stress reduction aftermath

[Zaphirah]

I've been back to raw for nearly a week. No significant weightloss as of yet but my stress level is WAY WAY down. For those of you who don't know me, my life has been one giant stress fest for about 35 years. No joke. I was raised by a woman with moderate MH issues (Borderline Personality Disorder). Lots of verbal and physical abuse. 11.5 years ago (at age 23-only 1 year after leaving my mother's house) I gave birth to twins that were not supposed to survive but did (29 weekers with TTTS). Incredible life and death stuff. Then a few years after that (and adding 2 more children. :p) we discovered that the twins have PDD-NOS-a form of autism. It has been quite a challenge trying to help them heal the best they can. One of the twins has suffered emmensly from PTSD from medical truama (preverbal-age 5). This has been manifesting in some very violent behaviors for many years. A week and a half ago we were able to enroll him in a residential school for children with PDD/PTSD. And 6 months ago I cut off contact with my mentally ill mother.
So-now that you have that info, lol, here is my question....

what the heck is going on with me???? I feel like I am having a major backlash. I've been living on adreneline (sp?) for pretty much my whole life-35 years this July and now I am almost detoxing from it. I find my self so relaxed I almost slip into a catnap while driving-but I'm not TIRED. I'm just so relaxed that my eyelids want to shut. It kind of reminds me of what happens when someone ingests way too much caffiene or sugar-they are all amped up then crash. But I've been crashing for over a week! I'm much more productive than I was before he moved. Just not sure if there is anything specific I should be doing to regulate my system?

[Colorawdo girl]

Might get levels of adrenaline and cortisol tested as well as hormones check. Basically non invasive tests that tell alot.
Raw brings stuff up yes.

Also stress is merely ones perception that is is stress. When you look at life differently, life appears differently. People in th emost horrible circumstances, look at these from a whole new perspective and it makes stress disappear.

Whatever you tell your body is happening, your body does not differentiate between real or imagined, and it reacts accordingly.

Example small scale: a bill arrives in the mail. One can freak out and fret and worry or say "I am so grateful I have this bill because it means I had heat this winter."

As far as bigger things, health issues with childrenn such, and formative years abuse, if you look for the gift it was, to make you who you are today and all is has given you to offer others, you will see.

It is all in the lens you are looking through.

Just for this point....watch a movie called "Life is Beautiful".

Best to you .

[Zaphirah]

yeah I hear ya. But I don't think being physically abused is something you can look for the blessing in at the time. Or watching your child near death is something that you can find the joy in. or making actual life and death decisions-do we keep the respirator on or turn it off. Or sitting up at night to make sure your child doesn't kill himself while you sleep. These are the things I have grappled with. I am thankful to be who I am-and the raod that has taken me here but I don't think the things I have been thru are the same as getting a bill in the mail. I hope I don't sound defensive. I truly am not. I *always* try to look on the bright side-but in the midst of this turmoil my adreneline DID flow, my heart rate WAS up, I did not sleep WELL, etc-regardless of my perspective, ya know?
If you were walking along and witnessed a horrific accident would you be able to control your heart rate, adreneline, etc? or what about if you were a teenager and the neighbor was caught looking in your window as you slept-would you be able to shake that off easily each night? (the 2nd one happened to me) So the things I have exp'd are real, not imagined-so how do I heal my body from that?

[Colorawdo girl]

Oh Zaphirah,please know I did not, in any way, intend to minimize your experience. I do understand.

These things, the body remembers and it takes time and a lot of inner work to solve inside yourself. I know, as I have had many challenges in my life.

I have done that work and I apologize because that is only where I can come from- A place of acceptance, love and embracing all these experiences(in hindsight and growth) as all that brought me to the person I am today.

While not intending to minimize your pain, there are simple ways to put it all in its place, simply as a past experience.

Word is powerful and the way you talk to yourself about it, as I mentioned about the lens you look through, is how you can choose immediately to view it. Right here, right now, in this moment.Example....how you speak to yourself about that experience of the neighbor in the window. Every time you think of it you, as an adult, feel what? Fear and pain? So,say, as an adult, seeing it as an adult and saying "well that neighbor was simply a person who was someone who needed to look in peoples windows."
Now you are in an adult position and can now reassure the lil inner scared place. From this courageous and powerful place now, you can rewrite the story. Tell it differently. What the mind tells the body, the body reacts. If you tell the body we are still scared and afraid, it will be. If you tell the body we see that as just another experience, not who we are, but simply as something that happened.
The body will then act accordingly and be ok. This is mind work. It works on the body at its core where these things are stored.

The rest of it, the other words of it all, is the story of it and it keeps you in the victim and fear mode. There is no progress in that mode. In the mode of love, growth and a great life occurs.

You have the power to choose how to feel about everything that has ever happened . You are the author of your own life and no one else says how you feel everyday. You do.

I saw, in my life, how remaining a victim and the hurt one actually served me. It was my excuse for not living a full blown alive life!!! And I said no more. No more excuses. Thir really is not helping me at all.

It can be done. You get clear on what you want and need to want it so bad and be wanting to be done with the rest.

You are exactly where you are and it is fine. You can only go as far as you can see and when you see farther you will fo farther.

So Zaphirah, what do you want for your life. It is up to you!!