Bad body image

[vegggeeemom]

Well, I took my monthly picture and thought I'd more excited to see the results.
I was not excited at all. I mean you can definitely tell a big difference from when I first began to today's picture, but I focused in on how I am looking at present and that I had not lost as much as I had hoped I would.
I've lost 20 pounds in 1 1/2 months, but I expected to see a bigger change in my body.
I know I need to be not so down on myself, but it's hard to not be so critical of myself.
So, today's not been such a good day for me and I've blown it by eating chips and salsa. There's always dinner time to bring myself back to where I need to be.
I am my own worst critic.
Anyways, sorry to have such a down post, but I am so afraid that my ppd is coming back and I don't want to go back to that point. I am just feeling so down.
Ok, better end the post before I just continue to ramble.

Pam

[sweetgoddess]

Awww, Pam big hug. I experience the same thing when I see photos. My weight has changed so much, and so have I inwardly-yet when I see a photo, that is exactly how I feel also.
I guess we can get a warped outer image of ourselves after viewing that image negatively for awhile.

Just want you to know, your not alone. But regardless of what you think your outer image should look like~ you are a beautiful goddess!

Blessings~

[Carolyn]

Hang in there, Pam. I know it's difficult when you're not seeing the results you want ... I'm there too. I know I've lost some weight (even tho' I'm having a tough time staying 100%), and I can see a bit of the difference. BUT I keep focusing on the spots that still have the extra weight. I'm trying to not let that be my primary focus when I see myself. I know I've had some improvements in my health, altho' I'm still hitting detox every now and then (hit a fun batch of it this week!).

Try not to focus on the negative ... keep visualizing the true you that you'll see soon ... I know ... I need to do the same! lol ...

Seriously, tho', I do understand where you're at. I keep doing it myself every morning after my shower. I swear I'm just going to cover the mirror!! :)

But hang in there ... this will all be so worth it!!! :D

[Rawkinlocs]

In totally agreement with the other ladies!

Please don't be discouraged. You're doing very well and though the changes aren't what you'd like, you HAVE made changes.

[Alissa]

Hi Pam, I had to respond to your post. 20 pounds in 6 weeks???? Thats a huge amount!!! Oh my!
Were you wanting to lose more weight then that? Is that why you aren’t excited or do you feel like you don’t look as good in general as you thought you would?
I can’t imagine if you lost to much more then that, I mean, 30 or 40 pounds would have been a miracle loss unless you have 200 pounds to lose. But either way that is so incredible!
Think about this, a 20 pound bag of sugar and what that would be like if someone asked you to carry that around with you for one day. never putting it down while you worked out, went shopping, ate lunch, went to work, drove in the car... that is a LOT of weight. Please don’t be discouraged. I don’t know how much you want to lose but imagine if the rest comes off that fast, you'll be at your goal weight within no time at all!
Pick yourself back up and get back on this thing, you’ll be amazed at what another month on raw will be like, it gets better and better, you wont even recognize yourself in a few months time!
Best,
ALissa

[vegggeeemom]

Thank you all so very much for your wonderful kind words of encouragement. Whew, tears coming down my face as I type!
I KNOW in my heart that 20 pounds gone is a great thing! I don't ever want that 20 pounds back!
Alissa, no I was not expecting to loose more in that amount of time. I think 20 pounds in 6 weeks is incredible, since I just started on the raw journey the beginning of this month. So, the rest of my weight loss has been on 85% raw.
And yes you are right, 20 pounds is alot of weight to carry around. My son is about 23 pounds and he is very hard to carry around all the time.
I am very excited about my weight loss, but I guess when I look at myself in pictures, I really focus on my hips. They are my problem area and I am not a proportioned fat person ;) I have about 45 more pounds to loose to be at my goal weight.
I need to find some encouraging things to read and things that motivate me to move onward and keep on keeping on.
That's why I love coming to this board so much! It keeps me motivated!
Thanks again for everyone's words of encouragement! I feel better after getting this all off my chest!

Pam

[deedub]

vegggeeemom, hi, I just want to say that I also saw pictures of myself that shocked me. The first time was when I went to the get together at Cafe Gratitude. I think at that point I had lost about 20lbs. I was shocked at how large I looked.

Then on July 17th I remember the day because it was a big event and a lot of pictures were taken. When I saw them I was like oh my god I can't believe how big I look and at that point I had lost around 40lbs. Okay today one month later those same people made numerous comments on how slim I look etc. At this point I weight about 40lbs more that I think I should.

I said all that to say sometimes I think that my perception is out of whack. I think it got that way because I allowed myself to get 70-80 pounds over weight. Now my awareness is shifting. But the thing that is certain is that the scale has never once gone up since I started eating raw.

Hang in there you are doing great! Do not lose sight of your reasons for eating raw. And remember progress not perfection. You got the progress handled.

[sweetgoddess]

CatherinetheGreat, a member of this forum is a professional photograper. I know from conversations with her thet being shocked by your photos is a very common thing. It reminds me of when you hear your voice on a tape, you think, ack, I dont sound like that.

How can what you see in the mirror, and what you see in a photo be so different to your mind? Perplexing isnt it?

Anyways, Pam you are doing wonderfully. Pat on your back! :)

[Carlene]

VegggeeeMom, I know exactly what you are talking about. After my first twenty pounds I was feeling all full of accomplishment and had my son-in-law take pictures. I was so excited. Then I looked at the pictures compared to the ones I had before I went raw and there was hardly any difference. It was very deflating.

Even now, a hair short of 60 pounds gone, and the fact that I feel great and have dropped clothes sizes like mad, I am still heavy.

I was having a hard time a week or so ago. I was dropping weight at about half a pound a day, and yet I felt deprived and discouraged. I think some of that was because of where my head is at. I've worked so hard and I have done so well, but I'm still heavy. It's just not fair! I'm dedicated to raw, I'm exercising every day, the challenge should be over. I should be raw, healthy, and thin today! Why when it's obvious I can do this and my body can do this is it just not clear to the gods above, why do I continue to have to be fat?

But 20 pounds in 6 weeks is as close to a miracle as we can get. Women with gastric bypass surger aren't losing the weight any faster, they aren't getting thin or looking good in pictures any faster either. We've chosen a healthy way to get to where we want to be. Maybe it isn't an overnight cure, but it's a 4 or 6 or 8 month one. And when we're done, unlike anyone else dieting to lose large amounts of weight, we have a way to keep it off the rest of our lives without fear of having to be fat again.

I say, put away the chips and salsa and go through your closet. Pack up everything that is too big and hand it over to goodwill. Put the camera away too. Or if you want monthly pictures have them taken, but don't look. Look instead at how you feel, how your clothes feel on you.

Go out and buy an outfit the size you will wear when you lose that last 45 pounds and pin it on your bedroom wall. Start visualizing yourself in that outfit. That is the true picture; the one to care about. Everything from here to there is just part of the journey, if you don't want to look, you don't have to. But if you do, look cautiously and don't judge yourself, your success or failure, on one quick angle of a camera lens.

[FreshAir]

Vegggeeemom - you are doing great!!! I find what helps me the most when that negative body image thing sets in, is to get something that actually fits you now. If I'm wearing the same clothes as I did when I was 10 or 20 lbs heavier, I really don't look much different, sometimes even a little frumpy, because they are too big. That said, I will admit I had never shopped at Goodwill before a few months ago, only dropped my donations off at the door. Well, I finally got to where I need ALL new clothes, and I was not going to go into debt to do that. So off to Goodwill I went, and they have become my best friend now. Our is nice, clean, and very friendly. And I am so grateful that some very well dressed people donate their clothes here. I have the nicest, high end wardrobe and it's ALL from Goodwill! Tops and pants are $3.28 each, dresses and jumpers are $5, jeans $4. My husband jokes that if they have gift cirtificates, he's got Christmas wrapped up :D I hope this helps you some. Please remember, you are doing wonderful!

[vegggeeemom]

Sweetgoddess, that is a very good question how what I see in the mirror and what I see in pics, how is it different?! I wish I knew that answer! It is very perplexing. I guess because I don't "study" myself in the mirror, but on paper I did. Bad idea for me!

Charlene and everyone that has said that 20 pounds in 6 weeks, is that really a big loss? I lost that much before when I was all raw, this time the majority of my weight loss has not been 100% raw! Well, if it's a miracle weight loss, I will happily take it! :D
In fact, I think I lost 60 pounds before when I was 100% raw. So, imagine if I was 100% raw, it's just fly off!!
I like your idea about getting rid of all my clothes that are too big and donating them. For some dumb reason I'm holding onto them and telling myself, well, when I get pregnant again I'll need them. But, my goal is to never, even when pregnant, get into that size again!!

FreshAir, great idea about not looking at the pictures! I definitely want to take the monthly pics, but I think not looking at them is the key for me. I even thought about that before I read what you said. I think once I am to my goal I'll evaluate where I am at and how I am feeling physically and then look at the pics.
You are right about the clothes. What I was doing was taking the pics in the EXACT same clothes that I was wearing that I was when 20 pounds heavier. Even though I CAN see a difference I guess I'm not being patient enough. I know I will slim up alot once the fat that I need to lose is gone.

Thank you all for such great advise. I am so glad that I opened myself up and made myself vulnerable. You all are such great encouragers!
Oh and I did really well yesterday and I feel SO much better today! I don't have that yucky feeling today. AND I have convinced my mom, that this is the way to eat and to give it a shot, she doesn't have anything to lose but all her ailments!

Pam