How to deal with others?

[peaceandlove143]

So I've been on and off raw for the past couple of months... and I think I'm just scared to go 100% for good because of what could happen in social situations. I guess I'm just afraid of what my friends would think/say if I said I didn't eat cooked food anymore. I feel like it would be harder to get together with them, considering we almost always eat together. I love how I feel when I'm 100%, and I'd love to try to stay that way for a longer period of time. I just can't help but to have thoughts that I'm going to fail in a social situation. I can't just do high-raw, because the tiniest bit of cooked food sets off the cravings and I eat like crazy. I really want to have a continuous feeling of being pure and healthy, and I know I should say screw everyone else and do it for myself, but I don't know why this gets to me! I shouldn't care so much. I know the benefits are so worth it. Was this hard for anyone else? How did you deal with other people who eat SAD? Thanks in advance!

[megantherawvegan]

So I've been on and off raw for the past couple of months... and I think I'm just scared to go 100% for good because of what could happen in social situations. I guess I'm just afraid of what my friends would think/say if I said I didn't eat cooked food anymore. I feel like it would be harder to get together with them, considering we almost always eat together. I love how I feel when I'm 100%, and I'd love to try to stay that way for a longer period of time. I just can't help but to have thoughts that I'm going to fail in a social situation. I can't just do high-raw, because the tiniest bit of cooked food sets off the cravings and I eat like crazy. I really want to have a continuous feeling of being pure and healthy, and I know I should say screw everyone else and do it for myself, but I don't know why this gets to me! I shouldn't care so much. I know the benefits are so worth it. Was this hard for anyone else? How did you deal with other people who eat SAD? Thanks in advance!

I can totally understand where you're coming from. When I first became a vegan it was definitely difficult, it's not exactly the "norm" but then again why should it be? We are all different as people, and we have different believes and thats okay :) Just remember that at the end of the day, you need to take care of you. You know in your heart what's best and what feels right, if you step out of your comfort zone and do things you've never done you might realize that although it was different, It was what was best for you :) I know that since I've become a raw vegan I have become incredibly passionate about it, I think it's just the beginning that seems to be tough, once you're comfortable with "uncooking" it can only get easier from there :)

<3 meg

[iamacranberry]

I'm 80% raw, and so that allows me exceptions for social occasions when need be. As far as what I do tell people, though...I tell them I'm vegan, and I can cite health, ethical, and environmental reasons for that. I tell them I prefer fresh foods. And at home I simply announced I wasn't going to be using any of the natural gas (eg no cooking, cold showers, etc.) to save money. Then no more questions if I'm making something in what they perceive to be a strange way.

[oceanee]

Intellectually it is very easy to explain such a healthy way of eating as the [I]above responses yet as you mentioned when you deviate just a minor percentage your cravings go wild and you eat out of control.
I have been on and off raw for the past year. I know when I am 98% raw (using occasional nama shoyu, vanilla, nuts that say raw and aren't) I feel the utmost of wonderful health w/o cravings. But when I deviate with just one little thing in a few days I am binging on something that ultimately makes me upset with myself. My lessons are coming fewer and farther between these days. I'd love to be 80% raw and reap the benefits but it isn't possible.
But to answer your question. I have avoided most social situations. I find I get too stressed over them w/o even knowing it until they are over and then I might slip. For my early raw journey I am now staying away from as many as possible. When I feel and look like I have changed then I can be more comfortable...you know walking the talk and being a shining raw glowing example.
I don't know if that helps. I know many rawbies eat ahead of time, bring raw food and keep firm knowing their health is their choice. Some times I can do that too, other times I just don't want to explain.
Remember who cares what others think. You are only responsible for you !
Oceanee

[MiahTay]

I am a veteran of this problem. I have been going back and forth with raw for 13 years. The conclusion I think I have come to is ... if they are truly a friend who loves you for who you are, it won't matter. HOWEVER ... I know for myself I have in the past felt the need to explain WHY I eat differently and this is usually the cause of any conflict I've encountered. In a restaurant there is no need to say anything, just order what you want or help yourself to the salad bar and if you don't say anything usually nobody else will. If you are invited to someone's home, I just happily announce "I eat weird, so I'll be bringing my own food and I can bring a salad to go with dinner, but if it's ok, I'd still like to come and enjoy the company." This might get a couple of questions but if I keep my answers VERY brief, like, "this is just how I prefer to eat", that is usually the end of it. So, what I have found is that I am often the one making a big deal out of it. BUT, in that amount of time I have encountered people who actually made fun of me to my face and behind my back about the things I ate, and those relationships ended. The reason you are having a hard time with this is because we were created to be social beings, it is not who we are it is WHAT we are, and to deny that part of us is (in my opinion) not much better than eating SAD. I have read studies (of course I can't find any right at the moment) that people that are in healthy active relationships tend to be healthier themselves. Anyway, that is my two cents.

Blessings,
Heather

[ShantiDass]

I can relate to this somewhat. I've been vegetarian -> vegan for the last 33 years and STILL get grief from people when trying to go out to eat. Now that I'm raw, it's upset a few people in my life. Not my problem. One friend said that now it's makes it even more difficult to go out with me and he hasn't spoken to me in a month. I don't feel my relationships should be built on where we go to eat. I don't do rib joints or sea food places where people pick their meal and then hammer it open, etc. or chew the meat off bones. That has never been my thing.

As far as a "regular" restaurant, I order a salad and bring my own dressing or just get guacamole and salsa and mix together and eat it. The rest of my friends know my diet choices and are respectful of them. They may tease me and that's fine. I've always been the strange one.

You could tell them that you are trying a new way of eating as you'd like to feel better and then just go. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. Some people get very defensive because they think you are judging them or saying you are better than they are. If it's easier for you, you could always say you are on a "diet" if you don't feel comfortable saying you are trying to go raw forever.

I am not yet able to go to my fav restaurant where the owner made me the best garlic tofu on the planet. I'm not strong enough for that yet but I've been fine everywhere else as long as I've eaten a little something before and know there's something on the menu that I can order. I check the menu online and/or call ahead of time to make sure. I'm in Los Angeles so it's fairly easy for me.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll find your way.

[Riiiya]

well this took some time...

but ..first of all, i actually choose people who could be more understanding. that narrows my circle of friends somewhat, but hey, i got tired of faking myself for others.

Second- i simply do mention my "weird' way of eating and never try to seem too serious. i joke about it, let them know it's something i love doing and they don't have to understand.. i just take it easy, as if eating wasn't a huge part of my life.

Lastly, i chose to do other things socially other than eating. that doesn't always work but i'd rather invite someone to swim over at my house then go to a restaurant :)

It all comes down to how comfortable you feel about yourself and your choices, how dedicated you are to YOUR goals and how much confidence you have in your journey

[rawstrawberry]

Wow some of the replies suprised me!

I really guess the attitude is associated with where you are from!

I do not hide it and when I go out I enjoy the company of my friends and name their food in fun (bessy, wilbur :() no preaching allowed.

Being I am a fruitarian now and highly allergic to melons, bananas and others stuff I just don't eat but have a bottle of water.

But it does takes its toll sometimes on work situations I travel quite a bit and the hotels are great but when my coworkers go out after our work is done I see no point in coming to watch them eat and would rather hit the gym. If I am travelling with just one coworker sometimes I feel bad as they have no one to eat and drink alcohol with but so be it.

Another thing is dating OMG I am not going to hide my eating habits but I also allow others to make their own choices for thier life and never preach. But guys can be a little put off by the whole thing, no drinking, no drugs, no meat...just fruit LOL

The right one will suck it up :)

RS


So I've been on and off raw for the past couple of months... and I think I'm just scared to go 100% for good because of what could happen in social situations. I guess I'm just afraid of what my friends would think/say if I said I didn't eat cooked food anymore. I feel like it would be harder to get together with them, considering we almost always eat together. I love how I feel when I'm 100%, and I'd love to try to stay that way for a longer period of time. I just can't help but to have thoughts that I'm going to fail in a social situation. I can't just do high-raw, because the tiniest bit of cooked food sets off the cravings and I eat like crazy. I really want to have a continuous feeling of being pure and healthy, and I know I should say screw everyone else and do it for myself, but I don't know why this gets to me! I shouldn't care so much. I know the benefits are so worth it. Was this hard for anyone else? How did you deal with other people who eat SAD? Thanks in advance!

[juliebove]

Maybe I'm the odd one out here, but... I don't really care what other people think of me. I do what I know is right for me. If they don't like it, that's their problem.

I was a vegetarian for most of my life. Nobody every questioned it or thought badly of me or anything. I didn't make a big deal of it and I didn't try to convert anyone. In fact a lot of people didn't even know I was a vegetarian. But they did know I liked to eat vegetables.

Then I learned of my allergies to dairy and eggs and the vegetarian thing had to change. What did that leave? Vegan. And again, nobody said anything about that. Now there are some people who don't believe in food allergies. And they believe that I am unnecessarily restricting the foods that I eat. I don't personally think this and I know how much better I felt when I gave up these allergens.

The testing I had done was IGg and that tests for a delayed reaction. So when I ate the eggs or dairy I wasn't immediately getting sick. I couldn't tell. But I was also pretty much sick all the time too. Now I'm not.

I have more recently had a reaction to raw pistachios. I ate a few and my tongue went numb. Not a good thing. I know I am allergic to almonds and people with one tree nut allergy and sometimes devolop others. Daughter has also had some problems. She has said the back of her throat feels itchy but we can't link it to any one food.

So... We are going to a new allergist for more testing in a couple of weeks. We will learn if we have any new allergies or in her case if she has outgrown any. Would be nice if she were no longer allergic to bananas! She used to love them.

I also have additional medical problems such as diabetes and gastroparesis. Perhaps that makes it easier for me in terms of other people and what (if anything) they might say about my diet. Most people know I have to eat a special diet, but they don't know specifically what.

If I am invited to a dinner party, I might ask if I can bring a veggie platter. That way I know there will be something there for me to eat. Actually most of the people I know eat a pretty healthy diet and there is likely to *be* a veggie platter or at least a tossed salad there.

For a more casual gathering or a spur of the moment invitation, I might accept but say I will bring my own food. People always tell me that my salads look good. I have even been asked to make the dinner for the family. People always like what I make.

For a raw dinner or lunch, I have made sandwiches of onion bread with Swiss nut cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, baby vegetables hollowed out or chunks of larger vegetables filled with nacho nut cheese and a fruit platter. Once I made RP's brownies, but... I am not much of a dessert person myself so I tend not to make it.

Perhaps it is my personality. I have never been one who wanted to fit in. I always tried to be different and I like to celebrate people's differences. When I buy something new I don't look at how it might look to other people or how similar it is to what others have. I look at whether or not *I* like it or whether or not it will work for me.

My daughter is totally the opposite. She wants very much to fit in and not be different. I ordered some school supplies online for her because I was having trouble finding some of the specific things she needed in a brick and mortar store. The binder dividers I got for her have several extra holes punched in them so they will fit in a variety of binders. Not just the three ring like she will have. When she noticed this she was horrified and pointed out that the other kids would ask her about the extra holes and they might even laugh at her or poke fun. She was actually very upset about this. So I told her she could get different dividers if she wanted. It really didn't matter one way or the other to me and I figured we would eventually use these for something. Just seemed odd to me that she would get so upset about it.

She acted similarly when we were shopping for shoes recently. She would only try on ones that were like the ones she had seen other kids wearing.

Last year I got her a very expensive pair of metallic Geoxx shoes at the start of school. They were a brand new style. She didn't have much choice of shoes on that particular day because what they had in stock in her size was very limited. She was and still is sort of in between a kid's and adult's size. So she reluctantly took that pair of shoes because she needed larger shoes. She got tons of compliments on them and she hated that. She wants to blend in, not stand out.

I was never that way so it is hard for me to understand. But as I said, I like to celebrate our differences and that is one way she is different than me.

[Eva]

I do my thing, and that's that. I also make it clear that this is for my personal health to solve problems I have had -- and I do not judge others' decisions at all!

Today, I went to a cafe with about 25 language school classmates. I ordered mineral water. They ordered coffee. Whatever. I was happy with my water. One guy was laughing and said, "You don't even drink coffee??" I didn't make a big thing of it, said no. He kept on, and he said that "When in Rome, why not do as the Romans do??" I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on to another topic.

But here's what I was thinking: The thing is, I'm in Hungary. And many "foreigners" (I am half Hungarian but grew up in the US, so not exactly foreign) do not bother to learn the language. I am trying very hard to follow the customs and to communicate well in the language. I don't feel the need to eat salami and drink coffee with milk to make half of my blood Hungarian -- or to be here. He may prefer to copy others' health decisions, but I do not. And besides ----- he was drinking American coffee!!! And no one here drinks American coffee unless they're American! LOL!

You can't make your decisions for health based on other people. You have to run your own race if you want to do the best for you! BUT -- if you don't make a big stink of it and make it clear that others are also free to run their own race -- it will likely be no big thing.

[RawHeaven]

I echo what everyone says, especially Julie and Eva. I've been an unconventional eater for so long that I tend to not worry about what other people think about me. I make choices for my health...it's my body. It's in my nature I think, but I do understand it may take time to develop neutrality as our culture is so focused on "fitting in" and all of that. I guess it's how I was raised...to be somewhat rebellious. Or I should say it was nurtured - I don't think my rebellious nature always flowed positively with my parents. haha.

I also got to get a taste first hand what it feels like to be stuck in a hospital for many months and being fed drugs...literally watching people give over their power and resign themselves to be ill and die unnatural deaths. And I do consider a lot of dis-seases we're afflicted with today as unnatural as they are for the most part preventable and diet & lifestyle related. In using this example, I can flow with the tide of mainstream ignorance or apathy or follow the beat of my own (health) drummer if you will. I choose the latter and it feels good to me. This is a core truth for me and so makes it pretty easy to be social and enjoy being a raw foodist at the same time. I don't try to convert anyone and I respect where anyone is on their path with their food & lifestyle choices. Which is not the same as being passionate about helping people - if someone asks me questions I love to share. But only if they ask. I think people pick up on this and give me the same respect. Moreso than when I first started out raw and thought it was the premier diet - folks picked up my attitude and I got a lot of flack then. Now it's just much easier & simpler letting go.

There's a great video maybe on the next couple of pages that someone posted about this very subject.

Best wishes.

[peaceandlove143]

Wow thank you so much for all of your answers! It helps to hear from people who have actually been in my situation and know what its like. So thank you everyone :-). Anyway, I just wanted to say you guys are so inspiring. I look at this forum everyday and finally have decided to join because it seems like it would be such a big help, you are so supportive of eachother! I've decided to just go for it and forget what anyone else thinks. If they can't handle that I eat differently from them, then that's just going to have to be their problem. I know when i see someone doing their own thing, I acutally admire them. I'm really excited to get started again doing 100% and feel amazing! Raw food is such a blessing and so are all of you thanks for your responses!

[Raw Angel Mom]

For us, our family do know that we eat raw food and it was a lot of work for me to help them to see that this was only a different way of preparring food. What i did for instance at Christmas, i would preparre food for us and help them with their diner. I would make extra and they were curious of the taste. They were always in awe to find how good it tastes etc... We even made raw eggnog, etc... They all loved better the raw versus the cook one. So for the family, we had to work hard to make them feel not afraid with our choice and since that i still nurse, they haven't bring concern about our child yet. I did ask for their support for i needed to do this for my health and to have more energy for our child.

For others, friend, co worker, etc... we just don't tell that we eat raw. I even invited co-workers to lunch with us and they loved the food. I had raw vegan chocolate cheeze cake and tacco. They loved the idea of having meal like this on summer. Finally, over the time, they figure out that i wasn't eating cook food and i only say that i do eat what you eat, i just preparre it in the different way to preserve as much nutrition as possible and i also just prefer to eat the food that way. But for most, they haven't figure it out. I try to make this look natural. In truth this is natural and just different way of preparring our food.

In restaurant i just order salad but here where i live we have nice organic vegetarian place and we typically go there and i just pick what is raw.

You will change your routine and in time, people will blend with your choice. I try not to make look myself as i am different but just have different taste.

When i first become vegetarian, it made people go nuts, i have learned from this experience to make sure that others don't feel that i judge them and they can be themself around me. Sometime i tease them, that i promess i won't look at you with big eye if you don't eat your vegetables, loll..... Try to make joke or tease. They are in title to eat what they want as i am in title to eat what i want. Once this is understood, it seems to be much easier.

Best wishes