Addicted!!!!!!

[rawpriestess]

Addictions are those nasty little things that you can't see, although you
certainly can see the effects of.

You can't change, trust me, if you are addicted to anything, you will be addicted for life. And everyone else but you, can identify.

We are the last to know. We are the last to accept, and we are the last to actually make the decision to change.

And why should we change our addictive habit?

Some people like to smoke, or drink, or gamble or have unlimited sexcapades.
I like to eat wheat and dairy.

Now, that doesn't seem very bad, I mean I could be a Heroin addict, but I am
addicted to wheat and dairy.

So, what this really means is that I will do anything to get my wheat or
dairy fix.

I will deny that I have any challenge.
I will say, "If I really wanted to stop, I would"
I will defend my right to eat anything I want.
I will state that it isn't hurting anyone but me, so why can't I do this one
little thing.
I will spend my last dime to get it.
I will lie to get it.
I will hide it.
I will pretend it doesn't matter.
I will want it when I see it.
I will "NEED" it in any crisis.
I will "NEED" more when I am under stress.
I will eat it when I am at a party, and I will eat it in hiding.
I will binge on it.
I will take it with me in the car, and eat it on the road.
I will eat it in the closet, and where no one can see me.

I will feel really guilty after eating it, and swear to NEVER eat it again.
And I will actually mean this every single time. (as long as it is in my
system)

But, when I need it again, I will do ANYTHING to obtain it.
Can I kick this monkey off my back? YES.
Is it easy? Hell no.

It is the hardest thing in the world to admit you are addicted to something,
anything, especially something that someone else can eat or drink or smoke and not care about.

I can go to a party and not drink, and I don't care.
I can go to a bar and not drink, and I don't care.
I can have all kinds of fancy shmancy liquors in my home, and I won't go near
them.
Why? Because I'm not addicted to them.
So, they have no hold over me.

But put a bagel in my home and some cream cheese and I go nuts.
I want it, I want it now, I want it even if I'm full, I want it no matter
what.

And people who are addicted have all kinds of rituals around their addiction.
Everything has to be just right, the cola has to be in a tall, clear glass,
ice cold, and fresh, with lots of fizz.

The whiskey has to be room temperature and in a shot glass, preferably the
one with the picture of the Grand Canyon on it.

The bagel has to be blueberry, toasted, warm, with Philadelphia cream cheese, no imitations.

Now, I can tell you I haven't had a bagel of any kind or cream cheese for that matter for years.

But I can't even walk down either aisle in the grocery store, why?

Because they call out to me, I know that they are there. I know where to find them. I know which stores have the best brands, I know that they will always be there. There will never be a second in my life, that a store near me won't have these available. Why? Because other people are addicted too.

[Ireland]

Excellent post, RP. And sadly, very true. I have done many of those things you listed just to get my "fix" And more...

There are so many similarities, it's ironic. I always said being an alcoholic or a junkie would be easier in some ways. You don't have to be exposed to it every day when you go clean. Food however, ahhhh, food...is another story.

[rawpriestess]

Dear Walkinonwater,

YOU ARE SO VERY RIGHT.

with ANYTHING else, you can just stop and NEVER do it again, but with food.

Well, we have to eat something.

I think that is why fasts can work so well for some people, it is easier to not touch anything, than to eat just a little.

Can you imagine a heroin addict, just taking a little three times a day?

Or an alcoholic, having three shots a day, but never any more?

No, food is the worst, and it is legal, and everyone does it, and you can get it anywhere, and you have to eat so often, why can't we eat just once a month, or once a year or something?

And there is an entire room in every home made just to store and prepare food, an another room in every home to eat it. WOW, how amazing is that?

I don't know of any other addiction that is so accepted by society and yet there doesn't seem to be anyone out there, saying, "Oh poor dear, you have an addiction, I feel for you, I sympathize with you, let me help you, I can understand your pain and anguish."

NOPE, it's "look at Rawpriestess, she's fat, so she must not care about her looks, or what anyone thinks." Humm, not true at all.

[SwishTN]

There is a room to store, a room to eat, and even a room to get RID of it!!!

How is THIS for addiction? I used to love love LOVE Mocha's or any other kind of coffee drinks. They were a ritual for me. And, then, they began to make me nauseous, yet, like a true addict, I would want them ANYWAY!! They even made me ill to the point that if I laughed hard, sang loud, or anything came out of my mouth w/gusto, I had to REALLY pull back, b/c that isn't all that was going to come out. But, I would go back for more...

I love bagels w/cream cheese. And, I have almost immediate reactions of allergies, headaches, sinus trouble. I am a singer, and should avoid dairy at ALL cost. Sometimes, I wonder if it is a self-sabatoge mechanism?

Another strange addiction for me, especially when I was younger, was LOUD music. Not a big deal to most folks, but, I liked it so loud, and the only way I could listen to it w/the volume I so desired was w/headphones. Again, not a big deal. BUT, and a major but, I had a hearing loss. Because of this, I was NOT allowed to use headphones. Well, one morning, in the wee hours before the sun was up, I found myself standing in the snow on the back porch of our little mobile home wearing my bathrobe listening to my headphones as loud as can be, and PRAYING that I would NOT get caught. How stupid is that? When I got a picture of what I was doing, I put them away and went back to bed.

Addictions will make a person WEIRD! They CAN be broken, though. Mocha's and headphones don't cry out to me like they used to : ). I actually haven't had a mocha in a long time, and I used to have one, at least one, once a DAY!!!

Lauri

Thanks for your honesty, RP.

And, what you said about people thinking that you don't care about how you look. It stinks that we are all in the habit of making judgements of others, when we don't know the real behind the unreal. I try SO hard not to do that. It's a work in progress. What I LOVE is that, the more I make it a habit to push judgements aside, or even pray for a different perspective, the less judged I FEEL!!! (That is NOT to say I think you judge, it is just my own growth observation).

[jaurequi]

Negative addictions suck :(. Sorry about yours. Its said the only way to defeat one is to replace it with another -- preferably a positive one!
Such as with smokers -- a negative example of replacement -- who oftentimes begin to overeat after quitting. It's a hand-to-mouth habit that must be satisfied.

Now, have you ever heard of hypnosis for addiction? I have no statistics on its percentage of success; however, if I had an addiction I was tired of dealing with, I would definitely consider it now. The reason is because I know two very hard-headed individuals who gave it a go. My uncle and my father -- both were heavy smokers; *nothing* worked for them. The only hitch is you honestly have to want to stop.
My uncle, who wanted to stop, did; my father (who was much too skeptical; and that negativity probably played a role too) did not truly want to stop but thought he did because he knew intellectually he "should," did not. He declared it didn't work. He tried a couple years later after a doctor told him he'd be dead within five years if he didn't quit: It worked. He hasn't smoked in 20-plus years.

[LNdolls]

Bravo, Raw Priestess.
Claiming it seems to be the first real step to freedom, for me. It is this very thought, of being addicted to cooked food - and I certainly am right there with you about bagels and cream cheese - that enabled me to see why I have been struggling with going raw since December.. and this enabled me to decide to make a big change.. make the change bigger - and do a raw juice cleanse and then segue into raw.
I have a history of over 35 years compulsively overeating cooked food. Ending this will take the same fortitude and patience as quitting smoking did for me.
I certainly do not crave cigarettes now... but I did for quite awhile. I don't need to smoke to go back to that mentality... way to easy to remember. So, I don't. I made the decision and will not ever change my mind about smoking.
And I feel like I am doing the same process with eating cooked food.
I feel very confident that the desire will diminish, and I will become stronger in raw.
Best,
LN

[Sharon in Colorado]

I know what you mean - I have the same cravings for wheat (mostly) and dairy.

My family is cooked and I bought them some blueberry bagels with cream cheese and strawberry cheesecake ice cream, and then they eat it around me (I stopped trying to force them to eat like me). It's not easy having an addiction and being around it like this.

It's funny, even though we know that this stuff could kill us, it's not easy to stay away from it.

My hubby thinks that all you need is discipline. I think that's true for a certain type of person. For the rest of us, we need personal support!

[Autumn]

And no one tells an alcoholic, "Oh c'mon, just have one little drink with us. You can go right back to sobriety after that." Or to a heroin addict, "One little shot isn't going to kill you." However, I *have* heard, "You won't eat chicken at all? Not even a little piece?" or "C'mon and have a coffee with me. Coffee can't count. It's not a food, it's a drink." or "It's my birthday! You're not going to have a piece of my cake? That's insulting!"

I am addicted to wheat myself, and cigarettes. I never cared for alcohol. I don't crave dairy or chocolate (which completely *amazes* me, because I thought I was definitely addicted to chocolate). But the wheat and smokes are a constant struggle. At least the smoking is socially unacceptable.

Excellent thread, RP, as per usual.

[squidly]

As always RawPriestess you know how to put into words what others are thinking and feeling and so make us realise we are not alone - THANK YOU! My addiction is sugar and cooked foods but am on the road to recovery with baby steps.

[dreamrawalwz]

I know all too well about addictions unfortunately. I'm addicted to wheat, dairy, sugar, ect. That is part of my allergic reaction to them all. The only way to get me off that path is to turn raw. I also delt with the addiction to eating disorders and that is much harder than alcohol or drugs, because, as you said...you're around food all the time. You need it to live and be nourished. Food for me used to be, and sometimes still is torture, but now that I'm raw I have MUCH less worries and problems.

I always get asked "why" or "how do you do it?" or "that's stupid, just a bite of xxx will be ok, it won't hurt you." I can't explain to them that it does. It causes physical and mental destruction from the addiction, so I'd rather just avoid it all together! :)

I know MANY people are addicted to cooked foods but won't realize or admit it, or worse...think that it's normal.

I didn't realize I was addicted to cooked foods (even just vegetables) until I went raw and accidentally had something cooked. Interesting.

[rawgrrl]

I've been passing by greasy hamburger joints, really wanting a nice greasy hamburger.

First I tried to pretend it was nothing (You aren't real and I'm not even going to entertain that thought). Then I tried to talk msyelf out of it (I'm not even a hamburger and I can't even believe you're suggesting that). Then I tried to talk myself into it. (Well, if we're going to relapse, let's get something really good. Let's get a steak with mushrooms. Let's get a double cheese pizza from the best pizza place in town.) That actually worked better because then the little voice tried to talk me out of doing that. Having relapsed often in my early days, I knew that the memory of the hamburger was going to be much, much better than that hamburger. Or pizza. Or steak.

Finally I just sat with the feeling like I was a therapist and it was all about fear around another issue in my life.

[jenjenn]

You covered it all pretty much ,to a tee, those are feelings that you put so perfectly into words. two full days ago i had battled the an inner demon and the feelings you described rang so close to that demon i have , but of course it is a daily struggle and it has gotten better and i hope for me and others it becomes less of a battle and something that doesn't have to control our lives.

[rawpriestess]

although this is an old post, it still rings true for me

When I am not eating raw, it's a daily challenge, but when I'm eating raw, then the feelings do go away, it takes a few days, but they do go away.

I quit smoking in 1977, and even now, when someone is smoking I instinctively reach for my coat pocket to get my pack of cigarettes, now how long has it been?

and I only smoked for 11 years.

I've been eating for over 50

So, there you have it.

I'm not saying that because I am addicted, that It isn't my choice to eat or not to eat,

but I can easily NOT eat so many things, and if I don't eat wheat or dairy for a few days, then I can stay away from them,

but just one bite of either and I can't eat enough.

[Raw Faith]

WOW. I thought I was the only one with a bagel problem.
Thanks for posting.

[JMD]

I LOVE THIS POST. As a recovering addict....from many things--- FOOD is/was my numero uno. Even up until recently I found myself overeating on raw...I ESP. knew it was an issue when I rather EAT alone and not share so I can have my own food "experience"... me alone a good tv show and a warm blanket...Thank goodness I saw the pattern and let it go .....

All i know is in am in RECOVERY I go to OA and we often share that food is A PRISION and that we get 3 visitation rites a day... I laugh everytime b/c that is true. (However i eat 6 times a day...but u get the point)....

Addiction with food may show its damage from the neck down but 90% of it generates from the neck up.....a thinking disorder..the thought for me to eat ALWAYS comes before I actually take the food and eat it.....

All i know is if i can recover ANYONE can...!!! I admit it and grieved it then moved on...

"One is too many and 10,00 is not enough!!"
:)JMD

[Shivananda]

The following info from Wikipedia as as good as any in helping to sort out our differences. I take the view that psychological dependency on something... like food, for instance... is not the same as a physical (chemical) addiction, and is best treated in another fashion. Your mileage may vary.

Addiction
Terminology and usage
The medical community now makes a careful theoretical distinction between physical dependence (characterized by symptoms of withdrawal) and psychological addiction (or simply addiction). Addiction is now narrowly defined as "uncontrolled, compulsive use despite harm"; if there is no harm being suffered by, or damage done to, the patient or another party, then clinically it may be considered compulsive, but within this narrow definition it is not categorized as "addiction". In practice, however, the two kinds of addiction are not always easy to distinguish. Addictions often have both physical and psychological components.

There is also a lesser known situation called pseudo-addiction, where a patient will exhibit drug-seeking behaviour reminiscent of psychological addiction, however in this case, the patients tend to have genuine pain or other symptoms that have been undertreated. Unlike true psychological addiction, however, these behaviours tend to stop as soon as their pain is adequately treated. The term "dry drunk" is sometimes attached to patterns of behavior that persist after an object of dependence and/or misuse has been removed from daily living routines. This type of behaviour is fairly common in early recovery for those recovering from substance misuse.

The obsolete term physical addiction is deprecated, because of its connotations. In modern pain management with opioids: physical dependence is nearly universal but addiction is rare. Some of the highly addictive drugs (hard drugs), such as cocaine, induce relatively little physical dependence.

Not all doctors do agree on what addiction or dependency is*, particularly because traditionally, addiction has been defined as being possible only to a psychoactive substance (for example alcohol, tobacco, or drugs), which is ingested, crosses the blood-brain barrier, and alters the natural chemical behaviour of the brain temporarily. Many people, both psychology professionals and laypersons, now feel that there should be accommodation made to include psychological dependency on such things as gambling, food, sex, pornography, computers, work, and shopping / spending. However, these are things or tasks which, when used or performed, cannot cross the blood-brain barrier and hence, do not fit into the traditional view of addiction. Symptoms mimicking withdrawal may occur with abatement of such behaviours; however, it is said by those who adhere to a traditionalist view that these withdrawal-like symptoms are not strictly reflective of an addiction, but rather of a behavioural disorder. In spite of traditionalist protests and warnings that overextension of definitions may cause the wrong treatment to be used (thus failing the person with the behavioural problem), popular media, and some members of the field, do represent the aforementioned behavioural examples as addictions.

note: the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM IVR) specifically spells out criteria to define abuse and dependence conditions.
Varied forms of addiction

Physical dependency
Physical dependency on a substance is defined by the appearance of characteristic withdrawal symptoms when the drug is suddenly discontinued. While opioids, benzodiazepines, barbiturates, alcohol and nicotine are all well known for their ability to induce physical dependence, other drugs share this property that are not considered addictive: cortisone, beta-blockers and most antidepressants are examples. So while physical dependency can be a major factor in the psychology of addiction, the primary attribute of an addictive drug is its ability to induce euphoria while causing harm.

Some drugs induce physical dependence or physiological tolerance - but not addiction - for example many laxatives, which are not psychoactive; nasal decongestants, which can cause rebound congestion if used for more than a few days in a row; and some antidepressants, most notably Effexor and Paxil, as they have quite short half-lives, so stopping them abruptly causes a more rapid change in the neurotransmitter balance in the brain than many other antidepressants. Many non-addictive prescription drugs should not be suddenly stopped, so a doctor should be consulted before abruptly discontinuing them.

The speed with which a given individual becomes addicted to various substances varies with the substance, the frequency of use, the means of ingestion, and the individual. Some alcoholics report they exhibited alcoholic tendencies from the moment of first intoxication, while most people can drink socially without ever becoming addicted. Because of this variation, some people hypothesise that physical dependency and addiction are in large part genetically moderated. Nicotine is one of the most addictive psychoactive substances: although 35 million smokers make an attempt to quit every year, less than 7% achieve even one year of abstinence.*

While eating disorders, like other behavioral addictions, are usually considered primarily psychological disorders, they are sometimes treated as addictions, especially if they include elements of addictive behavior. Sufferers may experience withdrawal or withdrawal-like symptoms if they alter their diet suddenly. This suggests that some common food substances, especially chocolate, sugar, salt and white flour may have the potential for addiction. In addition, frequent overeating can also be considered an addiction.

From the NIDA research report on nicotine addiction.
Psychological addiction
Psychological addictions are a dependency of the mind, and lead to psychological withdrawal symptoms. Addictions can theoretically form for any rewarding behavior, or as a habitual means to avoid undesired activity, but typically they only do so to a clinical level in individuals who have emotional, social, or psychological dysfunctions, taking the place of normal positive stimuli not otherwise attained (see Rat Park).

[Raw Faith]

FOOD ADDICTION IS worse than a chemical addiction. But only someone who has a deep food addiction knows how that is true.

[SparklePlenty]

What a great thread. I agree about food being the most challenging since we have to continue dealing with it. However I also believe that it is possible to become clear of the addiction. I say this because of personal experience. I smoked for 25 years, a pack and a half a day habit. I 'tried' to quit many times and then when I finally did, something fundamental in me shifted vibrationally and I was no longer a match for cigarettes. I quit, I didn't crave, I didn't look back, and that was 23 yrs ago and no matter how many smokers I am around, not only do I not crave one, but it turns me off.

The same process happened with bulimia for me...another very addictive behavior. I was bulimic for 10 years, and around the same time I quit smoking I quit bulimia. Same net effect, something shifted, my vibration changed, and I was no longer a match for bulimia. That also was 23 yrs ago and I have not only never purged again, I have never wanted to, even after I've overeaten.

I'm counting on the same kind of transformational healing from my addiction to cooked foods. I believe it will be a healing of the spirit, just as these healing were. A Course In Miracles says that there is no order of difficulty when it comes to miracles. My experience tells me this is so. And I believe that eating raw is setting me up vibrationally for the shift....and that I have to be willing to change thoughts and beliefs along with eating raw.

And on a whole other level, I know that this journey of food addiction is more a seminar about the mechanics of manifestation, than anything else for me. I know how and have manifested a lot in my life, and this one is the ultimate challenge....so far! A graduate program, kinda!

WHAT a journey!! And it's so good to have companions like all of you along the way.

Jan

[Shivananda]

Hi Jan,

What a great post. Yes, yes, yes, that is exactly what I have been trying to point to here for quite a while... that people who try to change are setting themselves for struggle and frustration and failure, whereas people who transform can leave so-called addictions behind, forever.

To repeat what I've said before, what you resist persists. Calling something an addiction only makes it bigger, makes it more real. Trying to change that adds more mass. Failing to change it adds even more mass. And so on.

Transforming something, however, involves being totally accepting and OK with where you are now, but at the same time being committed to a transformation to another level, another plane, another frequency, another way of being. Willingness and openness are key.

And I think Allisa's 30 Day Challenge, if done wholeheartedly and without reservation, provides a real opportunity for people to transform their entire relationship with food.

[jaurequi]

For those struggling with food and just "don't understand why I..." I highly recommend, The Pleasure Trap (http://www.nealhendrickson.com/TrueNorth/031100pleasuretrap.htm) , by Douglas J. Lisle, Ph.D. and Alan Goldhamer, D.C.

Best,

[CAdreamer]

I didn't understand for about 20 years that I really was 'addicted' to Dr. Pepper....mostly because I don't think I have a true addictive personality.

Then I tried to stop...many times...3 weeks, 6 weeks, 10 weeks, etc. I felt that I was doing so well, that a small 'reward' drink wouldn't hurt. Each time I set myself up for failure, and a return to the 32oz daily soda routine....but it was so cooling and refreshing, how could it be that bad....afterall, it was a harmless addiction. But it made me feel guilty, so how is that good ???

On Nov. 9 2004, I decided...NO MORE. It has now been 16 months...and I didn't replace it with anything else. Actually, nothing else filled the place of my beloved Dr. Pepper, so I knew it wouldn't work just to switch allegiance.
I no longer have cravings, or feel guilty (sugar, calories, money, effects on my teeth, body). It knew it had to be 'cold turket' because of my past experience with stopping....no rewards this time. My 'reward' was peace of mind, a new body, more money, and a sense of doing something right for me.

Since it was just 5 months prior to adopting RAW, I think giving it up actually set me up to succeed.

It was really a harsh reality for me to admit that I actually could be addicted to something.....but the signs were all there.

[tvillemom]

Thanks RP...I needed to read this. I'm an addict too. Mostly any bread, sugar or dairy (and dairy usually means something like ice cream which also fills the sugar addiction). I am at the point where I realize I am truly an addict, and I have to ACT like an alcoholic or drug addict everyday, look at myself in the mirror and YELL...I WILL NOT EAT THESE FOODS TODAY! I can do it....but I've realized it's only with prayer and God's help, just like most drug addicts overcome (I have an aunt who is a recovered alcoholic...20 years!) So I know...she went to AA meetings for at least 15 years...so why should I be any different. ADDICTION IS ADDICTION no matter what it is. I guess I'm reminding myself here.
HELLO, MY NAME IS WENDI AND I'M A SUGAR ADDICT! Hang in there...I'm right there with ya!
Wendi

[wolfieandbetty]

Thank you RP for this post - just what I needed. I've been mostly raw for 3 months. I allowed myself to have fish in the first couple of months but no other cooked food at all.

I moved to a raw diet because I realized I have this addiction. It's very scary. I've done so well for the past 3 months and thought I'd really kind of kicked the addiction - until yesterday.

I had an EXTREMELY stressful day. I have a custom sewing business so most of the time I am in my workroom all day and because I live in a tiny town and I know the bakery next door is off limits - I've been able to control my stress by having only fruit and veggies around me. But yesterday I was out on the road all day meeting with clients and had some real stressful stuff going on. Next thing I knew I walked into a See's candy store and bought a bunch of chocolate - my #1 substance of choice. I just wanted to cry because I felt so bad about slipping!! However, it did relieve my stress and I got up this morning with "one day at a time" attitude. I know I don't have to let it happen again. My mistake was not having fruit or Lara bars with me in the car.

This post helped me remember I'm human and not alone in struggling to kick this addiction. Thank you.

[maraw]

I can identify. Since going raw, there have been times when I feel like I need a 12-step program for salmon and also black olives - not just any kind. I'm talking the kind Whole Foods sells marinated w/herbs. I deny them and deny myself, but I buy them anyway - all the while floating down the river of denial.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling from time to time. I wonder if Alissa ever does?

[maraw]

I can identify. Since going raw, there have been times when I feel like I need a 12-step program for black olives - not just any kind. I'm talking the kind Whole Foods sells marinated w/French herbs. I deny them and deny myself, but I buy them anyway - all the while floating down the river of denial.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling from time to time. I wonder if Alissa ever does?

[purtyflowrr]

all these threads about addiction have been so great! i think that a lot of time people who have an addiction kind of give up and just think that there is nothing they can do about it. now i realize that lots of addictions are about physical dependency, but for myself, i think food addiction was so much more emotional than anything. for so long, i kind of gave in to the fact that i was addicted and just couldn't do anything about it. i gave the addiction power over my life. finally, i woke up and realized that the only thing controling me was my mind. ultimately, i have the power to control myself. this just happened recently, where i realized that i was totally letting the food control me and my life......just taking over and ruining a lot of things. NO MORE!!!!! i'm not living like that anymore! i am more powerful than a piece of cake or a cookie or a chicken sandwich. i'm not putting up with it anymore. the mind is a powerful. it can really cause defeat......or success. i completely understand what it's like to struggle with addictions. i have to tell myself everyday now and keep reminding myself throughout the day that I am the one in control. i don't think i'll be totally ok immediately....but i know that in time, i may not have to keep telling myself that i am the one in control. realizing you have a problem is definitely a step in the right direction. that was my first step!