challenge in acceptance by partner

[bluedance]

I have experienced sheer joy and genuine exuberance in my very recent discovery and education (only three weeks ago) of the benefits of raw foods. A devout vegetarian for the past 20 years, I cringe now at the thought of all of those perfectly gorgeous life-giving vegetables I steamed, sauteed, or broiled "to their death".

My challenge is with my boyfriend of the past 8 years, who is a former restauranteur and a wonderful cook. We enjoy cooking together very much. He visits me several days a week and has dined exclusively vegetarian while at my home... although his carniverous desires do catch up with him when he is at his own home or out to dine with friends.

He has not been supportive of my new path. He says things such as "well, I know this is something you want to TRY for awhile", and "I think you'll want some good hot food when winter comes around" (we live in a very cold climate).

After only the short time I've gone (not even 100%) raw, I now find I don't crave, desire, nor want to eat some of the foods I used to eat... organically vegetarian as they may have been... they were cooked!

Just wondering if anyone here has had a similar challenge with a partner they didn't live with and how they overcome it. I think it's different for those people who are married, because then you are sharing a household and there is more "forgiveness" and space.

I want to feel strong in my raw food decision, without giving in to the general opinions that surround me.

[Sugar Snap Pea]

It certainly was an adjustment for us. My husband is the cook in our house, I'd come home from work to huge meals of wonderful southern cooking, meat, desserts... I went raw, it really upset the swing of things. He got alot of satisfaction from cooking for me, he would watch expectantly when I took the first bite of something and told him how good it was... Then, no more big dinners, no more big meals. Don't get me wrong, he fixes me raw food now, but he doesn't eat this way, and never will. He'll fix himself things and have leftovers for several days. I actually felt guilty because that was a big part of our life together, and now it's all topsy turvy if 'ya know what I mean. Haven't really resolved this issue to my satisfaction yet.

[bluedance]

The preparation of the evening meal is a big part of our limited "together" time and my boyfriend has always been the chef, whereas I've always been happy cleaning up and prepping. (No... really!)

I find your post very helpful, in that I am now considering that maybe my boyfriend is feeling a little bit powerless to not be able to "cook" for me anymore. I always glorified his cooking abilities (and he's really very good), but now... I guess he'll have to find other ways to shine.

[Sugar Snap Pea]

Us too. It did shake up the dynamics of the relationship, and we are still "adjusting". One thing I did was invite people over for a meal (cookout) so he could cook as usual and make people happy w this (cuz he loves this) and had food for both them and myself. That helped.

[rosepetals]

Going raw ended up causing too many resentments towards my "Weird" eating habits. All my ex wanted was cooked flesh, fast food, eating out, or sodas. The strain increased tensions to the point where I had to do what was best for me and let him move on with his life. He blamed so many problems on me beeing RAW. I refused to be in a toxic relationship.

[Raw Angel Mom]

Loving cooking and preparring meal for others and seing their expression after taking the first bite was a wonderful feeling. Now i get this by doing the raw food. Even though many of my friend and family eat cook food, they do enjoy the taste of raw food that i preparre. They are in awe and cannot believe how good it taste. Have you thought of challenging your husband by watching Allisa's dvd together to see if he would like to try this out and come up with great recipe to share etc.... I am not saying to force him to chang his diet but to challenge him by replucating the cook food into raw. Man does love challenge.

This is a only a program condition thing, once realised the true joy is to receive and give love from each other, it won't matter that this is celebrate with cook or raw food.

Letting go the attachment of this past memore can bring new experiences and joy.

[Morn]

The preparation of the evening meal is a big part of our limited "together" time and my boyfriend has always been the chef, whereas I've always been happy cleaning up and prepping. (No... really!)

I find your post very helpful, in that I am now considering that maybe my boyfriend is feeling a little bit powerless to not be able to "cook" for me anymore. I always glorified his cooking abilities (and he's really very good), but now... I guess he'll have to find other ways to shine.

If he enjoys preparing food what is the difference if it is cooked or not. You need to get a good uncookbook that he can still shine and prepare recipes for you. Instead of a stove he will be using food processors, and blenders. Can I suggest you buy a few good uncook books and have him look at the pictures. I bet he would enjoy a lot of the recipes and find it somewhat interesting if he has a cooked background. He might even find it challenging and creative. Can I suggest Raw Food Real World and Rawvoultions Book. Those have beautiful pictures with every recipe and you guys could look through them together and find a few recipes that would appeal to you both.

[Morn]

Loving cooking and preparring meal for others and seing their expression after taking the first bite was a wonderful feeling. Now i get this by doing the raw food. Even though many of my friend and family eat cook food, they do enjoy the taste of raw food that i preparre. They are in awe and cannot believe how good it taste. Have you thought of challenging your husband by watching Allisa's dvd together to see if he would like to try this out and come up with great recipe to share etc.... I am not saying to force him to chang his diet but to challenge him by replucating the cook food into raw. Man does love challenge.

This is a only a program condition thing, once realised the true joy is to receive and give love from each other, it won't matter that this is celebrate with cook or raw food.

Letting go the attachment of this past memore can bring new experiences and joy.


Yeah I think watching Alissa's DVD would also be a good thing to do together.

[Eva]

I second Raw Food Real World for some really exquisite recipes -- why not just make different food? Perhaps you could have the ingredients on hand for some recipes you'd love to try -- and he can make them?

[debilana]

We solved this issue in my house by starting a weekday rotating cooking schedule. Our 11 year can throw simple meals together, so she gets one day- hubby gets 2 with her helping. I do Mondays, usually a quick vegan meal. I eat my own food and they get a good vegan meal.Fri- Sun are decided on a week to week basis, one night I often do a raw meal. If anyone doesnt like it they know how to make their own food=)

Luckily the whole family is really open minded. I am working on getting them to drop meat/dairy as opposed to eating what I eat. We had some issues in the start because my hubby wanted us to all eat the same food, but over time he seems to accept that this works alot better.

You can tell your chef hubby that many of the chefs I deal with here in Seattle get a kick out of making a raw meal- its a challenge! As a former chef I love all the new techniques I am learning. We have a wonderful chef on one of the islands that gets a kick out making raw 4 course meals!

You could alternate nights and the nights he cooks he could cook his own food and you eat yours, but you eat together- or he can attempt to wow you with a raw meal, if he so desires.On your nights you can try to impress him =)

In summer its easy to even just hit up a farmers market together and have a raw/cooked meal just from what you get there, with almost no preperation at all. A big bowl of peaches and berries with honey on top, a beautiful salad...

[RawHeaven]

I experienced this in the past few months with my ex boyfriend who is not a vegetarian. When we met he knew I was a cooked vegan and I knew he was a meat/fast food eater. We dated for a couple of years and when I went raw it started to impact our communication because we tended to do a lot centered around food. Eventually our differences in food choices caused us to break up. We tried, we tried very hard but I could not wrap my mind around Black Angus and neither could he with Cafe Gratitude. Of course there were other underlying reasons for our mutual decision to separate, but food was at the core. Food, sex and religion are biggees and I think there has to be some common ground or genuine acceptance at the very least in my opinion.

The good news is I'm dating a man who is Raw!!!! And it is amazing and we are both just very grateful and happy. He experienced similar problems in his past relationship although we do not dwell on either in our new relationship together. It's just nice not having to deal with the food thing and get to know each other, share our meals and not have to explain ourselves and our lifestyle choices. We're both doing this for our health and that's pretty darn sexy!

I don't think I could ever date another non-accepting vegetarian or meat eating man again, but you never know.

[annavon]

Ditto Raw Food, Real World. Their story in the front of the book is interesting because they were both professional chefs before they became raw, it might appeal to your bf.

[bluedance]

Thanks for the helpful suggestions, everyone!!!

I will certainly check into those two uncook book titles and see if I can drum up some inspiration in my boyfriend. I think photos would be helpful for persuading my boyfriend to try a completely raw meal. So far, he has been okay with a raw food side dish, and he loves salads, but he still wants his main entree to be cooked.

We usually only have two or three nights together per week, but I'll see if I can convince him to try one completely raw dinner each week.

There is also the challenge of not having a good supply of organic produce available within a 200-mile radius. Next summer, I'll plan to have a garden...