Need advice telling my girls about pet's death.

[katchmoleen]

Our most beloved cat Frankie passed away unexpectedly yesterday, apparently hit by a car.
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My two teenaged daughters, who are very attached to Frankie, are away at Bible camp till next Saturday. I don' know whether to write them and tell them today (they would get it tomorrow) or wait till they come back on Saturday.

My two teenaged sons, who are admittedly NOT as attached to the cat, say wait till they come back, and let them have their fun at camp. But I wonder if they are underestimating how upset they will be.

My husband thinks we should tell them now, as they are at a fun place that will distract them from their sadness and help them recover quicker, rather than let them come home higher than a kite from their wonderful experience, only to be slammed with very bad news.

I don't know which way is better......or worse. I have been crying almost non-stop since yesterday at 12:45 when I found out. No matter what it will be very sad for them too.

Please share your points of view. Thanks.

[Azaria]

I would tell them now...death is sudden and shocking enough in its very nature. Not being told about it for awhile would add to the shock and unpredictability of it, I think.

So sorry about Frankie!

[jules88]

I would tell them now. I have had news of a loved ones death told to me a few weeks late and it totally @#$$@! me off. I would want to know right away!

[ruffsongraw]

i would wait. they are children. they will have a whole life ahead filled with pets and ppl dying. let them enjoy their camp. there is nothing they can "do" about it now (or later), learning about it while at camp, it will just ruin their time. you can always be "unclear" about the exact date when you do tell them.

my son is 15 and while i believe that it is healthy for them to learn about death and learn to cope with it in a healthy way, i see no benefit of dropping a bomb on them now.

JMO.

jen

[rawlight]

I don't see why you have to tell them now. Why would they not get the support at home as they would at camp? Why make them sad now, when there is plenty of time for that later? Let them enjoy their time and waiting until they come home will give you a better way to tell them than by letter. In person is probably more loving.

[snoops]

I second the wait til they get home. In person would be so much better. Sorry again for your loss.

[jgunn]

why ruin their good time with bad news, wait till you get home to tell them and you and your husband are both there to comfort them, rather then having strangers do the job

[Azaria]

How are you going, katchmoleen?

[katchmoleen]

Oh, thank you so much for caring and asking. I am doing better. Able to talk with my kids about Frankie and the funny things he always did without bursting into tears, though I still do get teary-eyed a bit. We decided to wait till the girls get home, so we have that ahead of us which will surely begin a new round of mourning for us.

Something rather odd happened that made us laugh. Our other cat is one of those who is very reclusive and doesn't like to be held unless HE initiates it. He is also very fastidious (his name is Neo). Well, because Frankie had the diaphragm operation, and because he was a piglet, he had a problem with frequent vomiting. Neo never did this, but yesterday I was walking down the hall and stepped in something warm and squishy.....cat vomit! Also, Neo has jumped into my lap and been almost cuddly several times in the last few days! We are joking that Frankie has come back to haunt Neo, sort of like Scrooge......mend your ways you stuck up cat!

[NaiveJeanette]

When I was 13, I went on a trip to Washington D.C. and left the same day as the boy I was in love with died in a tragic car accident. My parents didn't tell me until I returned, and I was really glad that they waited. It would have completely ruined my trip

I am so sorry for your sudden loss <3 <3 <3

[somelikeitraw]

Oh I am so sorry! I just found this thread.

How did it go with the girls?
Are you holding up ok?

[juliebove]

I would tell them now. My parents had a habit of delaying telling me stuff like this and in the case of some relatives, they never told me at all! I would find out after I sent a Christmas card and it would be returned and marked "deceased" or someone else would write to me to tell of the death.

As an adult, I think perhaps it is just an oversight on their part. But as a child, it made me furious and resentful if I didn't find out right away.

[annavon]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with those who say to wait, it is only a few days.

Your other cat Neo is probably missing Frankie. Pets will morn for last housemates. I've lost two cats in the past year, now my cats are indoor only cats...too much risk in letting them out. Each time the remaining cat would seek extra attention and other uncharacteristic behavior.

[katchmoleen]

Thanks so much for asking about us. We are all doing much better and are able to talk about Frankie and what a great cat he was. I told my daughters after they got home. There was no good time, and I felt terrible unloading it on them after they were so happily telling me about their week. We all cried and had a sad evening, but we are all better now. They both told me they are glad I waited till they got home though.