Getting flack at work for not eating SAD

[Veronica01]

My boss just pulled me into a meeting to discuss my habits and although last week he was great about wanting to include me in lunch at the farmer's market, I now know why he did. He thinks I don't include myself with everyone and that i shouldn't be at my desk every day and be spending time with more people at work. I am so confused. I was under the impression when I started that he wanted me part of the boys marketing team, and working hard and not afraid to work over time and work through lunch and they all blow off the girls in admin who go out for lunch together and want to chat at lunch. In the past month we've had 2 birthday's with cake and icecream and i came, and stood there and chatted with my bottle of water while people gave me funny looks for not eating it. And yesterday I did not want to eat the chinese food buffet they ordered in for someone's anniversary and I was just told right at lunch I was being audited. I spent my lunch on the phone talking about it and said i was sorry i didn't come for lunch. And now my boss is saying that i need to be a part of every company event and social gathering and i should be trying to be part of the team. Even though none of them hang out with anyone at lunch, because im a girl it gets noticed if i'm not with the rest of the girls and that i say no every time they go out for lunch. I'm not trying to be rude, I am trying to make it easier on them by not being "difficult" and almost all the girls here are overweight and when i eat a few oranges for lunch with them they just don't understand. I'm a little upset now and worried. We have an anniversary party we're throwing for 400 guests in May and every employee and their date is supposed to host a table of guests and it's a 10 course catered chinese food meal and i don't know what to do. I have to be there, but i can't eat anything and i don't even have a date that would eat it and what will our clients/guests think if i don't eat. I'd make them look bad. I'm kind of freaking out right now.

[Irish_Vegan_Girl]

I think that your boss/colleagues are being completely unreasonable. Of course, we are all aware that food is made into this "big occasion" or is generally the centerpiece of celebrations, but this is the year 2009, in the 21st century and they should not view it as "rude" or "closed-off" if you can not eat the same meals as them. What they are experiencing is they are feeling threatened, subconciously - maybe, but they are definitely threatened that you are doing something that completely contradicts every single thing society has conditioned them into accepting. As far as they're concerned, the changes you have made to your lifestyle are unacceptable.

I think that what you need to do now, is to approach your boss and or colleagues/schedule a meeting and let them know that although you have made certain life changes regarding your diet for your health, you are still the same person, and that these changes have been so positive for you, the reason that you decline luncheon invites etc., is because you don't want to appear "difficult" as you can't eat in a lot of places that they can. You have been concentrating on your work also, and you are willing to spend time with your fellow colleagues outside of work but you would rather if it was not centered around food. As for the upcoming chinese dinner, let them know that you cannot eat that, they should accept that and allow you to either request a dish for yourself, or bring one with you. I hate the way other people make such big deals out of simple things like this, they see the diet we are living/attempting as alien, and so they get scared and react as they would to anything else they have been thought not to understand.

If you choose to eat at the chinese dinner, it's your choice, but you should not compromise your beliefs because you have to, only if you want to.

That's my opinion, I really hope it may have helped somewhat.

Good luck Veronica.

[greenfeline]

I agree with Irish vegan girl. At my work everyone knows the way I eat and they don't really care, although some people feel the need to always try to "look out for me" not in a sweet way in a "oh you can't eat this" way. You just have to deal with it and make your own choices. Not everyone is as open-minded as us, and people tend to feel threatened when someone is anything but docile and compliant. I like to think a little bit of discomfort is a small price to pay for greatness. :)

[circle]

try to explain that it's a spiritual decision.

[Colorawdo girl]

I love this

"You must dare to disassociate yourself from those who would delay your journey... Leave, depart, if not physically, then mentally. Go your own way, quietly, undramatically, and venture toward trueness at last."

Best to you Veronica.Challenge but you can do it.

[jurence]

My mom is an accountant and i know getting audited is no joke- not sure why your boss would blame you at all especially during time of being audited.


and that i shouldn't be at my desk every day and be spending time with more people at work.

Lol!

[irishserra]

Hhhmmm...are we talking about an office/place of employment here or a shriekin' clique??? :cool:

[Pking]

From an HR point of view...make sure your work ethics are in place such as fulfilling your tasks in a timely matter, teamwork, punctuality, and dependability on projects. It's one thing to encourage participation to be in group functions. However, if his definition of "participating" mean eating the same foods they eat then he's veering more into the area of discrimination/hostile work place. Check with your HR dept. on more specifics for better clarity about your company policies. Reason is that when your review comes up and if he dings you for not "participating" in group events (his definition) you can take an active stance on the matter based on the company's policies. You can definitely participate in functions and not eat the food. Personally I feel that it's very disrespectful to judge a person based on what they eat, or to try to pressure them to do something that is contrary to their health & well-being. I wish you well

[Humanist]

I agree with Pking. This is discrimination in the work place. As such, it should be illegal. What do Canadian laws say about it?

[SimplyFabulush]

I have to agree that this is severe discrimination. Just because you choose to not eat the same foods your coworkers eat doesn't mean you aren't participating. I would pull the "you are violating my rights and personal decisions" card and I am sure everyone will back off. That's the type of negative complaints companies usually do not want. Or you could always say its spiritual/religious... that's even more of a do not want.

[SweetTangerine]

Yeah I agree with the last few posts, this is totally discrimination! Talk to HR and explain your situation. Eating raw could be considered a lifestyle choice and your boss is way out of line to treat you like this. Good luck with everything (((hugs)))

[juliebove]

I really don't get it. I don't eat cake. Never have. Never liked it. Nobody ever looked at me oddly for not eating it. I generally did not eat at work's catered events. Or at least didn't eat what was provided. Again, nobody questioned it. For company parties outside of work, I sometimes arrived after the dinner hour because I didn't want to eat what was served.

So unless you are in the food business, then what your boss is doing makes no sense.

[freshlight]

If you really want to stay there just cut the conversation short and tell them you are allergic to the most of SAD.
Otherwise just leave and stay happy. All the best from Eva

[Bananna]

Yes, it is actually discriminating...it's frustrating to think that someone with celiac, allergy, lactose intolerance, etc has that scapegoat, but everyone else has to just 'tow the line'.

Consider going to your doctor (not your sister), and getting an 'excuse note'...just saying that basically need to be exempt from eating these things. Chinese...MSG? A lot of people are highly sensitive to MSG, so you could play that card.

I realize this isn't addressing the issue from an 'I'm allowed to eat what I want' standpoint, but I think it would still send the same message, that you have the right to protect yourself from ill-health.

I also agree, talk to HR, and have a little pow wow with everyone and just explain to them that you are still the same person, explain about the audit, explain about the rationale of thinking you Should work through lunch, etc. Explain yourself not confrontationally, but more just get them to feel that you feel backed into a corner. Maybe that will help them see themselves better and be a little more understanding and reasonable in the future.

Also...this link is a bit offbase for your specific situation, but I still find it very helpful in dealing with Raw socially. http://www.archive.org/details/OrganicAthlete_2006_09_30_Lennie_Mowris

[D'vorah]

Because you're a GIRL?!?!? :mad: Unbelievable. Have we gone back to the 50's?

Rock on, girlfriend. Tell them you have severe allergies and that you'll die, or as someone else suggested, tell them it's a spiritual thing. It's not like you haven't made and effort to be present. They cross a line when they try to dictate what goes into your mouth, into your body and use that to make claims that you aren't a team-player.

I'm furious on your behalf.

Take care of yourself,

Deborah

[michigan roman]

sounds like your boss is one of the liberal lame new world order manipulating creeps trying to design everyone . yes i know they suck but theyll soon be going bye bye :D

in the mean time at least you live in a beautiful place so dont let the punk get on your nerves , and assume an emotionally level all business attitude while focusing on the artgirly quote . thats the constant state o mind ive lived in for years as all these global village / new world order lampreys try manipulating everyone around on earth to be their host and victim

[Colorawdo girl]

I had seemed to be embarrassed or out of place etc when I went raw.

It took me a while and all of a sudden I got CLEAR.

Why am I apologetic, explaining, feeling awkward or whatever, for TAKING CARE OF ME AND MY HEALTH? That felt ridiculous. I think I even said I had allergies(which I did) but as if to need to have a reason they would understand. Why did I need them to understand by making other explanations?

I have been given the gift of knowing about raw and living foods. Perhaps I have been placed in their world to make a difference. So why hide it under a barrel. I let my light shine!

I feel empowered in that and honor the process in confidence.

Shine away sweet.

[cara4art]

I agree with michiganroman and artgirly on this, everyone, actually! Bottom-line, your boss is way out of line on the whole food thing, and if he still doesn't get it after you put your case to him, then the Universe is telling you it's time to move on to another situation that is more supportive. Granted, not everyone understands raw, but at least they could leave one alone about it and not give you flack for an important choice in your life.
Stay strong - I know you are - your spirit shines through!

[lori ann]

My wife Lori showed this post to me and find it very alarming. Although I don't eat the same way Lori or you eat, I do believe that people should have the rite to choose how they eat.

What is most surprising about your post is that you may not realize that the place you work is acting in a discriminatory way toward your diet, and is likely breaking workplace laws.

I would recommend that you take a deep breath and realize that many of your coworkers and possibly other administrative people are likely on your side and will support you if you communicate correctly to them. Keep track of all communication by recording the date and time of the meetings with your boss and the nature of the communications. When possible request that your boss place directives about what he expects you to do in writing and request that a coworker you trust be present whenever your boss wants to have a private conversation.

Your state has a governing council who will oversee any unfair practices by your boss or his superiors. In Ohio, where we live, it is SERB (State Employee Relations Board) If negative experiences from your boss or the company you work for infringe on your job or ability to complete your work or even if they decide to terminate your employment, you can turn to the legal departments of these governing councils to support you, but you need to be organized and have your case ready for them.

[RawHeaven]

20 years of HR experience here. I only need to add that this is indeed discrimination in the workplace you're experiencing on many levels. Gender, diet and potentially sexual discrimination (based on gender, not overt sexual overtones). Diet is especially heated due to certain religious and medical needs and is usually handled with kid gloves and compassion. Your situation would more than likely also fall under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) if you were in the United States -- based on the assumption that you could only eat certain foods and your employer was interfering & putting your health at risk. Especially noted if no other employees are enduring such (food related/diet choice/lunch companions) questioning and speculation regarding job performance.

I know diddly squat about Canadian Employment Law. If you were in the US, I'd advise you to obtain the counsel of an employment law attorney without hesitation. HR no matter how balanced they may appear, have the best interest of the employer at heart. So it's a fine line who you go to - just being completely honest and upfront with you on that inside tip, which is why I suggest you speak to a lawyer first. You will need to notify HR also so there is a record of you approaching them, but see what the attorney has to say. I'm usually not leaning in the direction of being litigious, but it is no longer 1952. It's 2009. Please check into this for yourself. Suffering and enduring bullshit is entirely unnecessary in this day and age. Women (and men) have died, been imprisoned and harrassed for getting these laws passed. Discrimination still happens, but you don't have to tolerate it and you have more power than you think. Best wishes and big warm hugs.

[Katie P]

I think this sounds crazy! I mean come on, really, why the heck would people not want others to eat healthy? Sure they can eat their chinese food & cake--all for the sake of "bonding" but there are other ways to bond for sure. And food doesn't have to be the center of it....(unfortunately it almost always is)
Keep doing what you're doing....stay strong! Always remember your reasons for eating raw & the benefits of it & I think you will bounce right back. I think it's very disappointing that your boss would pull you aside to talk this, especially because their is no issue here!
As far as the big party coming up.....that's a tough one.....I completely understand why you're freaking out b/c honestly I would be too. Just stand your ground. I think it helps always going into it knowing that people won't understand, but it's YOUR health not theirs! They don't have to accept it or they make think it seems funny, but you know deep inside that the RAW life is the best life! REMEMBER THAT :)
Hang in there girl!

[RawHeaven]

I think this sounds crazy! I mean come on, really, why the heck would people not want others to eat healthy? Sure they can eat their chinese food & cake--all for the sake of "bonding" but there are other ways to bond for sure. And food doesn't have to be the center of it....(unfortunately it almost always is)


I'm right there with you it's nuts. But it makes perfect sense. Food, health & nutrition are hot buttons. It lights people up - they know you're onto something and they can't figure it out so they set out to destroy or knock you off your chosen path in extreme cases. Much of their (OP's boss et al)actions are probably unconscious, but it's still no excuse why this young woman needs to deal with it. In my opinion, it's the last acceptable way to discriminate against someone. If we were talking about a disability or body weight or race or (direct) gender issues or any bleepin' thing else, they wouldn't even go there if they were smart.

Hang in there indeed! We've got your back. :)

[RawHeaven]

Veronica, I just had some intuitive insight that there are people in your workplace that have complained to your boss which may explain the abrupt change in behavior. It's not that he's a bad person, he's stuck between a rock and a hardplace. Keep your eyes wide open and please get the legal advice. You can also be mindful of what you're creating and how you want to experience this most certainly, but you still have rights. Good luck!

[RawkinOnSunshine]

That's tough...I'm really sorry you're having to go through all this garage just because you refuse to eat GARBAGE. But I agree that NO ONE can tell you what to eat or bully you into consuming something you belief is essentially toxic. The best thing to do would be to either explain that this is for health and personal reasons (and maybe define very basically what you DO eat) OR simply state that the food that goes into your body is your business. That if he thinks you need to be more "social" with your coworkers you will certainly try, but not if it means having your beliefs constantly challenged and attacked, or being forced to go against them.

I know how hard it is to deal with this kind of situation. My family was like this for 3 or 4 years after I initially went vegetarian (I was 14, making it really difficult to do so without any support). My coworkers, meanwhile, MUST have a master list of everything they see me eating or something....I'm always having food pushed on me and people demanding that I HAVE to eat. Anyway, it's a pain in the ass and I'd suggest nipping it in the bud by having one final discussion and requesting no further harassment pertaining to your dietary choices.

Overall I think the entire situation is ridiculous and insane. What a pathetic thing to go after someone for.

[Veronica01]

Hi All, sorry for not responding. Im fasting onto day 3 now and felt just horrible last night and i'm pretty week this morning. Moving and walking is hard.

A few things you addressed:

Go to HR: We do not have an HR department. Our company has about 12 employees in the office and a number of US public speakers on contract. There is ONE person who does accounting,payroll, benefits etc. All the executives are buddy buddy with the CEO and VP. The VP was the one who pulled me aside.

Say they are discriminating me: I might as well kiss my job goodbye then. When they hired me I was interviewed by EVERY single employee because the number 1 thing that is important to them is we all get along in a small 2 story office environment. I do get along with everyone, i do chat a bit with the admin girls upstairs and told them about my breakup and whats going on in life etc. They see it as me seperating myself from them and trying not to be part of the team.

It was the COO's 14th anniversary so maybe she is miffed with me. But seriously, why shouldn't i be allowed to do what I want on my lunch break.

Also at our company christmas party, 2 of the marketing guys (out of our 5person team) didn't show up, and the other one bailed REALLy early to say he had to go out with his sister. I had worked there for 2 days and was expected to go. I went and it was all right, but this was back in Jan and I was not raw. They SAW me eat all the crap they were eating, everything was cooked but the salad. Also I ate chinese food with them once in January as well. So now they are angry I am taking it this extreme because no one SAW me dying before after eating it. I didn't die, but i didn't feel well and i gain weight fast eating stuff like that.

So now I am probably coming off as acting above them and their food choices. And might I add out of 8 woman that work there, half are very obese. The other ones, one who includes a slightly allergic celiac? Whatever that is, she still eats a lot of stuff that makes her sick to be included. The other ones are addicted to dairy and bread like nobody's business. I just was shocked when they started talking about velveeta i said I've never tried it actually and i don't eat cheese. They were horrified. They know i eat fruit for breakfast in lunch so i don't know where the cheese would come in lol.

I was pretty upset last night i came in and cried. I really don't know if they would make a salad and a fruit bowl for me. I just don't want other people to resent having to go out of their way so I can come. I'd rather not come and cause a problem if the guests start talking about me instead of asking about or company. And everyone has to have a date, so what im supposed to bring my junkfood loving ex and beg him to come and have him scarf down all the food while i dont?

I wish i could play the allergy card, but it is way past too late as I started somewhat like that. My sister is deathly allergic to wheat and a high risk celiac and no one ever makes her feel that way, everyone accomodates her and she works at a hospital and a research lab and they only go places she can eat. But when you don't eat cooked food and there's no raw restaurants in town you're that much limited.

[Bananna]

Wow...that's tough.

I'm thinking the #1 thing they were looking for is that you get along with everyone there, is because they have had issues with previous employees that weren't complete sheep? Perhaps, the common denominator is their expectations of employees.

Have you thought about getting a new job?

I realize that confronting the issue will make the discourse worse, and noone wants to work in that environment even if you do end up getting your way out of it. I say approach them as diplomatically as possible. Tell them that you've been eating raw for so long now, that your body would need to slowly reintroduce cooked food back in or you would risk extreme nausea and cramping...which is the truth anyway. Just try and get it addressed, diplomatically. Also, make sure you tell them that you love working there really enjoy the company, the employees etc. but stressing that this way of eating is really important to you.

If you aren't getting Anywhere At All with this, then I would think about working somewhere else, someplace with a bigger atmosphere perhaps, where you can slip under the radar easier. ...and look into employment insurances requirements for being discrimminated against. If no one can help you there, get a lawyer....take it to the supreme court of Canada and then write a book on it. No one, has authored a book about raw veganism in the workplace yet. I think it could be you! lol... ;)

[Tango6]

that's a bad situation to have to work in. Like the others said, tell them you're allergic to all the preservatives and other gunk in the food. It's not a lie, we're all allergic to it. Some just choose to ignore the signs (obesity, etc) they can't coax you into doing something that's dangerous to you. That has to be illegal. :mad: Maybe see it from an opposing view: If u were obese and ur boss and coworkers kept pushing raw on u they would consider that discrimination and harassment.

[Veronica01]

Hmm yes. I wonder if they think I will start trying to push it on them. One of the obese guys at work asked for some nutrition tips because everything he's tried so far is wrong. My boss got mad at him when he found he was eating fruit for breakfast and lunch. He said it's just not possible to live on it. I find it really hard when people who know nothing about nutrition or health tell other people they know better. It's pretty pointless. I didn't argue, i just walked away.


Maybe when I become a longer standing vegan I could write a book. haha. I haven't had any major health issues to conquer but i have always been bigger than i want to be and had bad skin and itchy scalp and people today think there's something wrong with them, not the foods and products they use. And I wish people could see that there is no need to suffer or "fight" all these ailments. WHen you fight things it's such a negative outlook on it and you can't possibly win the fight against anything.

I'm not sure what to do yet. It's just hard having him tell me that every single person has to be part of the team or they don't fit in, and he doesn't say it to anyone else. The other guys that don't show up or ignore the girls go under the radar as quiet and too themselves. But because my boss knows im strong and independent he thinks i should have no excuse in participating and leading people.


It's a hard time right now, i've turned my whole life upside down by sticking to the fact that i don't have to do what everyone else does, and i am in control of my own health and happiness and my friends, family coworkers see this as me trying to distance myself from them, when i am just trying to find myself and be happy in life.

One of my ex's just found out im vegan and he's like i don't think it matters if you date someone who doesn't eat like you do, just cook them meat and give it to them with their salad. I don't get the issue. I tried to explain that my ex i still live with had a hard time when i stopped cooking for him and eating with him and got annoyed and now he eats worse. We have all this food and every time he's hungry he just says i wish i had enough money to order a pizza. I kind of feel like I can't be in a relationship with someone if they don't respect my choices and are against to at least listening and trying it. It's expensive to eat and prepare meals by yourself and then have to make something different for the other person. I haven't met any guys that like to grocery shop and make their own meals lol. They don't understand why it's a big deal to me and why i can't just eat out all the time.

[D'vorah]

It's a hard time right now, i've turned my whole life upside down by sticking to the fact that i don't have to do what everyone else does, and i am in control of my own health and happiness and my friends, family coworkers see this as me trying to distance myself from them, when i am just trying to find myself and be happy in life.

That's the most beautiful thing you've said. Talk to them from this vantage point, and hold expectations loosely.

Deborah

[klomasius]

Oh Veronica, I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through this horrible situation. I really feel for you and hope that you come out the other side a stronger, more balanced and happier person for the experience.

All I can add to what others have so sagely told you is this, people on the frontier of anything are the ones to suffer.

20-30 years back when being vegetarian was really weird, pioneer vegetarians in workplaces all over the world probably had to put up with the same thing (and discrimination laws were virtually non existent back then).

When being vegan was considered extreme (and still is in many parts of the US and the world) vegans had the same thing (I've experienced this first hand).

Being a raw vegan in this day and age is being a pioneer thinker, just as the above examples are (and many others concerning anti segregation, votes for women, etc.). What you do now might be difficult, but it paves the way for others, just as pioneers before us gave us many of our rights and freedoms and democratic privileges. What seems strange and angry making to today's mainstream society will be normal or at least accepted in tomorrow's society.

It's small comfort I know, but I like the thought of being a pioneer.... :)

***(((((HUGS)))))***

[Bananna]

Ya know...this really might be the Hardest part of going raw....feeling like you are swimming upstream in the world. I can't believe your boss got tiffed at your coworker for eating fruit. The workplace politics seem a bit stressful.

I agree with D'vorah, that's a beautiful, open, true statement. I also agree with klomasius...hopefully your efforts will make it easier for others.

Also, you might find others like you with this site, I found it helpful, I found a lot of people in Toronto, gatherings, etc....none of which I've actually been to...yet, lol. But I'm going to work on that.

So here's to meeting some: http://rawfood.meetup.com/

[Rastadawta]

Good morning. I just wanted to give my two cents. From what i have read I believe that you work in a small workplace, why not have a semi-meeting about your lifestyle and address these issues. Remember it is only recently that you have learned about raw, so remember what is new to others will always have issues relating your health.
Have you ever given any samples to your boss or co-workers. Not every one on this board works in a small workplace, I dont now, but i remember when i worked in an restaurant and wouldnt eat the food. My manager would suggest i can still eat rice and beans but being a vegan and knowing how every food was cooked with animal lard, I declined. Yet I still ate my vegan foodwith my co-workers and indured the stares and questions. I knew what i was doing was great for my health. Imagine being a new mother and vegan and coming from a large meat eating Caribbean family. You need to stay strong and honest with your lifestye choices. I am not 100 percent raw now but when I started my transition, I got stares from other health inspectors when I ate salads and brought nut meat tacos. I love to educated about obesity and health related issues, so eventually since I talk too much, They left me alone. Be able to be you. If you love the benefits, stick with it. Your boss is scared of new things and you have to be willing to share why this is good for you. Be honest, is leaving or causing more strife really the best interest in this economy, even if u live up north..lol.. Have lunch with them, socalize more but eat your food. You dont have to eat their foods in order to have fun, nor do u have to give explanations all the time of why u eat this way. Good luck.

[Reesh]

That's tough Veronica. When I was fully raw in February, people at work were supportive to my face at the very least. They were interested in my reasoning and how it was all going. I think part of the reason they were more accepting is because I always seemed to be eating something. It was raw and fresh and healthy, but I always had a full lunch tray with a banana, two apples and a huge salad. It probably helped with appearances. I'm sorry that they're not being more receptive toward changes that are important to you. Good luck!

[*RayRay*]

here are some inspiring words from Natalia Rose (who wrote Raw Food: Life Force Energy...a book I highly reccommend!) I hope this can help inspire you in a small way to keep going toward what you know to be the truth!

"Keep your sights set on the mountain peak and you will get there. Don’t look down. The truth will set you free, but you must be courageous and dedicated enough to follow that truth all the way to the top—and let me tell you, it’s mighty fine up here!"

In loving service,
Natalia