View Full Version : dealing with junk food guzzling husbands or I am a repulsive overeater
09-05-2009, 11:40 AM
I know this has been discussed many times, but I need the kind of help that involves checking this thread for support.=)
How do you deal with a husband who eats a lot of junk, and demands you cook it and go to restaurants constantly.
I have fallen into the last supper syndrome aka "I've already messed up, I'll start tomorrow" problem. I know I just need a few days of raw under my belt and Ill feel stronger but...
I am afraid-
of the mean me who makes me eat dry spinach salad at restaurants
of dealing with some real unhappiness issues that lurk under my constant struggle with food
of not having anything to irrationally reward myself with for dealing with stress
I guess I can deal with these fears in part by-
taking some yummy stuff with me to restaurants
write out and deal with my unhappiness issues In raw creative ways
not sure about the rewarding, since I am heavily addicted to food and eating-it's hard to see outside that atm--for example a long beautiful walk doesn't seem enough--seems like something else id need to reward..lol
Anyway, if youve read this far, thank you. I fully intend to stay raw from here on out (and figure the on out part later on I guess) but I just need help dealing with all this food I have to make/watch because of my husband. (who likes me just the way I am no matter what--physically anyway...and has no problems with me eating--and cannot understand the unhappiness that it causes in me, in every way)
It just takes an inordinate amount of dominance to deal with all this food in my face all the time.
What would you do if your husband wanted to go out too much or have junk food every night & day? No, I can't leave him over this btw.(though it has crossed my mind lol)
09-05-2009, 12:51 PM
My H was not a veggie & refused to have anything to do with it. He loved sugar, butter, fast food, salt..would only eat veggies that were soft, not lightly steamed. If we'd go to a Chinese restaurant, his food was covered in heavy sauce AND he still added soy sauce & salt!! DD & I had steamed with a white sauce on the side that I could monitor. He tried to convert me back & I wouldn't do it. I did gain wt bc I had more pasta/bread. When we went to restaurants, it had to be someplace that had a salad bar or salad & baked potato or I didnt go. this would irritate him but marriage is about 2 people, not one constantly saccrificing to keep the other happy. It irritated him but too bad. His ways bothered me and now, partially bc of his quantity & quality of food he put into his body,,,,he's not here with us now & his daughter has to grow up without her Dad here. Show this to your H..it's the truth.
If he has junk food, have something else. If he gets mad leave the room, say you're not hungry or have something else. He may be angry bc he feels weak that he can't do it. It's not easy for some to change their lifestyle until it's a life/death situation. This may have to happen to him. You don't have to eat what he does. I had a few days I cooked seperate meals but the others it was what I made so he would eat on the way home. It was a stick to me bc we didnt' have dinner together but I didn't care..it was less for me to cook/clean up. When he was sick, he said he wished he had listened to me. so do I.
Let him cook some himself.
09-05-2009, 01:50 PM
Thanks Margo, so much. I am so sorry about your husband.
It was so hard putting my problem out here like this, so I really appreciate that you responded.
09-05-2009, 02:50 PM
thanks..I wasn't trying to steal the post, just replying the truth. sometimes if a person sees something written about someone else, it will wake them up. When it comes from someone who loves them, it can seem like condemning. make some simple good things, tell him you made him one if he wants to try but it's ok if he doesn't bc it's more for you:D. If he likes eggplant, do the eggplant tacos or pizza. I love the eggplant tacos..slice them thin. you can make salad dressing & put it in store bought bottles. I did this..anything to make it a little better. If was raised that what he eats is normal, it's hard to break that mindset.
I'm glad to see some guys on here. Have him look at the guys..they look good.
09-05-2009, 03:46 PM
Ladies, I feel your pain. My husband has the WORST eating habits of any human being I have ever known. He is the saddest of the SAD.
Fortunately, I do not cook for him, and he does not expect me to. We have only been married a year and a half, and he is 21 years older. But I have know him for many years, so he knew I was a "health nut" and that we were opposites in that way.
He prefers canned vegetables, which makes life easy for me as far as grocery shopping for him. I insist we eat at home at least 5 nights a week, and I make him eat a salad at every meal (although he drowns it in ranch dressing.)
He cooks a piece of dead animal on his George Foreman and microwaves a can of something. I feast on fabulous raw foods and he looks at me like I'm insane.
I dread going to restaurants with him, but when I do go, I take my own salad dressing and a stash of seeds or nuts - sometimes even a flax cracker if I have it.
The hardest part is watching him deteriorate physically. He has diabetes, osteoporosis, acquired hemophilia, emphysema, and has gone from overweight to obese.
In a perfect world, he would go raw and allow his body to heal itself.
Thick, sorry to go on so long. I just want to make the point that you MUST put your own wellbeing FIRST. I struggle with this every day, but at the end of each day, it is thrilling to know I have taken such good care of myself.
Today is day 27 for me at 100% raw -- it has been worth every challenge to feel this good inside and out!
My heart goes out to you in sisterhood -- You can do this!!
09-05-2009, 04:10 PM
My heart goes out to all you gals, it really, really does. I often think about how lucky I am to have my hubby be raw vegan because it's truly a huge blessing. When we met, he didn't start out veggie at all, I was a vegetarian. I didn't force anything on him at all; if he asked, I'd explain anything he wanted to know and eventually he came to vegetarianism himself. We went vegan, now raw vegan together. I think the key is to really take care of YOURSELF first, no matter what. If he wants to go out to the steakhouse for dinner, let him, you'll have a nice raw dinner at home alone. If he is going to come around at all, he will in his own time after he sees how happy and vibrant it makes you.
((hearts and thoughts))
09-05-2009, 05:41 PM
I feel your pain too. Although I am quite lucky husband wise. He is quite a healthy eater just doesn't believe -yet- that meat is not healthy!! He is coming around though and says he want to eat more raw and less meat. But by raw he means salads and juices. I am sick of salads - making and eating -and so am trying some of the gourmet type recipes that are so time consuming and sometimes not very tasty that he just says why do you bother. Just make a salad.
He and son are carnivores but I just buy the dead animal for them and they do what they want with it. I continue to make the sides and wish I was eating them. Cause I am already sick of making two meals and its only been a couple weeks.
But left to their own they would throw a steak on the bbque and a potato in the microwave, slather is with sour cream and call it a meal. I feel like I need to cook the other veggies for them or they just wouldn't get any. This may be my issue and maybe I will have to deal with it at some point.
As far as restaurants its usually me that wants to go:o because I am sick of cooking AND uncooking and then I fall off the wagon and its my own damn fault:rolleyes:
So...different issues thick but same problems!! I think you are right in that it all stems from our food addictions.
09-05-2009, 07:13 PM
this is funny...I had been a veggie for a long time when I met my H. We were having people over & everyone raved about his bar-b-q. He asked me to pick up a boston butt at the store. I was so clueless. It was the first time I'd been in the meat department for about 8 or 9 yrs. It all 'looked the same to me'. I had to ring for the guy & call H to tell him what he needed. He never asked me to buy meat again.
revdrcyn : sorry about all of your H's issues. I agree to keep taking care of yourself. You could try some homemade salad dressings in the store bottles. He may not know the difference. I made DD some ranch w/avacado & other things. She said it was better than 'the last bottle'.:D. he may feel he's dealing with so much, why try. But, every little bit helps.
09-05-2009, 09:30 PM
He asked me to pick up a boston butt at the store.
Why would someone eat something with the word "butt" in it LOL :D!!
I'm just saying . . .
09-05-2009, 10:51 PM
my hubby told me 2 years ago that, although he supported my choice to be raw, he would never ever ever ever be raw.
he is now.
;) lead by example... show him how strong you are. show him how yummy your food is and above all... release any excess weight and increase your health tremendously and he won't be able to ignore how amazing raw foods truly is.
worked in my home. ;)
09-05-2009, 11:00 PM
I agree - my husband isn't all raw (yet) and still enjoys his junk food at least once or twice a week or whenever he's given the chance. But his attitude is so much different than it used to be, because he can't deny the changes he's seen in me and the children (they are high raw and eat no processed foods anymore), and he even feels better himself just because of the food we no longer keep in the house. He is a die-hard meat eater and comes from a family of hunters and fishers who think we are crazy now because we don't eat meat in our house hardly ever any more. I never ever thought that he would open his mind to the possibility that animal products are bad for him, but he is surprising me more every day.
It is a very hard journey to take care of yourself with no support in your home. But - you CAN do it, it just takes a lot of determination. I come to this board almost every day to help me remember that I'm not alone, and to remind myself of all of the benefits I've already seen because of my 8 months being raw.
09-05-2009, 11:14 PM
I must say this. I have lost my marriage. My husband wanted very healthy food and cooperated with good eating.
I feel so very blessed and free that have no one to worry about or fuss about or that brings other stuff n the house.
Its all my kitchen, my food choices, my fixing whatever or not. I eat when I want, how I want, with who I want or by myself. I love beng free of anyone elses STUFF.
I do feel for those who have this challenge. It would be very hard for me if I did.
09-07-2009, 11:52 PM
Thanks everyone. Life ebbs and flows I guess. I hope I start flowing soon=)
09-08-2009, 12:08 AM
Thick, it's such a hard situation isn't it?
I simlpy no longer cook, only a couple of times a fortnight for my son. I don't cook for my partner.
He knows that if he wants to eat junk, he must buy it and cook it himself. It just gets to the point that I am unable to make a decent cooked meal anymore, I just can't put love into something that I know is empty of nutrients and loaded with crap.
If he complains of feeling tired, or about his 'spare tire' round the middle or any number of other ailments, I tell him he knows what the answer is (eat better) and that it's pretty much useless coming to me to complain as I find it difficult not to say anything to that end.
If your husband truly cared for you, he'd understand that you want to do what's right for your body. There's no need for him to do the same, but that he can't expect you to make that kind of stuff for him and he has to make it for himself (unless you are a stay at home partner whose duties include food prep, then it gets kind of complicated).
Perhaps you might work out a compromise, maybe cooking healthier foods and having him either make or buy the crappier foods he wants. But in the end, one partner can't expect the other to not compromise, it's a two way street.
Hope you find the best solution for you. :)
09-08-2009, 01:35 AM
Hard to relate to going out all the time. We go out 3 times a year when one of us has a birthday. I do share your other issues. When we go out to friend's houses for dinner I take something I can eat (and share) and more importantly make sure I have a special treat waiting for me at home. Surprising how much strength that gives me.
I am one of those "stay at home partners", and that includes all the shopping and most of the food prep. He has gradually taken over making his own breakfasts on weekends and has been open to learning how to cook some things that are not to complicated. I cook 3-4 dinners a week for him and stock the fridge with things he can cook for those days I don't. What really perturbs me is buying him junk food. I do it because he doesn't complain about my spending money on expensive raw foods so I don't complain (much ;)) about buying his junk.
Finally, I have to tell you the longer I am raw the more I feel dominant. Over myself and about speaking up for my needs.
09-08-2009, 02:21 AM
I'd also like to add that my husband and daughter (and brother) have changed over the last 15 months of my being raw. They no longer want some of the rich, fatty dishes I used to make for them. My daughter has become a vegetarian and has finally decided to stop drinking soda pop. My husband has stopped drinking coffee and doesn't want beef much anymore. They eat (a little) more fruit and veggies. No amount of my talking contributed to these changes. My telling them what they should be doing was always met with resistence. Now I just do what I do and they see the results. I have faith that someday they will be drinking green smoothies with me (my brother is), but if I tell them that it will take longer. ;)
I have come to the conclusion that it is not the food or my family that makes me happy or unhappy. They can make my life easier or more stressful, but the feelings of happy/unhappy are all mine.
AND YOU ARE NOT A REPULSIVE OVEREATER! GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD! IF IT DOES POP UP BURY IT WITH A POSITIVE THOUGHT LIKE...
"I AM A HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL, RAW WOMAN". SAY IT ENOUGH TIMES (WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT) AND IT WILL BE THE TRUTH. :)
09-08-2009, 06:14 AM
Great post RawKnitster~
09-08-2009, 12:05 PM
When I first met my sweetheart, I was raw vegan and he and his children ate SAD. 4 months after we met, my sweetheart turned vegetarian but mostly vegan. 1 year after we met, his daughter turned strict vegan. His son has a very limited diet due to his own choices (he is autistic) and even though he didn't change to vegan, he has made healthier changes too since meeting me...he has limited his meat choices, doesn't drink milk anymore, switched to soy milk, and even will eat a veggie burger on occasion. We are proud of him for those changes. The other night we went out for dinner and he had a turkey sandwich with sprouts on it...such a big deal that he had sprouts. Yay!
I never asked them to change their diet. They changed after seeing me eat raw and seeing all the positive results that I have achieved as well as doing research on their own on the subject.
We each make our own food on a daily basis. We don't always eat together but a couple times a year, we will work together to create a 5 course gourmet raw meal and eat together. That is so much fun!
Our favorite family meal together is the tacos/tostada recipe from Raw Food Real World. It is fun because we lay out the fixings and each person creates their own. :cool:
The most important thing with others is that you respect their food choices and you ask them to respect yours. :)
09-09-2009, 12:56 AM
the longer I am raw the more I feel dominant.
Oh, I cannot tell you how much this helped me, it is JUST what I needed to hear. You're so right! Thank you thank you thank you!
And, thank you guys for helping me. I appreciate having you here so much!=)
09-09-2009, 09:03 AM
And I appreciate having YOU here!!
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