What's my problem?!!!

[rawhippie]

okay, so i've been 85-90% raw for three years.
i've lost about 90lbs at my thinnest.
i've learned how much what we eat can affect other areas of life: from how much waste we do/do not produce in our homes, how chemical free cleaners affect our overall health, how my view of myself is improved, etc. it has affected more things than i anticipated, in a wonderful way of course. i've felt awakened to a whole new life of possibilities.
with that said, why am i all of a sudden saying okay to some cooked foods?
why am i saying that nachos are okay the other night? why am i eating humus and baba-ghanoush with pitas like it's nobody's business? why am i telling myself that soy based foods are okay?
i've now gained somewhere between 10 and 15lbs. which may not seem like much to most, but to come as far as i have and have been overweight my whole life until raw food, i'm freakin' out.
i know that my body has acclamated to the raw food i had been preparing for myself until now and i need a new transition, but i feel so lost all of a sudden. and to add insult to injury, because of this fear of gaining weight and not knowing what to do i have become lazy about making food because i'm so discouraged.
oh, and i'm trying to get pregnant which also adds a gigantic fear of weight gain.
does anyone feel me here? does anyone have any suggestions? any books/videos i can refer to for help?
man, i've come so far, yet i feel as though it is all getting away from me.
i can't let this happen.
HELP!!!

peace and love
rawhippie

[Veganforlife]

rawhippie - first off - peace and love to 'ya dahlink!

You're human. Plain and simple. Humans make mistakes. Don't worry over it. Just go back to what you know is best!!! You'll be fine. That weight will roll off...

Don't beat yourself up over it. It's really okay.

[Zaphirah]

rationalization and justification are my enemies. Git yerself to Alchemy or Catch a Healthy Habit and treat yourself to a lovely lunch. I have a issue with binging and the ONLY thing that keeps me from gaining is to be 100%. I don't know if that's your issue or not-but what I have found is that once I let in a LITTLE cooked, then I add more and more til I rarely eat raw, except maybe a side salad.

[Revvell]

You've hit what is known as an "upper limit". You're now facing fear and anxiety. When that happens, people will back off of what they've been doing to make themselves well or to change their lives because they are uncomfortable with it (knowingly or unknowingly).

Here's something you might try. Sit down with a piece of paper and write:

I'm afraid:

After that, write down whatever endings pop into your head. Just keep saying: "I'm afraid... and write it down. "I'm afraid...."

What's interesting about human nature is their cycles. I've heard them come up with "I'm afraid to live, I'm afraid to die", I'm afraid of success, I'm afraid of failure"... kind of puts them in a bind, eh?

I'm sure many here have the "I'm afraid to be thin; I'm afraid to be fat" cycle ... yet, what they do is go for their "comfort" which is food. They numb themselves to the feelings that are coming up. Seems it's possible you may be doing this, eh?

[Zaphirah]

LISTEN TO REVVELL! I went thru that EVERY TIME I had a weight goal. Now I'm not afraid to be thin and healthy. for me, it was WHO am I, if I am NOT a FOOD ADDICT....but now I know. I am the Real Me.

[RawHeaven]

Great advice already from everyone and Revvel is right on. I was afraid of being considered hot and getting extra attention. This is what kept me unhealthy and overweight. I'm still not completely comfortable with the attention that happened again just yesterday when I was walking down the street minding my own business, but it no longer controls me. I'm no longer afraid and don't use food and my body as weapons. You're possibly afraid of something too or maybe it's something else.

I also wanted to add - don't worry so much about the Why's and focus on the Nows. Enjoy the nachos & hummus for now and then move on. Don't resist them - something in your system (whether it's physical, emotional or mental) is requiring that particular food at the moment. Maybe check in with yourself and your body and eventually you'll get the answer. Say "hey body, I'm eating this right now for whatever reason and I hope you will lovingly just let it pass through until I figure it out". Your body will work with you. If you continue on the beating yourself up route, this propensity to eating cooked food will not go away. Have you heard of the saying, "What you Resist, Persists"? Don't try to figure it out, just go with the flow and be thankful for where you are. IMO if you're eating 10% raw foods you're doing yourself a world of good already - it's all about baby steps sometimes you know? You're doing well and you're taking gargantuan steps.

[rawhippie]

wow, everyone.
these are all things that i know in my mind, but let me tell you, i am so thankful to have this outlet and have you all to say it out loud to me. it always hits home more when it comes from the outside, and from people i don't even know. this way i know that there's no possible way you are trying to just make me feel better about myself because none of you know what i've been through to bring me here. i love that these forums are available, it makes me feel that i really do have help at my fingertips.
thank you all so much from the bottom of heart.
peace and love
rawhippie
ps zaphirah, how do you know about alchemy and catch a healthy habit? i see you're in mass.

[rawstrength]

It could be something as simple as the fact that you need a hefty dose of raw inspiration. In a cooked food world, we need all the encouragement to go raw that we can get! Watch some great raw videos on youtube, read some inspiring raw blogs, listen to rawkin' radio, go to a raw food potluck or buy yourself a nice new raw food book or kitchen gadget. You can write down all your goals and reasons that you want to eat raw foods. This helps me when I'm feeling down and unmotivated :D

[Zaphirah]

I'm only an hour from Alchemy. I live in SW MA.

[ShelShel]

I too have am at this juncture. :rolleyes: I have been raw and lost 64 pounds. Loved it and then...BAM...this year since January just felt relaxed about it all. I've gained back at least 20 pounds and couldn't figure out why I wasn't horrified. I think in the back of my mind I know how well raw works and all I had to do is get back to it to get the weight I'd gain off. 5 pounds turned into 10...into 15 and now about 20. :eek:
But still nothing would motivate me.
Then it happened. I had to take a nap in the middle of the day because fatigue was once again overwhelming me. Then I remembered how and why I went raw in the first place. It wasn't to lose the weight, it was to get healthy. Get rid of the chronic fatigue, the acne, crazy periods, mood swings...yadayadayada. So, once these were under control for several years, I allowed myself to drift back to old comforts.
I guess what I'm saying, I discovered through out my raw journey that my weight never bothered me enough to do something about it until I became unhealthy. I'm me no matter what I look like on the outside. But when my body won't move and work the way the real "active" me needs it too...I'm not giving it the right fuel.
Perhaps like me, you need another reason...other than weight, to help motivate you.
So, I started back to 100% raw today. I've let myself be comfortable for 10 solid months. (and I did eventually stop gaining at the 20 pound mark, it leveled off and that's how I was able to be un-raw for so long) Now I realize that my being undisciplined has led me back full circle to my NEED for raw...and so. Here I am. At the beginning, starting my raw journey once again.
It's a journey, life, enjoy it...learn from it...treat your body good and it will respond. :) Raw (((HUGS)))

[mongodelight]

Hey thats the challenge of life.

For me its the same. Its never the cooked food, its the feelings you associate with them. Its the "comfortzone-feeling" i am addicted. If things get a little or much difficult the addiction to rescue myself in my comfortzone is coming up.

No wonder. If u re addicted to rescue yourself in your comfortzone since you re a little kid, this program in your mind will stay forever(i think). The only thing is to become aware of whats going on. Become aware why u have to eat that food, whats the real reason - BUT THEREFOR U NEED TO WATCH YOUR BEHAVIOUR NEUTRAL AND NOT SCARED; THATS IMPORTANT. When the next thing is discust, discust is the reaction if u become aware about why u have to eat that crap. And the next is decision.

Life is like the 4 seasons. But we re taught by our parents and society since we were little kids that its right to flew when it gets difficult. We were taught to stay in our comfortzone. If we felt bad mum gaves us some chocolate. But now its time to grow up. What makes life exciting? The high drama!!! And what u miss out when u stay in your comfortzone? THE HIGH DRAMA THAT MAKES LIFE SO UNIQUE AND ESCITING. (i recommend the "law of attraction" and the youtube videos of the master of wisdom jim rohn)

So its just a decision what u wanna have. Having that false security in your comfortzone or go through fear and bad feeling without brackets BUT enjoy the feeling of freedom such a lifestyle will produce for you. Its not the cooked food its the addiction to stay in your comfortzone. Theres nothing in cooked food that make u physical hooked:o

In the end its just a question of awareness. And when u become aware enough its a decision: Which lifestyle do i wanna live? Staying in your comfortzone got advantages!!! But u loose your freedom, because u allways need to go in your comfortzone when it gets difficult.

For me i wanna play the game independently all the time.

Its just a matter of awareness and decision. Dont let it scare u. Its an education. Staying raw is not the purpose of life. I discovered that not long long ago(but i went 100% again...) You need to grow big enough to choose this kind of a lifestyle.