I don't know what to do

[Lunar*Fey]

this is really embarrassing, but I needed to come for help somewhere. And I've come here before lol. But this is for a somewhat different problem.
On your average day I eat all raw, except for a suppliment because my body has been through a lot and I feel I need them right now. On of the suppliments I use is a light tofu that is fortified with calcium, vitamin D, and B12, etc. I know that will be contriversial. I don't really agree with eating it either, but right now I feel the supplimentation is necessary and it is my only option unless I want to drink raw goat's milk.

sooo anyway, I am having difficulties. I recently got my period for the first time (I got it around my 18th bday this past april) and recently I have started having really bad pms. I always thought pms was a myth...and it does NOT run in my family at all. I didn't have this problem before...but now for the whole week or week and a half or even two weeks prior to my period I am so bloated I have to force feed myself, I have no energy, I sleep randomly (and I have never been one to even be able to take a nap, even when I was a baby), and I am just full out miserable. I look pregnant and feel like a balloon full of rocks is in my stomach. The thought of food makes me sick and yet I eat constantly.
I am 5'4 and have no idea what I weigh anymore, but last I knew I go between 98-103 pounds. I am so afraid of losing weight (due to past experiences) that for some reason food has become like a routine to me. something I always have to be aware of (eating enough calories, nutrients, etc). but I find myself just eating all the time. calorically it only adds up to like 1900 calories and I am active. But I don't feel like that is truly enough. I used to eat like 3600 calories a day and was only like 87 lbs. I know I am older now but not that much older. I just have no desire to eat but eat constantly....and like idk its weird. I jsut feel gross. I feel so stuck and confused. and I feel like I can't listen to my body because even when I crave something, we usually don't have it in the house. I also am on a really tight budget, don't get much variety. sometimes make myself eat like 8 apples in a day but didn't even want apples in the first place. idk what I am saying any more haha I just am confused and frustrated...which I never thought would happen to me with food. It was always so easy for me in the past, even with raw. i just don't know. also my stomach is always hard as a rock. I mean part of it is just having some ab muscles but I mean my stomach stomach, it feels stretched and bloated all the time and I don't know what to do about it. My digestion is so poor too.
Maybe I am just the type of body that needs to eat more dense foods? I worry though that eating such foods will not be good for me either. I always hear 8-1-1 is the way to go. Right now I eat something like 70% carbs, 10%protein, 20% fat. I don't want to think or care about all this. I want to be able to breathe and just listen to my body and eat whatever it wants without the thought of what I am supposed to be doing. but then again there is also a lot of stress, tension, pain, fear, anger, hurt, plain meanness, etc. that goes on in my house and I am the type of person to really feel it. I don't even know who I am anymore. I haven't been able to do art work much any more, or write, or do all the things that I do...like I am just not diligent, vibrant, hard working, energetic, lively, me anymore and its the most frustrating thing. I don't know how to find myself again...

sorry to just spill out all this! I hope it doesn't bother anyone, I just don't know where to turn. My friends don't understand, my mom doesn't like to hear these things and if she listens she takes everything I say to mean something negative toward her or she just doesn't really hear what I am saying, maybe I don't communicate it properly.
anyway, any advice would be helpful. I realize people often say just eat raw and soon it will all sort of work out because you wont worry about the "supposed to's" anymore and etc. but I have been raw (on and off due to being sent away for being too skinny) for the past three years...

thank you so much, even just for listening! I really appreciate it :)

[artgirly4]

Oh I dont know for sure...sounds like massive detox maybe. These symptoms are similar to that. And raw creates this type of confusion at times. It creates a cleansing of the old and in with the new. While it is happening, you are not sure what to do and allt he usual thngs you love dont appeal any more.

I say give it time to pass, ride it out and see how it goes. It will go.

[Clare]

I wish I could give you a big hug!! I think it is an emotional issue and food is secondary. As someone with bulimia in my past (pre-raw) I know how emotions can cloud eating judgements and vice versa. I used food to numb myself because I hate feeling emotions or being weak and allowing myself to be heard. You know, being 18 is very hard. I too got my first period at 18 and the next few years of adjusting to womanhood weren't easy. I thank God that I was single for the most part and waited until I was grounded to throw relationships into the mess - didn't have a serious boyfriend until 24. (Personally, I think we are meant to mature later (say 16-19) and only then start dating, giving us more time to grow up) For me, my spiritual life (I am a Catholic convert) is the most important factor in my happiness. And I know God led me to raw food as a gift to enhance my health and discipline. Perhaps you could pray for guidance and find inner strength and a community without the hurt you are experiencing at home? I sense a deep spiritual hunger from you.

[iluvmangos]

Why do you feel that you need the tofu and why would you need to use goat's milk if not the tofu? Is it for the calcium? Alissa's book says that one teaspoon of kelp mixed in a glass of water gives approximately 1000 times more calcium than an 8 oz. glass of milk. It's on page 159 if you have the book.

I think the tofu may be causing your PMS.

http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/article.cfm/soy

[klomasius]

Firstly, you did the right thing by venting it all out here.

I hope you felt better after getting it all out, and I'm sure you'll receive lots of support here too. :)

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, I'm hoping you make a very quick recovery!

I don't have much constructive to say, except that I wonder if the lack of variety is part of your problem. Also, do you eat many greens? Green smoothies?
And stress and tension can manifest itself physically in many ways, I wonder if your home situation has something to do with it.

How long has this been going on for? Have you changed your diet lately? Think of the things that changed around the time you started having these symptoms, this might include non food related things like a family situation or other difficulties.

All the best Lunar, just try to take it as easy as possible and calmly think through the situation.

*hugs*

[Lunar*Fey]

artgirly4,
thanks :) I hope you are right. it seems weird that all the things I love are so difficult to do. and the fact that I am so...idk unable to do much of anything...like even clean my room. I have never been like that...I was always so full of energy and vivacity...I was never idle. I tihnk this might have something to do with my home situation, which has rapidly deteriorated for the past 4 or 5 years now...and often I find myself staring blankly, lost in thoughts. and also I somehow see myself from outside myself, if that makes sense, and reflect on myself a lot. I've noticed so many changes in the way I am...and I am able to recall much of the way I was, but am somehow unable to reimpose my old self. I am still here, I just can't obtain that self for some reason and it is so frustrating. I feel trapped, stuck. its hard to explain without you knowing my entire life story haha. not that it is all that dramatic or interesting or anything. I have been hoping that time is all I need. I am hoping that going away to college will ultimately help.

Clare,
thank you! I received your hug nontheless :), and I return it! yes it is strange to be pubescent now....when all my other friends went through that 5 years ago..haha no wonder I always felt physically younger (yet mentally and emotionally older) than my peers throughout high school. I have to admit I am a little afraid wondering what will happen to my body and myself lol. silly, I know. I thought my body had somehow already matured prior to my period, but I guess not and thats a little frightening. I too have not yet had a boyfriend. But since you mention it, I wont hesitate to say I am a strange girl in many ways, haha...and well last september I saw this boy and sort of fell in love but being shy I hardly talk to him and have said many stupid things in front of him that likely make him think I am a fool. to top it off my best friend is constantly pushing me to date his brother. but that's another story. My point in sharing this is that this may have have simply thrown in an extra element to add to my confusion and etc. I know it's silly to say I "fell in love" but I am very in tune with my emotions...probably too in tune with them. and I could be wrong of course, I am young and the young tend to be known for artlessness. but I wont get into why now haha. I diverge far too much. I just have no one else to turn to with these silly things to share. most people just think I am insane, or to much of a dramatic dreamer. Regarding religion, I am a little spiritual in my own way, and you could certainly be right about the spiritual hunger. Although, with self reflection, I believe it may be more of a hunger for love and understanding (particularly from my mother). I have always been a bit rebellious in harmless ways, so that seems odd to say, but she has built a wall against me ever since her second marriage...and inadvertently, I am sure, I am the easy outlet for her unhappiness. nothing drastic, only that she is struggling and can't figure out how to love me with all the hard emotions that she vents as feelings toward me. haha complex I suppose. Anyway, I have these two trees in a nearby forest that I call by name and I go to them nearly every day just to feel their healing energy and ask for guidance. but I could certainly afford to be more spiritual and I think that is a good idea.

Ilovemangos,
only because my body has suffered...and my bone density is not good among other things I don't even know. I was having symptoms of low b12 even though it didn't show up on my blood test when it was tested a year ago. when I started eating one block of the tofu daily as a suppliment, I noticed it was a little better and my bone density improved after I checked it 3 yrs after my original scan (which might have just been due to weight gain in general). I increased the tofu consumption when my mom was really mad at my high consumption of greens (she HATES the blender...she threw my last one out and used to come screaming and throwing stuff, so for a while I stayed away from the green smoothies I once relied upon)...plus I don't have much variety of greens available so it was always kale...and my digestion is poor to begin with so I was always bloated like crazy. I too was thinking it could be from the soy, actually. Perhaps I can just take a natural b vitamin complex and turn to sesame seeds and greens for calcium, but I worry about my mom...and my blender is very bad at making green smoothies...and the digesting part is horrible. If I can somehow buy seaweed that would be good, but I can only find it very expensive and my mom cringes when I ask to buy a coconut for 1.99 (I try to be as frugal as humanly possible...I pretty much only buy fruit off the reduced produce rack etc). The reason I said the tofu or raw goats milk (which I haven't tried, as I am vegan for ethical as well as health reasons and more)...but my friend milks her goats herself and drinks the milk raw and she offered ot provide me with some should I ever want to try it. (there are many stories of people vastly improving their bone density and such). so I say the tofu and goats milk because they are available to me, while a variety of greens and sesame seeds and especially seaweed are not necessarily. Although I would much prefer the latter sources. I will surely read the article you sent and also believe that I should give up the soy in favor of better sources. I am in a most crucial time of development and growth. if I don't get what I need now I never can and it worries me, is all. because I have not gotten it in the past, even being completely 100 percent raw. thank you for sending the link and sharing this insight!!! : )

Klomasius,
thank you : ) I do eat greens, although not as many as I used to as my mother despises me eating lots of greens and she especially hates green smoothies. She HATES the blender and hates green smoothies so badly. so I feel so bad. For some reason when I do eat green smoothies I often get bloated really easily after eating them too. Maybe I put too many greens. Or maybe it is the lack of variety...I mostly can only get kale or collards...and those are so hard on my digestion, even blended into a delicious smoothie.
I think I am going to try and add more green smoothies again and see how I fare (and how my mother reacts). Thank you again!

thank you all for your suggestions and support!! :)

[artgirly4]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

..and I am able to recall much of the way I was,I went thru this in my detox as well as becomng new. Yes raw changes you and even though you are yourself, your cells are renewing and the best part is....that you are still you when this passes and its even better. I love the new me with all the "old" me in there too. I am who I was yet really souped up like a fancy car...hahaha but am somehow unable to reimpose my old self. I am still here, I just can't obtain that self for some reason and it is so frustrating.wait for it and it will come. I feel trapped, stuck.I felt this way too and when it clears,watch out!!! its hard to explain without you knowing my entire life story haha. not that it is all that dramatic or interesting or anything. I have been hoping that time is all I need. I am hoping that going away to college will ultimately help.
that just may help as you say you are having family difficulties...sometimes getting away from family of origin is helpful(well to me, it always is)

ok best to you. This will pass and it will be ok.

[klomasius]

Klomasius,
thank you : ) I do eat greens, although not as many as I used to as my mother despises me eating lots of greens and she especially hates green smoothies. She HATES the blender and hates green smoothies so badly. so I feel so bad.


OMG.. :eek:

I'm trying hard not to think bad thoughts about a MOTHER who would DISCOURAGE her daughter from eating greens!!!!

That's some seriously screwed up food priorities there!

Hope you get through it all, I'm so sorry you have to go through that sort of crap!

[iluvmangos]

You're old enough to move out of your mom's house if you want to and I think you should if at all possible. Do you have any friends you could be roommates with?

[NaiveJeanette]

Hey Lunar Fey

I understand that you eat the tofu as a supplement, but that could be what is causing the bad PMS. I know that when I eat soy, I get bloated(even when not PMSing!), moody, and my period is much worse.


Wish I could help some more, but that's just an example from my life. Maybe it will help you

[Clare]

Lunar Fey,

I totally understand the "falling in love" thing for the first time with someone you can hardly talk to. I still remember mine. I grew to 5'10" and he stayed 5'3" haha, that's what happens with late puberty. I am now married and the boy of my high school dreams is a music composer and Buddhist monk. See, I was drawn to spiritual life even then! Well, keep going to your trees. St. Francis used to preach to the forest! I agree that you should consider starting to move out on your own. You can find mothering in other ways. I spend a lot of time in the rosary with Mary and she has a pretty big lap;-) but I believe there are countless other feminine souls in heaven who want to help. As for the happy mother goats, I know this is a vegan site but since I adopted newborns I know first hand what a miracle the raw product can be for healthy growth and digestion. You need to make your own decisions. Soy caused me some problems in the past with long cycles and hypothyroid. Blessings to you. It's going to be OK

[Lunar*Fey]

Artgirly,
thank you so much :) you have definitely helped me to have more hope. I am not so sure the inability to obtain my self is from detox, although that certainly could be part of it, I believe it has something to do with the experiences I have had over the past four years...as I have been sent to eating disorder facilities for being raw (even though I ate like 3600 calories) and that was somewhat traumatic for me on top of my deteriorated home life. I believe that has something to do with it as well.
haha I like your car analogy : ) and I am very glad to hear that!
thank you again : )

Klomasius,
lol I know what you mean. it is very difficult to understand, I don't really get it at all. but I do know that my mother is a suffering, yet proud woman and she the emtional suffering has changed her a lot, clouded her vision. And so, from this, I have understanding for her. Even though her actions toward me often contradict her words and vice versa, and that makes it rather difficult for me to trust and listen to her and do anything she desires (since it is jumbled to me), I just understand that the way she is acting stems from her own internal suffering...even if she can't see that.
but thank you, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who finds this a little strange! but she would much rather see me eat oreos all day and never touch any "raw green stuff". *shrugs*

Iluvmangos,
very true. I did attempt this multiple times (and I have only been 18 since april). But I don't have a job and cannot seem to get one (no one in my area is hiring yet), my mother has thus far prevented me from getting my liscense (refusing to practice driving with me for the necessary hours)...although she is finally letting me get it now as long as I pay for it all, I couldn't while I was in school still because there were no apartments close enough, and I had very little money. So eventually I gave up and decided to wait until I go to college. now I am facing trouble because I couldn't go to the college I had chosen because my mom refused to pay the down payment as she (last minute) refused to allow me to go to school that far away from home (FL) and so I lost that opportunity and had to apply to a local school last minute. I got accepted but they have no housing left. now I need to see if I can find a roommate or something in the area. *stresss*. and my friends are all going away to college in NY and RI, so that's out. but thank you for reminding me of this need, I need to figure this out!!

NaiveJeannette,
I am thinking you are probably right. Once i finish it up I am going to try two weeks without it and see if that helps! thanks for sharing your experience! :)

Clare,
:) lol how tall were you before you were 18? or did you grow taller before your period? I never had a growth spurt...so maybe I am due for one. I am 5'4, but I have a somewhat tall family. My mom is 5'9 1/2. My grandfather and uncles are mostly 6 feet or over. but I guess I could go either way. I always had it in my head that I would be at least 5'8. About the goats, do you think you could send me a message or email outside this forum so that you could tell me about your opinions/experiences with the raw goat milk? I am very curious and would like to have all the information possible prior to making a deciosion. thank you sooo much! I feel as though if I HAD to choose between the two it would probably be better than processed soy stuff. but it is a hard decision because, as i said, I was vegan before I was raw lol. Still, while in this period of "rapid growth and development" as my doc recently referred to it, I may consider it for temporary use to help bring my body back to optimal health. Please share what you know/have experienced if you don't mind!! thank you so much. and blessings to you as well. : )

LilacLavender,
really? because the weird thing is that avocados and certain nuts (if I am craving them at the time) actually help to settle my stomach, ironically. When I was doing 8-1-1 two years ago I was bloated alll the time. Maybe it was because of the cheap fruits, like they mostly weren't organic and so maybe the high pesticide content contributed?? I don't know. So far I have found I seem to be best with a balance of foods and mostly mono eating when possible (besides smoothies and foods that go ok together). I will try the sprouted grains. I used to eat sprouted buckwheat and loved the stuff, but suddenly it is $4.00 a pound where I live! agh! still, I may be able to get it cheaper through a co-op. which grains do you suggest and how to suggest incorporating them into the day?
haha yes sometimes people are like wow you DO eat a lot don't you? I just smile or laugh haha.
And I was tihnking maybe the volume of foods I have to eat leads to bloating?
I don't think of myself as stick skinny either. I mean I am small but I am no longer bony looking or anything...I am more muscular/athletic in appearance.
thank you for the advice and suggestions! : )

[mattshor]

What does your mother hate about the blender/greens?
Is it the noise? Can you make smoothies and put them in the fridge for later when she isn't home?
Right now I share a home with three other people. I blend in my bedroom so that I don't wake people up in the morning as I am the first to leave.
Are there ways that you can accomodate her issues while still making sure that you get the things that you need in order to be healthy and happy?

[veganman]

Hi Lunar*Fey!!

A couple of thoughts I had....

I know you said you haven't weighed yourself lately, but those numbers are low if they are correct. Your body needs enough weight on an ongoing basis to do all of the many things it does...like build bone....and give you energy, etc. Given your eating and weight history and late menarche, I am worried about your risk for osteoporosis....even at 18.

Also, I could be way off base here, but your mom may have issue with the greens as they don't have a lot of calories in them and if I remember correctly she was really worried about your weight.

So glad to have you back here!!

[Aleesha Sattva]

i have one suggestion... (although i just skimmed this thread)

chia seeds (http://www.therawfoodworld.com/product_info.php?ref=199&products_id=1002259&affiliate_banner_id=1). they are full of calcium!!!

and as for your mom... many people have issues with their parents. i find (as a parent) that calm, relaxed communication works wonders. hopefully it'll assist your situation.

[Clare]

Here is my email address. I am so technologically challenged that I can't figure out how else to give it to you!

corinne_ski@yahoo.com

[Clare]

That's an underscore in there : corinne_ski

[luckitri]

Another point of view. Tofu is controversial because it helps contribute to estrogen dominance and estrogen dominance is part of what makes PMS worse (and osteoporosis and all of it.) The point about soy when making a case against it is that in traditional cultures most of the soy ingested is fermented. I forget all the details about it but supposedly the fermentation gets rid of the bad stuff. Kind of like in the southwest where the traditional way is to treat the corn with lime - turns out the lime releases the good nutrients of the corn to make them available for the body's use. So very interesting how the taste buds guided traditional cuisine to the healthiest way where science could not.

If due to your low weight you had amenorrhea (even partially) the PMS could actually be a sign of health. Regardless of whether or not it runs in your family it could well be that your body is trying to right itself and going a little overboard in one direction until it finds a steady course. So maybe this month it produced a bit too much estrogen and it will have a better idea next month. This is a problem that took time to create and it will take time to correct as well. Miserable periods are miserable so I certainly empathize. Hope you figure out the proper course of action.