Problem at work

[rawxstasy]

Hi guys!

I haven't posted in quite a while, but I'm still around lurking. I'm having a problem at work that I hope I can get some advice on. I am working part time in a hospital while I'm in nursing school. There is one nurse who is being rude and sometimes mean to me. I've always been nice to her and tried to be helpful to her but it doesn't seem to help. In every job I've had, there is always one girl who is pretty and popular and she decides she doesn't like me. I've actually quit jobs over this situation. The last time it happened I worked at an internet company and was making $60,000 a year. I wasn't about to let some *itch make me quit that kind of job. I stood up to her and it helped. So I thought I had learned the life lesson and it wouldn't come up again. But it's back. :(

I tend to be very shy and quiet. Is this making me a target? Why do I keep running into this situation again and again? How can I resolve this?

Thanks,
Carol

[Shawn]

Do pretty and popular really still matter past high school?

Remember you rawk. Just keep being nice, and never let her rule your world.

[Emma-Liza]

I had problem with someone I am in a necessary business relationship with, not a coworker per se, but someone I also had to see socially. She is a bully. I googled how to deal with bullies and learned so much!

I'll let you read and consider for yourself, but I will say, you never need be nice. You can be professional, courteous, but I recommend you not waste time on pleasantry. I think being nice sends the wrong signal to a certain type of person, as though you are trying to please her. That puts you in a submissive role and allows her to take a dominant one.

[Raw Angel Mom]

Dear Carol, i hear you.

You know those people are blessings in disguise because they are forcing us to exceed our spiritual growth.

What help, is to see them like they are children within an adult body. Pray for her and refuse to see her as less or more powerful then you, for we all are from the same place after all. She challenges you because she knows you can help her to find her way. Sometime, we do have lesson for ourself, for you i feel that you don't feel that you deserve to be treated good. Stand your ground to those part of you that say those things and know that you are worthy of greater love.

There is a say that if we leave because of fear, those energies will follow us no matter where we go because this in us. It is an opportunity to make peace within yourself and to exceed your spiritual growth. You are a good person and nobody can take this away from you.

I heard a quote once, which said. Mediocrity always attack excellence. I prefer say, our insecurity will challenge the one that have a bright light.

Some food for thought and sending you love and to this woman!

[lafsalot]

I know this will sound crazy to some, but no matter how vicious, heartless, or cruel these comments may be, they have no power to disturb you. When another person criticizes you, it's the negative thoughts that are automatically triggered in your head, and your emotional reaction will be created by these thoughts - not by what the other person said. Only one person in this world has the power to put you down - and you are that person, no one else!

Since NO one is perfect, I choose to look at it this way - why should I get upset if someone else makes the mistake of criticizing me in an unjust manner? That's the other guy's error, not mine (they're not perfect) If on the other hand, the comments are accurate, there is still no reason for me to feel overwhelmed - I'm not perfect either. I just take whatever steps I can to correct it. Sounds simple (and it is!).

Although overcoming a fear of critizism takes practice, the positive impact on your self-esteem will be tremendous.

Cathy

[carolg]

I seem to have attracted these passive aggressive devils myself. I lost my job because of them too. We can't avoid people but we have to learn to deal with them effectively. Bully sites may be a great place to start.

Best to you.
carol

[Nenyath]

Hey Carol,
This part of your post quite stood out to me in a funny kind of way:
let some *itch make me quit Now, remove the star and you have real problem, some itching going on.. Ever tried that situation where you have something itching and it doesn't matter how much you scratch or play nice to it, it doesn't go away? It doesn't even go away when you focus on ignoring it.. Have you then noticed how it dissappears the moment you are naturally distracted by something positive and interesting (works with worse stuff too, but we want the good stuff here!). So, that's my 25 cents, find all the positive things you can about your job if it is the job you want, and let it take all your attention!

Fly forever free!
-Nenyaht

[Revvell]

I once had this issue and asked the woman if she knew how she was acting towards me. She realized when I said it she was but didn't know why. I suggested when she figured it out we could talk.

She did, we did... no problem.

There are many reasons people get silly like she is. There's always the question as to how you are drawing these kind of people in your life yet, it's still not your problem although, you may find addressing her directly might solve it now and in the future.

Consider this: How many people do you work with? Who are you choosing to focus on?

We can't "make" anyone like us and certainly we can't "make" everyone like us.

Just remember, it's not personal. She's got something going on that she perceives as possibly threatening to HER!

Revvell

[rawxstasy]

Thanks for the responses! When I was younger I wanted everyone to like me and felt devastated when they didn't, but now I realize that I don't need for everyone to like me.

Revell, thanks for confiming that she feels threatened. This is something I had suspected. I will confront her about it.

[jacsam]

I think Revell gave you some good advice.....Good Luck!!!

[RawHeaven]

She's envious, insecure and can feel your amazing energy vibration as a raw foodist. Having a talk may help, but keep in mind her stuff is not your's to fix. Just maintain your own space and make it clear that you don't tolerate (fill in the blank). She's a gift to you because it's bringing to the surface all of the other times people have compromised you by being in your space and played games. Now is your chance to pull yourself out of the game -- be visible and strong. Because this is innate with you and why people are always trying to fight you, lol, it should be an easy conversation and if you already had it, I hope it went well. Give her what you do best. Show her your warrior which you can still do in a peaceful way, nonetheless don't be afraid to show your strength which again is ironically what draws the insecure & competitive folks directly into your path like a magnet. The more you honor who you really are, a very strong and capable woman and spirit, the less you'll have to use your energy to deal with this particular game in the present and future. They will no longer mess with you.