness indicate otherwise) and my major back conditions add up to an awful lot to deal with and I feel like I am so seriously on the verge of losing it sometimes.
I don't want to eat crap to deal with my stress but I have GOT to find some way to deal. This situation is not going to change for at least the next 8 months.
Does anyone have any practical solutions or advice on how to deal. I want to do raw all the time and regain my health and vitality...but I am really struggling in those times when I have hit the wall with stress and exhaustion (which is a daily thing) and just don't have it in me without some effective way to cope....I need some instant tools that I can do on the spot??

Please?

[Veganforlife]

Wow! I feel for you I really do. Can you start your day off with a green smoothie or two? Can you get the little ones involved in making and eating Raw foods? Can your dtr. take all the kids one evening or day so you CAN have you time?

[Veganforlife]

Man I typed this lengthy response and wiped it out but I was saying I would keep it simple as far as the food choices. Food should NOT be an added stress factor at this time. I know when I am 100% Raw I deal with Life so much better. And I have had some doozies lately.
Can you get the kids involved in preparing and eating Raw foods? I'm sure they feel the tension in your life.
Please don't take this wrong, it's GR8 that you are seeking help but you found time to post quite a lengthy post.
Start your day off with a sustaining green smoothie. Keep it simple. So what is you have fruits for 6 days in a row? On the 7th day have a big salad or green smoothie. kids LOVE green smoothies btw!
You have GOT to find time for you and SAD/CRAP food is NOT it. View that garbage as yet ANOTHER screaming, dirty diaper baby and you do NOT need that.

[GlimR]

*laughing*........It's Saturday..no work of that kind today......and yes, green smoothies in the morning save my behind...if I don't have them there is a world of difference..maybe venting more than anything so as to not implode!!!:rolleyes:
Thank you Lady~

[oceanluv]

would it help your grandaughter to be less demanding if you could wear her ( in a carrier or rebozo) you would still have hands free to take care of the others. I don't know how old or heavy she is. most infants love to be carried.

[GlimR]

She is little, light....I am on the hunt for a sling right now....a great idea and I think it would work very well...she needs the constant physical contact.

Scheduling "me" time sounds great too...something to look forward to......DH and I have had to do this to have any time alone...will have to find a way to squeeze some in for me as well......

[babeak]

I agree with having them help you if possible. But I don't know the ages of all of the kids. I would think about elimination communication and/or traditional potty training. Have a potty party!! This might seem like an enormous undertaking, but in the long run will be rewarding and they can all help each other if everyone is doing it. Get a bunch of little potties and/or Baby Bjorn toilet insert. Not having to change diapers especially on the older ones would be a significant boost especially since they are going to be there for 8 months and if you are doing preschool activities. The older ones might even imitate, the youngest that you have and hold on a potty. I could not imagine changing that many diapers! You might even have the older ones help you with the youngest and get some real help and relief.

Maybe this is not the kind of relief that you are seeking, but it is another idea. If you have not heard of EC, you can google it.

Having naptime/quiet time for everyone would also be a must.

Making some raw crackers/ kale chips, etc. with the kids. Get a salad spinner...kids love these and can spin your salads. I have a Learning Tower and this is a great way to get kids to counter height safely. My husband netted our in so that DD can not fallout or climb in on her own. She does dishes and is not even 2....okay so she swishes and plays a lot in the water, but with raw food that is just about all it takes. I rinse after she has been washing for about 10-15 minutes. It also engages her in the kitchen. Learning Towers can hold 2 kids. Maybe they could also wash greens in the sink.

Have them clean up each toy or activity before starting a new one will also keep your house more "intact" and sane.

Hope that maybe one of these ideas helps or triggers some of your own ideas. I have but just one to care for and cannot imagine 6, but those are some of the things that I would try.

Best wishes.

[RawKnitster]

My hat is off to you. I hope your taking pride in your accomplishments on a daily basis because that is amazing. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. All I can suggest is learn some quick relaxation techniques and practice them until you can lower your bio-rythm with a couple of deep breaths. And eat plenty of raw superfoods. Add some green food powder to those smoothies. If I need a quick pick-me-up I drink a spoonful of green food powder mixed with water and get back to it. Works every time.

You have a lot of people depending on you. You have got to stay strong and well. Raw will do that for you. :)

[GlimR]

babeak~
Thank you very much for taking the time to share your ideas with me...they are great. I have started potty training with the oldest two this past week and that will be a relief once they really get it. I have heard of EC but thought that you have to really have the time to cue in on each babies body language on a very infinitesimal level...very interesting though.
It isn't so much a problem with the children, as far as keeping them organized and busy. I have a set schedule, flexible as needed, but we do the same things all the time, ie...breakfast, circle time, art, free play, outside time, lunch, etc...We have many "pick-ip" times and I run a pretty organized program. I've been doing this since my youngest child was 16 months old, she's almost 24 now.:)
It is more the length of my days and just the energy, emotional and otherwise I need to make that happen and to keep everyone happy and learning...that an the baby who needs very constant attention.
I have been brainstorming with DH and have come up for ways for him to take some of the edge off in the evenings so I can have some down time.

[GlimR]

My hat is off to you. I hope your taking pride in your accomplishments on a daily basis because that is amazing. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. All I can suggest is learn some quick relaxation techniques and practice them until you can lower your bio-rythm with a couple of deep breaths. And eat plenty of raw superfoods. Add some green food powder to those smoothies. If I need a quick pick-me-up I drink a spoonful of green food powder mixed with water and get back to it. Works every time.

You have a lot of people depending on you. You have got to stay strong and well. Raw will do that for you. :)

Thank you! Yes....breathing techniques are a great idea....I bought Journey to the Wild Divine some years ago but never got into it...maybe instead of taking the little time I have to cruise the forums I will do that...a biofeedback program. Also...no day started without my green smoothie....thanks for the vote of confidence. I love what I do...love the children...just needed to find some concrete ways to love myself as well.

[oceanluv]

check out this website www.babywearinginternational.org you might find it helpful

[GlimR]

oceanluv~
Thanks for the link...I was there just the other day...amazing info and so many ways to wear the babe~:)

I/We have come up with some ideas to make things work better around here.
More help from DH and DD in making their meals during the week
DH and DD helping more with household stuff
Me keeping prepared food available for me
Taking time in the evening to begin my qigong practice
playing journey to wild divine...a biofeedback game
deep breathing

a good start I think......

[katchmoleen]

As I read your post, I thought, "Where are the husband and daughter?" so I am glad you talked to them. You cannot be expected to bear this heavy burden all by yourself.

Second thought......your daughter is a young single mom who is going to school. there are SO MANY social programs out there to help her financially with food, housing, babysitting etc. She would probably have to move out to qualify, but maybe it is time for that, rather than imposing on you to the point that it is affecting your health. I know in my little town there is a big bulletin board that says, "Need help finding and paying for daycare? Call (this number). Perhaps even helping her pay for daycare would be less stressful for you.

Third thought......if you didn't have to babysit your grand-daughter (see above) would it be the time for a less stressful job for you? Daycare is a wonderful service, and you would always be in demand, but maybe for this season of getting healthier, would an outside job with more regular hours and less responsibility be the breathing room you need? I also think that husbands "respect" an outside job more. If you are home all day, they tend to not think about the fact that you are working like crazy. You are still "home" and can do all that stuff that women do at home and don't need help.......just a possibility.

I find it incredibly hard to stick up for what I need, especially with my husband. But I have had to do just that, just to survive. I have found that being raw has helped me cope so much better with my own incredibly stressful life (NOT as stressful as yours though, you win! :rolleyes:). It also seems to have helped me find the voice I need to say what needs saying. Can't even tell you why, but it has.

[GlimR]

As I read your post, I thought, "Where are the husband and daughter?" so I am glad you talked to them. You cannot be expected to bear this heavy burden all by yourself.

My husband is a doll...as far as stamina to take on a whole lot more than his full time job, keeping up with our Jungle here in Florida, etc..since he had cancer I can't load a lot more on him. He says all the time how much harder I work for my paycheck than he does his. He is a wonderful and very loving and respectful partner. My problem is that I always think I can do it all...I CAN be superwoman and not shirk my responsibilities.....the great protestant work ethic!:rolleyes:

DD is overwhelmed in her own right by having a nineteen month old and a three month old, going to school and working...so in all fairness she isn't slacking off just taken on an awful lot.


Second thought......your daughter is a young single mom who is going to school. there are SO MANY social programs out there to help her financially with food, housing, babysitting etc. She would probably have to move out to qualify, but maybe it is time for that, rather than imposing on you to the point that it is affecting your health. I know in my little town there is a big bulletin board that says, "Need help finding and paying for daycare? Call (this number). Perhaps even helping her pay for daycare would be less stressful for you.

There are programs but there are also very long waiting lists to participate here in our area...we have checked into many. Even if she did move out, she would have to be actually be "in" a place before she could qualify. But the bottom line is that the need here is to great for the resources the state/county/community offer. The waiting list for day care help alone is 8-12 months and that's if they get the next round of funding.

Third thought......if you didn't have to babysit your grand-daughter (see above) would it be the time for a less stressful job for you? Daycare is a wonderful service, and you would always be in demand, but maybe for this season of getting healthier, would an outside job with more regular hours and less responsibility be the breathing room you need? I also think that husbands "respect" an outside job more. If you are home all day, they tend to not think about the fact that you are working like crazy. You are still "home" and can do all that stuff that women do at home and don't need help.......just a possibility.

I have been a licensed provider for almost 23 years, have my CDC, staff credentials, trainings up the whazoo. Yes, it would be great, but I need the tax write off from being self employed. My husband is retired military/presently fed civil service. He is looking to retire in a year...so...until then this was the best option.....

I find it incredibly hard to stick up for what I need, especially with my husband. But I have had to do just that, just to survive. I have found that being raw has helped me cope so much better with my own incredibly stressful life (NOT as stressful as yours though, you win! :rolleyes:). It also seems to have helped me find the voice I need to say what needs saying. Can't even tell you why, but it has.

Thank you for your suggestions...it isn't an easy situation but we all did talk and work thru some things this weekend and they will both be helping more...the children's Dad will be moving shortly to a place where he can keep the kids overnight once a week and during several mornings each week...that will help a lot too. *hugs* Thanks again for the very good ideas~

[DebB]

This may be an unpopular answer, but I've been on bio-identical hormone replacement therapy for about 4.5 years now. I started them when I got my first hot flash. I'll soon turn 54. I'm still peri-menopausal. Anyway - I can't imagine being without them. I'm lucky to have a holistic MD who has almost 25 years experience with Bios. Just tossin' this suggestion into the ring. *Ü*

[michigan roman]

- closing eyes while deep breathing several times per day

- striking something with all your force . like i have a heavy punching bag i punch many times as hard as i can . and i also take a tennis ball and throw it many times as hard as i can against a concrete wall . or i go out to a baseball / football field and many times kick a soccer ball as hard and far as i can . i think this ' with all ones force / strength ' movement type releives pressure some how . running does to

- i also hypothosize that using an onion to force tear release releives pressure , its like theres built up toxins / stress in tears that go bye bye ;)

[MTknitter]

GlimR, I agree with much of what others have said. One thing - nothing will change for sure unless you are willing to make some major changes. 1. If you are doing a raw diet, you are already doing the best thing you can do internally for your own stress level. Also, like the others said, eating raw SAVES so much time in the kitchen. Its simply takes organization and planning. That is why so many really busy women (and men) feel so liberated once they get their kitchen and diet menus situated, up and running. They find they spend LESS time over a hot stove (Ha - the stove isn't hot anymore is it?)
2. Your daughter's choices have a direct effect on your life. Perhaps she needs to make some changes about taking on so much. If she is too busy to be available to really help with the kids, then that is TOO much. Know what I mean? I know a little about her type of situation. For example, if she doesn't finish school in say, two years, but it takes three BUT she has a much more manageable life as a parent and daughter to you, then perhaps that is an option. There are OPTIONS. Sometimes it just means compromising on the way it is now. Please do not keep acting like you can handle an unmanageable load when in reality, you are drowning. Sometimes we women do that (I sure have) and eventually, you'll get sick. Then where will your family be?
3. Are you having to eat raw yourself and then cook regularly for your hubby, kids and daughter? NOW THAT would be awfully stressful. Another area where your family can jump in and help if that is the case.
Hope some of these things help. There are things you can do about the stress. There really really are. You shouldn't wait until you get sick to really make some big changes fast. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, ok?
Email if you want.
4. Great you have a wonderful spouse. There are some great men out there who have great respect for what women do in the home just as we women have learned (no kidding) what THEY went through when we entered the rat race of important outside jobs. It sounds like your hubby will be most helpful to any changes you need to make. I have one of those great guys for 30 years who helped me so much during my homeschooling years!
God bless you, really! There is hope. Don't worry either! Have a green smoothie and give it to some of those darling little children! smile