Emotional abuse

[freshlight]

Has any of you beautiful people been through this in their childhood?

And if yes: how did you manage to heal yourself? Is it possible or will it always be there and hurt you all the time? What would you recommend? What helped YOU best?

Do you know any good books on the subject?

Thanks a lot.

Take care, Eva

[Aleesha Sattva]

of course you can heal... you can heal anything with time, love, support and understanding.

journalling is a great way to start creating (and noticing) change in your life. go to your nearest library or bookstore and pick up some self-help books.

and i'm a huge fan of therapy. amazing how much healing you can get with some well-guided therapy.

of course, there's always EFT as well (emotional freedom technique) i just reviewed this dvd "Try It On Everything
The Revolution Starts Within" for the mag. it'll be online in a few weeks... but here's a link in the meantime to the dvd: http://www.tryitoneverything.com/

[Revvell]

I've been through emotional and physical abuse. Work with the right therapist can make all the difference. "Healing" is a process... you don't just "get over it"... although there are some parts at some times, one can "get over it"..

Yep! It's work, takes awareness, desire, recognition and consistent persistence.

Books can only take you so far. I've got a lot of them along with interviews of the therapists on Celebrating Your Potential (http://CelebratingYourPotential.com). Most therapists can only take you so far. Find one who's done his or her own healing work and continues to do so.

Revvell (http://LetsTalkRaw.com)

[mtraezme]

I never did any therapy, but I realized recently that I'm not holding onto the hurt any more. I think the things that helped me most were: getting out of the situation; acknowledging that it happened and that it will always be with me; finding positive hobbies like exercise; spending time with people who care about me; changing my first name; and getting a dog.


For me, the unquestioning love from animals really helped me both recieve and give love. The love from the dog my parents got also helped my dad to stop drinking and to be a lot less volatile.

[bluebellgirl]

i was severely abused on all levels and i'm still trying to heal.. i have cptsd
and am on meds and in therapy still at age 37! but coming off meds slowly..

i'll get back to you on the book front.. i have some good ones, mostly about sexual abuse but i have some good ones about emotional healing too.

hugs bluebell x

[cherry.chops]

when i got physically abused i never went to therapy. its been a few years, but ive let go. so for me...time is the best healer

[spicyfull]

You have been given such great advice. I wish you All My Best as you continue your Healing.

[contessa20]

I was emotionally, physically and sexually abused during various points in my childhood.

The way I have always looked at it is that these are things that happened to me. I had no control over them. What I do have control over is how I allow them to affect my current state of being. I have chosen to only allow my past experiences to positively affect me instead of negatively. Also, the simple acknowledgement that, no matter what I went through there are many others who have gone through far worse. That's not to say that my experiences are invalid simply because they "could have been worse" but just that recognition seems to go a long way, or at least it did for me.

I would definitely agree with Aleesha though on the journaling. It is very therapeautic.

Love and hugs to you.

[freshlight]

You have been given such great advice.
indeed! and I am very grateful for that.


I wish you All My Best as you continue your Healing.

Thank you so much!

[freshlight]

of course you can heal... you can heal anything with time, love, support and understanding.

journalling is a great way to start creating (and noticing) change in your life. go to your nearest library or bookstore and pick up some self-help books.

and i'm a huge fan of therapy. amazing how much healing you can get with some well-guided therapy.
Thank you so much, Aleesha! I have been trying to find a good therapist for a long time now.....the last one I went to was a disaster. But I'll keep trying of course.

[freshlight]

It's amazing to see how many of you did actually go through HELL! I feel very sad about it....how wonderful that you managed to get out of there.
My raw memory started torturing me: I started remembering things I long ago forgot about and do have lots of nightmares now :(
I thought I'm alright because I've been doing all the "forgiving and looking at things positively" but my subconsious mind is not yet keeping up with all this.
Have any of you got children? How do you manage not to pass on the pain? I know it's possible but it's not easy........

The journaling is great and I've been doing it since years..but the pain seems to be growing instead of disappearing.
I feel so lost at the moment! Lots of things seem to go wrong....or I don't recognise the rightness of it all.

Thank you for all your caring words. I do appreciate them a lot and send lots of love your way.

Hugs from Eva

[Revvell]

It's amazing to see how many of you did actually go through HELL! I feel very sad about it....

I don't. It's what made me who I am today. It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... w/out the wind, there is no wheat; without the struggles, there is no strength.

It was courageous of you to bring up this topic.

Revvell (http://LetsTalkRaw.com)

[contessa20]

(((EVA)))
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. If you ever want to talk I'd be happy to lend an ear.

I do have one child -- a 9 yr. old son. He knows nothing about the things that I went through as a child. Right now I feel that he's too young to bear that burden. He hasn't put the pieces of the puzzle together either as far as why he's never met a good portion of my family. It's just always been that way for him and he knows no different.

While I'm a very protective mother, I've been careful not to be one of those mom's who makes him think there's a child molester in every home and on every street corner. I want him to have a joyful and relatively carefree childhood. He's a worrier by nature anyway so I don't want to burden him with my own issues. That goal alone is usually enough to keep me in check.

I do continually need to keep my temper and frustration in check. Being raw helps to mellow out my moods but it's still something I struggle with. Personally though, I don't believe it has anything to do with what happened to me as a child. A therapist may have a different take on that but I choose to take responsibility for my behavior no matter where it came from and as such I have a choice to either lash out in frustration or react calmly. Like with anything else in life, sometimes I make wrong choices but then no one is perfect. Take responsibility, apologize, ask forgiveness, move on and make better choices next time.

Love and hugs to you.

[freshlight]

I don't. It's what made me who I am today. It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... w/out the wind, there is no wheat; without the struggles, there is no strength.

I KNEW you would say that :) You are great!


It was courageous of you to bring up this topic.

Revvell (http://LetsTalkRaw.com)

Oh, thanks! It wasn't easy but I LOVE listenning to your opinions. This place is full of LOVE.

Thank you!

[freshlight]

Hey Cris,

you sound like an amazingly wise person! Thank you so much for taking the time to write.
I'm happy you take such a good care of your little darling. Our children deserve the best and being a perfectionist is not an easy thing to deal with, haha :D (I'm talkin about myself ;) )

I hope to be able to get out of this darkness asap.
You are so strong! This gives me hope......

THANK YOU.

Hugs from Eva

[shine72]

Has any of you beautiful people been through this in their childhood?

And if yes: how did you manage to heal yourself? Is it possible or will it always be there and hurt you all the time? What would you recommend? What helped YOU best?

Do you know any good books on the subject?

Thanks a lot.

Take care, Eva


I didn't get to read through the replies, but I can tell you the thing that helped me the most. I had a couple of very wise women tell me some things. One of which was that while I can't change the past, the part that was still feeling wounded in me was the child. As I child, I couldn't heal the child, but now, & especially as a mother who knows how to love, nourish, and protect her children, I could now love, nourish, and heal the child part in me that had been so wounded. It was hard at first, showing myself the same love I selflessly gave to others. What I could give to others w/o thinking, I had to consciously concentrate on giving to myself. And yes, it took time, but taking the steps to nourish and love myself worked and paid off in quite unexpected dividends.

I know this rambled a bit, but I hope it can help you is some small way. :)

[Stina]

Meditation has brought healing grace to my life.

[freshlight]

taking the steps to nourish and love myself worked and paid off in quite unexpected dividends.

it sounds beautiful, thank you! It does make sense to me: you should always take good care of yourself in order to be able to give out LOVE freely.
I'm happy it worked for you :)

[freshlight]

Meditation has brought healing grace to my life.


any particular kind? Light meditation?

[Jenifae]

Louis Hay "You can Heal Yourself" and "The Courage to Heal" are great books. They saved me along with a loving Female Therapist who actually had me do work not just talk through it. I feel it's so so Important to take care of ourselves in this manner in order to function and live somewhat normal lives. I had DD and got triggered alot in the beginning. It started to slowly fade as I healed and gained Understanding and Forgiveness. But, I had to let the little girl get mad first. Like I said a professional is the best way to do this...............My therapist was a Metaphysical, Young, loving Woman who saved my emotional life. It is however a life long pursuit that I have chosen in this life.

Many Blessings for your HEALING!

[freshlight]

yes, I know her books,-she is really amazing! Thanks for the good wishes.

LOVE&LIGHT

from

Eva

[*RayRay*]

good books about letting go of the past are Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth" and "The Power of Now".....

[Conscious Midwife]

http://i11.ebayimg.com/02/c/03/ea/09/2e_7.JPG
http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/1c/eb/b616225b9da0645066314110.L._AA240_.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/0911207023/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_images_0?ie=UTF8&index=0)

these two are my favorite for emotional healing

[Conscious Midwife]

http://www.longhealingprayer.com/

listening to this song as a part of meditation and quiet time has also allowed for some good interpersonal work i the past

[Colorawdo girl]

Eva, I honor you for speaking your concerns. I love the growth and stretching of raw life as much, if not more than I love the food. We are whole people and take into account every aspect of life, not just food.

If you find the person you connect with to assist you on this road, it will be the best thing you have ever done. They can move mountains inside of you and bring such clarity and understanding to it all.

I love all my life has consisted of. The good and the not so good. It is eye opening when you see all of us that were abused and misused. Who would I be without all that having occurred?

I love myself exactly as I am and all it brought me to as a person.All my experiences shaped me and formed me and made me ME!!!

I would not trade out one single section of my life for anything else. When I got that piece,that was profound for me. You will come to the place in healing where you honor your past. Once you look it square in the face and see the beauty in that struggle to get free(much like the caterpillar who thought it was the end of the world, then became a beautiful butterfly...honoring that struggle for it was the way to the beauty part) you will see Eva. You will see.

Children. We do the best we know how Eva and when we know better, we do better. Please do not beat yourself up over your children. You, my dear, have the one key ingredient that is needed above all else. That is love.

And I didnt "pass this on" to them because I did not abuse them in any way. I simply loved them. They are amazing adults today. I think, what they do know about my life, only makes them( in more grown up times now) really appreciate all I am today with all that has gone before. They will see more as they have children too.

Eva, you are so wonderful. If I could give you a gift right now, it would be the gift of seeing yourself as we all do. The beautiful person that you are, all you have to offer, all you are to your children and friends(I am sure) and all you are becoming.

I wish you the best of everything on your way to wholeness. Funny that you already there,you just don't see it yet!!! But you will.

We are here for you as you can see. We love you and a big bear hug for you sweet. It will be okay.

Books I love that helped me:

The Bible first.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff series is good(one is What about the big stuff?)

Sark has alot of healing ideas and inspiration. I like most of her stuff.Not all. (I met her at a book signing ("Transformation Soup")and had shared my experience of her books lifting my art life off the ground!!!) She created a catharsis in me.

Goodnight Moon is a good one(to nurture that little hurt child inside).

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay...I love how she shows the mind body connection. What might be going on emotionally to allow the physical ailment.

Soul Gardening by Thomas Moore I love how he honors the empty spaces(woweeee).

Finding Your Way Home by Melody Beattie .
I read this one so many times at so many points in my life and it always applied. I see this helping you as she has child challenge too. Hers died but it all applies. Loss is loss. She helps one to go on.

I know my post is long but here goes my fave inspiration. I learn alot from people who wrote at the end of their life. That is where wisdom is. This woman was dying. Here is her poem. Its on my wall. I live by this.



IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles,
but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live
sensibly and sanely hour after hour,
day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments,
And if I had it to do over again,
I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat
and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair,
85 years old.

Eva, the lighter we get.the better it goes. Sweet one,you are loved, you are safe, you have enough, you are enough, you ARE! Happy daisy picking and merry go round riding..Lv,Bette

[papiyonmov]

Eva: there's a book that's been tremendously helpful for me, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control (there's a volume 1 and 2--I'd start with the 1st one). http://www.beyondconsequences.com/ It was written for parents of kids with difficult to severe behaviors but actually much of it is about healing ourselves from our own triggers/trauma/state-level memories. You learn a lot about understanding where all behaviors come from, in everyone (not just kids), and how to address our own feelings/reactions so we can in turn respond to others, not just react. A healthy loving way to live with and work through our issues so we are no longer controlled by them. Which then in turn creates MUCH MUCH more loving relationships around us, including definitely w/our children. Pretty amazing and has been life-changing and fits perfectly w/raw -- in fact, that's where I learned about raw, from the author, Heather Forbes! The co-author, Dr Bryan Post also has wonderful material and is the one developed The Stress Model, explaining behaviors, he's at http://www.postinstitute.com and can download a free book of his call For All Things a Season. I can't describe in a quick paragraph how life-changing it was to pick up that first book, which led down such an amazing road. You might want to check out the Beyond Cons institute to see what free stuff she has there: documents, etc.
Oh, I gotta go, hope that helped!

[RawkinOnSunshine]

I believe that the hurt can definitely be healed, with the proper mindset and the right guidance.

I experienced this as a child and well into my teens. Physical abuse existed in my childhood but rarely in my teens, besides one relationship. I did go to therapy after that one experience but I didn't stay long enough to do any good because it became too difficult. I think it's incredible important that if you DO begin to dig up all the repressed memories, thoughts, and emotions, you have to keep on going until you've healed and expelled them as needed. Otherwise it's like detoxing your body, but not following through so that the toxins can be "kicked out". I hope you find something that works for you.

[cara4art]

All compassionate and insightful comments from others here!
It is no accident that stuff about abuse is coming up on the board here, and over on www.goneraw.com discussion board. Since when we go raw and are not self-medicating with SAD foods, anything that was numbed out is right there in front of our faces, rising to be healed, as a wise acupuncturist friend of mine said to me once when I was going through a challenging time. If one has not done serious inner work prior to going raw, it will be shown to one big-time where one's issues lie, because one doesn't have the crutch of the offending SAD foods to fall back on to numb it out. It takes a lot of courage to come forward and share these things too.
I can say this from personal experience, although "time" and reading helpful books can be very good, there comes a time when one really has to do the work of healing this part of the past, and that is best done with a compassionate therapist and/or shamanic energy practitioner. In my own case, in the early 90's I had intensive hypnotherapy which helped enormously within only 6 months(even my therapist was surprised by how quickly I moved along on these issues)and later on, I went through a 3-year period of shamanic energy work to deal with both present AND past-life causes of injuries, etc. One cannot put a price on this kind of work, as the internal payoff is so big. Doing the inner work is THE most important thing, and you will move along a lot quicker in a safe counselling situation - I cannot recommend it highly enough. I know, the financial aspects of doing this are often troublesome and there were times when I was apprehensive about how I was going to continue doing this, and then money would appear, just in time! The Universe at work, really wanting me to continue - LOL!
Wishing all of you who are facing these things the very best of luck in your healing path! Yyes, it is ongoing, even when one comes out of counselling, to continue the behaviors that will lead to radiant health on all levels, of which diet is just one, and personal happiness!

[Stina]

Hey, there's one particular book on meditation that I'd highly recommend. It's the Heartmath Forumula. It's learning to meditation with the heart chakra. I've had the most amazing experiences as a direct result of this particular meditation.

Also, I gotta admit, the most powerful influence in my life has been 12-Step Recovery.

[papiyonmov]

p.s. A therapist friend of mine is very excited about "energy psychology". An example is a company called AIT in northern CA and the psychology is apparently found world-wide. It seems very complimentary to the raw/natural lifestyle. She experienced it herself (as well as learning to practition it) and said it was amazing at healing stored traumas.

[freshlight]

Thanks, everyone! I'll copy all the book titles. Never heard of "energy psyc."..thanks for the suggestion!

[freshlight]

Meditation can work wonders too, that's true. Thanks a lot.

[Colorawdo girl]

Eva, energy work is using the electrical energy already present in our bodies to balance out our mental, emotional and physical stuff.

One has been mentioned here alot .

It is all EFT or emotional freedom technique.
Basically it is literally tapping into the circuitry of the body to free emotional issues.

Here is a link.http://www.eftpractitioner.com.au/index.htm
There is a lot of other sites to teach you how to do it.

Best to you Eva.

[T-Bird]

I have struggled with this as well.

There were times I thought it was over, that I was done with it, only to have it all resurface as renewed anger time and again.

I think it harder when you get older - and there are pieces of your life that were really taken away because you couldn't heal fast enough and you find that other area's of your life were "collateral damage" and then you get too old to ever have that time back and make it "right". Like the abuse in childhood taints your teen years, and then in early adulthood, you are drawn towards bad relationships, and then you're older - and looking back it's never been made right.

I think it helps to understand that those who hurt us were themselves damaged people, even if we don't know the whole story - or even any of the story. And also that we do a good "cosmic" deed by forgiving them. Releasing them from it as well as ourselves.

And of course - we have to break the cycle - and not pass it on ourselves.....

Do you ever really bury the past? I don't know anymore.

[margoss]

I feel I was emtionally abused my all my familly yet they deny it. I've had to seperate myself. When I did that, over time I realized what control was really happening. I'm very different from them & when I defend myself, they say I'm hateful-mean. I'm not, I just don't let them rule me anymore. I'm not them, never have been, never will be. I'm glad. I do not want to be like them. It's very hard to be so different from your family, always the outsider.
I feel that healing begins with forgiveness. It can happen quickly or take yrs. Just whenever the anger starts to creep in, forgive them. It heal you not to hold on to it. They really don't care, it only hurts yourself. I have to forgive them many times. Now, when I think about them, it's not as hard. The memory doesn't go away but the pain they've instilled lessens.
I do not believe that time heals everything. Time allows us to learn to cope to certain situations. The pain & grief never leave, we just learn to deal with it.

[Raw Angel Mom]

There is a say that we choose our family and parent.

If this sparkle inside, you will see clearly that nothing has change with you, you are still whole and the beloved child.

Many have different life purpose, the healer tend to choose the perfect family or experience to receive the perfect training. It is called the university of life. Everything you have learned was never and never will be in vain. It opened your heart to have compassion and caring for others, which lead to true healing, beyond the physical, but the freedom of the soul.

See a nice youtube that explain it well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orxEawi9qro

[freshlight]

Margoss, those are my thoughts ( and my story) exactly! wow.......

Thank ou for your post. I wish I'd meet someone like you in real.......but I'm grateful for meeting you here. Take care, Eva

[freshlight]

Raw Angel Mom: I hope that learning is possible without pain,-otherwise life would be such a horribly sad place. All the best to you, Eva

[iwuvmydoggy]

i have been abused emotionally, physically and sexually... i notice that when people screw with me, bad things always happen to them. so i get my justice. someone that used to torture me at school ended up blowing his brains out... before he did it, he told me that he was sorry.. so i forgave him and i went to his funeral & put a bunch of roses in his casket...

similar fates have come to pretty much everyone that screws with me... they end up losing everything, dying or being plagued by some kind of horrible disease... the last lady that screwed me on a business venture ended up losing her family, her fiancee, her business, her website and all her business got spread all over the internet like wildfire... lol she's now in hiding. XD to top it off, the first person her fiancee ran to for help and guidance was me. LOL i had warned him about her when he told me they started dating.. he called me and told me i was right and he was sorry & that he should have listened to me... oh the irony!!!

it's also funny that my enemies turn to me for help eventually... because i am a good person! i'm the only one that's left after everyone else has shunned them and turned them away... i am there come hell or high water... and they know it... so they are usually very humbled when they realize that out of everyone, i am the only one left that they can count on... and they were wrong about me...

also, just knowing that those that have wronged me are suffering or WILL suffer makes me feel like justice is done/will be done and it puts me at ease.. once i know that they've paid for what they've done, i can forgive them..... except for one person.... i don't know if i can ever forgive him.. but i work on it every single day.

all i know is that someone up there loves me and looks out for me. whoever messes with me gets what they deserve. and i can go on with my life, because those people really don't matter!

i've been through anger management therapy for multiple years.. it took me from angry and abusive to just cranky and loud mouthed. lol so that's an improvement! i also went through a helpful christian therapy place. learned a lot & was helped a lot. :) regular therapists have never really helped me much. i find that a lot of them are more messed up than the people that they treat... for example... the lady that we bought our house from was a juvenile delinquent counselor at the local juvi... she was a weirdo!!!! she had to have the fire department come get her out of a tree, because she got stuck up there trying to put a prayer stick at the top... she also tried to dig up her husband's remains on halloween and a bunch of other weird stuff... and that was a lady that was supposed to "help" kids... LOL i also went to a therapist that would have me fill out paperwork and talk to my mom for an hour... she never talked to me. lol so i don't see how that helped me at all. when i played world of warcraft, our guild leader was a psychologist.. she was VERY paranoid.. so i don't know if i would ever recommend regular therapists.. though i did have success with the anger management.

[Raw Angel Mom]

Raw Angel Mom: I hope that learning is possible without pain,-otherwise life would be such a horribly sad place. All the best to you, Eva

There isn't any need to suffer to learn sweet heart. Sometime, go figure why we choose such experience and other time, it is just life. No matter what is, we really can reach this place of peace, oneness and happiness.

You are allowed to give a voice to your feeling and don't appologize for that. Once you are ready, the help will come to you. I can feel your pain, but i can feel also this amazing soul you are. You are beautiful, worthy and loved no matter what.

[heartily]

[QUOTE=Aleesha Sattva;494876]of course you can heal... you can heal anything with time, love, support and understanding.

journalling is a great way to start creating (and noticing) change in your life. go to your nearest library or bookstore and pick up some self-help books.

and i'm a huge fan of therapy. amazing how much healing you can get with some well-guided therapy.

of course, there's always EFT as well (emotional freedom technique) i just reviewed this dvd "Try It On Everything
The Revolution Starts Within" for the mag. /QUOTE]

Yes, EFT works a lot with me. I just watch videos online to learn and I read a lot articles here (http://eft.mercola.com/), very cool technique.

[Cruditas]

I have been on the end of emotional, verbal, financial, etc abuse and have found that time is a healer and choosing positive people to be in your life. A counselor told me once to picture yourself as being on a long mountain climb. At points in your journey you have been caught in storms, sometimes you were so fatigued you had to rest for long periods, at times you encountered obsticles that felt overwhelming. You have now reached a ledge and just above you is the spot that will make you feel safe and peaceful. The problem is your backpack is preventing your going further because it is too heavy with large rocks that are weighing you down.

The excercise is to journal what is in your backpack that is weighing you down. Everything from your job, relationships with others, financial difficulties, anything. Then journal what is it you need that will be the essential things to keep your backpack light and get you to the safe place. See if the rocks that are holding you down were in the backpack five or ten years ago.

This is a very enlightening excercise. Journaling is very healing. Also a book I would highly reccommend is The Four Agreements. Great book to help one cope with others and free yourself of letting others negatively affect you. VERY inspirational.

Good luck on your journey.

[Esterlly]

I think it is only the time factor which is responsible for the healing of emotional abuses. With time people get busy with their own lives so much so that they don't have any time left for thinking about all that abuse stuff, and gradually they all forget about it.

[laughalways]

I recently had a book that was recommended to me called The Emotion Code. The premise is that we all have trapped emotions working counter to our health and even causing sickness in our bodies. It is a very easy to learn technique. The book has some dramatic stories to tell. It is very easy to do and it is just muscle testing and using a household magnet. The muscle testing is done in conjunction with the questions posed in the flow charts to determine what emotions need clearing, etc. There are two types of emotions: those in the body and those contained in a heart wall.

Its worth trying.