View Full Version : Letting go
03-20-2009, 08:26 PM
Well all of you. Thinking these days about letting go.Seems just when I think about all I have let go of, then comes another round. It usually feels hard,then in hindsight, I see the reason and how it all worked for the best.
Current task, letting go of my daughter. She is a grown woman. My job is done. I have sacrificed my life, yes thats what I said, sacrificed my life and my happiness to live near her. All I would be doing and loving were I not tied to this chaotic(and ugly,to me) city.(well I wasnt tied I just didnt know I was free...hahahha)
So,my recent fallout(we had a couple recently) with her, was different this time. I saw no way to remedy what this was. Nor did I want to. I loved being me without her. It felt so freeing. Then the thoughts started coming about WHY I live here..only because my kids do. Not because I want to,or I like it here, or anything. Its been the opposite.Living in a place I dislike greatly. Merely existing. Hoping for a chance to hang out with her.
This week also led me to get a health check and revealed some imbalances . So its became even deeper for me as I realized,not only have I compromised my happiness but, even though I eat rawfood of the highest quality, my health is also extremely compromised. The stress of this city and all it takes out of me to do THIS.
It feels so much easier to just let go. Simply let go.
This is only one thing I am letting go of.More about that later I suppose.
What have you let go of?
How did it feel while letting go?
And what did you see afterwards about it?
03-21-2009, 01:59 AM
Let GO and Let GOD.......
03-21-2009, 05:48 AM
Oh for sure....theres no other way.....far better job than I can do.Thankx for your reply.
03-21-2009, 05:55 AM
i am working on letting go of disordered eating (thanks in part to raw food). also, i'm taking large steps toward letting go of caring what other people think of me. personally, i think maybe you were once so attached to the role of "mother" that it's incredibly difficult to let it fall away a bit now. however, rememeber that we are not the roles we play or the "things" we say we are...we are the self inside, the soul. good luck and god bless! :)
04-01-2009, 06:47 PM
czpinky,thank you..yes thats true. Letting go of the mother role. Today I heard my daughter has a "crunchy" knee and I felt pity for her and wanted to make it better. I guess its in deep huh?
I will let go.Otherwise its too painful.
"If you love it set it free...if its yours, it will comeback to you,if it does not it never was."
04-19-2009, 02:16 AM
I can relate. I have lots to let go of but I don't want to get too into that right now. Even the realization feels good, though, doesn't it?
07-10-2009, 10:30 PM
I understand from the other side. I had to go no-contact w/my M & her H 8-08. It's been 40 yrs of emotional struggles of my life. I think about how my may be if I didn't let her fears & control control me. I looked to her for so much bc she was my M yet when I bring things up, she denies it.
It was hard for 6mo. Now a yr later, I feel like a huge wt lifted. It saddens me bc live 20 minutes from each other. I feel better, less stress/criticism/negativity & vial comments about others. I loathed being around them. It was such a downer. I honestlly don't know if I can have a relationship with them again bc our life is better now. It gets easier with time bc the emotions of not being together starts to show how it really is. We can't help our parent or child is yet we don't have to let them treat us bc they are family. People think it's ok to treat familly bad bc they're always suppose to be there. Everyone should be treated how they want to be.
07-17-2009, 08:13 PM
Any of you who are saying that your family members are difficult to deal with......maybe you should apologize for your part in the whole thing. yes, I said YOUR part. If you think your family member is controlling, guess what, YOU are the one who is controlling. If they are negative and hard to be around, well they probably feel that way about you! Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes harsh reality is the only thing that can help us let go of the past. IMO, having no contact is not truly letting go of the issue. The issue is not that you hate your daughter/mom/dad/etc... It is your experience when you are with this person. And who has control over your experience...? you and only you. if this was me, i would call this person, apologize, and ask them to tell me everything they have been trying to tell me for years that I haven't been listening to. then sit quietly and listen, don't get defensive. Thank them for their honesty and acknowledge something you admire about them. Then tell them what type of relationship you are committed to having from this point on. THAT is truly letting go of the past!!! I think you will get a huge weight lifted from your shoulders, and will probably be amazed by what the other person has to say.... and sorry if this is unsolicited advice, but it just struck something in me and I had to put in my 2 cents. I have truly good intentions; I just want people to be creating more love and peace in the world and this starts with each of our personal experiences!
07-26-2009, 05:36 AM
I logged on today with the thougt that I'm sure you guys might understand how I'm feeling. I read this post and knew straight away as ever I was in the right place.
My sister has always put on me when it suited and my nature is to help so I always did that. She only wants me in her life when it suits also. She visits when she's bored or wants to borrow things. Or last week when her youngest son was bored at home and had chickenpox and had no one to play with. As my boys have had chicken pox they came here. This week they are no where to be seen. She doesn't like us to visit as I think she thinks my boys make too much mess. We always tidy up before we go and as they are under 5years mess is somewhat understandable. Also as I 've always had my suspicions that she avoids my phone calls now I know for sure. I called mid week when I would not normally call and the youngest answered, as he passed the phone to his mum I heard him say'' sorry mum I didn't realise it was Aunty Lisa before I picked up the phone'' !! I made a comment that '' did he not want to speak'' but she just mumbled and tried to ignore it.
I know I should Let it go and whilst it's only confirmed what I already thought It's still hard to take. She's the only family left, mum died 4 years ago and she always said '' To look after each other because when I'm gone there is no one else''
My husband thinks she's jealous of my life, although there is nothing to be especially jealous of.
I'd like to Let Go but it's not my nature to do so . I've always lived with the thought that I accept it or tell her what I feel and then she'll make sure I 'll never see her again.
Why do we accept such bad behaviour from family when we wouldn't accept it from any one else?:confused:
07-26-2009, 08:33 AM
Family is family. We want and are naturally drawn to family. Espcially if theres only a lil family. I have ten siblngs so get to pick.
Hmmmmmm. Letting go in this sitch??? When you change the way you see thngs, the things you see change.
If you ONLY see sister as a taker, that is ALL she can show up to you as. You get what you put out....in that your energy says she is a taker and she responds accordingly.
We can only change ourselves. Full time job(if you want to change).
Open communication in honesty and integrity is powerful. Telling the loved one how much you love them and enjoy thier friendship and then perhaps definng what you would like bewteen you.
Focusng on neg and how she takes will create more of that. Be the love, be the change you wish to see and it will happen.
Sibling stuff is a challenge sometimes yet the reason we pursue it and it is so worth it is because we value them so much. It is very important to most.
Let it be as it is. Let it go if you can,otherwise address what you would like to have with her. Talking in kindness and love, withoutmakingher wrong, is so very very helpful and usually produces a beterment of the sitch.
I hope this helped you....lv to you.
08-18-2009, 08:09 PM
When all someone does is take from you, make you feel bad about yourself & you leave in tears all of the time from hateful words, being told you can't find your way out of paper bag, you're a bull in a china shop, you need to stay with an abuser bc your fat/ugly/old at 35 & no one would want you then deny they ever said it. You never give of yourself enough & they are never happy unless you are miserable....yes, it's ok to leave these people & remove them from your life. If I had not left my family I would've been admitted which is what they wanted so they could have my daughter. No, I'm not imagining this. It's ok to leave an abusive spouse or friend but not a family who abuses, molest, plays mental games with you. yes, it is. Most people in counseling are dealing with family issues bc they feel they can't leave them bc they're family & it would look bad. they spend so much time trying to be accepted & treated well but it rarely happens. They're in counseling & the abusers are still doing it. There's always one or two people in the families that everyone speaks their mind to yet these people are always suppose to take it bc they've always been made to. Family should never treat you like that. Was I negative or like them..yes bc it was easier than trying to lead them to being positive, but then I was a mean person, they never say anything bad anyone. I left them, we are much happier without all their mess in our life..they are sick/miserable/unhappy bc they don't have me to walk over. I am nothing like these people & believe that it's ok to leave your family if it keep you alive. No thanks, I don't want people like that in my life. I'm related every person on this earth & I chose who I want in my life. Apologizing to these people only gives them empowerment & feel they can continue. As long as you let them run over you, they're happy. As soon as you defend yourself..you're a problem. These people can kill the love just like a spouse. I do not love my mother, her husband, my brother or sister. They've killed it. I do not wish anything bad for them, I pray for them daily but that's it. It took me a long to become strong enough to walk away from them. People asked me if I've started medication. No, I'm not around my family anymore. That's sad. Then they say they wish they coculd do that. They can, it doesn't have to be permanent. They've been trained to believe they need their family in their life regardless how bad they treat them.
08-27-2009, 01:11 PM
Sometimes letting go is the smartest and healthiest thing you can do. Once the helper in the relationship, ALWAYS the helper. Respect and relationships are a two-way street. You can forgive and choose to live separate from someone who hurts you. There is no balance in taking abuse from anyone. There is nothing noble in putting up with being disrespected just because someone is your family, either.
And not to sound like a certain bald TV psychologist, but it's so true - we DO teach people how to treat us.
We know our own limits and we must listen to them. (((((hugs to all)))))
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