RAW Emotions need cyber family feedback

[Conscious Midwife]

Let's see if I can give you a short version...

My older children have recently been contacted by the miscellaneous relatives of their absentee bio dad.

Granted they both have myspace and face book, and a little bit of public visibility due to their athletic and other accomplishments... SO WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THESE MISCELLANEOUS RELATIVES ARE STALKERS?!?!?!?!?!?

Especially the adult folks who send messages out the blue.

Uuuuugggghhhh

BAck when I was a single parent it took a lot of work for me to raise my children solo and without resentment and hard feelings towards other responsible parties. It's just that having folks try to get all warm and fuzzy now is just odd really odd.

Your thoughts??????

My grown daughter has replied back via facebook to a misc sibling that is several years younger than her. No heart feeling no drama, but I know she doesn't want the bio dad interupption right now.

But my teen feels spooked to have been contacted via facebook by a 40 year old relative via another family branch who is actually a X step sister of bio dad and a former student at my highschool...though we were never friends ( she's older than me). Thankfully none of my teens site info is public but being contacted is still weird.


Uuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhh

[Eva]

My thoughts -- I hope they have good intentions. If they do, they are family. If they don't, they are strangers! LOL. I don't know. It's tough... but your kids can always choose to respond however they would like. It sounds like they're old enough.

Just today, I was talking to a relative who calls her ex husband "weirdo" instead of using his name. They were divorced around 10 years ago. To me, it seems that it is my relative rather than her ex that suffers the most.

They may fade in and out. Some people do. It's a good lesson for life.

I don't know. These are late night thoughts... :eek::o

[kissum]

Mine is still little, but my ex's family has had almost 0 contact with her, and I know I would be upset if they tried to get in touch with her when she's a teen. Why now? After years of not caring or at least checking it, what caused them to want contact?

I'm sure I'd feel the same way as you- you've done all the raising of these kids, and it's weird for them to decide out of the blue to send an email. I wouldn't like it at all. I can't say that it's the right way to feel, but it's definitly how I would react as well.

[Conscious Midwife]

Sent a text to both girls just now for more insight.

Grown daughter has been in contact with teen biobro 2-3 times via face book. Just generic how you doing sort of post. She's pretty busy so she let it go at that and is resolved to being polite at least but not at all interested in a detour to get warm and fuzzy right now.

Teen daughter just replied back to bio dads xstep sister. With a myspace message that ended with...

"Please do not take this as refusal. I do not seek to put BIODAD down, it is not my job. In the long run, we all must atone for our actions. Perhaps he is trying to "put things right"; he is entitled to do so. I must make it clear, however, that I do not wish to develop a relationship of any sort with someone who is not emotionally stable, clean of narcotics, and is not prepared to accept the mistakes he has made.
If BIODAD does not meet all of these requirements, I do not have time for him at this point in my life. "

names omitted to respect the dumb and innocent

WOW She's just 16....hmmmmm

Thanks all for your feedback:rolleyes::)

REVVELL GET IN HERE!!!

[Revvell]

REVVELL GET IN HERE!!!

LOL Sleeping on it. :)

[Conscious Midwife]

***Humph;)

[Revvell]

Grown daughter has been in contact with teen biobro 2-3 times via face book. Just generic how you doing sort of post. She's pretty busy so she let it go at that and is resolved to being polite at least but not at all interested in a detour to get warm and fuzzy right now.

Well, she IS grown and it sounds that this one (biobro) is just kind of curious about her. Have any of them ever met?




Teen daughter just replied back to bio dads xstep sister. With a myspace message that ended with...

"Please do not take this as refusal. I do not seek to put BIODAD down, it is not my job. In the long run, we all must atone for our actions. Perhaps he is trying to "put things right"; he is entitled to do so. I must make it clear, however, that I do not wish to develop a relationship of any sort with someone who is not emotionally stable, clean of narcotics, and is not prepared to accept the mistakes he has made.
If BIODAD does not meet all of these requirements, I do not have time for him at this point in my life. "

What to say? Sounds like she's got a handle on it.


SO WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THESE MISCELLANEOUS RELATIVES ARE STALKERS?!?!?!?!?!?

Now, for you missy. Just from what you've said, it sounds like there's not much of a problem here ~ just some curiosity. As a parent, you may be imagining things that are not there (not enough information here to know) and creating fears over nothing. Suggestion: write down your fears. Just start with: "I'm afraid... " finish with about 10 or more endings. See what's coming up for you. Once the fears are out and examined, you can see from the conversation(s) if they are valid or not. From the little you've written, doesn't seem so. Is there something here we're not getting?


REVVELL GET IN HERE!!!

I has spoken! :D

[Veganforlife]

Hmmmm. It's that time of year. Folks start feeling guilty or whatever label you wanna put on it. Not you, but in general.

My thoughts? Let it go. I've had the same issues with my kids. My children are grown and can make those choices. My son refused any contact; my daughter did and found out that ex was the imbecile I thought (never portrayed that to them - figured they'd learn it soon enough) and now has no contact.

A friend once told me a long time ago, "Just because they are your family doesn't mean you have to like them."
So true!

[Conscious Midwife]

I'm afraid ...

that some misc relatives are gonna try to get all buddy buddy yet have alterior motives... but the Byron Katie script i keep playing says I don't really know this to be true.

the folks with bad habits and issues still have bad habits and issues

that the misc bio siblings will have cool memories of absentee biodad while my well adjusted brilliant beings of abundant light have none, and over protective me just doesn't want my children to hurt the way I've hurt

that a misc X wifey or two will wanna call me and rehash, wine, apologize, etc...

that absentee, non $upport paying biodad (who had formerly been in the public eye) will try to get in the limelight when my kiddos go to the 2012 Olympics...

of recognizing how selfish I am by not wanting to share the credit for having awesome children, 'cause raising them to be so cool was what sustained me when I was going through ish as a single mom

the misc folks that I never demeaned nor praised to my kiddos will turn out to be better than I remembered and that they will have some cool traditional family dynamics that we didn't have that may seem more appealing than our by the seat of our pants, non conforming, change religions like hair color, relocate like gypsies (though I've been in the same house now 5yrs), flexatarian ways like the weather, bohochic, uber funky and crunchy....

that they will learn to love biodad and misc relatives while my dear hubby who's been a star dad waits patiently to hear the words I love you from the oldest 3 who continue to view him as a "cool friend"

hmmmm.....

guess i'm really afraid that my kiddos will like the miscellaneous folks and that that might mean that in making room for others they will love me less

NONSENSE!!!

I'm mommmy mostest, the best, the funniest, coolest, not perfect but great bad mama jamma RAWMASUTRA chic on the fricking planet. There is no comaprison and my kiddos can have all the miscellaneous friends and family they want, I'll still take a bullet for them and still believe that I am
the best damn thing since sliced avacado.

ME FEEL BETTER NOW:o

THANKS REVVELL and my beloved not so miscellaneous cyber family you all are the best free therapy a sister could ever not habe to pay for

PEACE AND CHICKPEAS:D



NAMASTE

[Revvell]

Wow! That took courage to put that out there to everyone! Lookityou!!!

I remember when I asked my mother about my birth parents. She got angry and said that I didn't appreciate her, blah, blah, blah. 50 years later she said something like she'd always wondered why I'd never asked about my birth parents. Ummm, her fear? :confused:

We often create things in our heads that really have nothing to do with reality. I love that you posted your fears here. Thank YOU for your courage in revealing yourself. To reveal is to heal.

Love and hugs,

Revvell






THANKS REVVELL and my beloved not so miscellaneous cyber family you all are the best free therapy a sister could ever not have to pay for

PEACE AND CHICKPEAS:D



NAMASTE

[Conscious Midwife]

Wow! That took courage to put that out there to everyone! Lookityou!!!
...
Thank YOU for your courage in revealing yourself. To reveal is to heal.

Love and hugs,

Revvell

No, thank you always for doing what you do, being you and staying TRUE!

[Vivafree2]

I have contacted my half brother's daughter via Facebook. I was not participating i her upbringing as per her divorcing parents wish ( they had enough their own drama). She is 21 now - i gave her an option - if she wish to have any relations with me she can. I couldn't do this in the past and never tried. I invited her to the outdoor art events, public art show - she could see me casually and decide - no strings attached. She didn't - i understand and never will press, but i think it is fair to keep doors open, doors that her parents closed at one point. Her parents are not in touch with me - if they would be on facebook i would do the same.
I grew up without some of my relatives present in my life due to family disputes and preferences. I have established pleasant and warm relations with them in my late forthies - it worked for me, but i wish i could contact them earlier.

[Apasaraw]

Just back to the RFT and saw this:

YOU raised some wise children! Your 16 year old has no problem stating requirements and a boundary for BioDad. What an awesome kid! Grown child seems to have it covered with short responses to keep people at arms length.

In a way the contact sends a shiver of anxiety...but the good part is...it is at a distance and not in person.

They could never love you any less or need to be shared. They know who raised them and loves them without condition. They know who the real deal is in their lives right? :) You and StarDad.

This happened to me last year...relatives out of the blue who I was estranged from contacting me via the web...and as it turns out..they only wanted something from me...when they had the info they sought...they disappeared.

All I suggest is that wariness, but not fear, be there for you and the kids. Your Goddess energy reigns supreme! :)

Keep us posted?

Love,
Apasaraw