Dilemna - Need Help, Please!

[walnutty]

It just came to my attention that a family member has been very rough with his son. I guess that from the moment the child was brought home from the hospital, his father has expected him to be "strong". This expectation included NOT supporting the newborn baby's head. The father wants his son to be a "jock" and a future soccer star and refused to support the childs' head in order for the neck muscles to become really strong. The father has also been consistently rough with the toddler (who is now two). I found out yesterday that the father had the two year old on a trampoline over the weekend and the child was thrown all over the place and ended up with a sprained neck. Again, the father sees his treatment of his son as making him stronger physically.

The family member that contacted me told me that the child has chronic neck pain and wakes up almost on a daily basis with a stiff neck. The childs' mother states that "he must have slept weird".

The mother is about to have her second child with this man and I am sure is very overwhelmed being married to a man that is extremely difficult. Others have commented that she is extremely overwhelmed and "shut down".

I have just spent several hours on the computer searching for information that I could get to the parents regarding why their 2 year old son could have chronic neck pain. I found little if any information. I have never witnessed any of this abuse (which is what I call it) nor do I have a relationship with this family. I do have a mailing address, though, and wanted to forward info to the mother.

I am seeking help here hoping that one of you may be aware of links, articles, info, etc. that I could pass on to the mother. I would also pass this info along to family members that have witnessed this behavior in the hope that they would take a stand against it.

Thank you for your help.

[livin]

http://www.parent-wise.org/resources/maricopa.htm


http://www.azag.gov/children_family/


http://www.preventchildabuse.org/index.shtml

Arizona State of, Department of Economic Security, Bullhead City, Child Protection Services Phone: (928) 763-2828


Based on information you provided, this sounds like child abuse, and should be reported to the local Child Protection Services Agency in the area where the child lives. It appears that you live in Arizona so I have listed some links and a telephone number for agencies in Arizona, as well as a national agency that should all be to provide you with helpful information & also direct you to the agency in the child's local area so that a report can be made regarding this child's situation. The identification of the reporter is protected and anonymous reports are usually accepted.

It is most important to protect this child from further physical and emotional trauma. Behavior by a parent that hurts the child may have a profound impact on this child's future.

I am concerned that the mother cannot protect the child from the father's behavior, since this has been going on for 2 years. Now another child will be in jeopardy!

It has been 2 years!!!! 2 years of this? I wonder if the child has ever been seen by a doctor for his "stiff neck"?
I encourage you to report this situation to CPS (provide the parents and child's name and address) and allow them to provide this family with assistance that will help them provide better care for this child and the unborn child. CPS can often provide assistance without removing children from a home/parents, unless it appears impossible to protect the child's safety while the child is still in the home.

Sending the mother informaton, as you plan to do could be helpful. But
PLEASE allow CPS to assess the situation and determine how to help this family in the interest of the children.

[MiahTay]

I would proceed cautiously as you have not witnessed the alleged abuse yourself. I think I would make contact with the mother and try to develop a working line of communication that you might get a first hand account of what is taking place. JMO.

Blessings,
Heather

[Stina]

I don't know but I wish the family physician would take note of the child's neck aches. How stressful for you; the family is in my prayers.

[coco]

*heart hurting*

i'm going to go hug and kiss my babies now.

[walnutty]

...I appreciate all the compassion (and anger)...

There is little I can do since I do not have contact with this family myself. But I have forwarded on the links and such to the family member that has a relationship with the mother, father and child.

I have dealt with CPS in the past when I have had "heresay" info about child abuse and/or neglect and have been told that there is little CPS can do. They don't have the man/woman power to work on serious eye witness cases, I guess, much less "so and so said this" kinds of cases....

That is why I wanted to gather information and pass it onto family members that have been a witness to the abuse and have contact with the parents (which I do not). I have very much encouraged them to contact CPS.

So, thank you for your input. I have forwarded information that some of you have provided and some other info I have found on my own to those that are eye witnesses to the abuse.

[Raw Yogini]

I didn't find any specific articles on the risks of being rough w/ infants and young children. I do know that this should be taken very seriously.

Several years ago an infant in my area ended up brain damaged from a father's attempts to "raise a tough kid". The child is now an almost non-functioning 6 or 7 year old.

[carolg]

My gosh.

Someone has to speak up for this young innocent child. I know I was the victim of "emotional" abuse and even with therapy, counseling, growing older and wiser, it still has scars that are "slowly" fading. One result has been slow in getting into a job or career. I'm sure this will beinvestigated especially if the child ended up in the hospital. Has someone called social services anonmously? Raw Yogini, I'm with you.

I'm very adamant about abuse. Emotional/physical are tough to handle. I believe besides having the child removed from the home for safety reasons primarily, this father can benefit from jail time to just sit there and think about what he has done to this young child and receive long term counseling that is measurable not just being around his kid but forced free work, volunteer time monitored in places where kids ended up abused like he has done to this innocent son. Obviously the father has some deep rooted problems but not an excuse to abuse any human being. Just my 2 cents. I hope action will get taken and have the child removed from this unhealthy environment.

carolg