the raw vegan closet

[kidkid]

Just wondering: how do you all break the news to your friends, family, loved ones that you're raw and vegan and can't eat anything they cook for you? How do you feel about being a food outsider? If you're the only raw vegan in your family or group of friends, how do you come to terms with not being able to come together over food with them? Or go out to eat with them? How do you start that conversation with your loved ones?

I'm about to come out of the raw vegan closet to all my friends and my brother's family when I go visit them this summer. They love to cook, and they show their love for me by feeding me. Although I know they'll be supportive (they are very supportive of alternative living) I'm just a little apprehensive about breaking their hearts.

thanks!

[Aleesha Sattva]

first of all... i don't look at it as 'can't eat anything they cook for you' rather i look at it as i choose to not eat cooked food.

i just let everyone know i was getting my body into a state of health and they all cheered and supported me. i offer to bring food, assist with the prep of food... so that there's food at functions that i choose to eat ;)

[Revvell]

Just wondering: how do you all break the news to your friends, family, loved ones that you're raw and vegan and can't eat anything they cook for you?

First of all, I CAN eat anything I want. I choose not to. There's no "breaking the news" as though this was a major catastrophe.




How do you feel about being a food outsider?

Tough to participate when that's one's perception of themselves isn't it? Just as I don't drink while others do, I don't eat cooked food either. Usually they'll gladly make something for me and, I'll bring something delicious to share. They'll not even know it's not cooked.




If you're the only raw vegan in your family or group of friends, how do you come to terms with not being able to come together over food with them?
My coming together with people is not about the food; it's about our relationship, our communication, our coming together. I can go anywhere and eat with them, any time.


Or go out to eat with them?
Why can't you do that? Just request what you want from the restaurant. They're usually very accommodating.


How do you start that conversation with your loved ones?

Why even bring it up.


They love to cook, and they show their love for me by feeding me. Although I know they'll be supportive (they are very supportive of alternative living) I'm just a little apprehensive about breaking their hearts.


If they are REALLY supportive then, there's no problem. You're expecting something that may not even happen. Breaking their hearts? That's a bit dramatic isn't it?

Eating raw is not that big a thing ~ it's just food that's not cooked (i.e. dead). We sure do complicate our lives by the drama we create around it. "coming out of the closet", "breaking their hearts".... by eating uncooked food?

I know I may sound harsh but really... look at this from a different perspective. It's just a natural way of eating. Share! Make it fun! Make it delightful! Enjoy and play with your food! :)

[T-Bird]

Just wondering: how do you all break the news to your friends, family, loved ones that you're raw and vegan and can't eat anything they cook for you? How do you feel about being a food outsider? If you're the only raw vegan in your family or group of friends, how do you come to terms with not being able to come together over food with them? Or go out to eat with them? How do you start that conversation with your loved ones?

It was a slow transition, although I was never in the closet. First Veggie for many years, then vegan for many years, then I dabbled in raw, so I was always known to favor fresh fruit and salads.....

I don't know if my family knows I plan to be raw permanently this time? But they are all accustomed to me bringing a lot of my own food anyway - so no biggie.....

Being a Food Outsider.....

It is difficult. Just when veggie was become less of a outsider.....I go vegan......when that is gaining currency, I go raw.

Some people may not realize that for a while - it gets easier.....for years...until it starts to get harder! I'm so tired of it actually. I've been on the outside for over 20 years, and it is just a pain. I have a 4 day business trip coming up, dreading it totally - only because of the social/food aspect of the trip.

I'm not going to change - it is the world that need to move towards me! LOL! Still, I long for the day when I'm not a freak. It will happen, raw is mushrooming up all over the place. In 50 years, it will be quite mainstream.

Until then - we must be strong!


Starting a conversation? Well, I don't know, you just say it I suppose.

[contessa20]

I agree with Revvell and Aleesha. Personally, I don't make a big deal about it. If others choose to, well, that's their problem not mine. If you make a big deal about it though, others are guaranteed to.

DH and I went to a Valentine's Day dinner at our friend's house. They have been the only people who have been downright rude and weirded out at my being raw. I simply told them not to worry about it and that I would bring a huge salad and some fruit to share with everyone. No big deal to me but they chose to make a big thing out of it. Not my problem though. I enjoyed my food and, as it turns out, so did everyone else. :D

[rkk]

I agree with the idea of bringing some of your own food and preparing food for yourself. It might be stressful to them if you tell them that you only eat raw and expect others to prepare you something raw. They might be confused wondering what to prepare for you, and that might give people unnecessary stress. However, if you say "Don't worry... I'll bring in food that I can eat." Then it takes the pressure off everyone else so that they don't have to worry about what you will or won't eat, and can focus on preparing food for other family members or guests.

Over the years when I shifted from meat-eating to vegetarian to vegan to raw vegan, my changing diet has brought confusion to family members about what I will or won't eat. They're like "So what diet are you on now?" So I try to take the pressure off them as much as possible by making my own food accommodations. Just bring extra food, so that if other family members or guests sample some of your food, there will still be enough left for you.

[PonyGirlMom]

DH and I went to a Valentine's Day dinner at our friend's house. They have been the only people who have been downright rude and weirded out at my being raw.

Then they are definitely not your friends! You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends.

[Veronica01]

i started seeing a new guy who is totally supportive of me eating and living healthy, he wants to try SOME of it, but not give up how he eats. He actually asked me if i would be ok just visiting with his parents while they all drank coffee... and i said sure just because i don't like it or drink doesn't mean i can't talk to them. Instead of going out to dinner we make dinner together and when i go to his house i bring my own food or we go shopping. I just tell him i'm happy to bring my own food and i eat pretty simply and it's not a big deal to me. I don't have to eat what everyone else does. It's really nice that he's not making a big deal out of it, but i'm acting like its normal and easy for me to eat this way (cuz it is) so he is relaxed and cool with it too.

[LotsaRaw]

Just don't be like my sister...she is the vegetarian that SAD eaters fear..."Oh I can't eat that, or that, or that" and makes a big deal out of it - and condemns others' food. I don't really discuss food stuff with her (other than raving about our vitamixers!)

Just eat what you want, and if they really get in your business, claim allergy or stomach cramps, etc.

When discussing this with my other friends or relatives, I play it by ear, and when the opportunity presents, explain the basic principles - in an enthusiastic manner ("omg - I have been feeling sooo great...did you know that cooking food over 115 degrees blows away all the good nutrients?....and I have so much energy...have you ever had a mango?...bla bla bla") - so what if they think it is temporary...at least they are interested and might even try it themselves (that is how I got here!) and...the will probably notice an improvement. Have fun with it!

[Veronica01]

Yes my sister has extreme allergies and makes a huge deal of telling her everything that has gluten in it that will kill her... it really scares people who don't know what gluten is lol.

I tell people all the things i love eating and how great i feel and just leave it at: I don't eat anything cooked or processed i feel waaaay better this way instead of how exhausted and achey i used to be. No one can get mad at you if you're happy and healthy and it's not affecting them.

[contessa20]

Then they are definitely not your friends! You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose your friends.

I would agree, Pony. They are actually DH's "friend's" from college, though I don't claim them as my own. They are rude to him all the time on various other issues and yet he still goes back for more. Me, I only have to see them a couple of times a year for my husband's sake so I'm okay with that. It all slides right off the back though.

[Colorawdo girl]

Seems you might actually contribute to repairing their hearts by setting an example of super nutrition.

How can you break their hearts by taking care of you.

I simply do what I do, need no excuses or reasons for taking care of my health and I make no big deal out of it. If I do, they do. It is so simple.

[kidkid]

well thank you all for your awesome support and helpful tips. I reread my post, and I guess I didn't mean to make it sound so heavy! I guess the "breaking their hearts" and "coming out of the closet" was really said with toungue in cheek. I know I'm not really breaking their hearts! And they do support me and want me to be healthy. OF COURSE being with my family and friends IS about really connecting and the relationships, and I have very strong connections with them regardless of food. However, in the black community and I would expect in a lot of other communities as well, food is just such a major part of the culture and eating the food that someone prepares for you is a way to give and receive LOVE. And I LOVE THAT! It's a sacred act!

Make no mistake, I am coming to raw food in the spirit of exploration, love, and celebration. I didn't mean to sound so life or death about it!

I've been talking about it with my mom a lot lately, and she really supports me and can see that I'm feeling more vibrant and happier. So that is really wonderful. I'm realizing that as I continue with this and become healthier, the reasons for my choices will begin to speak for themselves.

So thank you all for alleviating my anxiety and sharing in this with me!

[*RayRay*]

It always surprises me that people think they cannot go out to a restaurant to eat! Every restaurant serves salads!!! (at least all the ones I've ever been to!) Order a big salad hold the meat and cheese, and enjoy dinner with your friends/family!!!