Being raw ever hurt your child's feelings?

[Leiloshka]

I've only been making a huge effort at being raw for three weeks, but I have a question regarding the kids. The other day my mom and daughter packed a "picnic" lunch for me...a sandwich and chips. My mom knows I've been trying to eat raw and could have handled it much better. But, she said, here is your lunch and talked about how my daughter picked out "these" chips because she thought I'd like them better than "those" chips, etc. I quietly said, well I can't eat it....you know I'm trying to eat better. She said you're not going to eat it? She made it? Total guilt. I said, well she understands.

Really, I didn't know if she did. She's 5. My mom went outside for something and I told my daughter that I appreciated the lunch but I was going to eat something else because remember I was trying to eat better. She looked a little disappointed. But said okay.

My question....how do you handle things like this? Give in on little things? Big things? Like we haven't had a child's birthday yet, but I'm sure I'll nibble on the cake so they don't think I don't want a piece of their cake. But, do you know what I mean? I want to eat healthier and gain all the benefits people talk about here, but I don't want to become difficult to be around because I "must" have a certain food and I don't want my children to feel sad, disappointed, etc. because I'm making different choices and I'm not eating the same things.

Reflecting back, I feel maybe I should have nibbled at it because I'm eating a lot better than I used to and even some better is better than nothing so I could have "afforded" to nibble on the things she put together. Oh, I don't know. Any thoughts?? :confused:

[SedonaSun]

Hi,

I don't have kids so I've certainly not experienced this, nor does anyone make lunch for me :( but a couple things came to mind... take 'em or leave 'em :p

"Like we haven't had a child's birthday yet, but I'm sure I'll nibble on the cake so they don't think I don't want a piece of their cake. But, do you know what I mean?"

-- are you talking about your own kids' parties? If so, must you make a sugary cake? How about a raw substitute? I know, it's not traditional and other mothers may talk and the kids may think it's odd, but who cares... they'll probably end up loving it. Maybe try the black forest cake people rave about. But try it with the kids before a birthday to see if they like it. Or, make the sugary cake and tell them "no thank you".

If you're talking about going to other children's parties, a simple "no thank you, I'm avoiding sugar for my health" or something similar should suffice.

"but I don't want to become difficult to be around because I "must" have a certain food and I don't want my children to feel sad, disappointed, etc. because I'm making different choices and I'm not eating the same things."

--- How about teaching your daughter how to make some things you do like and introduce her to a little raw. Like maybe let her help you make a nice fruit salad or chopped veggies or a fruit smoothie -- something easy for her to help with and something she'd probably like to taste, too so she understands why you like it -- because it's YUMMY :D

"Reflecting back, I feel maybe I should have nibbled at it because I'm eating a lot better than I used to and even some better is better than nothing so I could have "afforded" to nibble on the things she put together."

-- I hear ya... it can be a dangerous roud to go down, though, just having a nibble. One can turn into 3 or 30 before you know it. Can't suggest one way or the other here aside from being cautious with the tasting. If you had nibbled, would it have sent a message to your daughter or mother that raw is just a "fad" and you really "can" eat sad foods? Next time they may make something else sad and if you refuse, they'll say, "but you ate it last time..."

Hope others will chime in to help you :)

[VeganVixen]

yeah , I agree w/sedona ,you could "let her help" you make raw ice cream ,or let her make it with grandma for you!

IMO ,as a society we place too much on "food" - meaning un-food , and it would be helpful to let your daughter know that food is a fuel and can be yummy AND healthy , I also have a problem with manipulation ,that was a pretty manipulitive move on our mothers part (I think SHE has the real problem) , MAYBE you could show her some raw meals ,I just think she was trying to "say something" through that , it just makes me annoyed that it was through your daughter ....,lol now im rambling - just always eat what YOU want to eat ,its YOUR body !

[truthseeker]

Boy do I hear you, I have 3 children, ages 8, 6 + 4 . I chose to go the all or nothing route. What I mean is, I know I am THE example for them. I stick to my guns. My children are high raw too, about 90%. I explain to them why, we eat the things we eat. I also explain to them that most people don't read as much about health as Mommy reads and that no one has ever told them about the food choices they are making or the effects that those choices are/will having on those people.

My 8yr old came to me about 3 months ago and said that the kids at school called her a "Health Food Geek". Yes I felt bad for her. I told her to let them know how those words made her feel and that people shouldn't call names. I also told her about the sugar addictions, frizzy hair, bad acne and other things that young people (like those friends) will usually be dealing with when they are teenagers. Unlike she will have to deal with.

Kids have an almost devine sense of truth. Your daughter knows, loves and trusts you. Be as sincere as possible when you speek with her, use touch and make eye contact. She will understand your motives when you explain them to her. It might take a while before she understands that this is not just a fad that Mommy is going through though. I think my kids where just WAITING for me to "loosen up" about our diet. It didn't happen.

So I say, BROVO to you for showing that you do not waiver in your decision to better yourself. I think that adds to the gravity of WHY you have chosen to eat better and she sees that.

Having said that........

Birthdays........ya. This is our 2nd year raw and like I said we are about 90%. We do have a piece of cake at parties. But this is still hard for my (soon to be 4 in 6 days) 4 year old to grasp. And he does still ask for candy a bit when where at birthday parties, but I always attend parties with fruit a plenty! (I always bring something and there's never an issue of our not being social at parties or shared meals) So I then counter offer with some watermelon or cherries or distract him with a party favor. Whatever works for that moment. And something always does. My older two understand. I have even over heard my 8 year old explaining to another child why they shouldn't be drinking soda. And what I did about that was (in the car on the way home) talk about how every mommy and daddy makes different choices about the food their families eat, but that we shouldn't make anyone feel bad about their choices. That it was ok for her to tell someone why she doesn't drink or eat something but to be careful not to make someone feel bad about what they are eating or drinking. For my kids birthday parties, I do order a regular cake for everyone at the party and then I will have the pie or cake that the kids and I made together that is there if they choose to have some....or not. And they're so proud, that they usually do. We have a morning "birthday cake" for breakfast (for who's ever birthday it is) and it use to be a 3 layer donut "cake" one choc., one cinnamon and one powdered sugar. Now it's a watermelon "cake". It's so great, it's a whole slice of watermelon cut about 3 or 4 inches thick with the rind cut off laying flat on a plate with candles in it. THE KIDS L O V E IT !!!

Maybe involving her in a recipe to have on hand would help when it comes time to "fix Mommy a plate" or "pack some food for Mommy" . Then she will feel proud not only that she helped orchestrate the event but that she actually made the food too!

Try...... a simple no bake cookie, keeping a fruit salad in the fridge (show her how to put one together by herself using berries, grapes + nuts ect.), ask her to help you keep lots of lemonade on hand (lemon, lemon rinder, sweetener..agava/honey), if you have a food dehydrator or don't mind using your oven make fruit leather together (2 -3 fruits in a blender, pour on no stick sheet + dehydrate) and store in air tight jar on the counter ........That's better than the candy man can!

Ok, Just my 2 cents and experience.

I hope this helped you.

[truthseeker]

Sorry, I wish I knew how to "snag and resize it". Maybe someone will give me a hand???

P.S. That's a cherry on top....as a candle holder!

[VeganVixen]

truthseeker - how cute?!!!!! :D

Have you tried taking :

3 cups of carrot pulp

2 T garam marsala

1/4 c. agave nectar (or N.V. honey)

a banana

1/4 c. carrot juice

blending it / then pressing it into a pan


Then take

1/2 an avocado

a banana

1/4 . sunflower seeds

add 1/4 c. agave

cinamin , and a bit of ginger -blend ,and top the cake

its really good - I cant eat much (sensitive to fat) -and reserve it for a RARE treat
(but then again I VERY sensitive to fat)

its yummy ,easy and healthy yum!

[VeganVixen]

Sorry, I wish I knew how to "snag and resize it". Maybe someone will give me a hand???

P.S. That's a cherry on top....as a candle holder!


LOL -I thought it was an OLIVE :p !!!! I LOVE the idea of a watermelon cake -perfected by nature ;)

[truthseeker]

Ya, I was dwelling on it the whole night before with no clue as to what I was going to do. Then in the morning about 1 hour before the kids woke up, while I was still laying in bed, it hit me.....kinda like a dream! Mother Nature's creativeness never ceases, not even in inspiration.

[rawpriestess]

In answer to the question, how do you handle your loving kids giving you something un-raw and then the supposed belief that they are hurt by your not eating it.

First, it is your mother who is the culprit here, she made the sandwich and also gave your daughter the idea about the "special" chips.

You have to decide how you choose to handle her interFEARance in your life.

However, your daughter is another story, what I did with my grandkids, is be to sit down with them, and eat the food with them, the way I ate it was I kissed the piece of food and gave it to them, and they ate it. That way I was enjoying it with them, but I wasn't eating any.

AND they got to "BE" with me, which is sooooo much more important than the food.

It can easly be a challenge when dealing with children, as they are so bright and "feel" so much, I can remember things from when I was little that hurt so much, but were really such small things to an adult.

So, take that dear sweet child and show her all the wonderful things that people CAN eat, and if she does it again, where she gives you something that you don't choose to eat, kiss it and give it back to her, for her own special treat.

Or you can go and both feed it to the ducks on the lake, or the dog next door, or give it to an elderly person in your neighborhood who would love it.

This will teach her that giving is soooooo nice.

[Veganmama]

I LOVE the watermelon cake, both my girls birthdays are in the middle of summer and now i'm really excitied about having watermelon cake :) :)

I have girls who are almost 3 & 4 and we have been to heaps of birthday partys and family do's and firstly i'm lucky as my family is very supportive even though the rest are all strickly SAD. But i always make sure i make heaps of the kids favourite foods and make it very festive and also make sure i make a huge amount. I find if you just take enough for them(which is what i use to do) then they feel quite segregated. But if you take along a whole platter of food and put it down right in the middle of all the SAD party food. The kids and you are still eating with everyone else and also you'll find others eating it to all of this make the kids feel involved in the day.

[Ireland]

TruthSeeker,

1.) Open pic. in original viewer.
2.) Double click to make sure it's the biggest it'll go.
3.) Right click on "edit"
4.) Go to "image" and click on "stretch/skew"
5.) Where it says 100% in two spots, make them both 50% and that will shrink the pics down to half. If you want to save the original size, just name it something else and it'll automatically save both.

It sounds like a lot, but it's actually quite easy. Hope it works for you.

[truthseeker]

Thank you for your help.....um "original viewer" do you mean the program I cut and copied from? On my p.c. ?

[truthseeker]

Ok, One more time.......

[twinyoga]

So cute!

I have 15 month twins (most of you know that by now!). Anyway, they eat a healthy "sad" diet. But I want them to know that Mommy eats a little different and it is their choice for what they want to eat as they grow up. I made my decisions and they can make theirs.

I do have to add that my kids haven't had a cookie in about a week and dessert is either nothing or a little fruit. They snack on brownrice cakes, fruit, and love cherry tomatoes.

Whether a nibble of birthday cake or something else is something I'll have to please them, I think it just depends on the circumstance. I don't believe that being all or high raw means you can't share a special moment with your children but at the same time it's nice to educate them and show some discipline. I think it's all about balance.

[sweetgoddess]

Cute pic truthseeker.
Since you reposted it, I deleted the huge one so your thread will be easier to view. :)

[Leiloshka]

Thank you all for your comments! Yes, in my eyes too, my mom played the biggest part in this. Even if my daughter suggested making me a sandwich my mom could have said well, you know mommy has been trying to eat more healthy but we could make her the sandwich and take her this fruit in case she wants to just eat the fruit. Or something like that. However, as a plus to my mom, we are having an all raw Sunday lunch tomorrow. :) She's trying a couple recipes from Alissa's book and I'm trying a couple. The reason for her interest is mostly on behalf of my dad. She's tried to get him to eat healthy and practice correct portion sizes but it's like talking to a brick wall. I guess since he's an ex-heart patient she just keeps trying all types of things hoping he'll pick up on something. Weird though, huh, how she didn't encourage me the other day, but now is trying raw recipes to encourage him. Oh well.

About my daughter...and my son, whose 8. They both eat better than most kids since I have always limited their sugar, flour, preservatives, etc. I adhere to the blood type diet too so I made some changes on them because of that too. They have adapted well and really it's pretty funny when they say, no, I'll have the cashews because the peanuts aren't good for my blood type. They both will eat fruit and vegetables and my daughter even ate at the salad bar yesterday as her meal. So, they both eat pretty well (when I'm in charge of meals/snacks), but now I guess I'm taking the next step by going raw and I just needed some advice as far as the kids.

And I'm listening to the advice. ....I'm going to start having the kids help me make things to get them more interested. In a little bit we are making the banana ice cream.

And, rawpriestess, good idea about kissing the food. I'll keep that in mind, because that is the thing...you aren't rejecting them, just the food choice. Yes, this society is way too tied up into the whole food thing. You should have seen my dad pouting last night when mom said we all weren't going out to eat. He's always looking for a big meal. :) Instead, I made my raw pad thai, the kids had somethig my mom had and I loaded them up on fruit. So, we'll see..... THANKS AGAIN to EVERYONE!!

p.s. I'm glad you reposted the photo truthseeker, very cute!

[VeganVixen]

wow ,that sounds GREAT!

[msmia]

What a totally great idea!!!!
I've got a couple of July b-days & was sure I'd cave in and have some of the traditional SAD cake that someone made or ordered special for the day....
Now I can bring my own special cake -- complete with candles!!!!
Thanks for the fantastic idea....
Great picture, by the way :p
Msmia

[UltrasonicRaw]

raw priestess, you are so inspiring. i love your posts!

i think the power struggle over food between parent and child can really cause conflict in the house. i know i was raised by parents who never forced me to eat anything, in some ways i probably suffered nutritionally for it, but i also became a vegetarian on my own as a teenager. i never ever liked vegetables as a kid, i ate only corn, carrots and green beans. no salads ever. i do wish they had INFORMED me of the health benefits of veggies, made it clear to me. so that is what i am doing with my kids. i am constantly educating them about why something is good and why something else is not as good. we talk about energy, i use that word a lot and it seems to make sense to them.

overall, i think that raising a child from birth on a vegetarian or raw diet is a whole different situation than CHANGING from a SAD diet to raw. i bet it is confusing to kids and could feel like punishment, especially if other family members eat SAD around them. i guess it is similar to just limiting sweets, or not allowing soda (these are very reasonable things) but saying no to simple things like bread and cereal is more difficult. this is where involving them in the preparation of the raw forms may make it easier.as you can see, i am still learning how to do this myself. my daughter really likes cheese and she eats too much of it, i have cut her way back, but the raw cheese i have made has been a disaster, so i am still trying new approaches.

for me, i am trying to ADD raw to the family's diet and take away the worst of the SAD or at least limit it. i do think though, that if i was in a situation where my daughter had made me something special (i agree the grandma appeared to be sabotaging a bit) i would take a bite and then say i was full and thank her profusely. i dont think one bite is a big deal when feelings are involved.

[truthseeker]

Thank you Sweetgoddes ! I THINK I've got the picture thing down now....I THINK.

Yes Love the kissing the food idea! Glad you all like the watermelon cake too.

Leiloshka, my father-in-law has had major heart problems too. My mother-in-law is 100% committed to easy cooking with can goods and packaged RAMEN noodles. Juicing is to much work for her. My father-in-law however is the one feeling the effects and suffering and so has a very open ear to things I talk about...like what Tocotrienols can do for him, so anyway as a result (via my father-in-law) my mother-in-law is a little more interested in what eating healthy means....NO WONDER BREAD + SPAM sandwiches with "processed cheese food" covered in margarine...sorry just vented a bit there :D

Things sounds like they're headed in a more positive direction for you.