View Full Version : Help with parents ? (long)
11-03-2008, 10:56 PM
Excuse me if this is in the wrong topic(I just thought it fit here the most, seeing as I am a teen)
I guess I should explain my situation and history with raw food before I start on this.
My name is Roxi
I'm a girl
I have been fat all my life
I been dieting since I was 7 with no success.
I tried being raw vegan for 2months in the summer of 2007 and lost 30 pounds that never came back on (all other diets never did that for me! wow!)
I still have 85 pounds to go before I am at my goal weight.
I was forced to stop my new lifestyle when school came along due to not having enough time to prepare my own food and the lack of my parents support. My parents are really traditional meat eaters(ex. its not a meal without meat). To give an idea, how other families have rice, potatoes, etc as a staple for their diet my parents staple is fried/roasted meat and white bread/cheese. Whenever we actually do occasionally have vegtables they are fried till I don't think theyd possibly hold any nutritional value.
You can probably guess after I reverted back to this diet I felt like crap. I noticed that feeling never went away, I'm constantly tired and unmotivated to get moving(and im still fat). After I reverted back I started to cut back my food and this put me in a lot of trouble with my body, i guess you can say I thought "If I can't eat what I want I wont eat at all". But I won't drone on that.
My issue for the past year since that happened is I'm sick of feeling horrible. I either don't like to eat, but when I have to, I get unhealthy things thrown at me from my parents(their idea of the best diet is atkins by the way. No matter how much someone would try and tell them how he died from his own diet they wont believe it).
My family thinks the obesity is in our genes and theres no way to get rid of it without an operation. Last spring my mother went and got a gastric bypass( making her stomach smaller) so she could loose weight.
I tried being raw vegan again in September (I actually ordered Alissa Cohens book+dvd's ! they really are great). I asked my parents if they could atleast sometimes help me make raw food, or even for one whole week be pure raw. They said sure but they never fulfileld the promises, thinking up any excuse they could pull out of their behind.(ex. too expensive, not enough recipes(theres like what? over 300? eh...), not filling, don't like that type of fruit/veg/seasoning, don't have a dehydrator, don't know how to sprout, just anything).
So due to their lack of support I tried to do everything myself, this made me fail really horribly since I have a very demanding school. My parents would also seem to try to force me to eat how they do, "oh its not healthy !" and complain about my food being too expensive.
Now my parents told me they want me to get a gastric bypass, I'm only 16, I DON'T need something like that... they want to send me off in the spring :'/
I told them no, I'll do it by my raw food diet if they let me and they told me it's too extreme... uuum... HELLO? ripping my stomach open and cutting it to a small size is not extreme compared to eating fresh lively fruit and veggies which come out of our own mother earth?... they won't believe me :'/...
My problem is how do I convince my parents to support me in my desired lifestyle ?
How do I stop them making fun of my eating habits when they do let me eat the way I want ?
Another problem is the price of food... My parents complain about the cost :'/ is there any way to reduce the cost? such as buying from certain places or so? tips on saving money with food? also I live in Vancouver BC(Canada). I find it hard to get a hold of things such as non-dried dates, bragg liquid aminos, almond butter, goji berries and other such foods. Any sites I check seem to be way overpriced and I'm wondering if anyone knows any sites which sell these items for decent prices.
Oh and... if anyone is in the Vancouver area do you know of any family community groups, or somesort of support groups for this lifestyle? it would also help to know of some retreats which could help me and maybe encourage my family or show them I'm serious about this.
If anyone who lives in my area knows some really swell grocery stores go to go ahead and tell me.
I really need support with this :'/ I don't want to wait till im 23 when I can live on my own to do this. I want to live healthy, and in the future be healthy for my kids.
Also, excuse any typos or grammar errors... I'm really tired right now :(
11-03-2008, 11:27 PM
Hi there - I feel for you but I know you can get through this.
I think the solution here would be to keep your food to simple fruits and veggies and do the recipes on special occasions. Your family might be weirded out by the recipes and concoctions (mine are) but if they see you eating something identifiable and natural, like bowls of fresh fruit, big salads, smoothies, etc. they might be more willing to see what you are doing is healthful. By you seeking out oils, goji berries, powders, nutbutters, etc. they see that as "extreme".
I'd also leave your reading materials in the bathroom so that they might have a chance to look at it when they don't have anywhere to go. On their diet they are bound to be constipated so they'll be in there - may as well have something interesting for them to read while they are straining.
11-03-2008, 11:54 PM
I ate mostly identifiable(sp) food actually, but about 3-5 times a week id make something... I find it hard to just staple myself simple food for a long time, and in truth preparing food takes me a really long time(about 1hour for something simple as nori rolls) so itd obviously sometimes clashes with my schedule... but I guess I could adapt :']
I never really needed those things I mentioned like goji berries and all but it what i wanted them for was to make counting up my nutrition easier(and give me more options)
I never thought of the bathroom idea! thanks I hope they will flip through it.
thank you a lot, I really appreciate you toke the time to give me suggestions
11-04-2008, 01:00 AM
You may never convince your parents that a raw diet is best. Some people are just stubborn.
My parents asked me not to bring any more raw food to their house. They said while they like it, it made them feel bad after they ate it. No wonder to me because they were eating the meal they were going to eat anyway and my meal on top of it!
You might think they were detoxing, but really they eat a lot of raw fruits, vegetables and nuts compared to what most people eat. At least from what I've gathered on this board.
One thing you could try to do is eat as much raw food as possible. You may find that you have to eat dinner with them. But could you have fruit for breakfast and then a salad or some trail mix for lunch? I don't know what sort of food your school has available. My daughter's school has a salad bar every day.
When I was in high school I would buy nuts, seeds, dried fruit and sometimes coconut from a store that sold bulk foods. No organic stuff in those days and it wasn't a health food store. This was before the scanning registers we have today. As you entered the store, you'd take a grease pencil and write the prices on the items you were buying. In the case of produce or bulk foods, you'd write the price per pound. I would take all this stuff and mix it up for trail mix that I could keep in my purse. Then I would have a meal or a snack whenever I needed one.
My friends went out to eat a lot when I was in high school. And often to a pizza place. When we went there, I would always get the salad bar. At other places I could get a small or a large salad or fruit. I was working when I was in high school so I could buy my own food when we were out.
11-04-2008, 05:02 AM
sounds like you are super-busy with school schedule, but any chance you could put aside a few hours on the weekend to prep some stuff for the week? i dont know what sort of appliances you have, but if you have a blender or food processor and made a sunflower pate (cheap, too) or something, and kept that in the fridge, it will keep for a few days, and if you also chopped and prepped some veggies and kept them in the fridge, you could make nori rolls in about 5 minutes--just scoop out some pate, throw in some veggies, etc. also, if you have any way to get your hands on things like avocados, i used to take a pack of nori sheets, and avocado, and a bag of spinach to work with me and keep it in my bag with a plastic knife. instant nori rolls. you could also add some apple or orange or something else in to vary it a bit. if you have time on weekends, you could make a few dishes like chopped salads, a few kinds of salad dressing, maybe a dessert like an apple pie with sunflower seed and raisin crust or something,or some kind of treats to stick in the freezer (ground sunflower seeds plus some kind of sweetener, plus sweet spices and some kind of dried fruit, etc). ALSO, any chance you could do green smoothies for breakfast and drink them on the way to school or something? OR even better do them and drink them right before dinner if you have to eat a cooked dinner? they will fill you up a bit so you will eat less of the cooked food at dinner, and they will blast your body with a good supply of vitamins and nutrients, so at least even if youre still eating a little cooked, you'll be getting good nutrition. If you cant use the blender at your parents house because theyre trying to sabotage your food choices, do you have any good friends that might let you do it at theirs?
Sounds like money is a problem too... its too bad you couldnt get your parents to give you some money for a "food budget". even $25 dollars a week would buy you some greens, a few avocados, some fruit, lots of bananas, sunflower seeds, raisins, etc. The seeming obvious solution would be to try to get some kind of part time job, but it sounds like youve too much going on with school. What about the weekends? even if you could get a babysitting job on saturdays, or saturday nights or whatever, that would give you some money to play with. It must be really frustrating that youre parents saw that you lost alot of weight on this diet before and were happier and healthier but that they just didnt GET it... and yeah i would totally fight tooth and nail to steer clear of that gastric bypass. it changes your ability to enjoy food for life; limits your intake etc, as im sure you know even better than me if your mom has it. If you need to eat with your parents, try to fill up on healthier stuff ahead of time so you will eat less of their food. if you need to do some cooked, brown rice and steamed/baked veggies are not the enemy. not optimal, and going to potentially hold up your weight loss, but much better than what mum and dad are eating. Also, is there another family member that could help you out and root for you, such as an aunt or someone? someone that will hold out with you if mom and dad try to make you get this surgery? someone who might help you out with a little cash to buy raw foods?
in terms of affordable stuff, stick with cheap fruit, bananas, sunflower seeds, FLAX seeds, IF you grind them in a coffee grinder (coffee grinders are pretty cheap and maybe your parents have one around) and are really nutritious, green smoothies, whatever greens you can find cheap--kale and collards and cabbage, mustard greens, etc are usually dirt cheap at the regular grocery store, and if you dress them up properly, they are yum. i wouldnt worry about the superfoods like goji for now. yeah, theyre nutritional, but theres loads of other raw fooders (like me) that cant afford them either. if you have money, maybe pick one thing that you really like, such as dates, or goji, or raw cacao or whatever and keep it around as a treat, and the rest of the time stick with the less-exciting stuff, knowing that its just for a short time until youre on your own and can get what you want.
I really admire you for seeing that you can be naturally healthy and not need to go to this extreme measure of surgery. its gotta be tough to be living in this situation. but just think, in 2 years you can legally do whatever you want and move out of the house, etc. HEY--dont know what you do for the summers, but wonder if there is anywhere you could intern for the summer, such as WWOOFING (google it) where you would be out of your parents house and have more freedom in food choices and better access to fresher healthier food.
this might take a bit of work but see if you can "make friends" with someone in the produce dept at the local grocery store, or better yet, your local health food store, and see if you can get their overripe or imperfect produce at a discount. they might even give it away. our health shop gives away brown bananas, which are perfect for smoothies, and the organic produce delivery company i used to work for always had stuff left over at the end of the week and loads of imperfect stuff during the week that needed a home ;) also, i know of people who dumpster dive at places like whole foods and trader joes and make out well. you might not be up for that but it could be fun, especially if theres a group in your area who already does it that you could meet up with. if theres an organic produce delivery company in your area, such as "spud", definitely talk to them and you very well might be able to get hooked up with imperfect produce for really cheap.
11-04-2008, 12:00 PM
I can tell from your post that you are very determined to become fit and healthy the safe, natural way (raw). Don't let your mind or your parents get in the way. Set high goals and the ability to achieve them will follow.
Also, if you can't get support from other raw foodists in your area (try www.meetup.com) then definitely come to this board all the time to share your frustrations and your triumphs. Heck, come here anyway! We are here to help! I post on RFT every day, and if it weren't for RFT, there's no way I could have ever experienced the level of health that I am at now.
11-04-2008, 01:38 PM
You've gotten some good advice here....I wanted to say, the more responsibility you can take for yourself, the better. As they see you stepping up to the plate (pun intended!) they will see that they can trust you with your own health.
Stepping up is going to mean making a list for them or buying groceries yourself and prepping your own food...being consistent about it even when you don't feel like it...not giving in and not giving up.
You already know it's possible to eat very simply, and even fairly cheaply if you don't get all organic, even from the regular grocery. Don't give in to arguing or try to have talks with the parents about it; just go about your life and try to let a positive attitude about what you're doing be uppermost. It will affect them more than you know.(If need be, you can always come let of steam here!)
Bariatric surgeons require a lot of psychological preliminaries before operating. If they take you to one, enlist his/her help in convincing your parents to let you lose the rest of the weight with healthy eating.
Lastly, could you possibly get a weekend job at a healthy food store?
11-04-2008, 10:48 PM
oh wow! so many replies. I would first like to thank you all for taking the time and giving me the support, this really means a lot to me... :)
trail mix sounds like a good idea, I love nuts, seeds and all sorts of dry foods so that will keep me going through the day. I'll look into making my own.
Kaybee thank you so much for your suggestions- I actually wanted to dumpster dive for a while(I frequent a LJ about it) but the season always turned me off :) I can adapt to the weather if it means getting free good food. I'm going to count on taking up a list of grocery stores/wholesale companies too and see if maybe I can get some free food, or atleast buy a bulk of the bruised food for half the price even.
Rawstrength, thanks for the link... I found a raw vegan potluck(maybe I can make some friends there) and the vegetarian/vegan society of Vancouver(theres bound to be some raw vegans there). I set very high goals :D if I can be raw for 6months and then continue to one year I bet that will be a notable accomplishment for me.
Emma-Liza, thank you :] I will try and take more responsibility, or edit my schedule. I actually cannot get a job at the moment due to my studies(untill Febuary- then I wont have a workload) but I planned to volunteer somewhere, so I might look into a local food store which could use a helping hand.
thank you everyone again for suggestions. I toke note of all your ideas and see how I can put them into play into my own life.
11-06-2008, 12:08 AM
An update on my situation:
I talked to my father and mother about their issues regarding the price of raw foods and I think I shocked them a little. I said id be willing to pick up the thrown out produce after every week and they said no :)
They said if I really have to go that far to do this then they'll buy the food for me. I also suggested when a certain food is in season we can buy them in bulk from a wholesaler for a cheaper price. They liked that idea I think (I make LOTS of fruity icecreams/sorbets. I could eat it everyday and not worry about it being 'junk food' :D !)
I start eating raw officially monday of next week (shopping for the whole week will be done on the weekend). I'm so enthusiastic right now :0 ! this means once I'm done through a probably hefty detox I'll be feeling better and start attending the gym more often.
Thank you everyone for all the advice <3 you are all angels.
11-06-2008, 09:13 AM
How about sprouting to save on expense? Alfalfa comes to mind first. Jar, lid, even if it meant getting stainless steel screen piece at Home Depot to start for rinsing.
I wish you the best and respect your desires being so young and eager to have a more slender body. In the long run you will feel much better than most people your age as you also age gracefully.
Here for you. Glad parents are on your "team." Sure makes it easier to have peace in the family than war. Maybe you will be the light that helps your parents reform their own eating habits. Could you offer to be the "cook" of the day on a Sat. or Sunday for them and choose what you wish to make so they can buy the ingredients too. People love lasagna, but so many receipes here or even at Sunny Raw site that Carmella blogs on.
Here's a goodie to make or browse through tons others. I love this blog.
11-07-2008, 11:49 PM
I thought about sprouting and looked it up already. I was thinking to start sprouting soon after I go raw, but I need to find time to go to a store which sells screens and such :]
I can pretty much buy seeds for sprouting at a gardening store right?
I cooked for them before while I was raw (mostly desserts. I LOVED making raw cheesecakes and pies. Id make about 2 every week, the best thing about it was that I got most of my nuts fromn them... and I used ripe fruit so no need for honey/maple syrup :) !). They pretty much ate a few pieces of the stuff, said it was good but made them feel bad. Not exactly sure why, but I bet it has to do with how their diet is the opposite of what I was feeding them.
That blog is great! a few pages back I found an index of recipes that I can make without a dehydrator :) I'll definetly be using this. Thank you.
Maybe for the christmass season I count invest in a nice dehydrator to make all those nice things mmmm...
11-08-2008, 11:05 PM
Everybody already gave you tons of great tips- I just wanted to tell you that I think you are rAWESOME!! You have success written all over you lady. You are going to WOW them and everyone else in a very short time. How exiting! :D :D :D
11-08-2008, 11:59 PM
I totally agree with Ginger. Amazing RAWSOME Matches you are.
To sprout with a screen, hardware store could have just a little stainless screen that goes over a jar. Okay you can also see about kitchen strainer too for rinsing as long as the holes are not too big and the seeds don't just slip through strainer.
You can exist without a dehydrator. Maybe make some lasagna for your parents. See if they would be interested and perhaps ask them foods they would love you to make. We can help here.
I'm interested in knowing more about your cheesecake--maybe ingredients for the cheese? Thanks.
Hang in and keep us posted.
11-09-2008, 02:27 AM
Sounds like everybody's given you some good advice. I just wanted to voice my support for you, too!! We're all here to help, we're all pulling for you. Major kudos for working so hard for your health and what you believe in, despite it all. My hat's off to you, lady. You can TOTALLY do this!
Most people in my life aren't supportive of my going raw... which is why I come to this site everyday, just for some support, even if it's sharing a recipe or a laugh.
Looking forward to hearing about all your triumphs!
11-09-2008, 04:43 PM
YAY! thats great that you got your parents on board enough for you to do this :)
just thought of this--when you mentioned volunteering somewhere in february... i dont know if theres anywhere like this in your area or if this was a special case, but when i lived in washington DC, there was a small hfs coop. they let people sign up to volunteer (1 volunteer per shift), and in exchange you would get minimum wage equivalent per hour in store credit. volunteers did things like pre-bag, weigh, and price the nuts and dried fruit, and bag all the fresh greens coming in. it was fun, got to work with cool people, got to handle green stuff which i loved because it felt so healthy, and got some store credit to boot. i think they were able to do this only because they were a coop in the sense of "workers cooperative", i.e. noone really owned the store, the workers owned it in common, which i think is different from many coops today, so dont know if theres anythign like it in youre area, but... another option, when it gets into the growing season again, is to see if you can volunteer some time on an organic garden or at a fruit stand or farmers stand at a roadside stand or farmers market in exchange for some produce (and, if you have time, even start a small garden somewhere, if youre into that kind of thing)
2. DONT get your sprouting seeds from a garden center. seeds at a garden center are intended to be put into the ground and if they are not organic they very well may have been treated or coated with chemicals
most seeds to use for sprouting you can get at a health food store or sometimes even regular grocery store. often there are packets of seeds sold and specifically labelled as "for sprouting" but these dont tend to be a very good value; you can get larger amounts of them cheaper in the bulk bins. head for the bulk bins, and most of the following you will find in the bulk bins will sprout: lentils, sunflower seeds, mung beans, aduki beans, chickpeas, quinoa, raw buckwheat (pyrmaid-shaped grain, you want the kind that is tan with a greenish overcast, NOT the dark brown ones as those are roasted), wheat, rye, hulled or "pot" barley (NOT pearled barley, that wont sprout),and perhaps millet and amaranth, though ive had no luck with those two. most of these can be gotten cheaply, and sprouting increases their digestibility and nutriet value, as well as volume.
go to the bulk spices section and get fenugreek whole seeds. they will sprout too. best if mixed with alfalfa as kind of bitter. sometimes hfs have alfalfa seeds, radish seeds, broccoli seeds etc specifically for sprouting too.
NO SPROUTING SCREENS? if you can find a strainer in your kitchen, or pick one up for a couple dollars, you can still sprout the following: LENTILS are super-easy and dont even need to be done in a jar. you can do them in a bowl and just drain and rinse in a spaghetti strainer or whatever, twice a day. soak them overnight, then drain, and rinse twice a day. they can be used as soon as they are crunchy, probably on the second day, or you can wait for them to grow "tails". when their tails get too long and they start to get leaves, theyre not really palatable anymore. lentils are REALLY forgiving...ive left them a day or two without rinsing and theyre fine. you can make great lentil salads out of these or toss a handful into other things. QUINOA--soak this over night, drain and rinse, and it will have tails in less than 24 hrs. again, if you dont have screens but have a strainer, you can just rinse, strain, and throw it back in the bowl, its sprouting time is so short that you can get away with not having it live in a jar. same with wheat. and sunflower seeds.
11-10-2008, 12:23 AM
most hfs have the plastic lids that fit on mason jars, they come 3 to a pack with different size openings. good luck. :)
11-10-2008, 08:58 AM
Matches/Roxi-You are one incredible person and will be a huge inspiration to a lot of other teens. I'm overwhelmed at your strength of purpose and focus --- good for you! Keep up the great work and never forget how super special you are!!!!:)
11-10-2008, 09:01 AM
p.s. i started sprouting with a large glass and a paper towel over the glass - so no fancy supplies needed! i just rinsed them and put my hand over the top to dump out the excess water and then put the cloth back over the top of the glass. experiment and have fun with it!
11-11-2008, 01:45 PM
wow thanks again for all the support !
I will definetly sprout once I stop by my local home depo/whatever sells sprouting jars.
in the mean time ill be looking for a place which sells seeds for sprouting :')
shame th gardening store doesnt lol... thanks for telling me otherwise id go there.
Seems everything is coated in chemicals these days :'/ wouldnt it be easier to NOT roast/pasteurize foods and then just bag them ?
11-13-2008, 12:20 PM
girl, u dont need home depot sprouting jars ;)
empty tomato sauce jars or whatever work fine. "mason" jars. or bowls for some things. dont waste your money on special jars. any work fine :) my hfs used to sell the "screen/lids" plastic ones that would fit on any mason jar. they come in a 3 pack for like 6 dollars. maybe keep an eye out for those
dread head vegan
11-20-2008, 06:09 PM
i have some sprouing in a bowl with a cheese cloth covering the bowl it wors great :D
11-23-2008, 06:09 PM
Matches, you are a faabuuulous role model!!!! I started raw about 5 months ago, and went off of it a few times while traveling. Am back on (3 weeks now) and am sticking to raw even through my first raw holidays. You are young enough to be my daughter, but you give me great incentive to stick with this for the loooong haul. Thanks and stay motivated to get your health on track. Believe me, it will be worth it to you. I was on a SAD diet for 52 years and it took health reasons from many years of bad eating to get me back onto raw for good!!!! Good luck
12-14-2008, 12:09 PM
01-16-2009, 01:31 PM
try working at a food co op/ health food store/ grocery store, then you can get tons of organic raw free food, or discounted.
you sound smart and understanding for your age. good luck to you
peace and blessings
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