Sister Bought Nonraw Food- How Do I Say I Politely Don't Want It?

[juliesvoyage2]

After hearing that I needed to eat more calories, my sister bought me $30 worth of food. The problem is that she didn't check with me first, and almost everything is nonraw. The only thing that may come close to being raw are the packets of apple sauce and salsa. The problem is that she was trying to help, and my parents say that I should pay her back for half of the food. They know that I won't eat it, but they say that my sister is having money problems and shouldn't have bought the food. They tell me that I need to acknowledge my sister's gift and respect the fact that I won't eat it. Someone else said that I should donate the food to Gleaner's. However, she'll keep doing this if I don't tell her to stop. So, what should I do?

Thanks for your help!

[spicyfull]

Just "SMILE" when you say I don't want it. Always try to be up front, that way people will know where you stand. If she just purchased it, she can return it back to the Grocery Store.

[kaybee]

yeah, see if it can be returned to the store. thank her profusely, and tell her that you really appreciate her trying to help you out, but its not really something you can use. if you dont want it and shes having money problems, best thing to do is return it.

[Ilse W.]

Explain to her that you can't eat it, because it's not part of your diet. She can just keep it for herself. She probably didn't buy anything she wouldn't eat herself. If you need more calories, eat avocados and nuts, and if she really wants to help you out, tell her to buy those. I don't quite understand why there are so many people who think they have to do things to please their parents or siblings. It's not impolite to do your own thing.

[coco]

thank her profusely and then ask her if she's interested in learning about the amazing new diet you're trying out. ask her to support you in your new effort and be grateful that nothing is wasted if she takes all that non-raw food and eats it herself. it's a great solution, especially if her money situation is tight. you can make a gift of the same items she gave to you! excellent. and you know it's stuff she'll like since she picked it out right? hopefully you can both hug and laugh about it.

[Raspberry4]

These are all great suggestions. Making her a dinner out of the food and sharing your raw with her to give her a taste too. Then you can be together while both eating. Good luck to you. :)

[juliesvoyage2]

So, I spoke to the sister tonight. She gave me a lecture about how one piece of bread in the morning with peanut butter won't hurt me, because I need carbohydrates. I also need chicken to have protein. This is the sister who, everyone suspects, has an eating disorder so she should talk. I am so new at this, that I did not know how to respond to her many questions.

Feeling sad, blue, and overwhelmed!

Julie in Indiana

[Ilse W.]

Don't try to explain. Tell her to google "raw vegan diet" and get her information from the "experts". The longer you stick with eating raw, the better you feel, and the easier it will be to be the living example for this way of living. Maybe you should research a little more yourself so you understand that you can get all the protein and carbs you need from eating raw fruits, green vegetables, seeds, and nuts.

[coco]

oh, did she study nutrition to be handing out advice about what you really "need" to eat? it always makes me laugh when people do that, talk like they are THE authority when they plainly have no idea.

if you like you can enter your daily diet into a program like fitday.com, it's a free online nutrition tracking website that will break down your daily food intake into nutrients so you can see if there is anything that you are missing consistantly. this can be a great help to you when first starting out and trying to get into your groove but it's also extremely helpful if you have meddlesome loved ones. at the very least you can do it but i find it interesting to challenge those doubters to do it as well. the results when compared side by side are quite astounding actually. your sister may decide to go for something more nutritious than that bread with peanut butter or her beloved chicken (yuk).

good luck!

[GlimR]

Personally I always try to come from a position of love....chances are your sister is just concerned for your well being and bases what she says and does on her own acquired knowledge, which is all she really can do. You have learned more, learned something different and can't expect her to have that knowledge. If it was me, I would tell her that I appreciate her thinking of me and taking the time to try and help, but that those foods do not work for ME and for what I am trying to do in my life, and I choose not to eat them. I respect it working for you, but it does not work for me..what I need is......blah, blah, blah. It is ok to let those you love know what you need for/as support.
I have the type of personality that wants to create no waves, hurt no feelings..but...you can not hurt yourself at that expense.

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

This is the sister who, everyone suspects, has an eating disorder

If that's true, her actions make a lot more sense. People with EDs are more likely to want to control everyone else's eating, especially if they aren't feeling they have control over their own.

I hope things work out for both of you.

[andra]

Well, I would thank her for the food and thank her for her concern but then explain to her that the food is not a part of your current eating plan and that you will need to either return the food to her (so she can eat it herself) or you can just donate it to a local food bank in her name. Ask her what she would prefer you to do.

You can also explain to her that you respect that money is tight for her and that you do not want her to buy you food at this time. If she insists, maybe make up a wish list for yourself of websites (like the store on this site) and items that you want (like raw olives) so if your sister is so inclined in the future to buy you stuff, it can be stuff that you can actually eat.

It can be hard when friends or family want to be of help and then they buy foods that are not raw or health promoting. My husband is guilty of this. I have, thus far, been thanking him and then passing the stuff on to co-workers and/or family. I plan on talking to him at some point and coming up with my own "wish list" of raw foods from websites (including here) to guide him in the right direction. Hubby's heart is in the right place and I love him for it, but he needs some guidance to be truly health supporting.

andra

[RawHeaven]

Be polite but don't be leary of establishing your boundaries also. Sounds like there is a deeper issue of communication at the heart of this for you & your sister. Could involve a resentment and it's not about the food. Be true to yourself first and foremost. Putting up those first stakes in the ground can be daunting, but when you learn to say "no" it's very liberating and healing. When you respect yourself and don't settle for less, people learn to do the same.

[raweater]

I'm just curious, was she not aware you eat raw or did she know and bought you cooked food anyway? Pretty much everyone I know knows I eat raw, do you keep your raw diet to yourself?

[jacsam]

I would kindly take her back the groceries and tell her that you love her for thinking of you and being so kind but that you are eating raw and can't eat this type of food. Assure her that when you said that you needed more calories it wasn't because you couldn't buy the food it's just your trying to put more calories into your diet. You just need to be HONEST with her and also reassuring that her concern for you and the love she was willing to show you was a wonderful gift....then end it with a big sisterly hug. This way she knows where your coming from and no more groceries you can't use to deal with and she knows you love her.

[snowdrop]

did you ever think it might be nice to prepare a meal from these gifted groceries and bring it to her as a thanks?
just a thought....
:)
snow

[juliesvoyage2]

That's a good idea. Does anyone have an idea of what to make out of peanut butter, bottled smoothies, Easy Mac, packaged chicken, canned soup, and bagels?

[snowdrop]

peanut butter cookies
chicken casserole cooked in canned soup (is it perchance cream of mushroom or chicken?)
with homemade bagel croutons on top browned and ready to go.
a side of easy mac.

:)
nothing i'd eat but it sounds like a sad eaters goodie
xo
snow

[juliesvoyage2]

What a great recipe! It's too bad it is not cream of chicken soup. Maybe I can just open the can of chicken soup to go with the peanut butter cookies. :)

[petaltothemetal]

This is something I struggle with myself. Mom (who is concerned about my finances) brings me food, I am "treated" a lot at work and I am also expected to eat and enjoy at work functions. I really don't like "rocking the boat" so I've been the broken record, saying the same thing quietly over and over most of the time. The couple of times I've eaten meat others have "treated" me to, I have gotten very sick (being comparatively healthier on raw food makes it so much more obvious when you eat an offending food!) The first two months were the hardest for me because I didn't look that different. I have lost very little weight but now have a defined waistline that wasn't there before and people keep asking me how I did it and I keep telling them. There are two girls at work in particular who have asked me a half a dozen times and can't imagine in a place where donuts and pizza flow freely, how I could stand eating nothing made of flour. I think it will be easier and easier to resist as my belly flattens, too, and people can see for themselves that it is working for me.

[annavon]

That's a good idea. Does anyone have an idea of what to make out of peanut butter, bottled smoothies, Easy Mac, packaged chicken, canned soup, and bagels?

It is amazing to me that there are people out there who think that Easy Mac, and canned soup are healthy. :confused: They are mostly fat, salt and processed flour and not much real nutritional value except calories, same with bagels too. Bottled smoothies = sugar. Julie, I feel sorry for you for having to deal with this situation. Try to lovingly educate those around you.

[raweater]

Julie: Is your sister not aware that you eat raw? Have you kept your diet "secret" from her?

[juliesvoyage2]

I've made my choice clear. In fact, my mom makes a great raw salad dressing for me every weekend. The problem is that my sister thinks that being raw won't give me enough protein and calcium. Her way of not supporting it is to buy these foods. Grr!

[raweater]

Why not show her the nutritional label of things like walnuts which have as much protein as red meat, or pointing out the fact that elephants are vegans, where do they get their protein?

And a calcium deficiency is nearly impossible, calcium requirements are falsely increased and promoted to sell dairy products, which are well proven to weaken bones. How about find one of the studies done on milk and osteoporosis to show her that the more dairy products you eat, the weaker your bones get, it's a proven fact, and this is the case because calcium cannot be absorbed in the presence of protein, which dairy contains, and osteoporosis is not caused by a calcium intake deficiency, it's caused by acid forming foods, like dairy products, meat, cooked sugar, which literally dissolve your bones so the calcium from the bones dissolves into the blood restoring proper alkalinity, at the expense of weaker bones (the other option would be to die, so the body weakens the bones to save it's life from the acid).

[juliesvoyage2]

Have a link to a site with a study? I would love to show it to her.

[raweater]

I'm quite busy these days and didn't find the actual study but this article talks about it:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/206725/how_dairy_actually_causes_osteoporosis.html?cat=5

You can also find tons of information on the dangers of dairy on www.naturalnews.com simply search dairy or milk.

[theresaann]

"you frickin' moron! What were you THINKING??" sorry....a moment of raw terrets there....

;)