Other people's negative energy

[contessa20]

How do you personally deal with the persistent negativity of other people?

I know that we ALL have to deal with the negative nelly's in life and I know that we can do nothing to change the other person. However, I'm wondering how you personally cope when the person you're with more than anyone else is chronically negative, pessimistic, depressed and unhappy. I tend to discern and absorb other people's energies and moods very easily and this is really having a negative effect on me because my husband is, quite possibly, the most chronically negative, pessimistic, depressed and unhappy person you will ever meet.

Any suggestions on how to cope?

[Stephie]

I'm afraid that I don't have much advice on the subject, but please know that you are not alone! I deal with this on a daily basis and let it affect me all too often as well. Some days are better than others because my positive energy is off the charts and it is contagious. I look forward to the wisdom of others in reply!!

[EternityRider]

Here's what happened to me. One of the managers where I work is one of the most unpleasant people I ever met, from another nationality, not the least bit personable, tunes me out within 5 seconds whenever I try to talk to him (and yet freely smiles and converses with those of his own nationality), acts like he hates and detests me, has a dark, shadowy demeanor... unable to show praise/appreciation/affirmation in the least bit, no matter how well I do or get things accomplished. He could not receive praise from me either. The guy acts like he was raised by a father who beat him all his life. Who knows?

After months of this, and lying awake thinking about it, I finally realized that i was supposed to be praying for him. So I did. I even prayed with my wife for him, willing him good, willing him the best, instead of thinking about reporting him or doing something to get him dealt with.

I looked for the change, the result of my prayers. Nothing really visible manifested.
But something very real happened..

I was changed.

I now carry within me a small glow, a spirit of light, mercy and hope toward him. I carry a candle of inner peace. :)

And I think I ought to keep on praying...

[freshlight]

ER, that's beautiful. It's the only thing that helps me too.

Praying, meditating, sending love out into the universe......you could also try to focus on all the GOOD things your hubby has to offer,-I'm sure there are plenty of them.
Good luck&take care, Eva

[HolyGuacamole]

I love that, ER. :)

[michigan roman]

ide say the truth , as in dh i luv ya but your grouchy as heck and it corrodes away at my energy . its like we all are flames trying to burn our brightest and you can be a rain storm at times . so i ask in these difficult times that you speak much less , and live by the mode of dont speak unless youve something good to say , because your grumpy expressions are very bad for me . and i surely know of all your opinions and your outlook already so im totally informed and dont need to waste anymore of our time in ' problem enlightenment mode ' :p , but lets rather spend time basking each other with positive energy . and its not very classy to cry on peoples shoulders , learn to hold it in then take it out on inantimate objects like swinging a sledge hammer into logs .

plus if hubby doesnt exercise ide suggest sokething like running / heavy punching bag / swimming / etc to take out frustrations . ive always thought itd be good to have sound proof booths where people could get in and yell as loud they could for like 5 / 10 minutes to get out stress . i think they had them back in 70's a few places but people kinda laughed at the idea . but i say it would help if today we had them .

not saying im smart here , just throwing out my angle in case any ideas help .

[Colorawdo girl]

Hi...I dont know.I have seen peoples whole relationships change as they progress to a raw life.There interests change,what they want change....and sometimes the peeps we want to be around change too.Or we have a choice...to accept them exactly as they are and exactly as they are not...its what everyone wants.
If you can do that,more power to you.Neg is hard to be around and you can do it,not let if affect you buts its a huge job.Best

[Jenifae]

My Husband is the Eternal Optimist and I tend to struggle and have to work at Positivity probably because, I was raised in that so, it's more of a tendency then not. I want to be a happy person so, I work on it. Hubby and I communicate. When I"m getting crabby or irritable, he tells me. Usually, I know it and tell him first that I'm struggling and I'm sorry and am working on keeping myself reeled in more that day or moment or whatever.

I would suggest talking about it and getting into the solution. For me I too need to workout, pray, and stay connected to stay healthy emotionally.

Good luck!

[contessa20]

Thanks so much guys.

Just to clarify, I definitely do speak up and tell him when he's being overly-grumpy though it rarely goes over well. Even when he's not vocalizing his anger though I can still feel the negativity rolling off of him in sheets. It happens with other people too but rarely ever as strong as with him. Truly, this man would give Eeyore a run for his money.

Ever since I was little I've had a touch of psychic ability (I hate using that terminology but I'm not sure what else to call it) and I believe that my extreme ability to feel and absorb emotions is part of that. The trick is figuring out how to properly channel and use it. That part, I know, is definitely something I have to deal with on my own though and is no fault of his.

I've tried so hard to get him to eat better and exercise, even offering to walk with him after work or whatever would help but he just won't. I think that would help him hugely but he tends to follow the "there's a pill for everything" school of thought instead. My belief is that a lot of his physical ailments are manifestations of his anger which then degenerates into a vicious cycle. Even a small amount of exercising would alleviate some of that anger and subsequently the physical problems.

I love the screaming booth idea, M.R.; that would be awesome. :D

I guess the bottom line is that I need to focus on myself with meditation/yoga/good food etc. whilst praying for him. Actually, I'm going to challenge myself to say a quick prayer for him each time I start feeling the negativity vibe.

[RawKnitster]

I have the same issue with my husband. It is nothing new, that's the way he has always been, but my being raw makes it wear on me more than it used to. There are lots of little ways I deal with it, humor, changing the subject, leaving the room for a few minutes, but confronting him is not one of them. That's who he is and I have to respect that just as he respects who I am. If the negativity was directed towards me or our daughter I would certainly object and tell him to knock it off.

There is some great advice on this thread. I like the conclusion that you have come to. I recite a prayer that helps me cope with negativity in him and others. It is from St. Francis of Assisi. I found it in a book by Eknath Easwaran titled "Your Life Is Your Message - Finding Harmony with Yourself, Others & the Earth". It's my mantra. Saying it anytime brings me peace.

Lord, Make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

[RawHeaven]

Where I can I try to not pump the negativity, but rather shine some light on it to diffuse it. And worst case I walk away and don't even respond.

For example, it's raining right now and many people will launch into the negativity of the weather. I don't buy into it, I say "what a wonderful thing it is that we are receiving water since we're having a drought....and everything is getting shiny and clean. I love it that it's raining." They will either launch into another negative conversation, lol, or we will talk about something else.

I don't feed the negativity monster. Most people bond on negative energy. Myself included at times until I catch myself.

Try not to focus so much on the negativity in others, but where it lies within yourself and where you're attracting it to yourself. We are eletromagnetic currents. Clear the current, clear the negative energy wave and subsequently you will no longer attract it and those "negative people".

Start within - we are always mirroring one another. You're looking at yourself. Hard to digest at times...easier to see negative things and what we don't like in other people. But if you can see it, you're dealing with it too. Boom...I don't like to hear that either. LOL.

I agree meditation helps tremendously.

Much peace to you.

[Jenifae]

Thanks so much guys.

Just to clarify, I definitely do speak up and tell him when he's being overly-grumpy though it rarely goes over well. Even when he's not vocalizing his anger though I can still feel the negativity rolling off of him in sheets. It happens with other people too but rarely ever as strong as with him. Truly, this man would give Eeyore a run for his money.

Ever since I was little I've had a touch of psychic ability (I hate using that terminology but I'm not sure what else to call it) and I believe that my extreme ability to feel and absorb emotions is part of that. The trick is figuring out how to properly channel and use it. That part, I know, is definitely something I have to deal with on my own though and is no fault of his.



When I read your first line I thought.......she's a Sponge! I too am Psychic and have been that way my entire life and used to think it was a curse. I've learned how to shield protect myself in Divine Light in order to not absorb other peoples stuff.

What I do is Visualize a Beam (like a laser beam) of Divine White Light coming from Source and it enters through my crown chakra and down my chakra system lighting up every Muscle, Bone, Cell, and Organ in my body and Uliminating out and Encapsulating around me in an Egg of Divine Light - reminding myself that any and all negativity bounces off my bubble/Egg.

Hope that helps along with your othr choices which are Great! :)

Sending you Love and Light!
Jen

PS: I LOVE That Prayer Knitster! :)

[Revvell]

I've tried so hard to get him to eat better and exercise, even offering to walk with him after work or whatever would help but he just won't.

My husband and I get along so well because I leave him to his otherness. He doesn't eat raw, doesn't exercise.. he's an adult so, here goes:

"Leave others to their otherness and take care of yourself."

The other thing is, it sounds as though you are dissatisfied with him. Suggestion: Find at least 10 things a day he does right that you can compliment him on. You can't change him but you can change your perception of him which may cause him to want to do more to please you... then again.. maybe not.

Revvell (http://LetsTalkRaw.com)

[Aleesha Sattva]

my hubby is very negative as well. i just ignore it. i find that giving energy to his positiveness and ignoring the negative has, over time, made him much less negative.

i love the responses you received... all good advice. ;)

[Jenifae]

Suggestion: Find at least 10 things a day he does right that you can compliment him on. You can't change him but you can change your perception of him.
Revvell (http://LetsTalkRaw.com)

My Hubby and I consciously give us other compliments and practice telling each other what we like/love about each other. Sometimes we forgetthough. Thanks for the reminder. It creates a positive atmosphere.
Along with Aleesha's just ignore the negative. ;)

[michigan roman]

well contessa since seeing you say your psychic and can sense negative thoughts even if your hubby isnt expressing them ive gone over to your dh's side :D , poor guy doesnt have a chance here :D

and to me a man and women are way different creatures , men because in most cases are physically stronger its there job to guard / fight / defend and be on the lookout for trouble . and to face the trouble if must youve got to have your adrenalin up , your temper stoked so you wade into the conflict as highly energized as possible . and to me theres been a giant mess of manipulation and politics going on in this country for over a decade by the ruling class pushing everyone around into what they want them to be that i live in a livid state , because its my job as a man to stand against the idiots of the ruling class and shut them up and present everyone elses opinion and debate on it and vote on how the country is ran as opposed to being dictated to by a small group of moralless washed up vicious lying punks . its a very frustrating condition weve been put into by government so i can see why your dh is grumpy . where as a women whoms physically different is gonna assume a different state of mind in most cases .

all the globalization / new world order / global village garbage thats been crammed down our minds by the tv / government this past decade has caused stress / havoc in most of our lives to the max , and believe me theres a whole bunch of men in this country in a bad mood not just your dh .

though i dont know if this is why your dh is grumpy , but maybe it is so i brought it up .

[HolyGuacamole]

When I read your first line I thought.......she's a Sponge!

OMGosh, that really struck a chord with me.
I have never considered myself "psychic" in the least but I am highly, painfully empathic and take on the energy and feelings of everyone around me, and have since I was a child. It's crippling at times, actually. I am not very good at controlling it. I have tried visualizations such as you mentioned, Jenifae, to no avail.

Thanks for posting this thread, Contessa - you have sharpened my awareness of this issue and I will try to be more conscious of how I process these feelings.

[iMax]

...my husband is, quite possibly, the most chronically negative, pessimistic, depressed and unhappy person you will ever meet.

Any suggestions on how to cope?


Umm...let me guess, is your husband under libra sign?

[contessa20]

Umm...let me guess, is your husband under libra sign?

Nope, he's a Gemini and I'm an Aries.

[contessa20]

well contessa since seeing you say your psychic and can sense negative thoughts even if your hubby isnt expressing them ive gone over to your dh's side :D , poor guy doesnt have a chance here :D

Ha ha... that's why I said that it's no fault of his when I feel his unspoken thoughts. It's only the verbalized grumpiness that I get upset about.



all the globalization / new world order / global village garbage thats been crammed down our minds by the tv / government this past decade has caused stress / havoc in most of our lives to the max , and believe me theres a whole bunch of men in this country in a bad mood not just your dh .

though i dont know if this is why your dh is grumpy , but maybe it is so i brought it up .

Well, I definitely agree that this is part of it but (a) it in no way excuses a person from the way the choose to treat others and (b) he has been this way since LONG before all of this.

[contessa20]

My husband and I get along so well because I leave him to his otherness. He doesn't eat raw, doesn't exercise.. he's an adult so, here goes:

"Leave others to their otherness and take care of yourself."

I completely 100% agree with you there. I think maybe I didn't explain well enough; sorry. I don't try to push "my way" on him to make him be more like me. He continuously expresses a desire to exercise and eat better. I try to encourage him the best way I know how because he says that's what he wants.




The other thing is, it sounds as though you are dissatisfied with him.

You're right, I am very dissatisfied with him, not because he's not more like me but because his doom and gloom personality is draining, exhausting and oftentimes borders on emotional abusiveness.




Suggestion: Find at least 10 things a day he does right that you can compliment him on. You can't change him but you can change your perception of him which may cause him to want to do more to please you... then again.. maybe not.


That is a very good and wise idea. I will definitely try that. I think I'll even journal it for something to look back on when the days seem especially difficult. Thanks.

[contessa20]

I have the same issue with my husband. It is nothing new, that's the way he has always been, but my being raw makes it wear on me more than it used to. There are lots of little ways I deal with it, humor, changing the subject, leaving the room for a few minutes, but confronting him is not one of them. That's who he is and I have to respect that just as he respects who I am. If the negativity was directed towards me or our daughter I would certainly object and tell him to knock it off.

There is some great advice on this thread. I like the conclusion that you have come to. I recite a prayer that helps me cope with negativity in him and others. It is from St. Francis of Assisi. I found it in a book by Eknath Easwaran titled "Your Life Is Your Message - Finding Harmony with Yourself, Others & the Earth". It's my mantra. Saying it anytime brings me peace.

Lord, Make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love,
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

That is beautiful, Knitster; thank you.

[contessa20]

Where I can I try to not pump the negativity, but rather shine some light on it to diffuse it. And worst case I walk away and don't even respond.

For example, it's raining right now and many people will launch into the negativity of the weather. I don't buy into it, I say "what a wonderful thing it is that we are receiving water since we're having a drought....and everything is getting shiny and clean. I love it that it's raining." They will either launch into another negative conversation, lol, or we will talk about something else.

I don't feed the negativity monster. Most people bond on negative energy. Myself included at times until I catch myself.

Try not to focus so much on the negativity in others, but where it lies within yourself and where you're attracting it to yourself. We are eletromagnetic currents. Clear the current, clear the negative energy wave and subsequently you will no longer attract it and those "negative people".

Start within - we are always mirroring one another. You're looking at yourself. Hard to digest at times...easier to see negative things and what we don't like in other people. But if you can see it, you're dealing with it too. Boom...I don't like to hear that either. LOL.

I agree meditation helps tremendously.

Much peace to you.

Ouch... you stepped on my toes. :D
You're right though. I do need to focus more on changing myself.

I can so relate to your illustration about the weather, by the way. I'm so, SO like you. I see the positive in all types of weather and it drives me batty when all others can do is complain about it.

[Zaphirah]

Ah yes. A sponge. I have always been that way. The longer I am raw the stronger my immunity. :p

[Jenifae]

OMGosh, that really struck a chord with me.
I have never considered myself "psychic" in the least but I am highly, painfully empathic and take on the energy and feelings of everyone around me, and have since I was a child. It's crippling at times, actually. I am not very good at controlling it. I have tried visualizations such as you mentioned, Jenifae, to no avail.

Thanks for posting this thread, Contessa - you have sharpened my awareness of this issue and I will try to be more conscious of how I process these feelings.

We are all "Intuitive" to one degree or another. It's the 6th Chakra, 6th Sense, 3rd Eye....etc. We all recieve information-energy differently, too. For those of us whom are very FEELING oriented we can be like sponges an absorb others energy, sense and feel plants, very connected to energy. This is Kinesthetic. Others are more Auditory or Visionary. What ever our most hightened sense is usually where we recieve information and/or energy. It's all energy - vibrational & harmonic.

You can shield yourself a bit by remembering we all have an Aura and you just see and/or know your has a protective "White Light" shield encapsulating it. Just as Abraham-Hicks would say "Know it is true and it is." Do this until you know that it is true because, you finally feel it. It's there wheter you pay attention to it or not. Just put your Attention to it!

Many Blessings and Wishing you Strength! :)

[HolyGuacamole]

We are all "Intuitive" to one degree or another. It's the 6th Chakra, 6th Sense, 3rd Eye....etc. We all recieve information-energy differently, too. For those of us whom are very FEELING oriented we can be like sponges an absorb others energy, sense and feel plants, very connected to energy. This is Kinesthetic. Others are more Auditory or Visionary. What ever our most hightened sense is usually where we recieve information and/or energy. It's all energy - vibrational & harmonic.

You can shield yourself a bit by remembering we all have an Aura and you just see and/or know your has a protective "White Light" shield encapsulating it. Just as Abraham-Hicks would say "Know it is true and it is." Do this until you know that it is true because, you finally feel it. It's there wheter you pay attention to it or not. Just put your Attention to it!

Many Blessings and Wishing you Strength! :)

Thank you, Jenifae! :)

[adiebabe]

There's been a lot said so I'll keep it short and sweet :p

I did an all-day (yoga) intensive with Seane Corn in Toronto a couple years back...she talked about this in this way;

A lot of it is in how you choose to perceive the situation. Whether it's a love relationship or something else, ultimately, you have brought that person into your life...it is for you to understand why (what lesson is it you need to learn from the experience?) and often, they reflect something in ourselves that we must deal with to overcome. She referred to it as 'my disfunction is your disfunction' (then she said, "come to mamma, pappa!" LOL!) and said to be thankfull that that person has come into your life and to accept the 'lesson' and grow from it.