whoa..what just happened?

[kidkid]

I guess i'm coming on here for some emotional support. I just binged, hard. My sister in law left me alone in her house, and i wound up in the kitchen and ate everything in sight. It was like I blacked out -- all i could think of was eating everything and doing it as fast as possible. It was like i couldn't go fast enough -- goldfish crackers, granola, milk, hummus, jam, cheese, butter, icecream -- I ate everything! i felt like it was an emergency.

Please don't say "don't beat yourself up", because when i hear that i feel blamed. I'm usually very gentle on myself, and i'm feeling ill right now but not guilty about eating in this way. I guess i just wanted to tell someone what happened because the binging was so secretive. I want it to be in the open, at least here.

thanks you guys.

[Aleesha Sattva]

i've done the same... and i learned soooooooo much about myself in that moment. i had many binges like that in the first year of being raw. now... i'm kinda surprised and thrilled at the same time that it doesn't happen to me anymore.

i say happen to me cause that's how it felt to me. like i was being taken over by someone-something else and just mechanically stuffing myself.

(((hugs))) to your sore tummy.

[margoss]

I did it when I was in Boston 2 weeks ago with the great pizza up there especially down at Revere Beach. I sure was glad to get home. My digestive system was out of line for about 3 days. Reminded me why I like raw so much. Maybe bc of your position, you feel you can't do in public bc others may be hard on you & you feel you need to be an inspirtation.kwim. isn't it amazing how our body feels after eating all that 'stuff' vs fresh..

[kidkid]

I did it when I was in Boston 2 weeks ago with the great pizza up there especially down at Revere Beach. I sure was glad to get home. My digestive system was out of line for about 3 days. Reminded me why I like raw so much. Maybe bc of your position, you feel you can't do in public bc others may be hard on you & you feel you need to be an inspirtation.kwim. isn't it amazing how our body feels after eating all that 'stuff' vs fresh..


yeah, my body feels pretty out of whack, and i'm actually having a really hard time sleeping. I think I felt so secretive not because i wanted to be an inspiration, but because what i was doing and the way I was feeling was so out of control. It was sort of frightening. The food didn't even belong to me! I was sneaking it. I ate almost all my baby nephew's cheddar bunnies.

Like aleesha said, it was like I was being taken over by someone else, and i didn't want anyone to see me in that state. It's like being caught naked or something.

I'm trying to learn from this though, trying to figure out what my triggers are. I think feeling bored is a huge one, and also having a little bit of wheat will send me in a downward spiral. Also, i've been experimenting with a lower glycemic raw diet in an effort to heal my PCOS -- lots of greens, nuts and seeds, algae and unsweet fruits like tomato, cucumber and avo. i think it makes me go into withdrawal for sweets stuff, and cooked grains in particular. It's actually sort of exciting! It means that if i can get through the rough patch, i'll be healthier on the other side.

[Revvell]

I'd suggest journaling. Begin a sentence with something like ~

"One reason I binged is...." ~ then finish it w/out thinking or editing it... just write about 10 endings. It's always good to know why one does something so they can find other solutions rather than food.

Lonliness is a biggie. As is, some part of you may be in fear of starving and so, undermines all you're doing ~ even though, intellectually, you KNOW you're not starving so, another sentence stem:

"I'm aftraid...." This way you get down into the subconscious level which is the sabateur.

[Veganforlife]

Oh my! I KNOW what you mean. I did it. I never thought I would, but (read my confession below).

But like Aleesha says, it's a learning experience.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.

it's okay, really...

[kidkid]

thanks for all the advice and kind words! i will do that journaling exercise. Something about the word "fear" hit an interesting chord with me. Lately, a lot of emotional turmoil has been bubbling up from just under the surface for me. No doubt the binging is some sort of defense mechanism to feel pain, fear, or grief less acutely.

I had a long talk with my mother this morning. I let her know what was up with me emotionally, and I told her about my emotional detox. We made an agreement that in the coming weeks any time i feel overwhelmed or like I'm about to binge, I can call her, day or night, and talk it out. what an awesome woman! I'm lucky she's my mom.

[Aleesha Sattva]

your relationship with you mom makes me smile