Fear of Failure

[Bananna]

I had an A:eek:ha! moment today...

My thinking with going with raw goes like this: I feel SAD, I want to go raw, I convince myself I Need to go raw. I have a last supper. I wake up the next day. I have a panic attack as I think, ok, I have to be raw forever. Or atleast a year. Or even a month....or a week. Or today. I have to be raw for a whole day....and that day is today! But what if I want x, or x, oh and what about x....I can't make a raw version of that yet, I don't even have a dehydrator. Maybe I should just count points. Maybe I should just eat till 2pm everyday. Maybe I should just cheat now and get the failing part over with so I can go on with the rest of my day in peace....with a dash of guilt. Obviously not ready, so why even try today. I probably need x, or x, or y to happen, or z date to pass, or some health crisis, or weight on the scale to send me hurdling in the direction I want to go.

I figured out, by the stress I associate with those landmarks of a day, a week, a month or a year of raw....with failure if I don't make it there, and even worse failure if I make it there and then drop the golden ball.:( It's been causing me so much stress that I will only have raw meals, no raw days entirely for fear that I have now entered into a zone where I have to continue or I am failing at raw.

If I am only a percentage raw then I am not failing at anything, you see?

Anyone else going or been through this?

I'm really glad I have come to terms with it, or atleast recognize that's what's going on in my head....it's a huge relief. For now I can reflect on things I have quit in the past....and all the attempts I made and failed. I now remember that if you circumvent the failing FEAR, and just keep trying In The Face of It, that's when you will get somewhere...

So tomorrow, I will try my best, and if I fail, that doesn't mean I have to take a two week leave of absence :D .....it means, I will pick myself up immediately and continue full steam ahead.

Screw failing!:D

[StarFire]

actually... BEAUTIFUL POST... and I'm sure many of us have had this same ping pong match going on inside our heads... well - at least I know I HAVE!!

I stopped looking at as failure. I do my best to eat wisely. I want to be as healthy and the best me that i can be...
I'm on a journey and it's gunna take some time for me to get there... I didn't get all this flubber on me overnight -- so It's gunna take some time to get it off...

OVERALL ... I'm eating WAY healthier than I was before I found this LIFEstyle.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he was actually talking about somthing else - but the analogy was soo perfect for those of us on this path...
Dr. Phil said -- when you're driving along and miss your turn - you don't start throwing a tantrum and keep driving -- whining about how you missed your turn and how for the rest of your life you will now have to deal with this road... no --
you simply - as quickly and safely as you can - turn the car around and turn on the right road ...

Does your 'On Star' start verbally attacking you if you miss a turn - :eek: ?? Does it start screaming at you "What a Loser - you're worthless - stupid!! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE - YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!!!" ... No - it either gives you an alternate route or - tells you to turn around.
so - there you go - so what if you missed the turn - just go back as soon as you can and get on the right road!

AMEN ~ and AMEN.... and so it is with us... if we eat a meal or a snak -- that may not be the 'best choice'... there you go - just get back on the path - no harm no foul - just keep on keepin on!

One day at a time.... we're gunna get there!

RAWk on! http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/hugs-2.gif

[Vaclare79]

I have had moments like this as well.. But, after I have read the nutrition facts of what I'm eating compared to what I was eating... I'm eating better so I should be glad instead of having doubts/questioning myself about eating raw when I KNOW that raw is the best for our bodies.

[Zella Juice]

Yes that's true clare..the slip ups get healthier and healthier.

Banana, I had this go on for a year. I just kept having fresh juice and smoothies and eventually I was ready to go all raw. Keep juicing and having the smoothies and you will get there too. Everyone is different as far as how long it takes. And it depends on how much you got going in your life. I work full time and even though I have a dehydrator...I have no time to use it effectively. I stick to salads and nori rolls and easy stuff I can just throw in my food processor.

You are on the right path. Hang in there. ;)

[juliebove]

I don't understand the last supper thing or the fear of failure. It doesn't have to be all or nothing and you don't have to beat yourself up if you eat something you think you shouldn't. That serves no purpose. Just take it one day at a time and do the best you can.

[Zella Juice]

Totally.

I wonder if we did a poll how it would turn out. A poll about who went 100% raw and never went back to cooked ...ever. It's an addiction just like Victoria Boutenko says in 12 steps to raw foods. I love that book and read it many times during my year of going back and forth from raw to cooked.

[Vaclare79]

I've read Victoria's book over and over ( Green for Life ) also, but I need to get the 12 steps to the addiction book and read that one too..

[samariah]

starfire that analogy is so seemingly obvious and simple yet extremely powerful and true. im going to think of that whenever i get caught up in negative irrational feelings when i "mess up" and realize how silly i am being.

[StarFire]

starfire that analogy is so seemingly obvious and simple yet extremely powerful and true. im going to think of that whenever i get caught up in negative irrational feelings when i "mess up" and realize how silly i am being.


for real samariah http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/Smileyyes.gif ... so simple!! When Dr. Phil was talking -- I thought -- omg... that's us... that's so true!! wow... :eek: ... hearing that was a blessing for me too!!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/bigthumbup.gif ...RAWk on!!

[RawHeaven]

Such a great post Banana. I feel heavier lately because I've been eating a lot of raw fats and my body tends to still gain and lose weight fairly easily. I admit I also didn't break a water fast well and it screwed up my digestive system. Everything was flowing well until I did that, the fast was wonderful but it wasn't a smooth transition to solids. It took some time for me to get back into the swing of things. Anyway, I bring all of this up to say I was beginning to question being Raw, which really doesn't have anything to do with what's going on with me. Rather it has everything to do with owning my tendency to still reach for food during stressful times. :p I'm 100% and your mind can still play tricks on you. Am I doing this correctly, maybe I should eat more fruit and less greens? Maybe I should be eating more greens and less fruit and stop eating fill in the blank. I do this sometimes when I'm not being true to intuitive eating.

I went to the farmer's market today and there was a booth to measure blood pressure and check your BMI. I thought what the heck, I'm here and I'd like to know what my blood pressure is. Tell you what it is fantastic! 110/76. I've always had good test results, but never this low. This is all about being Raw! I was a bit reluctant to get on the scale (hahaha - remember the scale thread? - LOL). Anyway, I did with some hesitation and another fantastic result. My BMI is 22.1%. I don't follow the BMI too closely because I'm a muscular mesomorph, but truth be known it was nice to get that number. It immediately registered with me I need to stop worrying about what I'm doing and simply accept that every step I take is moving me in the right direction. To your point, just embracing how wonderful it is to be raw period. There is a great video someone posted awhile back regarding "letting go". The thread is also entitled letting go I think where a raw foodist speaks about his experience on this subject. I think your experience and what I'm focusing on right now has a lot to do with this also. It's a beautiful thing.

[iamacranberry]

I think my pulse rate dropped after going raw...but my blood pressure's always been pretty low/normal. That's because I'm young, though, methinks.

[Raine]

I think my pulse rate dropped after going raw...but my blood pressure's always been pretty low/normal. That's because I'm young, though, methinks.

7 days into a juice fast, I realized while lying down that my heart seemed to be beating slower. When I had begun my resting heart rate was averaging 100 per minute. In just 7 days it had dropped to a healthy 60.

[RawHeaven]

I think my pulse rate dropped after going raw...but my blood pressure's always been pretty low/normal. That's because I'm young, though, methinks.

That's great iamcranberry. I will have to check my pulse rate also which is equally important. I can't comment on the rest of the world, but there are kids with hypertension in the US. I know one. He's a teenager, heavy and on blood pressure medication when he should be playing baseball, football or somethin'. Being active is my point. Unfortunately, I don't think being young is a guarantee to having low blood pressure these days. But it's marvelous that you're healthy and strong.

Okie doke, back to the subject. :)

[petaltothemetal]

How about the idea of quitting one temptation at a time and replacing it with something else rather than trying to be perfect? It there are a lot of temptations or habits for you, it may be easier to (while being mostly or all raw) say: this week I am going to quit COFFEE and replace it with DELICIOUS SMOOTHIES! Or this week I am going to quit COOKIES and replace them with RAW CARROT CAKE! Or whatever... When the habitual/addiction foods are gone, you will have something to feel very proud of and that victory will make it easier to stay raw.

[mongodelight]

Fear of failure is the guarantee of failure. There is nothing you have to be afraid of. If u are afraid of yourself you have no control about yourself.
Graving and some seconds of memory reflexes(f.e. if u see cooked food) are normal. Its just a stupid reflex of you re brain. You re brain associate the food with good times. But thats just a conditioning. Laugh about it. These association of your brain will be gone in 3 - 6 weeks when you always laugh about it and be without fear.

Thats my experience. Works on cigarette addiction, food addiction, any drug addiction.

"Its only hard if you make it hard" - A. Cohen. Dont react on the stupid conditioned associations of you re brain. Just laugh about it, dont be afraid. It will be gone very soon. If u re afraid or feel bad because it, you will never get rid of these association. Thats a fact. I ask myself why there are so less people who discovered this easy way to reverse addictions.

Replacing is a part of fear. Dont do it. That doesnt mean that you shouldnt have the best food ever. But dont eat because you have association and want to get rid of it. Thats the best way to grave garbage forever.

[ShelShel]

Bananna, I love this post.
I think I keep from failing by knowing that this is my life. It's not a diet.
I can't fail at life unless I stop living it. :rolleyes: I keep trying to do what is best for my body. That is all any of can try to do. Keep up the good work!:D

[Zaphirah]

oh darling! You took the words right out of my keyboard! LOL!

STARFIRE-HOW I HAVE MISSED YOUR GODDESS-WISDOM!

I will keep this brief, but MY ENTIRE LIFE I have been AFRAID to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I was so afraid of failure that I attempted NOTHING-and therefore have had somewhat of a boring life-but my fear of FAILURE had kept me from many SUCCESSES because I never attempted ANYTHING.

I was watching The Secret the other day and this line resonated with me so intensely it was like hearing thru a bullhorn laid next to my ear

"YOU are the ARCHITECT of your own life and BODY."

For some reason I have never ever thought as myself being IN CHARGE. This changed my whole outlook. Today, after a 2 month break, I just woke up and went raw. With every food choice I am learning to pause and say "Is this going to "build" the body I want?"

I mean how could I buy wood and nails, construct the house, and then feel like a "victim" that my house wasn't made of bricks and mortar?

BUT THAT'S HOW I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH MY PERFECTIONISM/FOOD ISSUES.

I'm flabby because I don't exercise enough, not because I have bad genes, or bad knees (altho I understand that it will slow me down a bit-I'm not in denial of reality. :cool: )

You are looking for perfectionism in a human that lives in an imperfect world, silly bean! ((((hugs))))

If you heard your best girlfriend say those things to you-what would your advice be? Now, heed your own advice and keep going!

It seems like you've had a breakthru, but after a life time of beating yourself up-it bound to rear it's ugly head-but I have found the better I do, the smaller the hiss and roar when I make mistakes.

[Bananna]

Wow....ok guys, thanks for all the comraderie!

I guess I'm just finding the fear of failure rather surprising since in some other areas of my life, I've managed to totally give it up ie, school marks. So it has kind of taken me by surprise that that anxiety is coming into play here....

Starfire: Thanks for the Dr.Phil analogy...I love using his analogies for stuff. He once also said 'If it doesn't feel right, just walk the walk and talk the talk anyway, and eventually it Will feel right'.

Vaclare: I agree, for a loooong time, my regressions were in part due to not being totally convinced I needed to be all raw, in moments of weakness that was an easy derail....that is no longer an issue, which is why I have been at a loss for what my problem was now? Fear....

I have moved to vegan finally when I do slip :) Well, ok, sometimes, very, very rarely, I will have some tiny amount of dairy....but I don't see that in my future even now, as my last slip with that gave me a clear msg that me and dairy just don't get along. So yes, Zella, sometimes I am surprised at how much I have given up and don't even notice or miss it at all.

juliebove - I don't understand the fear of failure or last supper thing either, I Wish I was more like you and could just live and let be....I can be like that for awhile and at some point I just get into controlling the situation, white-knuckling....I'm not really sure of what dynamic sets it off. I am quitting weighing myself obsessively as I think that is one of my triggers. I'm just going to weigh myself once in a blue moon and am actually moving my scale onto the top of a dresser or something, someone said that once in another thread.

Rawheaven - I did watch that letting go thing, and it helped at the time....I can get in the zone and just do my best and not start panicing and freaking out, but things set me off back to my old spinning my wheels, fear of failing, yet failing anyway nonsense. I guess it's just nice to know at this point, that it is fear driven, I didn't realize that before....I thought it was a lack of self-control or something more along those lines. But I am actually so afraid to fail that I fail on purpose right away so it's only a 'small fall' instead of a 'big fall'.

What I have to remember I guess, is to think almost entirely differently....first of all, I need to quit rating my failings, falls etc. and secondly, change the word fail to some other more neutral word....or something....I'm a little foggy in this whole area.

My blood pressure has always been low, really too low. When I am skinny it's like 90/58! Right now it's up to 100/70. It sucks for healing wounds...and I worry about my immune system. I am going to start working out and see if that helps get it up. It's supposed to be 120/80. Too low can be just as bad as too high, lol...Heart rate however, a good strong heart will beat slower, that's a really good indication of your heart strength.

oi...gotta run...will have to answer the rest later~

[annavon]

I wish I had seen this post yesterday!!! I had/still having a bad time. Temptation got me yesterday. When to a pot luck (non-raw) and was tempted by those ooey gooey biscuits and gravy (not even vegan!!!) :( I had a little bite and then I felt like "now that I have blown it, I might as well say forget the rest of the day" I think the flour in the buscuits is the biggest culprit because those processed carbs mess with the blood sugar, because I have been craving sugar/carbs ever since. I think if I had seen this thread, I would have gone home and had a green smoothie and got back on track.

[Pony500]

Well, I can totally relate to anyone having trouble just waking up one day and going all raw. I too, keep bouncing back and forth and for the most part, I really think I'm doing exactly what Alissa says you should not do and that is leave yourself without enough food. I have found myself really really hungry a few times and not had enough to eat and, well, I didn't really eat anything horrible, but I certainly didn't eat good. Although, what's funny is, a while back, eating something bad would have meant a donut or cake or pizza, now when I eat something bad, it's a tomato sandwhich on toast or something like that, which isn't really that bad, just not raw.

I am coming from a complete SAD diet--and not always the healthiest one. I mean, I ate fairly well, but certainly, I almost always got desert at a restaurant and certainly got into the bad stuff. So for me, I am trying to do this one step at a time and I am first just going vegan--which is still quite a hurdle in itself. I have actually at least made some decent choices in restaurants during the last week or so instead of eating a chicken cheesesteak.

I think part of the issue is we all know that going 100% raw is the best way to eat and I think that everytime you have a craving or become weak and give in to the craving, I think it is natural to feel like a failure. For me, I probably need to not make any big proclaimation that I am going raw, because then if I do slip in front of people, then they must think that it's a big joke or something (Because I think most of the people that I know think it's a weird or impossible diet and don't understand it and I think they think I'm nuts and that I will never be able to do it).

Right now, all I'm equipped with is a Vitamix and yeah, maybe I'm using that as an excuse, that I can't make all the stuff that Alissa has in her book because I don't have a FP, Saladacco or dehydrator or because I don't have a decently stocked kitchen, you know, I don't even have any dates or almond butter or some of the basic things. But I know these are all excuses, but I guess I know myself and I think if I can't make some variety of foods, I won't stick to green smoothies and salads. Just today, I was really craving potato chips--probably the salt--and all I had around were hemp seeds and some nuts, so I just ate teaspoons of hemp seeds and sprinkled salt on them. But then, later, I broke down and ate a bagel with peanut butter on it. I can see I'm probably not helping here.......

I guess my whole point is, we all need to do this the best way we can. I am glad that I am drinking 64 oz of green smoothies every day at least. Other than that, I am trying to purchase some of these basic foods so that I can make some of this stuff and maybe be 100% raw for more than one day at a time!!

[Bananna]

Rawheaven - It's good to know that even after being all raw...I could sit there and still debate with myself on such things, lol...It almost tells me it has nothing to do with raw, it seems more of a need to hold myself to a standard always higher than where I am at.

I could very well see myself being raw and then sitting there trying to figure out if I should eat this or that....if I'm exercising enough, if I'm educating myself fast enough or high enough, shouldn't I be meditating, finding that kundilini or whatever the heck it's called....spending more time with my kids, serving the community, saving starving children, publishing a book, finishing my scrapbooks of all my children's work which are just piles of work in boxes right now, creating a rooftop garden, house made out of old tires, solar panels and a windmill.....

ahahaha....you're right mongodelight...just laugh...doesn't mean I shouldn't try and do those things, but if I can't laugh about 'failing' to do those things, well come on....it's hard not to when you think of it all :D

petaltothemetal - great advice....so far I have permanently quit coffee, icecream, doritos, meat of all kinds, dairy (but I'm hesitant to say that since that is still fairly new, but it would never be by much, which means if it's not gone, it's almost gone)...oh cigarettes...I would say drinking, but that was never really a thing for me, oh having children, lol (I actually did have to quit that [6]), fast foods restaurants including Tim Horton's (big thing in Canada), and funny thing, Zaphirah...I am also 'quitting' playing life so safe.

I need to jump into raw and try my VERY hardest and if I fail, I need to LOVE that I failed because I tried my best, and that was exciting! And then I can look at why I failed, what happened...consider what that hole was that I fell into....and eventually I am bound to just habitualize it...then it will be a cliche 'lifestyle'. But if I don't actually let myself give it My All, despite the possibility of failing, you're right, I will never succeed.

There is a story or concept I learned in psychology...I forget what's it's called but some students will purposely sabotage themselves for tests by perhaps getting drunk the night before, so that they if they do poorly on the test, they can blame the hangover instead of trying their best and then still doing poorly and taking it personally....it makes sense....if you try your best, do horribly, it can be quite a blow.

Shelshel...so glad to see you back! I missed you! Please don't delete your blog if you're not perfect :) You're still super inspiring and have a great story to tell.

Annavon...aim for your worst being vegan and your best being raw....gravy is boiled blood...look at it for what it is. Dead body blood, boiled. You're after the salt....lol...just trying to help?

Pony, you're post made me laugh a couple of times ;)

[Pony500]

And I'll be rinning out of excuses soon......spiral slicer is ordered as is food processor and some other extra basic things.......

Next will be the dehydrator...........this is quite an expensive outlay to get properly set up, so I'm hoping that these appliances will help!! I really do need to at least start making some decent things and I'm sure that will help me.

[Bananna]

Ya...it really is a street full of holes...you gotta find em and fill em all in.

[Rawism]

I totally can relate to your post (OP). My sentiments exactly. You just found the exact words to reflect what I am sure MANY people on this board go through. I think the biggest factor is support. Your closest family and friends' support is crucial in your time of transition, IMO.

[OneBite@aTime]

I love the post bananna. It hits home.

[RawHeaven]

------------

[lafsalot]

Banana - after reading your op, it certainly seems as though you have finally come to the realization that all those "should statements/rules"you set up for yourself only served to lead you down a pathway to guilt, AND that because you were feeling guilty, you assumed you had fallen short in some way because they were not measuring up to the exagerated expectations you initially set up for yourself. Kudos to you for getting out of that all-or-nothing mode of thinking! ~ Cathy

[petaltothemetal]

[QUOTE=Bananna;451633]petaltothemetal - great advice....so far I have permanently quit coffee, icecream, doritos, meat of all kinds, dairy (but I'm hesitant to say that since that is still fairly new, but it would never be by much, which means if it's not gone, it's almost gone)...oh cigarettes...I would say drinking, but that was never really a thing for me, oh having children, lol (I actually did have to quit that [6]), fast foods restaurants including Tim Horton's (big thing in Canada), and funny thing, Zaphirah...I am also 'quitting' playing life so safe.

QUOTE]

OMG SIX CHILDREN? You said you thought you should be saving starving children earlier, too... with six, feeding them (and yourself) the best food you can should be a tremendous and very gratifying effort in itself.

I read Middlemarch in my twenties, when I was filled with "need to save this, fix that ideals" and was falling way short. At the very end of the book the heroine realizes she can best help the world by helping those people she comes into immediate contact with in her own humble life. Good advice for those of us who have lofty ideals but are a bit stretched physically, financially and emotionally.

[RawKnitster]

I had to read this entire thread. What a lot of great comments and advice. I only have one thing to add, something I tell myself everyday, a very simple quote from Henry Ford...

Whether you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right.

[Bananna]

I guess I should clarify....that list is just a list incase I get bored. If I don't finish it, that's fine, and it may change and it includes loads of other things I might like to do....I don't feel like I have to get it all done or I would be a failure, and I don't harbour a lot of guilt....guilt isn't really my thing, that's why my original post said a dash of guilt, nothing more than that, it's not really a focus of mine, because basically I know I'm not doing too bad.

I have been thinking though that fear is affecting me far more deeply in other areas than I even initially realized. Anxiety is a problem for me in general....and it's very annoying that I feel a lot of my decisions are based on avoiding that, rather than choosing what I might like to do despite having to deal with some fear or anxiety that surrounds it.

I have decided to give myself permission to have entire raw days and that doesn't mean I have to be raw forever or else, lol.... I'm excited about it, but haven't started...kind of extremely busy and totally unprepared at the moment. ....so many factors go into going raw, or any major change, not just the psychological, but also the planning, prep, financial, etc. I'm working on that stuff now...now that I am making progress identifying and desensitizing myself from irrational fears, lol...

[D'vorah]

I have decided to give myself permission to have entire raw days

This is an incredible thread. I share many of the experiences of the original post. I struggle. I've done the "last supper" I don't know how many times. In my heart, I'm raw. But food triggers, experiential, relational stressors, addictions, etc, and I self-sabotage. I want to be raw, I know I need to be raw, but each time I get back into it, I struggle with a deprivation / obligation mindset that just brings me down.

I love the phrasing above, ". . .give myself persmission to have . . . raw days. . ." That makes it privilege, not obligation, invitation, not expectation.

Rawism, you say that support of family and friends is crucial. Many of us do not and will not get that, so, we have to find our support elsewhere, and that has to be good enough. We have to give permission to those around us to be who they are, where they are, and hopefully we'll find other supports that can fill our need.

Blessings all who struggle!

Deborah, who's going back now to re-read the entire thread. . .